One of those days...

Today has been one of those homeschooling days where a student is mad at me because her school work is wrong.  She normally will look back and find the correct answers.  Not today.  She wanted me to give her the answers.  I just love it when she tells me it can't be wrong and gets mad at me.  She doesn't like it when  I call things as they appear.  She starts saying things that don't make any logical sense.   At least she didn't lie.  She agreed that she was mad at me.  Oh, how I wish we had the EEG stuff on today.  Needless to say, she has school work left to finish tonight. 

I told my husband that we were entering another cycle.  It started with the poor choices she made which she  is now serving restitution for to her siblings. 

Today was not a good school day for her.  Haylee did well today.  Morgan started out no so well, but was able to turn things around.  

They are at the group classes now.  I hope they go okay.

Thank goodness that everyday is a new day and a fresh start for everyone.

Book

I am currently reading, The Great Behavior Breakdown by Bryan Post.  It is a good book.  He references Bruce Perry quite a bit in his book.  Bruce Perry is going to be in our state speaking in April.  I am very excited to be able to go to the conference.  This book by Bryan Post is really helping me renew my parenting skills for traumatized children.  It reminded me of some things I knew, but have quit using. 

One thing, is the positive and negative cycle.  Sometimes I do well changing the negative behavior to positive and diffusing the situation and sometimes I don't.  I have really focused on trying to speak to my children in positive ways instead of negative.  This really gets hard as the day progresses.  My girls seem to struggle more the more positive I try to be.  They appear to get more insecure when we are happy.  I have read that this can make them feel insecure. 

Bryan Post says that love and fear are the two emotions the children function from.  We have had two incidences today where Hannah assumed things were said that were not said at all by anyone.  Having read the night before about how she is functioning out of fear, I gently corrected her assumptions and tried to promote security.  She just assumed these things because in her mind she thought people were being unfair to her.  The good thing is the second incident was with me and she was able to partially verbalize what she was thinking.  If I can keep her from entering the fight or flight mode, she is getting better a talking.  If I can't keep her from entering, we are can't make progress until we can help her regulate again.  I am working on getting to her eye level and watching my tone of voice.  I was very good at this when they first came to live with us, but over time I have forgotten to do this when correcting them. 

I have not read very far in the book, but am looking forward to reading a little bit tonight.  I don't have time to read often, but I am trying to read some when I get in the bed at night.  However, I usually don't make it long before I am sound asleep. 

I will let you know more as I read further in the book.  Have any of you read this book?

Fight or Flight

I haven't posted in a long time because I have had a lot of things on my heart and mind.  I struggle with what to share and not to share. 

Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong.  She is in trouble, to put it plainly.  While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change.  During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow".  She never has.  I have been waiting for it to come.  Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat.  We were in a hotel type room.  I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys.  Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters.  Haylee and I both asked her not to tell.  Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask.  She gave in to be accepted by these girls.  Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again.  I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be.  Haylee's were normal. 

So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response.  Wow!  I looked it up and they are correct.  So, now to we call this PTSD?  So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom.  It seems to happen over big and small things.  When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure.  Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much.  However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?

I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me.  I am questioning the way I parent.  How I handle her and on and on...

Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD.  Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child?  She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies? 
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes? 

She is making more and more choices against our rules.  She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something.  For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy."  "I have already opened it."  I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy."  The next few seconds and she is eating her candy.  Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window.  We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.

How do you handle these type incidences?  I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.

Thanksgiving

I am very excited that we are out of school until Monday!!  Yeah!!

I am very thankful for my family and each of my children.  God has created each of them in a unique way.  No two are alike and they each have their own giftings.  We pray that we can help our children discover who God created them each to be.  

God has truly blessed our family!!

I was making dressing last night and the girls wanted to help.  I was so happy at the successes Hannah had in the kitchen.  (Haylee ended up not helping, but Morgan did.)  She was able to get 1/4 cup of butter and melt it for me.  She was able to measure 1/2 cup of milk.  She also cracked an egg into a bowl for me.  (This is big because the last two times she has almost put the egg in the trash instead of the bowl.)  Anyway, I reminded her of how much she has learned over the last year.  I told her that I remember when she didn't know what a measuring cup was or even where to get the eggs.  She tried to get me to do the tasks for her at first, but I encouraged her that she could do it by herself and she did!!  I am so pleased with how far they have come in the 1 year and 8 months they have been in our family! 

