Only one good day...

Today wasn't a bad day by any means. However, Ann struggled in school again today. It is almost 2 pm and she isn't finished with school yet. She has been moving slow all morning. Beth has been finished for about 45 minutes. I will give the meds one more day, but I am probably going to call to have the meds increased. I was hoping we could stay on the low dose, but I guess not. She has started not wanting to eat now. She didn't want a snack this morning and I had to make her eat some lunch. How do you deal with this issue, especially after we increase the meds?

We did sign the papers today. The attorney said he would file with the judge today or in the morning.

Signing Papers tomorrow!!

We are signing the papers tomorrow!! We have a meeting at 10 am with our attorney!!

I am so ready!! I think this well help the girls so much.

We also have a birthday coming up for the girls. We can't decide what to do for a party. Any suggestions? Ann loves anything like princessess and fairies, etc. I think she believes she is truly a part of their world. Beth loves all of the teenager stuff. She hasn't been exposed to much of it at all since she has been here. I am not sure what her favorite theme would be. I haven't been able to find her love for anything.

Disney and Meds

We had a wonderful time at Disney! We went from early in the morning until way too late at night. Nothing unusual happened. They didn't throw any surprises at us. Ann and Beth struggled following the rules for the rides and events, so they did have a few time outs. I think they were also testing their boundaries. We did a lot of hand holding so no child was ever lost. One time, I thought we had last Beth, but she had walked out with my nephew. It still wasn't okay, but at least she wasn't by herself. We were there long enough and were glad to be home.

The teacher cancelled school Monday because she was exhausted. It would not have been a pretty day at all.

Ann took her meds for the first time today. The doctor started her on the lowest dosage. She did so well today! She was the first girl finished and her work was very good!! She was very happy and so was I. Beth wasn't happy that Ann finished before her. She rushed through her math and had to redo at least half of the work. She was mad and I just let her stew. She has improved so much. She knows I won't help her if she is crying and whining. She got herself together and asked me questions which showed she was trying and not trying to have me give her the answers. She finally completed her work. All three girls were finished by about 1:30. I was thrilled...it was a first. It sure did make my day easier. She ate well on the meds, but people have said that will change. I am hoping we can stay on the low dosage. I guess we will have to wait and see. I am anxious to see how she goes to sleep tonight and how Day 2 will turnout.



She even ate lunch better today. I didn't have to tell her to eat and get finished. She just ate. Wow, I guess it helps in all areas with her focus. I hope it continues.

Disney!!

We leave for Disney bright and early in the morning. Everyone is excited about going. I hope we have remembered to pack most everything.



We got a prescription for Ann for ADD. He suggested to wait until Monday to start the meds. I hope we have made the right choice. He, as many have told me, said that we should see a change quickly. He said it really helps the entire family. I can believe that.



Until we return from Disney...I hope everyone has a great week!

Questions

Last night as I helped Ann and Beth pack for our Disney trip, they began asking questions. Questions like, will we be able to see our BM and BD again?, Why can't we go see them?, Why can't they know where we are?, Why can't Aunt *** and Uncle *** know where we are?, They told us we were going to live with them forever. They also told me about another person that said they were going to adopt them and didn't. These questions break my heart. They wanted to know why their birth parents couldn't keep them. Why did they want alcohol instead of them? They told me about finding a lot of alcohol in the kitchen closet. The alcohol scares them. They were surprised they never hurt them when they were drunk. I told them I was very thankful that they hadn't. Beth wants see them again. I told them about the time they graduate from high school they could find their parents if they wanted. They asked if they could write them a letter. Beth wanted to tell them to follow Jesus and to stop drinking. They said if they have pictures of Jesus in their house and a Bible why do they still drink? I answered the questions the best I could. When we started the adoption process, we never imagined adopting eight year olds. I always pictured younger kids. These girls remember their past, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It breaks my heart. They miss their friends from their old school. They want to invite them to their birthday party. Ann has received letters back from her friend, but not Beth. It is sad for her.

We are trying to show them the love of Jesus. I pray that God will help me love them as He loves us. I have to say, it is getting easier. This may sound crazy, but Ann testing has helped improve my relationship with Beth. I think it is because she sees the same rules apply to all of the kids. I am very proud of how far my girls have come in five months. They are really doing well considering their past. I believe God is healing their hearts and minds. I believe it will take a long time. We will get there only by following God.

