Celebration!

We had a celebration tonight for our family. Three families that are all good friends of ours blessed us by giving us a party with a bonfire, fireworks and cookie cake. A fun time was had by all!! God could not have planned the weather any better!! It rained this morning to wet the ground and the temperature cooled off. We had a great time!!

God is Enough!! God can heal!!

Our adoption is final. We are living life now. I am tired, so tired. We had a swim meet this weekend. Two long days an hour away. The girls are tired, we are all tired. Eventhough they are doing well and have come so far, going to a new place and environment brings insecurity. Therefore, I struggle because they revert back to being very dependant and asking a ton of questions. My husband reminded me that if they were five, I would think it is cute. I struggle because they want to have the freedom of Morgan, but don't act her age. I can't punish Morgan because they are able to go on their own.

I am struggling with what to post on my blog now that the girls identity has been shown. Local people read this and I would hate to change their opinion of my girls. They are really great kids! We are just working through many insecurities and changes. We are trying to weed out the old not so good things and bring in the new. One would have something she just had to tell me everytime I was talking with anyone other than her this weekend. It drove me nuts. I would tell her to wait. When I would ask her what she needed, she didn't remember. I think she is nosy. Probably not, just insecure.

I need to figure out how to link to another blog. I have tried before and didn't succeed. Another blogger posted a listing of things for people to know about an adoptive mom for the first year. We have emotions, problems, anxieties that can't be expressed in words. It said it so well. Can someone tell me how to link?

So, back to my title, when I am discouraged I remind myself, or God reminds me through other people, that God is enough. He can heal the hurts of ALL of my children. They have all let down this week and a lot of fighting has been going on. I think Hannah is dealing with some deep anger. I knew this would happen after we finalized. I figured she was keeping it in. Morgan is struggling this week. I am struggling this week. God is what will get us through, we just have to keep our eyes focused on Him!

It is final!!!

Today was a great day. It was very simple and took about ten minutes. I was hoping the judge would make a big deal to all of the kids about what we are doing. She didn't do much at all. Oh well. We have talked with all of the kids about adoption.

Finalization

We finalize tomorrow morning at 10 am. We are so excited for this part of the journey to be finished. I am so ready to not worry about social workers, but to just be a family. The girls keep asking if I can show their faces tomorrow. Beware...I will probably have many pictures tomorrow.

Ann did better today with her meds. A smaller amount of shaking and no angry outbursts. Her math sheet was very close to perfect. Amazing! It still took awhile to complete, but very accurate. On the other hand, Beth completed boths sides quickly and had to rework problems. Ann finished her one side faster and correctly than Beth to finish correctly.

I am taking Ann to the doctor tomorrow regarding her meds. Any opinions on Conce*rta vs. Foc*alin? We started on the first one. I believe it releases three times a day. The second only two times. I am anxious to see what the doctor says. At the moment, I am wondering if I should have stayed on the first one. She did work faster for a day or two. However, Tucker, my oldest child, has always worked slowly, but is very bright and does well in school. Maybe this isn't a bad thing.

A little confusion...

This morning I walked in the kitchen to eat breakfast. Beth said she can't believe she has a solo in the Christmas musical our homeschool group is doing. I stopped and asked her to repeat what she said. She repeated it. She is in the play, but doesn't have a solo. She said the ****(the director) told her she was. I was dumbfounded. The friend in charge sent a paper home for each child with their parts. None of them have solos. It was a very difficult night at our house when the I told each child what their part in the play would be. We had confusion, hurt and anger. So, how did this come up again weeks later? Somehow, she convinced herself again that she had a solo. She said the director told her she would sing, "Jesus Loves Me" by herself. Well, that is what she did to tryout. I don't know where this came from. So, we had to go through the hurt again as I told her she wasn't singing a solo. What is even crazier is that she knew what part she was doing. I guess she also thought she was doing a solo. What is going on in her brain?

She was out of sorts all morning. She wasn't making much sense. She seemed to get it together as the morning went on.

I wonder if it is because we are finalizing this Thursday. Her emotions and mind could easily be all over the place.

Ann is still on meds. We started on one med and we needed to up the dosage. My regular pediatrician was out of town for a week. Another one changed her meds. After a week like we were on a placebo he doubled the dosage. She has been on it for 7 seven days now. Last night she had two anger episodes. She has never done this before. She has also been very frustrated because in the mornings about 30 minutes after taking her meds she is shaky and can't write. This morning she was almost in tears. The nurse had told me to call for a new prescription this week. She asked how things were going. I told her the two things I had seen that are not in her norm at all. She said we need to see the doctor. We don't have an appt until Thursday morning.

She is not nearly as fidgety as before. She is still taking forever to do her work. However, she does very good work. I wonder if the meds aren't going to work for her. I knew it would be trial and error, but I was hoping it wouldn't be this confusing. Suggestions?