We have had a rough week.  I believe Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for them.  I was talking with a friend about the struggles and she reminded me that it was difficult last Thanksgiving also.  They both are testing the rules and boundaries.  We have made it through the week, but some days weren't fun.  They are learning, I hope, that our boundaries always stay the same.  They aren't a moving target. 

We are headed to my sister in laws for one night for Thanksgiving.  They have never been to their house.  We are taking blow up beds so they can sleep near us.  I can tell already Hannah is anxious about the trip.  It is the little things that only a parent would notice.  She packed what I told her not to pack and had to repack.  She has the stressed lines on her head.  I hope she can get regulated before we leave.  The girls are outside playing with Play**doh now.  Hopefully that will help her. 

I am focusing on my responses to all of my children.  I am being reminded through our Adoption Support Group and a book I just finished that we can sometimes difuse a negative situation by our response.  If we don't get into the cycle with them, sometimes it can be stopped.  Not always, but sometimes.  Basically, we need to stay regulated to help them.  I have been thinking about this a lot based on the struggles we have had the last few weeks.

I believe we are in a new season around here.  We are hitting a new level of testing and emotions.  God knows where we have been and where we are going.  He knows what we need and when.  I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my journey without God.  We sure are blessed!!

Anger

We are dealing with anger around here.  We are trying to find healthy ways for Hannah to release her anger. 

I have talked to a counselor we met with prior to finalization and she suggested a few things.  She is going to visit our home in early December and meet with each girl alone.  This is definitely a new season for all of us.  I am remaining calm and trying to love her through her anger.  After we discuss the issue, I reassure her that she is safe and secure in our family.  She will not be moved again.  She is in our family forever.  We will love her no matter what she does.  She can't make us stop loving her and being her parents.  Sometimes this will bring tears to her eyes and sometimes you can see her body relax.  I have to remain focused for this to be successful.  She is going to have to stay close to me again for awhile.  I need this to keep a watchful eye on her and I think she needs this for security.

I have wondered today is she if "fake" to me and her "real" self when I am not around.  She knows what not to do in front of me, but does it when I leave the room.  This is becoming more and more common. 

Her anger is becoming the bottom line for problems lately.  She gets mad and doesn't even care about the consequences.  Her cause and effect struggles also come into play at this point also. 

I am praying that God will heal her hurt places. 

I really blew it...

Tonight, I blew it.  I lost my temper and was ugly to Haylee.  It has been a rough few days around here and lost it tonight.  It was the final straw.  I said some things I shouldn't have.  I am not sure why it happened.  I was upset at myself as soon as it happened.  My husband is out of town tonight because he has a meeting tomorrow three hours away.  We try to keep each other pretty calm.  I called him as soon as the incident was over.  He didn't say anything.  I knew I was wrong and he knew it.  I acted like a selfish child. 

Thanks goodness Jesus has shed His blood for us and we are forgiven.

  I climbed up in the bed with Haylee and asked for her forgiveness.  We cuddled and talked for a long time.  I told her that mommy's make mistakes just like kids and we have to ask for forgiveness.  I told her that that isn't how a mommy should act.  I said I am not proud of it at all.  She said she forgave me.  Something bad turned into something very precious that I won't ever forget.  I don't think she will either.  We had a very sweet bonding conversation.  She opened up to me about things that happened with her birth parents and the aunt and uncle that she lived with.  She told me again that the aunt and uncle were very rich.  She told me about all of the toys that they used to get at Christmas.  I reminded her that trust, love and commitment are more important than toys.  I don't think she realized they made the choice not to keep them.  She thought DHR wouldn't let them.  I gently told her that they made the choice, not DHR.

I am sorry to say, but the way I acted probably brought back some not so good memories for her. It hurts to write these things, but I am being brutally honest. I am a sinner and make mistakes too often, unfortunately. However, I asked for forgiveness from God and then from Haylee. I believe that we must allow our children to see us make mistakes and show them the correct way to repent. I felt much better after I repented to God and Haylee and was forgiven. I also apologized to the other children because they did witness some of it.

