Am I...

Am I doing this whole parenting thing even close to right? Sometimes I feel like I am too strict, but if I let up, everything goes down hill. If the boundaries get to loose, we have a mess. I feel like people think I am mean. Some say my expectations are too high. I believe that God wants us to train our children to be all they can be. Until they appear to not be able to learn anymore, we keep teaching, encouraging and teaching more. I believe people can always learn, no matter what level of learning they are at.

I know I mess up along the way. Thank goodness for the mercy and grace of our heavenly Father! This journey has definately taught me to rely on Him more!

I realize my adopted children issues aren't as severe as others. We are blessed by that. My trials may seem petty and minor compared to others. I pray for many of the children of blog friends because their struggles appear harder than mine. (At least the fits last longer.) However, God has blessed us with our children and their struggles seem really huge to me some days.

The diagnosises my girls have overwhelm me some days. I try not to claim them because I know God can heal their brains and their hearts. They are continuing to learn. However, some connections are not being made. I don't know if they will ever be made. Each of them have different needs. It is a daily challenge, moment by moment, deciding how to respond and handle each situation. The parenting is so much harder and confusing than my birth children ever were. No amount of teaching can ever prepare you for this journey. It does teach you what may be the underlying cause of the issues.

God knows the detail of every moment in the past of Haylee and Hannah. He gives me what I need to parent them just at the moment I need it. Thank goodness we serve a loving and forgiving God!

Crying Wolf

Hannah was just in the den doing a math problem. All of a sudden she was making dramatic sobbing noises. I didn't go in the room, but I asked if she was crying about her math problem. She didn't answer. I went in the room, but her face didn't match the crying noises. Manipulation? I would say yes. I asked her if she was making sobbing sounds. She said yes. Her face wasn't even red! I asked her if she remembered the crying wolf story. She has heard it many times in this house. I asked her to tell me the story and she did very well. I asked her to tell me the crying wolf story using her actions. She did. I explained again that if she is sobbing over a math problem, how do I know when she is sobbing about something else that it is a real hurt. Ugh!

By the way, I had just spent a few minutes talking with her one on one about some special things. I guess she couldn't handle the positive talk we had.

She is outside for a few minutes to get it together. I send her outside to swing or jump on the trampoline to clear her brain. Maybe I should do like another blog friend and make them run. I could use the exercise to lose the "baby weight" I have gained since getting the twins. She could run laps around the house.

What do you do...

when you suspect an adopted daughter is flirting with a birth son? She begs him to play outside with her and desires his attention. She will do stupid things to get attention, just like flirting.

We were all in the kitchen a few minutes ago having a snack. She doesn't like banana at all. She told him she would try it. She was doing her fake smiley face and flirting!! Other kids were in the kitchen laughing also. She took the banana and started the drama about needing a drink, giggling, etc. I stopped the drama there. I told everyone to leave the kitchen but her. I told her she was going to eat it because she is just trying to get attention. She needed to stop flirting because he is her brother. She said,"I don't like him." Interesting, she knew exactly what I was referring too. She is obsessed with this type thing. She has definitely been into this boyfriend/girlfriend thing before coming to our house. How early does this start? She was finishing the second grade when she came here? It may be from TV shows they were allowed to watch before coming her also. I don't believe there is any abuse in their past. I guess I am going to have to talk to my son also. He needs to be very careful with her. He can't play with her like he does Morgan. Situations like this bring up the trust issues I have with her. I have always had a feeling of not totally trusting her. Maybe because she has told me about things she had done and lied about in her previous homes.

We saw a boy at a gas station yesterday that was on Morgan's soccer team. He is very needy and has some emotional issues. Of course, Morgan was very nice to him while on his team, unlike people that know him and his problems from school. It meant alot to him that Morgan was his friend. Well, he came over and spoke to Morgan. My heart breaks for him because I know his family isn't stable. Morgan was very polite and friendly. As soon as we pulled out, she said, "I think he likes Morgan." Ugh...can't you just be friends with boys and girls? Maybe my birth children are too sheltered regarding dating, but I think I like it that way!!