Birthdays and more birthdays...

Well, we have been partying around her for weeks now! (At least if feels that way.)

Alex had six friends spend the night last night. So, I had 8 boys and 3 girls last night. The boys were fun and stinky! They stayed up late and got up early. They seemed to have had a great time.

The twins reverted some while they boys were here. I think it must be insecurity and wanting to be the cute little girls. The baby voices came out in full force. Beth has been really good about talking like a big girl. Ann struggles more. This morning we thought it was Ann talking like a baby at the table and it was Beth. I guess she just went back when she was nervous or anxious.

Oh well. This too shall pass!!

We finalize in 5 days!!! Yeah!! We were going to have an adoption party, but I am not sure it is going to work out now. I am not sure what the best thing to do is for the celebration. Any suggestions?

My heart is hurting...

Today is Beth and Ann's ninth birthday.

Today I received a phone call from the geneticist. We have opened another door into my girls. We have more issues than we thought. I am grieving for my girls today. This is so hard.

The doctor said he doesn't exactly know what it all means. We just have to watch them as they grow. He told me to continue as I am doing. He will see them next June.

God is so big. He knew this before they were born. He picked us for these girls.

The doctors told my mother I would never walk and talk. Obviously, I walk and talk. My mother set the standards higher and I was successful. I am hoping and praying I can use this to help my girls overcome.

We have a lot to digest right now. These girls are ours forever and ever. We will overcome.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God has the perfect plan for all of us.

Wonderful Weekend!

We had a great weekend celebrating the girls ninth birthday! We had a 30 foot waterslide in our front yard from lunch Friday until 8 pm Saturday night. They had a blast!! By the time the party was here, the girls were getting tired of the slide. I gently reminded them all of those kids are here to play with them. They went and continued to play. They were beyond excited with all of the many presents they were blessed with by our wonderful friends. There were about 30 kids here for the party. Of course, with a slide that big, we let all of the siblings participate also. I believe our oldest child was 16 and the youngest was 3 on the slide. I went down one time when we had an injured child at the top that wouldn't come down. It was fast and fun coming down.

The girls were exhausted by Saturday night, but they hung in there. Beth started getting a little short and snappy with me, but we got through it until bed time. She put a cute bracelet around her ankle after the party. We told her that we didn't wear things tied around our ankles, even bracelets, and she needed to take it off. Se proceeded to tell me that she couldn't and it was meant to stay on her ankle. I asked her why she put it on then and she said that she wanted it there and it was meant to stay and she had done it before. I told her very quickly that she would just have to cut it off then and that she is a ***(our last name) now and that we don't do that. Amazing, after I put my foot down, she was able to untie it. (One of my husbands pet peeves is people wearing bracelets around their ankles.) It is really cute for her WRIST so I am glad she was able to get it untied. She did get past it and move on.

The girls had Happy Birthday sang to them at church today. They seemed to really like that.

All in all, it was a great weekend. Ann melted this afternoon because she couldn't make a bracelet. Ann has made a new best friend. It is a sweet little girl that I would call my own. I am happy for her. She was making her a friendship bracelet tonight. The little girls Mom and I are good friends. (She is probably reading this also.) Our only concern is that they both are totally in la-la land sometimes. They have a great time playing together, but they are clueless to anything going on around them. They sit together in church and dance during praise and worship together. I knew she would be the first to make a friend.

I doesn't come easy for Beth at all. She was dancing in church with her new doll today and it was very sweet. Morgan was dancing with her best friend and Ann with hers. Beth appeared totally happy with her doll.

My mother gave them both Amer*ican Girl dolls for their birthday. A friend gave them Madam*e Alex*ander dolls. They absolutely love all of them!! I am so happy they are happy!!

I am so thankful that God is healing their little hearts. I think they are healing a little everyday. This is a hard time for them with their birthdays and the adoption becoming final. Please pray for them over the next week two weeks.

Pumpkin Patch

We are headed to the Pumpkin Patch today! I hope everyone makes good choices today. Yesterday was not a good day very some around here.

It is a busy and therefore stressful time around her for the girls. We are having a lot of big events which can stir memories and emotions. I am praying for grace during this time.

We have the girls birthday party tomorrow, their actual birthday Tuesday, Alex's party Friday night and his birthday on Monday. We also have Reesie's birthday, our Cockapoo, which the kids are all very excited about. The Thursday of that week is the adoption fnalization. What a busy time!!

Control?

Why does a child insist on happily wearing jeans when it is 95 degrees outside and they are burning up?

Why does a child insist on wearing shorts and a tank top when it is chilly outside?

She is outside picking up pine cones in a tank top and shorts.