I was able to share with Haylee a sign the DHR worker received on the way home from the staffing when they matched us with the girls.  She was driving home and praying the God would give her a sign that she made the right choice for girls.  She went around a curve and saw a billboard that said, "Dentist."  Well, my husband is a dentist.  She took that as a confirmation that she had done the right thing.  Haylee told me she loves how God works things out.  She is so joyful!!

I love my children so much!!  I am so blessed!!  I owe every bit of it to God!!

 Tomorrow is a new day...

Almost blew it...

but didn't.  I was working on math with Haylee and Hannah.  Hannah often gets mad at me when I tell her a problem is not correct.  Today we were working through some problems together.  She put an answer and I told her it wasn't correct.  She started the, "but Momma's" with me.  I knew she was getting mad at me.  I started helping Haylee and ignored her.  Eventually, she changed her answer to the correct one.  I told her it was correct.  I then asked her who she was mad at when I told her it was incorrect.  She said she was mad at me.  I told her that it isn't right for her to be mad at me when she can't figure out an answer.  I kept my big girl panties on and stayed calm.  Neither one of us got upset, we just discussed that it isn't me that doesn't know the answer and is frustrated, it is her. 

It is definitely a happier place since I stayed calm and didn't get negative.  We discussed it and moved on.

God is so good!!

A New Day

I am so thankful that God gives us a new day everyday!!  I failed miserably yesterday at being a mother.  The girls are testing the waters right now.  I think it must be because their birthday is coming.

  They have been saying they want to go to Chuc*kee Chee*se.  It is an hour away, but we said they could each take a friend and we would go.  All of a sudden, they think they can just decide they want a spend the night party and have one.  They are NOT ready for a spend the night party.  I asked what they wanted to do at their party.  Haylee said they just want to play babies.  I reminded them they don't do as well with "free play" for long periods of time.  My husband and I agree they aren't having a spend the night party.  Also, when they first started talking about what they wanted to do for their birthday, I told them not to mention the party to any of their friends because we hadn't made plans for anything.  Well, what does Hannah do the next day?  Tell one of her friends that we are going to the place for their birthday.  Guess what?  Now her one friend is going to be the friend she invites because she already invited that person and we aren't going to hurt feelings.  She probably would have invited her anyway, but we are trying to make a point. 

Anyway, I really blew it yesterday.  Hannah has this way of deciding when she is done with school.  At that point, she doesn't complete anything well.  She has to redo and redo.  I have talked and talked with her about this.  I have sent her to jump on the trampoline, ride her bike, run around outside for awhile, or whatever I can think of to let her brain rest.  Well, all we accomplish is she gets really angry at me.  Yesterday, she didn't go outside, she just got angry at me.  She got mad because she couldn't take the computer to the soccer field to finish her paper.  (It is a desktop, by the way.)  She was livid at ME.  Well, I had had enough.  I really lost my temper and spoke truth to her!!  I guess the truth hurts sometimes.

  I don't like it when I lose my temper with her because I truly believe her goal in life right now is to please me so I won't send her back.  I would never send her back.  I reminded after the "event" was over that I love her bunches.  I told her that nothing would ever change that.  I told her that I don't like her choices, but I love her.  We talk about choices quite often around here.  When they talk about their birth parents, we talk about the bad choices they made. 

I got upset with Haylee later over a stupid thing, her socks.  Now why did I pick that battle?  Stupid, huh?  Well, she had on two pair of socks.  She told me she didn't realize she had on two.  What???  I told her to take one pair off, she was changing at swim team, because she was having to work really hard to get her shoes on with two pair.  On the way to the soccer field, she said something about having on two pair of socks.  Ugh!!  Did she just choose to disobey?  I was so frustrated. 

I must have forgotten yesterday that I am the adult, not a ten year old.  I need to act better than they do to set an example. 

Thanks goodness for a new day!!  I am trying to stay calm and peaceful this morning.  However, it is always difficult when one little girls brings me a school book and tells me it is wrong or it can't be done.  Ugh!!

Camp

Morgan had a wonderful time at camp!!! The transition for all of us was difficult today. The twins have been following around Alex at my parents lake house this weekend. He is tired of it I believe. Well, today they attached to Morgan again. This was hard for especially because she was so tired.