I am praying for guidance regarding the treatment of Ann's ADD this week. I want the path to very clear.

Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It has been pretty busy around here.

We went to the doctor this week for Beth. Praise God!!! She has doubled her growth rate in the last five months. I took her in April and she had a rate of 3.9 cm per year. This time it was 9.3 cm per year!! We were all so happy!! She didn't even have to go back the second day for the hormone testing. She may need it later, but the doctor wants to see if she keeps growing like she has in the last five months. God is so good. We prayed before the last visit and decided to ask the doctor to wait on the testing. We want to get Beth in her forever home and make sure she is eating well, sleeping enough, and exercising. The doctor said we would probably need it at the next visit and to go ahead and schedule it. We did and were able to cancel it!!! It was a true to testimony to God's power and response to our prayers. Beth was so proud because she had diligently prayed. She had grown a little over 1 1/2 inches in five months.

The doctor is concerned that we are dealing with another syndrome in addition to FAE. It has very similar characteristics. I hope we aren't because it affects the ability for them to ever have children. She does want Ann to be seen the next time Beth is seen. The doctor and I are both waiting for the testing from the geneticist to return. Hopefully the results will be in within the next two weeks.

Beth has been okay lately. She hasn't tried anything new. I think I am used to her "normal" and am not surprised often. She really works hard during school and eventually gets tired and angry. I tell her to take a break, which she doesn't like to do. She does and is able to work better when she returns. She is still having a harder time in the evenings, but I am getting better at recognizing the symptoms and helping her redirect and control her anger better.

Ann is another story. I caught her cheating in school this week. She was working in a book with the answers in the back. We all know they are there and that I am the only one that looks at them. Well, I think she chose to look in the back for answers. I found her out because she left the marker in the back of the book. I would known when I checked it because she probably needed help to complete the work. The good news is she didn't lie at all. When I asked about it, her face dropped and she told the truth. She also took her punishment well. She was very repentive.

Last night, someone had left socks on the floor. I asked who they belonged to and Ann said Beth. I found that interesting because they were right next to the shoes Ann had worn that day. I asked if Ann had wore them and her face dropped and she said yes. I then proceeded to ask if she had asked Beth to borrow them. She said no. I asked if she was in Beth's drawer without permission. She said said yes. Ugh!! The socks aren't the issue here. Beth doesn't care at all if Ann borrows them. The problem is she went in someone else's drawer without permission. This has been a major rule since the girls came to our home. I was shocked that she had done this. Anyway, you may think we are mean, but Morgan and Beth can go in her drawers and get her clothes or toys for the next two days without asking. Beth had fun with that this morning because she can wear most of Ann's clothes because she has grown so much. Morgan even found something that fit her. Ann didn't like it at all. I don't think she will forget this punishment. She also had to write the scripture, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." Ephesians 6:1 ten times in her best handwriting. She didn't like this because the other girls were already playing. Amazing how fast she completed this task so she could play with the other girls when school takes her forever.

I am taking Ann to the doctor Monday and Tuesday about her ADD. She is really struggling. We have decided to try medication. It may not work for her with her conditions. People say it works quickly if it is going to work. If it doesn't help, we will stop the meds. She needs help. A friend of ours that reads my blog reminded me that these girls have so much to overcome and deal with in their past, that if i can help Ann with this, that is one less thing for her. Also, it doesn't help my relationship with her. I am the teacher and the mother. It is no fun when I am constanly correcting her. I hope the appointments go well.

We leave for Disney Wednesday. We are so excited. I am a bit worried about the girls wondering off. I believe Elliott and I will be specifically be in charge of one for the day and the boys will each have one. Two people will be assigned to each of them everyday.

Papers in hand!

We have taken all of the papers to the attorney's office. Hopefully we will hear back from him the end of this week or early next about the next step and when we get to go to court. I am happy, but once again, hurry up and wait.

Joy in the journey!!

Papers!!!

Our county social worker is bringing papers to our house at 2pm tomorrow. I am going to get them to my attorney afterwards. He isn't available to finish our paperwork until early next week. I am glad he told me that because I am very anxious for a court date. Hopefully he will get a date next week for us. I hope we are able to finalize in the next month or so.