Is this control? I am not making a big deal about it with her. She has been to the soccer field this week in shorts, short sleeve shirt and flip flops when it is freezing to me. She does take a light jacket. I don't want her to get sick, but she loves to get the attention. We are trying not to give it to her. Eventually, I will have to put the clothes in the attic for her health.

I think she is testing, trying to find out what she can control.

All of you experienced readers with neglected children, what do you think?

Court Date!!!

We have a court date!!

OCTOBER 21, 2010!!!!!

Okay day today...

No court date yet...miscommunication again. We must have the post placement visit before the hearing. Our new social worker, lovely, a new one at the end of this process, is coming tomorrow to do the post placement visit. I hope we have the procedures clear now.

Ann took forever to do her school work. The girls loves to color!!! It prevented her from finishing her other work. She did finish after her music class today, before we went to the soccer field.

Beth doesn't understand the value of things. She spent her only dollar, a gold coin given to her as a gift, for a candy bar at the field tonight. I told her if she bought something she could only have one piece because it was so late. She returns with a large candy bar which she was able to take one bite of and then put away. So she paid way too much for the candy, only got one bite, and spent her gold coin. How do we teach her the value of things?

Sugar Pill?

Is it really medicine or just a sugar pill? We are back to square one. Ann is eating fine and taking forever to finish her school work.

Beth had no tears during school today!!! Yea!! Praise God!!

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I have always loved this verse. I have played it over and over in my mind thousands of times since we brought the girls home.

Our days aren't always easy or peaceful. I often don't have time to stop and think. I get really tired and grumpy sometimes. I get very selfish some days. I can make many reasons and excuses for my issues. But really all that matters is that I do my best for God.

God has always known the plan for my life. It is for my good, not to harm me. Even on the bad days, God has given me hope and a future. He is in control of everything. He knows every mistake I will make each day. He knows when I repent and when I don't. HE KNOWS MY HEART!!

Each time he calls us to change, or a different season, it is for His glory and our good. It may not seem that way when we are going through it, but He knows the big picture. He knows the result. I have been through seasons, whether days or months, where I can't seem to find the good things. We often get stuck on all of the negative and forget about all of the things we have.

God knows the plan for our life. They are for good, not to harm us. They are plans to give us a hope and a future.

We know God called us to adoption. It would have been easier to make excuses about why we couldn't adopt. I can still name many reasons. However, we chose to focus on the reasons we could adopt. We chose to think of how God had prepared us for adoption.

About 1 1/2 years after having Morgan, I was having female problems. The doctor told me the only way to help was to have a hysterectomy. My husband and I had been praying about whether to have more children. We decided this was the answer to our prayer. I was relieved to have a way to relieve the pain I was having, but sad that I wouldn't have anymore birth children. I had the surgery. A couple years later, I really wanted more children. God gave my husband and I both the strong call to adoption. Years after surgery, we have five, instead of three, beautiful children. God knew the plans he had for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us...

We had always dreamed of building our own house. We were sad when we weren't able to build the house we wanted. We ended up purchasing and renovating the one we have. This house is ideal for adoption. The bedrooms are much larger than we would have built. Perfect for adding children to our family. We were sad and discouraged when we made the decision not to build. However, this house is perfect for His plan for our family. God knew the plan for us...

I am sure Ann and Beth have questioned things that have happened in their life in such a short 8 1/2 years. They continue to question and try to understand the best they can. As they grow older and begin puberty the questions will change and continue. I remind them when they ask that God knew them in their mother's womb. He knew the plan for each of their lives. He designed them perfectly. He knew they would be my girls one day. He designed them to look just like my family. (I can't wait to show you our family pictures. They look so much like our family.) He knew the plans for their life, plans to prosper and not to harm them, plans to give them hope and a future.

Wow, just writing this now makes me feel so selfish. My children have had days where they had no idea what was in their future. Would they ever have a forever home? Would they ever have a forever Mom and Dad that would love them unconditionally? Would they ever be able to trust anyone again? So many worries for such sweet little girls. No wonder they have problems. They are such sweet girls. We are so blessed to have them in our lives. I have learned so much from their little lives already. God uses the trials to teach me something every time.

Math

Each day the girls have a math lesson and a worksheet. Beth is always rushing to finish her school work. We go through the same song and dance everyday. I teach the lesson. She quickly completes her sheet and gives it to me to check. The math program reviews constantly so the sheet is very comprehensive. She usually misses quite a few the first time around. I hand it back to her to correct her work. She gets angry and starts the silent tears. The tears don't work with me. When they came in April the crying may have worked once or twice, but that is it. Then I had her number. She shuts down and can't function. I try to help her, not enable her, and she can't even think straight. She can't answer the simple questions which I know she knows the answers too. She wants me to tell her the answer so she can get her school finished. I refuse to tell her the answers. I am totally willing to walk her through the steps to find the answer. I am not sure they were made to think on their own in their previous environment.