The girls would like to go to camp like Morgan. They aren't ready. They haven't attached nearly enough to even consider them spending a night away except with my parents or my in-laws. They still have nightmares. They aren't as regular, but we do have them, especially when we aren't at home. Hannah was afraid of all of the water rides. She watched as she stood and chewed on her fingers. We went the pool and she did play on the water slide. Haylee loved the little zip line and the diving board and water slide at the pool. Haylee kept wandering off from us as we were walking around. She would get so lost.

After they swam, they put on dry clothes and we went to the arcade. The girls have never played many video games, so they didn't know what to do. By this time, they were very overwhelmed. I could tell it was too much. We then went to the trampolines. They last there about 1 minute. All of our group went to get a soda and the kids began playing a game in a small area enclosed by a half wall. I was getting a drink and wasn't paying much attention. When I walked up, I heard a girl ask Hannah is she was going to play. Hannah said yes. She was standing there a scared look with her hands in her mouth. I think they were playing a type of dodge ball. Well, they started playing and the ball hit her about three times in the legs. She just stood there petrified. I told her to get out because she isn't playing. She argued and said she was. Whatever!! She got out and was mad at me.

Hannah would be absolutely miserable at camp. Haylee would probably stay in trouble for not paying attention and getting lost. We will have to try to explain the best we can why they aren't ready if any of our kids go next summer. I did tell all of them in the car today that decision whether anyone attends camp is based on each person as an individual, not as a group. Just because one person attends, doesn't mean everyone gets to go. I explained that everyone is different and Daddy and I have to evaluate each child abilities separately.

What a tough thing. I am sure it appears rough, but it is the way it has to be for us.

Again today...

Haylee had a difficult day again. She was yelling at Hannah first thing this morning. We handled that and moved on. She was complaining about something or getting on to someone most of the day. She went on to swim team and said she had a headache. She sat out some of the workout. They played a game and she said she was better. After the game, she had a headache again. Interesting.

She came home, ate a very good dinner, showered and was in the bed by 7:15. Everyone else had sat around the bonfire outside and took turns making up funny stories. I am sorry she didn't get to participate, but if you are that sick, you need your rest. I don't know if she had a headache or not. She has never done this before. However, this week she has done a lot of things that aren't normal for her.

We aren't opposed to putting her back on her medicine, but we are trying to see if she is just testing the boundaries or what she is up to. Another new season on this journey of adopted older children from foster care.

Hannah is still doing well. She has had a few really good days.

Only one at a time...

As many of my blog friends have stated, with adopted children, it seems that only one of mine can "do well" at a time.

Hannah is usually my problem. Well, she has behaved pretty well and followed the rules the last few days. She has done well with her small amount of school work as well.

Haylee hasn't done well. She can't keep her hands to herself. She won't listen. She won't answer us when we ask a question. She just stares or looks at the ground. When we pull her chin up to look at us, she looks back down. She usually isn't in trouble until she starts not answering us.

We had to drive an hour in the car this morning for a doctor appt for the twins. The girls were all told to take their small amount of school with them. We start driving and I notice Haylee isn't working. I ask her why and she says she gets sick in the car. She hasn't ever gotten sick in the car with us. Hannah has, but not Haylee. So, she only brought one of her books. She had to finish her when we got home while everyone else played.

After completing her school, she wanted Hannah to play with her. They were in their room. I kept hearing Haylee yell at Hannah. After I heard a foot stomp, I intervened. Hannah was trying to control the situation by saying she didn't remember the "game" Haylee wanted to play. Haylee was frustrated and yelling at her. Haylee is now resting in her bed. I will not tolerate them acting in their "games" in ways they shouldn't act to anyone. I really don't like the "games" they play.

I am sure, since Morgan isn't home, Hannah was trying to control the situation. Well, it backfired. They aren't playing.

It may be a long 11 days while Morgan is at camp!

They may be having rest time while Morgan is gone. I try to have quiet reading time in the summer anyway. It doesn't always happen. It seems like we are always headed somewhere with a child for an appt or something.

I wonder if Haylee's medicine is helping control some other issues other than ADHD. I wonder if it is helping stabilize her emotions. We may not make it all summer without her meds. Any opinions from other Mom's of children that have suffered abuse and neglect? Children with FAE?

