Warning...Lot of Christmas Pictures

One thing Haylee asked for long before Christmas and continued until Christmas was a bonnet like Laura on Little House. She was so excited to get one.






Each girl received an Amer*ican Girl doll and an extra outfit. Morgan was thrilled to get hers and the new tap dance outfit



Hannah didn't ask for much, but was very excited with everything she received. We had a hard time getting her to tell us anything she wanted. We knew if the other girls received something, she would also want the same thing.








As we do every Christmas morning, my husband made pancakes. I found mini red and green white chocolate morsels for the pancakes, so they were very festive. We had a wonderful morning!!

I melts my heart when Haylee and Hannah say they are so glad to have a mommy and a daddy. Haylee had said numerous times that this is the best Christmas ever!! I am so happy God placed these girls in our home! It makes my heart ache for the many children still in foster care.

Permancy definately makes a difference. Since our finalization, the girls have improved a great deal. I wonder if it makes a difference in most children adopted from foster care?

Setting the bar

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I am struggling with what to post. Things are going pretty well. I truly believe the girls had a wonderful Christmas. We are still having issues, but they aren't as big as some of my other blogger friends, so I hate to post about them. They feel really big to us, but trivial to others.

I have been pondering lately what issues are truly disablilites with the girls and what things aren't. I have to teach them multiple times for them to understand things. However, they usually get it, eventually. We don't want to enable them because we want them to be all God has created them to be. We also don't want to hurt them by setting the bar too high. A friend told me that we set high standards for our kids. My husband and I have talked about it and we don't think we need to change anything. We realize it is harder for Haylee and Hannah to reach the goal sometimes, but most of the time, they reach it. The goals are often different for them. For example, they are third graders, but I have backed up to second grade work in some areas because it was just too hard for them. I want them to be and feel successful. We are praying and trying to find the best balance for the girls.

We are headed to my parents house today for a one night stay. A friend of mine is also taking her two girls and going with us. We are going to take the girls to the big mall and let them see the Christmas decorations before they are removed. All of my children love to eat in the food court, so we will probably have lunch there.

I am also very excited to have breakfast with a friend that I babysat for when her son was a baby. She would have me come play with him while she was home because I was young myself. Eventually, as we both got older, I babysat him alone. She was my number one babysitting job and I called her before I took any other jobs to see if she needed me. I am excited about visiting with her!

I will post pictures of Christmas soon!

Keeping it cool...

Hannah is struggling with no structure and the holidays. She has a very short temper and gets mad over anything. I am trying to stop the eruptions before they happen. We are hanging in there...

I stuggle not losing it with her also. I get frustrated with myself during these times because I don't like what I feel and think at times...

I know this sounds crazy, but it is almost a relief to read about other adopted older children that struggle around the holidays and with little structure. It is exhausting. I find myself listening to prepare for the next issue to arise.

Hannah did create a few movements to go with the song, "I Can Only Imagine" I think that is the name. It is a great song. I think eventually music will really help in healing.

I have enjoyed not having to teach the kids this week, but in some ways I am ready to start back. Tucker, Alex and Morgan love the break. Hannah and Haylee aren't quite sure what to do. I guess time will take care of that.

I offered to make cookies with them, no interest. I offered to make their Christmas tree ornaments, no interest. Tonight I will just say, "We are doing this now."

They are going to swim team in a few minutes so they will have some structure. My mother in law will be here tomorrow. I am sure she will do some fun things with them. The boys are going hunting with my husband and my father in law.

They are growing!!

The girls are all growing!! All three of them!! I am thrilled that we have this problem, because the girls are under treatment for growth issues. I am hoping they continue to grow so we don't have to enter the world of growth hormones. We are continuing to pray that God will remove the entire issue by them continuing to grow. We think Hannah is growing a little faster than Haylee, which is good because was shorter than Haylee. My husband says she has grown over two inches since May. Wonderful!!

Due to the growing, we are having to shift jeans around so everyone will have jeans long enough. I am excited that we are having this problem, but that also means I have to buy more jeans. Ugh! Morgan is very slim. Morgan had been squeezing into some 7 slim jeans and finally we said no more. (Morgan is having a hard time passing her clothes down to her sisters. I guess once again she is having to share everything.) She has a pair of eight slims that fit her well, so that is what we will purchase for her. However, Haylee and Hannah are small but not as thin as Morgan. The 7 slim pants that Morgan was squeezing into fit Haylee, barely. The length was good, but she had to work to button them. I think they will be okay. I guess Hannah and Haylee will be regulars and not slims. Oh well, no big deal. They can almost wear the same size jeans eventhough they are shaped differently. Haylee's little best friend is shaped like Morgan and can wear her old jeans if Haylee can't.

What a boring post, but it is our life and drama today!!

Have a wonderful and joyous day!!

A Social Network Christmas

I saw this on this blog and wanted to share.

Christmas...part 1

Morgan woke up with a temp Thursday morning. The fever continued until last night. Needless to say we didn't get to travel to have Christmas with my parents. Haylee and Hannah were very disappointed because they have heard about our traditions and wanted so bad to be a part. We weren't comfortable going with Morgan continuing to have fever. Of course, my parents traveled today and brought all of their presents and the leftover banana pudding and chocolate pie. They were both delicious!! The kids were all excited for them to arrive today. I wish I had my camcorder recording when Haylee opened the horse to go with her American Girl doll. She was so excited! It was so sweet. Hannah said they had never had a Christmas like this before. They got presents they wanted. I guess you get presents in the foster society world, but maybe not want you want. I was happy for them. They were so excited to get skates and a horse for their dolls. They have had a blast riding their skates outside today.








I don't mention the sweet big brothers very often. Below are pictures of them opening the presents my Aunt gave them. We are a divided family, part Auburn and part Alabama.

The girls were in a Christmas Musical a few weeks ago. They did wonderful!! I am so proud of how far all three of the girls have come since Haylee and Hannah joined our family in April. They had a movement part to two songs.

