This morning

When I walked in the kitchen this morning I found cereal poured on the counter.  When I asked why cereal was on the counter, the response was that someone was getting a bowl to put it in.  ????  Have we forgotten to get the bowl before the cereal?  I questioned why we didn't get the bowl first.  The response was that someone wanted to change  the cereal they had so they were putting their original choice back in the container then use what was on the counter.  I asked why this person didn't put the cereal back and then pour the other choice in their bowl.  You know the answer as well as I do, "I don't know."

Odd

Something odd happened today.  This afternoon I was going over some comprehension questions with Haylee and Hannah.  They had made corrections and I was going to finish it orally so they didn't have to spend a lot of time on the work.  We started going over the last few things and I noticed Hannah's eyes were extremely dilated.  I questioned myself about what could be causing the stress.  We had just started and we only had a few things to do before we were finished.  I wasn't stressed at all and she hadn't been in trouble.  Hannah was sitting to my left and Haylee was sitting to my right.  I looked at Haylee's eyes and back to Hannah's.  There was a huge difference in the dilation.  I asked a question and Haylee answered.  I didn't tell her if it was correct or not before asking Hannah the same question.  She was stuttering and closing her eyes.  I stopped and asked Hannah to come to me.  We were maybe a foot apart.  She came and I hugged her and told her I love her and she is safe with me.  What we are doing doesn't tell how much I love her or accept her.  I love her and she is my daughter and I am proud of her.  Haylee just giggled as she watched.  I had her sit back down and her eyes hadn't changed.  She could talk better, but her eyes were still dilated.  It was very odd.  She struggles with her words when she is the least bit nervous.  I guided her througth the answers because I knew in her state, she wouldn't be able to answer on her own.  I made it much easier for them and we finished up. 

I wonder what triggered this event?  The only time she has had the eye dilation before was when she was in trouble.  She had just come home from piano and played outside for a few minutes before we started. 

Is there any way to figure out what triggers these events or is it just trial and error?  This was a totally different situation than any in the past. 

Two years

April 6th will be two years since my girls came to live with us forever.  I will never forget that day.  They were so tiny and frail.  They are still small, but they have grown so much, in so many ways.  For the next six months of my life, I advocated for my girls.  I became "well known" among social workers and office of adoption workers.  I am sure they thought I would never give up.  I didn't.  I had God on my side and I have no doubt he was guiding my steps.  We were blessed to have a great counselor come to our house once a month.  She met with all five of my children.  Morgan really like this time.  She would assure my husband and I that we were doing the right things with our children.  She would spend about 2-3 hours with us.  We need that assurance during that time.  As I reflect, I am reminded at how far we have come as a family.  We still have rough days and many hard decisions to make regarding our children, but one thing stays the same, my God is greater than all of our problems and diagnosis. 

I was reminded of this over the last few days because I received an email from a mother that has had a sibling group of three placed in her home.  They have had some unexpected surprises since placement and her world has been turned upside down.  Well, our state worker suggested that we get in touch with one another.  My state worker, which is hers as well, told her that I am a "ball of fire" when it comes to advocating for her children.  I did fight all the way to the top for our famiy, not just my adopted children.  I fought for things I would need to make our adoption placement successful for our entire family.  If our entire family doesn't have success, then the adoption isn't successful.  I have to look out for all of my children, no matter how God blessed me with them.

 So, eventhough I drove them all nuts, showed up at their FAS seminar to hear Kari Fletcher speak and sent numerous emails with a great amount of research on FAS, my state worker recommended me to another family for help.  God is so good!!!  I have emailed the family and am praying for them to have peace and to receive help quickly!! 

It isn't petty...

Yes, I agree with Acceptance with Joy in her response to my last post..

It might seem petty -until you add up how many times a day this kind of thing takes place. . . And the energy it saps. Lies piled on lies. The emotional drain on a mother wanting the best for her children but knowing the child is doing everything possible to con you. ... And then it's not petty at all!

I also am going to try using Sophie's new motto:

"Seeing it for what it is"


Thank you ladies for your comments.  It is so nice to have friends that understand this crazy life of ours.  It is also nice to know it isn't me because sometimes I start to wonder if I am the crazy one around here.