Yesterday, she had a number line to number and then tell what number some letters were on. I told her the number line was correct, but she had the wrong number beside a letter. She was one off on a number. She proceeds to erase all of the numbers on the line and all of her answers. Only one number was wrong and it was circled in red as I alway do. After about 15 minutes of crying and being angry, she was still not able to renumber the line. She did it with no problem the first time. I suggested that she go play or ride her bike for a while and then try. She chose to sit and cry. Is this control? She can't handle being wrong? She knows I will not help her while she is crying and whining. I feel like she is trying to manipulate and control the situation.l She knows that I will not accept, "I don't know how" or "I can't" either, especially when I know that she does know how.

Once she finishes her little fit, she can complete the work. This may take an hour of tears and frustration. She gets mad at me because I won't do it for her.

Ugh!!

Selfishness

We all can have moments. of living a world of "self". However, that is not how we should live. We are to serve others and not expect everything to revolve around us.

I believe testing and control must be in the air based on the some of what my blog friends are saying. I am thinking that may be what I am dealing with in Beth. I think she is testing her boundaries to see what she can control. She is repeatedly asking for something after I have told her no because she wants it. No other reason. For example, we have had many discussions about not getting out of bed before a specified time and getting dressed because you disturb your sisters. It is showing respect and love for your sisters. Well, today is Saturday. We allowed the girls to stay up later to watch a movie. I told the girls to sleep late. Do not get up until after 7:30 or so. However, between 6:30 and 7:00 this morning the twins were both up. Morgan was trying to sleep. I am in my bed awake and at about 7:05, Beth appears in my room completely dresssed with hair fixed and everything. I could not believe it!! I wasn't happy. I asked her all of the questions concerning all of our morning rules. She answered everyone correctly. She knew the rules, but she chose to do it anyway because she wanted to get dressed. I asked what time she got up and she said she didn't know. Not the truth because she looks at the digital clock in her room first thing every morning. I asked her if she got up before seven. I don't know. Another lie. I told her I heard someone up before seven. She chose to break the rules.

I also reviewed the rules with Ann while Beth walked the dog and she also knew the rules and chose to break them. Ugh!! They both had to sit on the couch quietly while I showered. They weren't allowed to go in their room because Morgan had gone back to sleep. Ann and Beth will both go to bed one hour earlier than Morgan tonight. Is that mean? I don't know what else to do. This is a common occurance. I am wondering again if I need to give Morgan her own room and move the Alex and Tucker in together. I would put Beth and Ann in Alex's room.

Beth is testing her boundaries and control in different ways in addition to the incident this morning. One day this week is that she asked me if she could wear a certain hair clip on our family cotton field pictures the other day. I told her no. I was thinking that I may have time to fix her hair with it if I can get everyone else ready; however, I didn't tell her that. A few minutes later, I am ironing the boys shirts and she comes up behind me and asks again if she can wear the clip. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She repeated the same question. I told her I had already said no, why is she asking again. Her answer was, "Because I want to wear it."

Today we were keeping a friend of ours little girl that is 3 1/2. She wanted to watch Dora. Beth got mad and refused to watch TV because it wasn't what she wanted to watch. I had had enough. We had the discussion about the world revolving around us and that she doesn't get everything she wants her way. She has to share and serve others. Sometimes she needs to show love by considering another persons desires.

Ann's struggle is pouting when someone gets something or gets to do something that she doesn't get. She was mad the other day because they were all invited to a birthday party that Morgan has been invited to every year for about four years. She didn't appreciate the fact that she was invited when she has never met the girl. She was mad because Morgan had been for the last few years. I asked her if she had ever been to birthday parties of her friends before. She said she had. I said that Morgan didn' t get to attend those. How is that different?

Today at a yard sale I purchased 50 cent jacket for our friends little girl. Ann got pouty because it wasn't for her. She is getting pretty good at the pouty lip. Ugh!!

Today Morgan was showing our friend a porcelain doll that I made when I was in high school and had given to her quite a few years ago. The girls were playing with them because I had purchased them some dolls at a yard sale this morning. They each had porcelain heads. Ann started pouting because she didn't have one and Morgan did.

This is getting old.

Movie Night

The boys are camping this weekend, weekend so the girls, my husband and I are all about to watch a movie. The girls are very excited. The simple pleasures in life.

They decided to have a ballet theme for their birthday party. I have ordered all of the matching plates, blowers, pinatas, ballooons, etc for their party. We usually don't purchase all of this, but we are for them this time. They are VERY excited.

Ann's meds aren't working. She was very moody and emotional today. She wasn't finished with her school work at 4:30. She couldn't read clock time. She could this morning. I told her to finish it tomorrow morning. I thought we had mastered that skill. Hopefully, in the morning she will be able to do it.

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