My sweet husband gave me a surprise 40th birthday party. This is a family picture taken at the party.

Joy

I went to bed thinking about "joy" and woke up thinking about it also. I feel like I am always correcting someone, asking someone to do something, completing a chore, ect. I feel like since April, when the girls came, I have not been able to relax enough to just enjoy my family and my life. I really want and need to try to slow down and enjoy the journey. I want to so bad, but the busyness always seems to take over, or the children not doing what they are supposed to be doing.

I turned the big "40" yesterday. I wonder if that is why I am thinking about this?

I believe God wants us to have joy in the journey. I am going to really focus on hugging, laughing and visiting with my children more. I realize "visiting" sounds silly, but I am usually task focused and not just talking with each of them.

Early bedtime for one...

We have been really busy around here lately. The girls were all in a musical Friday night that was wonderful. They did so well!! I am a proud mama!! I cried part of the way through thinking about how far Hannah and Haylee have come in eight months. Wow, they have really changed.

Today hasn't been a good day for Hannah. I noticed yesterday she wasn't acting right. I kept trying to figure out what was going on. She kept saying she was fine. Today she has been testing boundaries.

The third strike was when she was putting things in the fire. Alex told her not to because Daddy had already explained why we don't put pine in the fire. She sarcastically yelled back that she knew, but... I don't even remember what the rest was. I went in to ask her why she said that and she said she didn't. She lied. Four of us heard her. We gave her a chance to talk through it and explain herself and she just sat there. Well, she went to be very early. She isn't happy, but my husband said enough is enough.

The first episode today wasn't terrible and we recovered quickly. The second episode was when she was being ugly to her sisters. By the third episode, I was done.

She appears to be struggling and has reverted some. She also asked to call her foster mom last night. We told her no. When she asked she used the voice we haven't heard in a long time. It was her manipulation voice. She also used fake manipulation tears last night. Neither works with us. Hopefully, a good nights rest will help.

Idols

We went to a family retreat this weekend. We go every year and are always blessed. The girls have looked forward to this for months because the other three kids have looked forward to it so much. I am always a little nervous when we go somewhere new with the girls. They did really well. We went over the routine very well before we arrived. They did pretty good. We had a few minor issues, but the handled correction well and went on their way. Each girls made new friends and seemed very happy. We are always exhausted when we leave, but refreshed as well.

The main topic was idols in our lives. What is keeping us from focusing on Jesus? It can be anything from money, approval of people, perfectionism, family and many others. David Hall, one of the speakers made a statement. He said he struggles with the ones he loves the most, his wife and baby. How do you stretch your arm up and out to Jesus while holding on tight to your wife and baby? Wow! What a picture!! You can't. You must reach for Jesus first and foremost. Also, we can turn our blessings from the Father into idols if we aren't careful. This is just a touch of what we heard this weekend. The retreat is called The Family Reunion. You can read about it here. The group is based in Texas, but the family is originally from Alabama, hence the name of the meeting. Families come from all over for this meeting. We are blessed each time we go.

I am exhausted and off to bed now.

What a treat...

The girls and I worked diligently for a long time practicing the motions they are doing in two songs in our homeschool Christmas musical in a few weeks. Everyone was tired afterwards and had some quiet time. I let them end the quiet time early and we had hot chocolate with whip cream and homemade Christmas cookies which they helped make the day before!! Wow, at that moment, I was the best Mom in the world!!

Christmas Tree

We put up our Christmas tree the Friday after Thanksgiving. We have an average size tree, but the girls both said they have never had one that large or pretty. This brought tears to my eyes. I am so lucky to have them as my children!! Each child picked out a special ornament at Disney World. My husband let Haylee and Hannah hang their ornaments first.

Haylee after she hung her special ornaments. She picked out Belle in a glass ball. You can see it on the tree next to her.

Hannah hung her ornament next. Both girls had fun decorating the tree.

Of course, Tucker, Alex, and Morgan also hung their special ornaments from Disney World too.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving went pretty well. At times, Hannah and Haylee would not know what to do. They would just come and look at me. I believe they weren't used to having so much free time. We weren't having school of course, so they could just play. They definately do better with structure. As the weekend went on, this improved. Hannah struggled more with the holiday. She seemed to be on the outside looking in many times. She would just be by herself watching. I am not sure what she was thinking. My husband and I believe she really struggled the week before because of the arrival of the holiday. During the time when the family was here I believe she was taking it all in to see how our family acts. I found her staring at me many times. She spent a lot of time watching everyone. She was trying to outdo Morgan many times. I wish I could read her mind.

Approval

I believe Hannah is doing whatever to get approval. She is getting herself in trouble multiple times a day due to this. I have prayed about what is going on and I feel like approval and acceptance is the root issue. She is hurting the feelings of others, acting like she is clueless when she isn't and driving me crazy with staring at me and making her fake face. I am really struggling with her right now. I am having to fight the feeling of wanting to avoid her. When she first came I had to make myself love on her. It got easier. Right now it is hard again. I hate feeling this way. I know it isn't right. I do love them and wouldn't trade them for anything. She even stares at me for approval when she says prayers at night. I have suspected and on occasion I have peeked and caught her staring at me. Tonight I stopped the prayers and reminded her that she is praying to God and she doesn't need my approval about what she is saying.

I took the girls to a Community Thanksgiving Service tonight at another church. A sweet friend of ours was telling the story of Esther from Esther's point of view. It was great and the girls said they enjoyed it also. However, one lady on the praise team looked like their birth mom. Not as thin in the face, but VERY similar. Hannah noticed it very quickly when the lady went on stage. Ugh! I wonder what issues this will cause tonight or tomorrow. I pray none.

Nice Afternoon

All four girls played well together. I would hear some voices raise and then calm back down. Each time I checked on them, Hannah was with them. She was hanging on the outskirts of the playing. For example, one time she was holding and petting the dog. Baby steps...