Also, after reading my last post again, I left off the fact that when I started brushing Hannah's hair, I looked down and she had a huge tear in her tights that went all the way down her leg.  So, we are worried about our hair, that looked fine, but not about how awful our tights look?  I don't get it.
 

Attachment or manipulation??

I just typed an entire post and somehow deleted it....here we go again.

This may sound petty to some of you, but when dealing with hurt children, my view gets blurred by the manipulation. 

Today, the twins were getting ready for dance.  They wear pink tights and black leotards with their hair in a ponytail. Haylee comes out dressed with a huge blue sequenced bow in her hair.  I tell her we aren't wearing that to dance and take it out.  I think she had about four knots in the bow and two hair bands.  (Sensory stuff??)  I tell her I will help fix her hair when we get to dance.

Hannah walks in and looks very nice.  I tell her she looks nice and she did a good job fixing her hair.  It looked really good!!

We all load up to go to dance and swim team.  In the car, Haylee asks if I will fix her hair at dance.  I tell her yes; even though, I had already told her in the house. 

We travel the five to ten minutes to dance and start unloading to go inside.  Hannah asks me if I can fix her hair also.  As I am getting out of the car, I turn back and her hair is down.  I asked her why her hair was down, it had looked so nice.  She said that it got messed up and the back was coming down. 

Thoughts are swirling through my head as she tells me this.  We all walk inside and the older three head to the pool for swim team.  I take the twins to the bathroom to fix their hair.  I asked Hannah why she took her hair down.  The story I get this time is that she had bobby pins in the back and she didn't know if I would like them. What??  Why would I have a problem with bobby pins in the back under her ponytail.  I never have in the past.  The only thing I can ever remember saying about bobby pins was that they aren't meant to be worn in the front on top of your head, they are meant to not be very noticeable. 

I fixed Haylee's hair for dance.  I start fixing Hannah's hair.  I asked her why she told me a story about why her hair was down when I would much rather her say that she would like me to brush and fix her hair because she likes it.   I asked her why she feels she has to manipulate the situation to get her way.  ( I realize she can't answer that question, but it is what I said.)  She just continued to make up reasons.  I told her to stop because she it just lying and going to get her into trouble.  She kept trying to tell me different versions of the story.  Of course, she says I am not and I didn't take my hair down on purpose.  Explain to me how her hair can get messed up traveling 5-10 minutes in the car.  She had even wet her hair at home when she was fixing it, so I know it didn't come down on its own.  Haylee chimes in and says that Hannah just took it down, it didn't fall.  She is the master at keeping a straight face and making eye contact when she is manipulating or lying.  It is getting harder and harder to tell the truth from lies.  She whines a little and says, "But Momma, I am not lying."  It is so hard, because all of our friends believe her and say that she doesn't mean to lie.  Obviously, I ignore their opinion. 

Training

Rarely do we have a dull moment in this house.  It is not easy parenting children that are from a life of trauma and neglect.  My girls are so much easier than so many, but I am just amazed everyday at someone of the things we have to deal with.  My husband said the other day that we are constantly training and teaching the girls all the time.  We rarely get a break.  It is never easy.  For example, we went to Sam's the other day and they walked right out in front of a car.  I was shocked.  I thought we were past that.  Obviously not.  The training never stops.  I wish I had something that told me each morning what age I am going to be parenting that day.  Is it 5, 7, 10?  I never know from day to day.

Another question...

Can you have children tested for sensory issues?  We see a lot of this with Haylee.  A friend of mine has triplets that were preemies like my girls.  Her boy acts a lot like Haylee.  She has him in therapy for sensory issues.  We have talked about this since the girls have been with us, but didn't really know where to begin.  Is this something you learn by watching or is their a test to determine is they have issues?  Does it just come with ADD and FAE?

Father Daughter Dance 2012

The girls had a great time at the Father Daughter Dance again this year.  I believe this is one of the highlights of the year for Haylee and Hannah.  Fortunately, the attendance increased this year.  If it hadn't, we weren't going to do it again next year.  My husband feels that God gave him a vision for the dance in our town.  God has provided great speakers each year which talk about the importance of the father daughter relationship in their lives.  We are blessed to be a part of such a great event!