Tough times

The good news is that both girls did much better on the math practice section of their test yesterday. The not so good news is that Hannah struggled again today. She was doing okay and she got to a problem she didn't understand and she started grunting and almost crying and shut down. I could see the breakdown coming. I suggested that she mark an answer and move on. Don't let it mess her up. She just kept grunting. Finally, she marked an answer and moved on. However, she missed over half of the remaining problems because her brain had shut down. I have seen this happen so many times with her in math. I told her I could see what was happening. I knew she was struggling because I heard her grunting. I told her I would talk to the teacher administering her test and see if she can go to the bathroom or get water if she gets stuck like that. She needs time to deprogram and get fresh again. I will be testing older kids, so I will be there if needed. I need suggestions on how to help her with this.

This has been a tough day. The three girls and I had to be at the pediatrician at 7:40 this morning. So, we all had to get going earlier. Therefore, everyone is out of the routine. Hannah has had an attitude this morning. Well, she and I are struggling with each other today. I am trying to be the good parent and help her deal with her problems and not take them personally. Ugh...adoption is not an easy thing. She has had a sassy attitude all day. In my house, I usually have at least one sassy girl a day.

The doctor said all of the ear infections have healed nicely. The twins can participate in swim team again. He is concerned about Haylee's weight loss. She has lost two pounds in two months. I am sure this is from her medicine. We have to make her eat. I am really surprised she has lost that much. We are going to have to make sure she drinks supplements each day.

We only have next week left for full school days. We have standardized testing for three days next week. I wonder how that will go with the girls. Tucker, Alex and Morgan always enjoy the testing. The girls tested last year, but their were no expectations. They tested so we would have a baseline. We are pretty much finished after the testing. We will have more relaxed days. I am hoping that will my help attitude as well as theirs. This is always such a hard time of the school year. We are all tired of school and ready to be finished!! However, we will do some math and reading during the summer because I don't want anyone to regress.

Haylee got her mouth piece out of her mouth. I told her the baby talk and the mouth piece are gone. She has no excuses for the incorrect speech now. She slipped up a few times yesterday, but has done much better today. She is having to retrain her tongue so she can speak correctly. Hopefully, we are to the end of the baby talk.

The bottom line is I am trying not to get discouraged. We have come so far, but it seems like we are regressing or at a standstill right now.

Difficult

Hannah is struggling in math. I don't understand. She is faster than Haylee when we are working together. She is faster with math facts, oral and written. However, she gets confused, she shuts down and tunes me out. This happened three times today. If I tell her something, she tells me it isn't right. Our math took forever today because she would get mad at me and shut down. Later, I asked why she was mad at me. She said because she couldn't get the answer. I asked her how that was my fault. I was teaching her and trying to help her and she wouldn't listen. She was to busy thinking about how I wouldn't give her the answer. She can memorize facts, but has trouble applying things she learns. Word problems stress her out, unless they are exactly what we did together. Haylee on the other hand, moves slowly, but does great work. We all get frustrated. However, they both made A's on their math test Friday. So, the info must be sticking. We are going to keep plugging along and finish the school year. They will take the SAT10 in May. I hope their scores improve from last year. They are great girls!! (I can't get my paragraphs to stay separate. I fix them and post, and all of the sentences are back in one paragraph. Sorry!)

Rough day, already...

Mondays are rarely easy around here. Hannah is having a rough day. I keep thinking about that saying, "There she blows." I keep waiting for that to happen. She isn't happy because her day isn't going well. My husband corrected her this morning before he left when she was playing the piano. Quarter notes and eighth notes don't get the same value. We struggle with fractions, so of course we also struggle with this concept. Next we started math and she couldn't remember how to count change which we spent Thursday and Friday on last week. She is not a happy camper at the moment. I hope she doesn't blow. I can see it in her eyes.

She struggles tremendously with making connections with math concepts. If you give her rules to follow she can get the right answer, but she doesn't understand the concept. It is very difficult for both of us on days like this. I hope I don't blow either.

We are starting an adoption support group in our town. APAC is hosting the meeting. The first meeting is tonight. I believe about 30 people have said they are attending. I am excited to see what is planned for tonight.

Cheating and Lying

I praised how well the girls were doing, then we take steps backward. Well, this hasn't been a good week for Hannah. I can ask her a question which I know the answer to and she will flat out not tell me the truth.