I was able to get info together to go the social security office for new numbers. Does my adoption decree have to be an original or can it be a copy?

Friends

How do you help a 9 year old girl develop friendships? Hannah wants a friend so bad she smothers them. I don't know how to help her. We have a friend over today and I reminded her before the girl came to not invade her personal space and to not be pushy or demanding towards her. Well, we weren't home 5 minutes and I had to call her from the room and have a discussion wth her. Haylee doesn't struggle with this issue. It makes me so sad for Hannah. I don't want her to not be able to develop friendships.

Overall things are going pretty well in our house. I had a busy but nice break with the girls at my parents for two nights. The first thing Haylee said to me when she got home was, "We didn't get in trouble." Well, I guess she heard our repeated warnings before they left. My parents said they were super. I am so happy that they did so well. Hannah even said she wasn't scared at night. This is huge for her!!!

Both girls are doing okay in school. Hannah is completing her work more accurately and Haylee is doing her work quickly and accurately. I think her meds have leveled out and we can function on this dosage. She is transitioning better in the afternoons. She is usually at swim team or dance during that time and I believe that has helped. Morgan is regressing some in her diligance. I guess the newness of being the big sister has worn off. She is slipping back into her baby mode in some ways. I have to say, I was glad some of those days were behind us. Hopefully they won't last long.

We are having my family here for Thanksgiving. My parents and my brother and his wife and their new baby will be here. I am excited about them coming. They will all be here for two nights. I think the girls will do okay. I am going to have to make an effort to make sure they get enough sleep. Our issues are much worse without sleep.

I was talking with the girls about the menu yesterday and Haylee's requests were cranberry sauce out of a can and pumpkin pie. I am not a fan of pumpkin pie, but I guess I will make one for her. I am excited for them as we celebrate this first Thanksgiving and Christmas with them.

All in all, they are doing great!!

Frustrated

What do you do when a child has broken the same rule each day for the last three days. She has been disciplined and written scriptures. She did it again tonight. Is something not connecting? Is it the cause and effect issues? It is not a big huge thing. It is a simple rule. We don't eat in the car without permission and especially not candy!! Don't get me wrong, we eat in the car all the time. However, sugary candy is limited at our house for many reasons. In fact, I may be too strict, but the kids all ask permission to get a snack. You may think I am nuts, but it is a rule we have always had. It may sound trivial, but if she can't follow the small rules, how will she follow the big ones?

On a positive note, my parents are going to keep all three girls for two nights. I am nervous about them going. I trust my parents completely, but the girls have never been away from me overnight. We have talked to them about going and they really want to go. I think since they will all be together, they will be okay. I will have two days without them. Believe it or not, this brings mixed emotions. I can "let my guard down" and relax some. I am sure I will stay very busy playing catch up around here. The boys are going on a field trip, so my husband and I are going Christmas shopping...with no kids!! We haven't been by ourselves much at all since the girls came to live with us. I hope the next few days go well for everyone.

Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness month. I have pondered what to post regarding adoption awareness. It is called for the in the bible to care for the widows and orphans. However, that doesn't always mean you are called to adopt, but there are many other ways to answer this call. I encourage you to pray and see where you can help. So many children need our help.

A blog friend of mine posted her son speaking about being an orphan here. It is very touching. He is almost in tears as he finishes the videos. She is an amazing woman of God.

She also posted this about what it is like in an adoptive home for at least the first year. So many things which people can't see are going on in our lives. Most people have been wonderful to us, but some just don't get it. I am able to go on my way usually and let things roll off. Sometimes it is harder than others. We must keep our eyes fixed on God. He is our leader, our comforter, our healer, our strength and many more things as well. We are so blessed to have Haylee Ann and Hannah Beth as our children. I can't say it is easier than it was six months ago, just different. I wouldn't change anything. I just continue to pray for wisdom to parent the best I can. We are moving forward, one step at a time. We are in a new season. We are pressing on and will continue to do the best we can in raising all five of our children.

Testing Boundaries

Well, the adoption has been final a few weeks now. Sweet Haylee Ann stood in front of the church last week and said I am a **last name** now. She was so sweet and proud. The excitement has ended. The party is over.

Haylee Ann and Hannah Beth are both testing the boundaires around here. Intentional disobediance. Not any complex things, simple things. Getting out of your bed before the set time to get up, after being told multiple times. Not telling the other girls to get ready to go, but sitting and pouting instead. Choosing to touch in stores when your hands are suppose to be in your pockets because you have been told multiple times in less than five minutes to not touch. After touching again and getting in trouble, you use your foot to touch!! After this happened, my husband took her to the car. She came back and apoligized for disobeying.

Both girls have learned to write and have memorized the scripture from Ephesians 6:1, "Children obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." It breaks my heart to have to discipline for things that seem so trivial, but we have to look at the big picture. I reminded both of them today that if I can't trust them with the little things, they won't be trusted with the big things.

They are having to learn boundaries that our birth children learned so much earlier in life. I reminded myself today that they probably had no boundaries until about 6 years old. As long as they stayed out of their birth parents way, they were okay. So sad.

Hannah Beth was in trouble this morning for disobeying, due to Haylee Ann telling on her. Well, when Haylee was in trouble this afternoon for disobediance, she didn't think she deserved the same punishment. Wrong!!

The girls are really doing pretty well. School is tough most days, but we endure. Haylee Ann's meds were increased again last week. We will see how school is this week.

Remember...

Today, in the busyness of it all, I was reminded of the life my girls have in their past. They started talking about their birth parents and things that happened in their past. They said they thought they could trust them, but really they shouldn't have. Haylee said, "But they were our parents and we thought we could." It just broke my heart!!! I try really hard to never say anything negative about their birth parents. They remember them very well. I mean they came to us at eight years old, of course they remember. The stories they tell!! The lies they were told by their parents. It is so heartbreaking!!