The girls have a birthday in October. They can't agree on what they want to have as a theme. I am fine having two cakes, but not two parties. Suggestions?

We have doctor appointments this week. Beth is being seen for growth hormone testing again. I believe she has grown, but I don't think it is enough. Her hands and feet are so tiny. I have always thought Morgan was tiny, but not anymore. Morgan looks giant next to Beth. Beth is nervous because they will put in an IV and draw blood every thirty minutes for 3-4 hours. Ugh!! I am not looking forward to this either. I pray she does okay...and me as well.

Next week we are going to Disney. The girls are very excited because they have never been. I will get more excited after we get through these doctor appointments on Wednesday and Thursday. We are having to travel to the big city about three hours from here. We will be there two nights. I am excited because my parents are going to keep the girls and I am getting my hair cut and highlighted on Wednesday morning before the appointment. I always feel better after getting my hair done.

Ready or not, a new week is here. I have my skates on and I am ready to roll...

Fun!

We had a great long weekend at the beach with another family. We all stayed in a four bedroom house together. Four adults and nine kids. There weren't many quiet moments. All in all, everyone behaved pretty well. Of course, after we got home tonight, Beth lost it and was yelling at Ann. I sat in my office and listened for a while. It was her time of day. We had been in the car all afternoon. I went to their room and told them I didn't know what was going on but I heard Beth yelling for way too long. I told them to go outside and jump on the trampoline or swing. I knew they need to get some frustration out. They did and Beth seemed to be better when she came back inside.

The girls loved the beach. This is only their second trip to the beach in their lives. Beth asked me how many times Daddy and I had been to the beach. I said we have gone at least once a year since we have been married, so at least 15 times. She was so surprised. Wow, the difference in the lives of our precious children. Beth sat out the first time on the beach this weekend for disobeying. She had to miss out on the initial fun. However, she obeyed pretty much everything after that. She didn't want anymore towel time.

Thanks!

I have received many suggestions about how to help Ann with ADD. I am going to try a few things this week. If I don't see improvement, I am really considering talking to the doctor about medication. She is really struggling. I can see it really upsetting her and causing frustration. I have a few friends that have sent me messages that I want to call this week.

What to purchase?

I am going to order some of the "tools" to help Ann and Beth with sensory and ADD issues. A blogger friend mentioned that Beth's anger in the afternoon could be due to overload. I have pondered this today. All summer long we had swim team in the late afternoon. That would help her unwind and she didn't really have the anger issues at night. Now that we haven't been swimming regularly she has had more trouble with outbursts. We have also started school and she pushes herself very hard. She is very diligent in school. However, tonight the girls were complaining about noise when they were trying to go to sleep. They said it was Ann. After she lied to me about it and said she wasn't doing anything, she told me she was hitting and biting her pillow. She was mad because Morgan had told her to be quiet and go to sleep. Well, at this house, after you are tucked in, you are to hush and go to sleep. I told her Morgan was right to tell her to go to sleep, but the larger issue was her lying and her anger management. Ann and Beth are both having difficulties right now with lying immediately and then realizing they were not honest shortly after. What "tools" should I order to help them unwind as well as the ADD?

I am looking at the bumpy cushion for the chair, some squeeze balls, some timers, and a weighted stuffed animal. Any other suggestions?

Thanks!

Thank you so much for the encouraging words! Believe it or not, it helps to know that others can relate and that I am not alone, or crazy. Well, I guess on days that could be questionable.

Going to teach...

Tough Days

I have had a few rough days. It is very difficult homeschooling five children. Beth and Ann do not catch on to things very quickly. I knew this was going to happen, but living it is difficult. My heart breaks for them. I may back up a year in grammer and do second grade. I just don't know that any of us can survive it.

I have decided Beth has a kind of "witching hour" like babies. She is tired and doesn't control her anger very well. Maybe she has been holding it in all day and just can't do it anymore. I didn't notice this before school started back, but the pattern is there now. It is almost like she needs a nap. If she naps, we have terrible nights. What is the answer?