Yesterday, it was about a grade on a test. I already knew the grade. Today I caught her cheating. I saw her and she denied doing it. So now, we have to deal with cheating and lying. None of which is tolerated at all in this house, by anyone!! Ugh!!! The punishment was the same today as yesterday, plus a bunch more!! She is writing lots and lots of scripture today. She is also not allowed to play at all. Her free time will be sent sitting by herself at the dining room table. She chose to pout at lunch and not eat. The timer was set for ten more minutes and then she was finished. She did eat enough for her to be okay until dinner.

It is so hard not be plain mad and frustrated. The issue is getting worse and not better. God gives us grace, and we also do to our children. It is still so difficult some days. I am over being frustrated. I am so sad for her. However, she made her choices and she must take the consequences.

Do you have any suggestions for any other scripture? Below are the scripture she is writing:

Stealing the answers -

Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor,

working with his hands the thing which is good.

Ephesians 4:28

Lying-

Lying lips are abomination to the Lord:

but they that deal truly are his delight.

Proverbs 12:22

Disobedience-

Children, obey your parents in the Lord:

for this is right.

Ephesians 6:1

I also reminded her that we once again have a trust issue. Both times, she wouldn't have been in trouble. For the bad grade, she would redo the lesson and quiz again, which she did. Morgan also had to redo hers. No big deal. This is the beauty of homeschooling. If they don't do well, they do it again.

Today I was teaching her and she just plain didn't want to think. She wanted me to be finished. She wanted to finished with school so she could play. Well, that won't happen today.

We are really working on the baby talk and it is getting much better. Yeah!!

Keeping it cool...

Hannah is struggling with no structure and the holidays. She has a very short temper and gets mad over anything. I am trying to stop the eruptions before they happen. We are hanging in there...

I stuggle not losing it with her also. I get frustrated with myself during these times because I don't like what I feel and think at times...

I know this sounds crazy, but it is almost a relief to read about other adopted older children that struggle around the holidays and with little structure. It is exhausting. I find myself listening to prepare for the next issue to arise.

Hannah did create a few movements to go with the song, "I Can Only Imagine" I think that is the name. It is a great song. I think eventually music will really help in healing.

I have enjoyed not having to teach the kids this week, but in some ways I am ready to start back. Tucker, Alex and Morgan love the break. Hannah and Haylee aren't quite sure what to do. I guess time will take care of that.

I offered to make cookies with them, no interest. I offered to make their Christmas tree ornaments, no interest. Tonight I will just say, "We are doing this now."

They are going to swim team in a few minutes so they will have some structure. My mother in law will be here tomorrow. I am sure she will do some fun things with them. The boys are going hunting with my husband and my father in law.

Early bedtime for one...

We have been really busy around here lately. The girls were all in a musical Friday night that was wonderful. They did so well!! I am a proud mama!! I cried part of the way through thinking about how far Hannah and Haylee have come in eight months. Wow, they have really changed.

Today hasn't been a good day for Hannah. I noticed yesterday she wasn't acting right. I kept trying to figure out what was going on. She kept saying she was fine. Today she has been testing boundaries.

The third strike was when she was putting things in the fire. Alex told her not to because Daddy had already explained why we don't put pine in the fire. She sarcastically yelled back that she knew, but... I don't even remember what the rest was. I went in to ask her why she said that and she said she didn't. She lied. Four of us heard her. We gave her a chance to talk through it and explain herself and she just sat there. Well, she went to be very early. She isn't happy, but my husband said enough is enough.

The first episode today wasn't terrible and we recovered quickly. The second episode was when she was being ugly to her sisters. By the third episode, I was done.

She appears to be struggling and has reverted some. She also asked to call her foster mom last night. We told her no. When she asked she used the voice we haven't heard in a long time. It was her manipulation voice. She also used fake manipulation tears last night. Neither works with us. Hopefully, a good nights rest will help.

Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It has been really busy around here.