We had a really tough day homeschooling, so I believe this was God's gentle reminder to me of the trauma my girls have been through and that it will take time to heal all of their hurts and wounds. Eventhough sometimes I expect them to be like my birth children, they aren't. They have come so far in only 7 months. Well, in three days it will be seven months. I look back at where this journey started and I am truly amazed at the work God has done!!

They are behind academically, but they are slowly catching up. I think they have the ability, they have been taught to think for themselves. Believe me, they aren't enabled in around here. They told me when they were in school they didn't have to rework their mistakes, the teacher did them on the board. I told her that with me homeschooling them, they will rework their mistakes so that I know they understand the concept. She was of course not happy because she was preparing to rework her math, as she does everyday. We work and work until we get it. My husband worked with Hannah when he got home tonight with fractions. Hopefully this time she got it and it will stick. If not, I will teach it again tomorrow.

My husband and I went to dinner with friends tonight. It was nice to relax and eat without children and hundreds of comments and questions. The waitress couldn't believe that we had nine children between the two couples. It was pretty funny.

Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It has been really busy around here.

Haylee is still taking the meds for ADHD. It has helped her stay focused more during school, but she is very slow in her work. The great news is that she is doing GREAT work!! I am very happy about that!! Though it is still slow, she finishes much earlier than she was completing her assignments. We are still on a pretty low dosage and I am hoping we can stay there. She shakes some in the mornings about thirty minutes after taking it, but it does go away. She has a hard time around 4-5:30 as the meds are wearing off. She has a few little fits during that time, usually at Hannah. She has been pretty ugly to Hannah a few times lately. She is sneaky about it, but I can read between the lines and have called her on her comments and actions.

Hannah on the other hand works way too fast in school and ends up having to redo most everything because she just doesn't pay attention. She then gets angry and shuts down. The crying everyday is getting very old and frustrating. She is really struggling with fractions. She can understand if you have four pieces that are all one fourth. However, if you have a shape with 1/2, 1/4 and 1/4, you lose her completely. I am stepping back from the topic for a few days and we will try it again next week, another way.

Everyone is happy that the adoption is final. I believe the girls are adjusting to the fact that the adoption isn't the talk all of the time. They are having to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them. They are doing really well overall.

Celebration!

We had a celebration tonight for our family. Three families that are all good friends of ours blessed us by giving us a party with a bonfire, fireworks and cookie cake. A fun time was had by all!! God could not have planned the weather any better!! It rained this morning to wet the ground and the temperature cooled off. We had a great time!!

God is Enough!! God can heal!!

Our adoption is final. We are living life now. I am tired, so tired. We had a swim meet this weekend. Two long days an hour away. The girls are tired, we are all tired. Eventhough they are doing well and have come so far, going to a new place and environment brings insecurity. Therefore, I struggle because they revert back to being very dependant and asking a ton of questions. My husband reminded me that if they were five, I would think it is cute. I struggle because they want to have the freedom of Morgan, but don't act her age. I can't punish Morgan because they are able to go on their own.

I am struggling with what to post on my blog now that the girls identity has been shown. Local people read this and I would hate to change their opinion of my girls. They are really great kids! We are just working through many insecurities and changes. We are trying to weed out the old not so good things and bring in the new. One would have something she just had to tell me everytime I was talking with anyone other than her this weekend. It drove me nuts. I would tell her to wait. When I would ask her what she needed, she didn't remember. I think she is nosy. Probably not, just insecure.

I need to figure out how to link to another blog. I have tried before and didn't succeed. Another blogger posted a listing of things for people to know about an adoptive mom for the first year. We have emotions, problems, anxieties that can't be expressed in words. It said it so well. Can someone tell me how to link?

So, back to my title, when I am discouraged I remind myself, or God reminds me through other people, that God is enough. He can heal the hurts of ALL of my children. They have all let down this week and a lot of fighting has been going on. I think Hannah is dealing with some deep anger. I knew this would happen after we finalized. I figured she was keeping it in. Morgan is struggling this week. I am struggling this week. God is what will get us through, we just have to keep our eyes focused on Him!

It is final!!!

Today was a great day. It was very simple and took about ten minutes. I was hoping the judge would make a big deal to all of the kids about what we are doing. She didn't do much at all. Oh well. We have talked with all of the kids about adoption.

Finalization

We finalize tomorrow morning at 10 am. We are so excited for this part of the journey to be finished. I am so ready to not worry about social workers, but to just be a family. The girls keep asking if I can show their faces tomorrow. Beware...I will probably have many pictures tomorrow.

Ann did better today with her meds. A smaller amount of shaking and no angry outbursts. Her math sheet was very close to perfect. Amazing! It still took awhile to complete, but very accurate. On the other hand, Beth completed boths sides quickly and had to rework problems. Ann finished her one side faster and correctly than Beth to finish correctly.

I am taking Ann to the doctor tomorrow regarding her meds. Any opinions on Conce*rta vs. Foc*alin? We started on the first one. I believe it releases three times a day. The second only two times. I am anxious to see what the doctor says. At the moment, I am wondering if I should have stayed on the first one. She did work faster for a day or two. However, Tucker, my oldest child, has always worked slowly, but is very bright and does well in school. Maybe this isn't a bad thing.

A little confusion...

This morning I walked in the kitchen to eat breakfast. Beth said she can't believe she has a solo in the Christmas musical our homeschool group is doing. I stopped and asked her to repeat what she said. She repeated it. She is in the play, but doesn't have a solo. She said the ****(the director) told her she was. I was dumbfounded. The friend in charge sent a paper home for each child with their parts. None of them have solos. It was a very difficult night at our house when the I told each child what their part in the play would be. We had confusion, hurt and anger. So, how did this come up again weeks later? Somehow, she convinced herself again that she had a solo. She said the director told her she would sing, "Jesus Loves Me" by herself. Well, that is what she did to tryout. I don't know where this came from. So, we had to go through the hurt again as I told her she wasn't singing a solo. What is even crazier is that she knew what part she was doing. I guess she also thought she was doing a solo. What is going on in her brain?

