I have had a few rough days. It is very difficult homeschooling five children. Beth and Ann do not catch on to things very quickly. I knew this was going to happen, but living it is difficult. My heart breaks for them. I may back up a year in grammer and do second grade. I just don't know that any of us can survive it.
I have decided Beth has a kind of "witching hour" like babies. She is tired and doesn't control her anger very well. Maybe she has been holding it in all day and just can't do it anymore. I didn't notice this before school started back, but the pattern is there now. It is almost like she needs a nap. If she naps, we have terrible nights. What is the answer?
The boys have started soccer games. We went to the field tonight. Beth needed to go to the bathroom. I sent Morgan with her because the last time my husband let the twins go by theirself, they talked some strangers head off. How do I know this? The stranger told me tonight how cute they are and how they talked her ears off in the bathroom. Ugh!! This lady is probably as safe as can be. However, not all people are safe. I tried to explain this to them and they don't understand. Anyway, back to tonight. I had Morgan take Beth to the bathroom. To get there you must cross a small driveway type road that goes by the soccer fields. I saw Beth hit Morgan. When they returned I asked Beth why she hit Morgan. She said because Morgan grabbed her first. When I asked Morgan what happened she said Beth was going to cross the road without stopping to look for cars. Beth said that was correct. I told her I would have done the same thing if I was Morgan. She should not have hit Morgan. I told her I couldn't trust her to go to the bathroom by herself for two reasons now. She sat in time out a few minutes then was able to play again. I hate that the girls have these struggles. I hate having to treat them differently than Morgan. I have no choice.
This journey is so hard. It is getting harder in a lot of ways and easier in a few. It is exhausting. I wrestled with God this morning for about 1 1/2 hours before getting out of the bed. I kept hearing, " The joy of the Lord is my strength." I prayed to have joy today. I prayed about Ann's ADD and what to do. I prayed for the future of my family. It worries me sometimes when I think of the future for my family. I worry way too much sometimes about the future of Beth and Ann. I pray that God connects every synapse in their brain and heals their hearts. I questioned God about the journey He has us on. I am tired and behind on everything and I don't feel like I will ever catch up. I am not sure if I can do this. I worry the state won't fulfill the things they have told us. I feel like I have too many hats on my head. I know I can do everything with God. That is the key. He is pushing me to be totally reliant on Him. I need Him more than ever. I am sorry to complain. God has been so good to me and my family. We are blessed to have Beth and Ann in our family. We are blessed to be able to go to the beach this weekend for a short trip. We are blessed to be able to go to Disney during the end of September. (I wouldn't have planned these two weeks apart, but my husband really wanted to go to the beach for his birthday, so we are going.)
Tomorrow is a new day. Today was better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today.
Sorry to complain. I just know that so many of you understand. It is so hard for my local friends to really get. A few are compassionate and helpful. Others are just nosy.
PRaying for you today. We have had many days like this. Cherish the good ones.
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard some days. Praying for special strength for you. Have a wonderful time at the beach.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I can surly relate. I had such a crazy day and I am so behind on everything. My yard is grown up and dried up. My pool is half empty and turning green. I have about 6 loads of laundry and need to wash all the sheets and towels in the house. My floors are nasty. I need to do a major clean out of all the kids closets and rooms. My van needs vacuuming. It never ends. Then you add in all the appointments and I realize I will never catch up. It is depressing sometimes. But, I like you, have to just rely on God and believe that tomorrow will be a better day. I will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteADD raises it's ugliest head when the person is challenged. When they really have to use their brain and concentrate the very worst comes out and they can not focus and become increasingly agitated. Nate had a rough morning at school because they started a new concept and he got in trouble for the first time this year. Making their work a little easier may be just the thing to do.
I too worry about Nate and Beth's futures and our family. They take so much time and bring such chaos to our family. There are days I wonder what in this world am I doing and how in this world did this even happen. But I know and you know that we are doing what God led us to do and He will take care of the future. hang in there, my friend.
I have 3 biological children that I home educated who have graduated college now. When our adoptees began to arrive, at first I also home educated. For some, it was okay. Eventually, though, I had to send them to private or public school. They are not wired to be able to home educate. It destroys the parental/familial relationship to keep them home 24/7. The exhaustion is too much. I also could not take them out in the evenings, etc. Our lives totally changed. Four of those children are now adults. Two are doing great, one is so-so and one has a no contact order with our family. It's a tough journey. I wouldn't trade it, but some choices I thought I'd never make I had to make.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, friend. It's hard, I know. But you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you...and precious to Him are the least of these...so you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteI've had a lot of days like this and I cry a lot but I try, like you, to remember that each day is a new day.
Hugs!
~Kari
Jenny,
ReplyDeleteI am a little late posting this, trying to catch up/stay caught up in my own world. My oldest is very much like Beth. Something that worked for her was "music therapy" (my own ofcourse). It was a way for her to calm herself without haveing the nap.(neither of my children nap or sleep without meds) There are many different ideas of music out there. Big M did the best with the drums and vibration types of music. There is all kinds of white noise, ocean sounds and animal music. The other thing I did with her was weights. There are weighted vests, blankets and I normally just used the leg weights for workouts. I am guessing that her system is just on overload. Big M eventually got to a point where she knew when she needed it and asked for the music in her ears.
...and along with everyone else, some days are just better than others in our world.
The Joy of the lord is your strength! By far my favorite verse...yet so hard to believe at times. You have been on a rollercoster for your children and as they grow they will see that and learn from you. I don't know how you homeschool on top of everything else but I am amazed. You are doing a great job with them. I have your family on my prayer list. =)
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