Understanding

It has been rough around here the last few weeks.  Everything is going better this week. 

Hannah has had a difficult time lately which unfortunately affects the entire family.  We don't do certain activities because it will put her in situations that she will be tempted to make poor choices again.  I have really been struggling with people referring to me as, "the mean Mom."  I know I shouldn't worry about these things, but I do.  This time it was from two little girls that are supposedly friends with my girls.  They were saying this because Haylee and Hannah were invited to a birthday party last week.  Hannah wasn't allowed to go because of some things that had happened in the last few weeks.  I guess because my kids have consequences for their actions, I am labeled as mean.  I have no doubt that they have probably heard their parents talking, but I could be wrong. 

Anyway, once again please pray for Morgan.  She is really having a hard time right now.  We went to a town an hour away to buy a new refrigerator.  Yes, mine died.  She is the only child that wanted to go.  God knew she needed time with me to talk.  She struggles with the fact that her friends all feel sorry for Haylee and Hannah and think they are so cute.  She feels that her friends ignore her when they are around.  Part of this is probably just girl stuff and puberty, but some is due to her struggles with our adoption. 

She has been unfairly accused quite a few times this summer for her actions by others defending Hannah and being ugly to Morgan.  I explained to these people that Hannah does have hurts from her past and I can't imagine being placed in a strangers home at age 8 and them being my new mom and dad.  However, they forget that Morgan is also hurting deeply on the inside.  She has gone from being the baby and the only girl to being on of three and the oldest of the girls.  She has had to share just about everything.  I am sure that gets very old.  Having her own room has helped.  The older children causing grief always gave her their attention before the girls came.  Now she is the bad guy.  We explained to them that you can't consider Hannah's feelings without considering Morgan's.  She is acting out of her hurts.  Yes, they may be affected by ll year old hormones, but she is having real struggles. 

Morgan and I talked in the car as she softly cried.  It broke my heart.  At times, she couldn't even catch her breath.  She expressed a need to talk to someone who understands that they act one way in public and one way at home. I reassured her of so many things during our conversation.  She feels abandoned by so many people since the girls became her sister.  She mentioned that the girls require so much more attention that she often feels left out.  I told her that I understand her feelings because I have struggled with some of the same issues.  It has been hard.  We are judged so wrongly by outsiders.  I can't imagine her struggles because I am an adult struggling, so it must be much harder for an eleven year old. 

Anyway, she has an appointment with the counselor we met with prior to the adoption next week.  She is one person she stated that she could talk with that understands.  I am going to have her meet with her for awhile to help us through this season.  The counselor is not planning to meet with all of the girls, just Morgan.  When I called the counselor she listened to me also, which helped me as well. 

I feel bad sometimes thinking this way because so many families that have adopted have such bigger issues than we have.  I don't blog as much because I often feel guilty for the way I feel. 

God is in control.  He has planned this path for my family.  His mercies are new every morning.  He gives me what I need each day.  Thank goodness.  I can't imagine walking this path without God.


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