She was out of sorts all morning. She wasn't making much sense. She seemed to get it together as the morning went on.

I wonder if it is because we are finalizing this Thursday. Her emotions and mind could easily be all over the place.

Ann is still on meds. We started on one med and we needed to up the dosage. My regular pediatrician was out of town for a week. Another one changed her meds. After a week like we were on a placebo he doubled the dosage. She has been on it for 7 seven days now. Last night she had two anger episodes. She has never done this before. She has also been very frustrated because in the mornings about 30 minutes after taking her meds she is shaky and can't write. This morning she was almost in tears. The nurse had told me to call for a new prescription this week. She asked how things were going. I told her the two things I had seen that are not in her norm at all. She said we need to see the doctor. We don't have an appt until Thursday morning.

She is not nearly as fidgety as before. She is still taking forever to do her work. However, she does very good work. I wonder if the meds aren't going to work for her. I knew it would be trial and error, but I was hoping it wouldn't be this confusing. Suggestions?

Birthdays and more birthdays...

Well, we have been partying around her for weeks now! (At least if feels that way.)

Alex had six friends spend the night last night. So, I had 8 boys and 3 girls last night. The boys were fun and stinky! They stayed up late and got up early. They seemed to have had a great time.

The twins reverted some while they boys were here. I think it must be insecurity and wanting to be the cute little girls. The baby voices came out in full force. Beth has been really good about talking like a big girl. Ann struggles more. This morning we thought it was Ann talking like a baby at the table and it was Beth. I guess she just went back when she was nervous or anxious.

Oh well. This too shall pass!!

We finalize in 5 days!!! Yeah!! We were going to have an adoption party, but I am not sure it is going to work out now. I am not sure what the best thing to do is for the celebration. Any suggestions?

My heart is hurting...

Today is Beth and Ann's ninth birthday.

Today I received a phone call from the geneticist. We have opened another door into my girls. We have more issues than we thought. I am grieving for my girls today. This is so hard.

The doctor said he doesn't exactly know what it all means. We just have to watch them as they grow. He told me to continue as I am doing. He will see them next June.

God is so big. He knew this before they were born. He picked us for these girls.

The doctors told my mother I would never walk and talk. Obviously, I walk and talk. My mother set the standards higher and I was successful. I am hoping and praying I can use this to help my girls overcome.

We have a lot to digest right now. These girls are ours forever and ever. We will overcome.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God has the perfect plan for all of us.

Wonderful Weekend!

We had a great weekend celebrating the girls ninth birthday! We had a 30 foot waterslide in our front yard from lunch Friday until 8 pm Saturday night. They had a blast!! By the time the party was here, the girls were getting tired of the slide. I gently reminded them all of those kids are here to play with them. They went and continued to play. They were beyond excited with all of the many presents they were blessed with by our wonderful friends. There were about 30 kids here for the party. Of course, with a slide that big, we let all of the siblings participate also. I believe our oldest child was 16 and the youngest was 3 on the slide. I went down one time when we had an injured child at the top that wouldn't come down. It was fast and fun coming down.

The girls were exhausted by Saturday night, but they hung in there. Beth started getting a little short and snappy with me, but we got through it until bed time. She put a cute bracelet around her ankle after the party. We told her that we didn't wear things tied around our ankles, even bracelets, and she needed to take it off. Se proceeded to tell me that she couldn't and it was meant to stay on her ankle. I asked her why she put it on then and she said that she wanted it there and it was meant to stay and she had done it before. I told her very quickly that she would just have to cut it off then and that she is a ***(our last name) now and that we don't do that. Amazing, after I put my foot down, she was able to untie it. (One of my husbands pet peeves is people wearing bracelets around their ankles.) It is really cute for her WRIST so I am glad she was able to get it untied. She did get past it and move on.

The girls had Happy Birthday sang to them at church today. They seemed to really like that.

All in all, it was a great weekend. Ann melted this afternoon because she couldn't make a bracelet. Ann has made a new best friend. It is a sweet little girl that I would call my own. I am happy for her. She was making her a friendship bracelet tonight. The little girls Mom and I are good friends. (She is probably reading this also.) Our only concern is that they both are totally in la-la land sometimes. They have a great time playing together, but they are clueless to anything going on around them. They sit together in church and dance during praise and worship together. I knew she would be the first to make a friend.

I doesn't come easy for Beth at all. She was dancing in church with her new doll today and it was very sweet. Morgan was dancing with her best friend and Ann with hers. Beth appeared totally happy with her doll.

My mother gave them both Amer*ican Girl dolls for their birthday. A friend gave them Madam*e Alex*ander dolls. They absolutely love all of them!! I am so happy they are happy!!

I am so thankful that God is healing their little hearts. I think they are healing a little everyday. This is a hard time for them with their birthdays and the adoption becoming final. Please pray for them over the next week two weeks.

Pumpkin Patch

We are headed to the Pumpkin Patch today! I hope everyone makes good choices today. Yesterday was not a good day very some around here.

It is a busy and therefore stressful time around her for the girls. We are having a lot of big events which can stir memories and emotions. I am praying for grace during this time.

We have the girls birthday party tomorrow, their actual birthday Tuesday, Alex's party Friday night and his birthday on Monday. We also have Reesie's birthday, our Cockapoo, which the kids are all very excited about. The Thursday of that week is the adoption fnalization. What a busy time!!

Control?

Why does a child insist on happily wearing jeans when it is 95 degrees outside and they are burning up?

Why does a child insist on wearing shorts and a tank top when it is chilly outside?

She is outside picking up pine cones in a tank top and shorts.