The boys have started soccer games. We went to the field tonight. Beth needed to go to the bathroom. I sent Morgan with her because the last time my husband let the twins go by theirself, they talked some strangers head off. How do I know this? The stranger told me tonight how cute they are and how they talked her ears off in the bathroom. Ugh!! This lady is probably as safe as can be. However, not all people are safe. I tried to explain this to them and they don't understand. Anyway, back to tonight. I had Morgan take Beth to the bathroom. To get there you must cross a small driveway type road that goes by the soccer fields. I saw Beth hit Morgan. When they returned I asked Beth why she hit Morgan. She said because Morgan grabbed her first. When I asked Morgan what happened she said Beth was going to cross the road without stopping to look for cars. Beth said that was correct. I told her I would have done the same thing if I was Morgan. She should not have hit Morgan. I told her I couldn't trust her to go to the bathroom by herself for two reasons now. She sat in time out a few minutes then was able to play again. I hate that the girls have these struggles. I hate having to treat them differently than Morgan. I have no choice.

This journey is so hard. It is getting harder in a lot of ways and easier in a few. It is exhausting. I wrestled with God this morning for about 1 1/2 hours before getting out of the bed. I kept hearing, " The joy of the Lord is my strength." I prayed to have joy today. I prayed about Ann's ADD and what to do. I prayed for the future of my family. It worries me sometimes when I think of the future for my family. I worry way too much sometimes about the future of Beth and Ann. I pray that God connects every synapse in their brain and heals their hearts. I questioned God about the journey He has us on. I am tired and behind on everything and I don't feel like I will ever catch up. I am not sure if I can do this. I worry the state won't fulfill the things they have told us. I feel like I have too many hats on my head. I know I can do everything with God. That is the key. He is pushing me to be totally reliant on Him. I need Him more than ever. I am sorry to complain. God has been so good to me and my family. We are blessed to have Beth and Ann in our family. We are blessed to be able to go to the beach this weekend for a short trip. We are blessed to be able to go to Disney during the end of September. (I wouldn't have planned these two weeks apart, but my husband really wanted to go to the beach for his birthday, so we are going.)

Tomorrow is a new day. Today was better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today.

Sorry to complain. I just know that so many of you understand. It is so hard for my local friends to really get. A few are compassionate and helpful. Others are just nosy.

Attention issues

I need suggestions on how to help Ann stayed focused during school. She has been diagnosed with inattentive ADD. She is not taking any medicine. It takes her forever to do her school work. I let her move around, take breaks, work outside, etc. She did tell me today that she used to get in trouble in school for making noises and moving around in her desk to get comfortable. I received a magazine with sensory items to help them. There are so many choices and I am not sure what to choose.

It was suggested that we try an all natural soda called Ze*ia. It is made by Ste*ia. It tastes awful. It has natural caffeine. I was told the ADD meds have caffeine which helps them calm down. She drank a half can this morning. She didn't like the taste at all. It may have helped a little. Is there another natural form to give her?

I feel sorry for her because she wants to be done, but she isn't. She has to finish. My husband took everyone to the pool except her. I hate it, but I don't know what to do to help her. She has a hard time staying focused when I am talking to her one on one.

Things

We have been pretty busy around here. We went to my parent's lake house for two days. Everyone did great. We have a lot of baby talk going on, but gentle reminders and they would be back to their normal voices. I think this must happen when they get insecure or are experiencing something new. I wonder if it is when they are processing and learning things as a younger child. No person argued about wearing life jackets to the pier or boat house, they just wore them. Yea!! We were very happy! The girls rode the tube behind the boat for a long time. The fear is gone. We were talking about how far they have come. Beth was terrified the first time she went behind the boat. This time she was standing on the tube...amazing!! She even fell off and cried a minute and got back on and continued riding. God is so good!!

Morgan's best friend was baptized this morning. What a precious memory!!

The men in the church prayed over all of the single females in the church. They prayed for their husbands and that they would be equally yoked with them. They prayed the girls would be patient and wait on the man God has planned for them. Don't make it happen. It was great!! I am not sure our girls totally understood, but they received it on their level. I wish I had understood this many years ago.

I often feel led to hold them and pray over them as I sing and worship our Lord. It is an amazing time of bonding, healing and being filled each time it happens. I believe God can heal my girls. I believe he is greater than any diagnosis. We serve an amazing God!!

I believe our Consent to Adopt papers are in the mail. Hopefully they will be in our hands this week. If so, I can get them to the attorney and get a court date. I can't wait!!