Haylee is still taking the meds for ADHD. It has helped her stay focused more during school, but she is very slow in her work. The great news is that she is doing GREAT work!! I am very happy about that!! Though it is still slow, she finishes much earlier than she was completing her assignments. We are still on a pretty low dosage and I am hoping we can stay there. She shakes some in the mornings about thirty minutes after taking it, but it does go away. She has a hard time around 4-5:30 as the meds are wearing off. She has a few little fits during that time, usually at Hannah. She has been pretty ugly to Hannah a few times lately. She is sneaky about it, but I can read between the lines and have called her on her comments and actions.

Hannah on the other hand works way too fast in school and ends up having to redo most everything because she just doesn't pay attention. She then gets angry and shuts down. The crying everyday is getting very old and frustrating. She is really struggling with fractions. She can understand if you have four pieces that are all one fourth. However, if you have a shape with 1/2, 1/4 and 1/4, you lose her completely. I am stepping back from the topic for a few days and we will try it again next week, another way.

Everyone is happy that the adoption is final. I believe the girls are adjusting to the fact that the adoption isn't the talk all of the time. They are having to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them. They are doing really well overall.

God is Enough!! God can heal!!

Our adoption is final. We are living life now. I am tired, so tired. We had a swim meet this weekend. Two long days an hour away. The girls are tired, we are all tired. Eventhough they are doing well and have come so far, going to a new place and environment brings insecurity. Therefore, I struggle because they revert back to being very dependant and asking a ton of questions. My husband reminded me that if they were five, I would think it is cute. I struggle because they want to have the freedom of Morgan, but don't act her age. I can't punish Morgan because they are able to go on their own.

I am struggling with what to post on my blog now that the girls identity has been shown. Local people read this and I would hate to change their opinion of my girls. They are really great kids! We are just working through many insecurities and changes. We are trying to weed out the old not so good things and bring in the new. One would have something she just had to tell me everytime I was talking with anyone other than her this weekend. It drove me nuts. I would tell her to wait. When I would ask her what she needed, she didn't remember. I think she is nosy. Probably not, just insecure.

I need to figure out how to link to another blog. I have tried before and didn't succeed. Another blogger posted a listing of things for people to know about an adoptive mom for the first year. We have emotions, problems, anxieties that can't be expressed in words. It said it so well. Can someone tell me how to link?

So, back to my title, when I am discouraged I remind myself, or God reminds me through other people, that God is enough. He can heal the hurts of ALL of my children. They have all let down this week and a lot of fighting has been going on. I think Hannah is dealing with some deep anger. I knew this would happen after we finalized. I figured she was keeping it in. Morgan is struggling this week. I am struggling this week. God is what will get us through, we just have to keep our eyes focused on Him!

A little confusion...

This morning I walked in the kitchen to eat breakfast. Beth said she can't believe she has a solo in the Christmas musical our homeschool group is doing. I stopped and asked her to repeat what she said. She repeated it. She is in the play, but doesn't have a solo. She said the ****(the director) told her she was. I was dumbfounded. The friend in charge sent a paper home for each child with their parts. None of them have solos. It was a very difficult night at our house when the I told each child what their part in the play would be. We had confusion, hurt and anger. So, how did this come up again weeks later? Somehow, she convinced herself again that she had a solo. She said the director told her she would sing, "Jesus Loves Me" by herself. Well, that is what she did to tryout. I don't know where this came from. So, we had to go through the hurt again as I told her she wasn't singing a solo. What is even crazier is that she knew what part she was doing. I guess she also thought she was doing a solo. What is going on in her brain?

She was out of sorts all morning. She wasn't making much sense. She seemed to get it together as the morning went on.

I wonder if it is because we are finalizing this Thursday. Her emotions and mind could easily be all over the place.

Ann is still on meds. We started on one med and we needed to up the dosage. My regular pediatrician was out of town for a week. Another one changed her meds. After a week like we were on a placebo he doubled the dosage. She has been on it for 7 seven days now. Last night she had two anger episodes. She has never done this before. She has also been very frustrated because in the mornings about 30 minutes after taking her meds she is shaky and can't write. This morning she was almost in tears. The nurse had told me to call for a new prescription this week. She asked how things were going. I told her the two things I had seen that are not in her norm at all. She said we need to see the doctor. We don't have an appt until Thursday morning.

She is not nearly as fidgety as before. She is still taking forever to do her work. However, she does very good work. I wonder if the meds aren't going to work for her. I knew it would be trial and error, but I was hoping it wouldn't be this confusing. Suggestions?