Is this control? I am not making a big deal about it with her. She has been to the soccer field this week in shorts, short sleeve shirt and flip flops when it is freezing to me. She does take a light jacket. I don't want her to get sick, but she loves to get the attention. We are trying not to give it to her. Eventually, I will have to put the clothes in the attic for her health.

I think she is testing, trying to find out what she can control.

All of you experienced readers with neglected children, what do you think?

Court Date!!!

We have a court date!!

OCTOBER 21, 2010!!!!!

Okay day today...

No court date yet...miscommunication again. We must have the post placement visit before the hearing. Our new social worker, lovely, a new one at the end of this process, is coming tomorrow to do the post placement visit. I hope we have the procedures clear now.

Ann took forever to do her school work. The girls loves to color!!! It prevented her from finishing her other work. She did finish after her music class today, before we went to the soccer field.

Beth doesn't understand the value of things. She spent her only dollar, a gold coin given to her as a gift, for a candy bar at the field tonight. I told her if she bought something she could only have one piece because it was so late. She returns with a large candy bar which she was able to take one bite of and then put away. So she paid way too much for the candy, only got one bite, and spent her gold coin. How do we teach her the value of things?

Sugar Pill?

Is it really medicine or just a sugar pill? We are back to square one. Ann is eating fine and taking forever to finish her school work.

Beth had no tears during school today!!! Yea!! Praise God!!

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I have always loved this verse. I have played it over and over in my mind thousands of times since we brought the girls home.

Our days aren't always easy or peaceful. I often don't have time to stop and think. I get really tired and grumpy sometimes. I get very selfish some days. I can make many reasons and excuses for my issues. But really all that matters is that I do my best for God.

God has always known the plan for my life. It is for my good, not to harm me. Even on the bad days, God has given me hope and a future. He is in control of everything. He knows every mistake I will make each day. He knows when I repent and when I don't. HE KNOWS MY HEART!!

Each time he calls us to change, or a different season, it is for His glory and our good. It may not seem that way when we are going through it, but He knows the big picture. He knows the result. I have been through seasons, whether days or months, where I can't seem to find the good things. We often get stuck on all of the negative and forget about all of the things we have.

God knows the plan for our life. They are for good, not to harm us. They are plans to give us a hope and a future.

We know God called us to adoption. It would have been easier to make excuses about why we couldn't adopt. I can still name many reasons. However, we chose to focus on the reasons we could adopt. We chose to think of how God had prepared us for adoption.

About 1 1/2 years after having Morgan, I was having female problems. The doctor told me the only way to help was to have a hysterectomy. My husband and I had been praying about whether to have more children. We decided this was the answer to our prayer. I was relieved to have a way to relieve the pain I was having, but sad that I wouldn't have anymore birth children. I had the surgery. A couple years later, I really wanted more children. God gave my husband and I both the strong call to adoption. Years after surgery, we have five, instead of three, beautiful children. God knew the plans he had for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us...

We had always dreamed of building our own house. We were sad when we weren't able to build the house we wanted. We ended up purchasing and renovating the one we have. This house is ideal for adoption. The bedrooms are much larger than we would have built. Perfect for adding children to our family. We were sad and discouraged when we made the decision not to build. However, this house is perfect for His plan for our family. God knew the plan for us...

I am sure Ann and Beth have questioned things that have happened in their life in such a short 8 1/2 years. They continue to question and try to understand the best they can. As they grow older and begin puberty the questions will change and continue. I remind them when they ask that God knew them in their mother's womb. He knew the plan for each of their lives. He designed them perfectly. He knew they would be my girls one day. He designed them to look just like my family. (I can't wait to show you our family pictures. They look so much like our family.) He knew the plans for their life, plans to prosper and not to harm them, plans to give them hope and a future.

Wow, just writing this now makes me feel so selfish. My children have had days where they had no idea what was in their future. Would they ever have a forever home? Would they ever have a forever Mom and Dad that would love them unconditionally? Would they ever be able to trust anyone again? So many worries for such sweet little girls. No wonder they have problems. They are such sweet girls. We are so blessed to have them in our lives. I have learned so much from their little lives already. God uses the trials to teach me something every time.

Math

Each day the girls have a math lesson and a worksheet. Beth is always rushing to finish her school work. We go through the same song and dance everyday. I teach the lesson. She quickly completes her sheet and gives it to me to check. The math program reviews constantly so the sheet is very comprehensive. She usually misses quite a few the first time around. I hand it back to her to correct her work. She gets angry and starts the silent tears. The tears don't work with me. When they came in April the crying may have worked once or twice, but that is it. Then I had her number. She shuts down and can't function. I try to help her, not enable her, and she can't even think straight. She can't answer the simple questions which I know she knows the answers too. She wants me to tell her the answer so she can get her school finished. I refuse to tell her the answers. I am totally willing to walk her through the steps to find the answer. I am not sure they were made to think on their own in their previous environment.

Yesterday, she had a number line to number and then tell what number some letters were on. I told her the number line was correct, but she had the wrong number beside a letter. She was one off on a number. She proceeds to erase all of the numbers on the line and all of her answers. Only one number was wrong and it was circled in red as I alway do. After about 15 minutes of crying and being angry, she was still not able to renumber the line. She did it with no problem the first time. I suggested that she go play or ride her bike for a while and then try. She chose to sit and cry. Is this control? She can't handle being wrong? She knows I will not help her while she is crying and whining. I feel like she is trying to manipulate and control the situation.l She knows that I will not accept, "I don't know how" or "I can't" either, especially when I know that she does know how.

Once she finishes her little fit, she can complete the work. This may take an hour of tears and frustration. She gets mad at me because I won't do it for her.

Ugh!!

Selfishness

We all can have moments. of living a world of "self". However, that is not how we should live. We are to serve others and not expect everything to revolve around us.