School is out for the summer...

Yes, we are finished with our "official" school year. The girls are all finishing their online history program for the year. They love doing it, so it isn't a problem. I purchased some simple math and literature books for them to complete this summer. I told them when they are finished with them, they are done until school starts in the fall. Morgan and Alex are doing well working through their books. I didn't expect any problems. Hannah and Haylee are working well, but struggling with the math. They have been taught the info, but when it is presented differently they struggle with "putting it all together."

Haylee has been off of her meds for over a week now. She did very well at first and I started wondering if she could stay off forever. Well, the longer she is off the more her symptoms resurface. She is struggling with the small amount of school she has and she can't sit still. She doesn't seem as hyper and wild, but fidgets all the time. I know they say this medicine doesn't stay in her body, but it sure seems like it took a while to totally be gone from her system.

The kids have enjoyed the cooler weather outside the last few days. It has given me time to complete grades and figure out and order school books for next year. I finally pushed the order button for the bulk of my books today. I have a few more things, but I can't wait on those.

Morgan goes to camp in two weeks. I can't believe it! What will I do? More importantly, what will the twins do? I guess they will learn to play together again. I wonder who will control who? Will it be like "old times" when Hannah took care of Haylee? Will Haylee stand her ground and be equal? It should be interesting.

I feel like Hannah, Haylee and I need to work on our attachment. When you have other children, it seems like the adopted children attach to them first. Well, Haylee has. I am not sure to whom Hannah has attached, if anyone. I think that will be easier when Morgan is at camp. I ponder attachment issues with Hannah often. They haven't mentioned Mother's Day. I think I may mention it to each of them alone and see if they open up to talk about anything. I am sure they thought of their birth mother.


Tucker and Alex finished their co-op classes with A's. I was very proud of them! As I helped Tucker review for his Biology final, I was really glad I wasn't taking it because I couldn't pronounce half of the words.

Tucker has an opportunity to go to Alaska for the Teen Pact Survival camp with some friends of ours. She and her dad are going. He can fly with them and participate. They used frequent flyer miles, which is great for them. However, for me to get him on the same flights, it is twice the cost of other tickets. We are praying about what to do. My husband and I think maybe it just isn't the right time for him to go. Flights went up today from yesterday. If it is meant to happen the cost will change or God will show us the way, I have no doubt. There is something wrong with paying for an airline ticket for one person when our entire family could travel somewhere for that amount closer. We are praying...

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Mother's Day!! My husband has taken the kids fishing and swimming this afternoon. I am headed to take a nap!! I hope I can turn my brain off long enough to sleep!

Standardized Testing

We are having standardized testing this week. The first day went pretty well. Hannah finished quickly. Haylee was one of the last kids to finish her test sections. I spoke with the teacher before about how slow she is, but I didn't rush her because she usually does pretty well. They were fine with her speed because two others worked at about her pace. We have two more days. The math sections our tomorrow. I pray they can recall what they have learned.

We will be finished with regular school this week. However, they will all continue some school into the summer. This kids aren't thrilled about this, but I have no doubt regression will occur if we don't continue into the summer, especially math with the twins.

I am ready for things to slow down. I am ready for more play time with the kids.

Our not so good cycle ended in this weekend. Things are going better. We have implemented a new fine system for talking back to me or my husband. They pay us 25 cents. If they don't have any money, they pay with extra chores or candy. (Candy is a prized possession around here because it is so limited.) Also, if a child does something to harm another child, they get their chores for a certain amount of time. For example, one twin has all of her chores this week as well as her sisters. Needless to say, she has a lot of kitchen chores this week. She did well tonight completing them. I thought the tears were going to start, but she kept it together and did a great job. I was sure to tell her she did a good job.

So many still unaccounted for...

I am overwhelmed by the reports of so many people still unaccounted for after the tornadoes tore through Alabama. It is so horrible. It grieves my heart. Please continue to pray for the many families which were in the path of the storm and their families.

The report says over 500 still unaccounted for in Alabama. I hope some of those just have been able to get in touch with loved ones. However, alot may be in the huge amounts of rubble still remaining.