I believe testing and control must be in the air based on the some of what my blog friends are saying. I am thinking that may be what I am dealing with in Beth. I think she is testing her boundaries to see what she can control. She is repeatedly asking for something after I have told her no because she wants it. No other reason. For example, we have had many discussions about not getting out of bed before a specified time and getting dressed because you disturb your sisters. It is showing respect and love for your sisters. Well, today is Saturday. We allowed the girls to stay up later to watch a movie. I told the girls to sleep late. Do not get up until after 7:30 or so. However, between 6:30 and 7:00 this morning the twins were both up. Morgan was trying to sleep. I am in my bed awake and at about 7:05, Beth appears in my room completely dresssed with hair fixed and everything. I could not believe it!! I wasn't happy. I asked her all of the questions concerning all of our morning rules. She answered everyone correctly. She knew the rules, but she chose to do it anyway because she wanted to get dressed. I asked what time she got up and she said she didn't know. Not the truth because she looks at the digital clock in her room first thing every morning. I asked her if she got up before seven. I don't know. Another lie. I told her I heard someone up before seven. She chose to break the rules.

I also reviewed the rules with Ann while Beth walked the dog and she also knew the rules and chose to break them. Ugh!! They both had to sit on the couch quietly while I showered. They weren't allowed to go in their room because Morgan had gone back to sleep. Ann and Beth will both go to bed one hour earlier than Morgan tonight. Is that mean? I don't know what else to do. This is a common occurance. I am wondering again if I need to give Morgan her own room and move the Alex and Tucker in together. I would put Beth and Ann in Alex's room.

Beth is testing her boundaries and control in different ways in addition to the incident this morning. One day this week is that she asked me if she could wear a certain hair clip on our family cotton field pictures the other day. I told her no. I was thinking that I may have time to fix her hair with it if I can get everyone else ready; however, I didn't tell her that. A few minutes later, I am ironing the boys shirts and she comes up behind me and asks again if she can wear the clip. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She repeated the same question. I told her I had already said no, why is she asking again. Her answer was, "Because I want to wear it."

Today we were keeping a friend of ours little girl that is 3 1/2. She wanted to watch Dora. Beth got mad and refused to watch TV because it wasn't what she wanted to watch. I had had enough. We had the discussion about the world revolving around us and that she doesn't get everything she wants her way. She has to share and serve others. Sometimes she needs to show love by considering another persons desires.

Ann's struggle is pouting when someone gets something or gets to do something that she doesn't get. She was mad the other day because they were all invited to a birthday party that Morgan has been invited to every year for about four years. She didn't appreciate the fact that she was invited when she has never met the girl. She was mad because Morgan had been for the last few years. I asked her if she had ever been to birthday parties of her friends before. She said she had. I said that Morgan didn' t get to attend those. How is that different?

Today at a yard sale I purchased 50 cent jacket for our friends little girl. Ann got pouty because it wasn't for her. She is getting pretty good at the pouty lip. Ugh!!

Today Morgan was showing our friend a porcelain doll that I made when I was in high school and had given to her quite a few years ago. The girls were playing with them because I had purchased them some dolls at a yard sale this morning. They each had porcelain heads. Ann started pouting because she didn't have one and Morgan did.

This is getting old.

Movie Night

The boys are camping this weekend, weekend so the girls, my husband and I are all about to watch a movie. The girls are very excited. The simple pleasures in life.

They decided to have a ballet theme for their birthday party. I have ordered all of the matching plates, blowers, pinatas, ballooons, etc for their party. We usually don't purchase all of this, but we are for them this time. They are VERY excited.

Ann's meds aren't working. She was very moody and emotional today. She wasn't finished with her school work at 4:30. She couldn't read clock time. She could this morning. I told her to finish it tomorrow morning. I thought we had mastered that skill. Hopefully, in the morning she will be able to do it.

I am being paged...

Only one good day...

Today wasn't a bad day by any means. However, Ann struggled in school again today. It is almost 2 pm and she isn't finished with school yet. She has been moving slow all morning. Beth has been finished for about 45 minutes. I will give the meds one more day, but I am probably going to call to have the meds increased. I was hoping we could stay on the low dose, but I guess not. She has started not wanting to eat now. She didn't want a snack this morning and I had to make her eat some lunch. How do you deal with this issue, especially after we increase the meds?

We did sign the papers today. The attorney said he would file with the judge today or in the morning.

Signing Papers tomorrow!!

We are signing the papers tomorrow!! We have a meeting at 10 am with our attorney!!

I am so ready!! I think this well help the girls so much.

We also have a birthday coming up for the girls. We can't decide what to do for a party. Any suggestions? Ann loves anything like princessess and fairies, etc. I think she believes she is truly a part of their world. Beth loves all of the teenager stuff. She hasn't been exposed to much of it at all since she has been here. I am not sure what her favorite theme would be. I haven't been able to find her love for anything.

Disney and Meds

We had a wonderful time at Disney! We went from early in the morning until way too late at night. Nothing unusual happened. They didn't throw any surprises at us. Ann and Beth struggled following the rules for the rides and events, so they did have a few time outs. I think they were also testing their boundaries. We did a lot of hand holding so no child was ever lost. One time, I thought we had last Beth, but she had walked out with my nephew. It still wasn't okay, but at least she wasn't by herself. We were there long enough and were glad to be home.

The teacher cancelled school Monday because she was exhausted. It would not have been a pretty day at all.

Ann took her meds for the first time today. The doctor started her on the lowest dosage. She did so well today! She was the first girl finished and her work was very good!! She was very happy and so was I. Beth wasn't happy that Ann finished before her. She rushed through her math and had to redo at least half of the work. She was mad and I just let her stew. She has improved so much. She knows I won't help her if she is crying and whining. She got herself together and asked me questions which showed she was trying and not trying to have me give her the answers. She finally completed her work. All three girls were finished by about 1:30. I was thrilled...it was a first. It sure did make my day easier. She ate well on the meds, but people have said that will change. I am hoping we can stay on the low dosage. I guess we will have to wait and see. I am anxious to see how she goes to sleep tonight and how Day 2 will turnout.



She even ate lunch better today. I didn't have to tell her to eat and get finished. She just ate. Wow, I guess it helps in all areas with her focus. I hope it continues.

Disney!!

We leave for Disney bright and early in the morning. Everyone is excited about going. I hope we have remembered to pack most everything.



We got a prescription for Ann for ADD. He suggested to wait until Monday to start the meds. I hope we have made the right choice. He, as many have told me, said that we should see a change quickly. He said it really helps the entire family. I can believe that.



Until we return from Disney...I hope everyone has a great week!

Questions

Last night as I helped Ann and Beth pack for our Disney trip, they began asking questions. Questions like, will we be able to see our BM and BD again?, Why can't we go see them?, Why can't they know where we are?, Why can't Aunt *** and Uncle *** know where we are?, They told us we were going to live with them forever. They also told me about another person that said they were going to adopt them and didn't. These questions break my heart. They wanted to know why their birth parents couldn't keep them. Why did they want alcohol instead of them? They told me about finding a lot of alcohol in the kitchen closet. The alcohol scares them. They were surprised they never hurt them when they were drunk. I told them I was very thankful that they hadn't. Beth wants see them again. I told them about the time they graduate from high school they could find their parents if they wanted. They asked if they could write them a letter. Beth wanted to tell them to follow Jesus and to stop drinking. They said if they have pictures of Jesus in their house and a Bible why do they still drink? I answered the questions the best I could. When we started the adoption process, we never imagined adopting eight year olds. I always pictured younger kids. These girls remember their past, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It breaks my heart. They miss their friends from their old school. They want to invite them to their birthday party. Ann has received letters back from her friend, but not Beth. It is sad for her.

We are trying to show them the love of Jesus. I pray that God will help me love them as He loves us. I have to say, it is getting easier. This may sound crazy, but Ann testing has helped improve my relationship with Beth. I think it is because she sees the same rules apply to all of the kids. I am very proud of how far my girls have come in five months. They are really doing well considering their past. I believe God is healing their hearts and minds. I believe it will take a long time. We will get there only by following God.

I am praying for guidance regarding the treatment of Ann's ADD this week. I want the path to very clear.

Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It has been pretty busy around here.

We went to the doctor this week for Beth. Praise God!!! She has doubled her growth rate in the last five months. I took her in April and she had a rate of 3.9 cm per year. This time it was 9.3 cm per year!! We were all so happy!! She didn't even have to go back the second day for the hormone testing. She may need it later, but the doctor wants to see if she keeps growing like she has in the last five months. God is so good. We prayed before the last visit and decided to ask the doctor to wait on the testing. We want to get Beth in her forever home and make sure she is eating well, sleeping enough, and exercising. The doctor said we would probably need it at the next visit and to go ahead and schedule it. We did and were able to cancel it!!! It was a true to testimony to God's power and response to our prayers. Beth was so proud because she had diligently prayed. She had grown a little over 1 1/2 inches in five months.

The doctor is concerned that we are dealing with another syndrome in addition to FAE. It has very similar characteristics. I hope we aren't because it affects the ability for them to ever have children. She does want Ann to be seen the next time Beth is seen. The doctor and I are both waiting for the testing from the geneticist to return. Hopefully the results will be in within the next two weeks.

Beth has been okay lately. She hasn't tried anything new. I think I am used to her "normal" and am not surprised often. She really works hard during school and eventually gets tired and angry. I tell her to take a break, which she doesn't like to do. She does and is able to work better when she returns. She is still having a harder time in the evenings, but I am getting better at recognizing the symptoms and helping her redirect and control her anger better.

Ann is another story. I caught her cheating in school this week. She was working in a book with the answers in the back. We all know they are there and that I am the only one that looks at them. Well, I think she chose to look in the back for answers. I found her out because she left the marker in the back of the book. I would known when I checked it because she probably needed help to complete the work. The good news is she didn't lie at all. When I asked about it, her face dropped and she told the truth. She also took her punishment well. She was very repentive.

Last night, someone had left socks on the floor. I asked who they belonged to and Ann said Beth. I found that interesting because they were right next to the shoes Ann had worn that day. I asked if Ann had wore them and her face dropped and she said yes. I then proceeded to ask if she had asked Beth to borrow them. She said no. I asked if she was in Beth's drawer without permission. She said said yes. Ugh!! The socks aren't the issue here. Beth doesn't care at all if Ann borrows them. The problem is she went in someone else's drawer without permission. This has been a major rule since the girls came to our home. I was shocked that she had done this. Anyway, you may think we are mean, but Morgan and Beth can go in her drawers and get her clothes or toys for the next two days without asking. Beth had fun with that this morning because she can wear most of Ann's clothes because she has grown so much. Morgan even found something that fit her. Ann didn't like it at all. I don't think she will forget this punishment. She also had to write the scripture, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." Ephesians 6:1 ten times in her best handwriting. She didn't like this because the other girls were already playing. Amazing how fast she completed this task so she could play with the other girls when school takes her forever.

I am taking Ann to the doctor Monday and Tuesday about her ADD. She is really struggling. We have decided to try medication. It may not work for her with her conditions. People say it works quickly if it is going to work. If it doesn't help, we will stop the meds. She needs help. A friend of ours that reads my blog reminded me that these girls have so much to overcome and deal with in their past, that if i can help Ann with this, that is one less thing for her. Also, it doesn't help my relationship with her. I am the teacher and the mother. It is no fun when I am constanly correcting her. I hope the appointments go well.

We leave for Disney Wednesday. We are so excited. I am a bit worried about the girls wondering off. I believe Elliott and I will be specifically be in charge of one for the day and the boys will each have one. Two people will be assigned to each of them everyday.

Papers in hand!

We have taken all of the papers to the attorney's office. Hopefully we will hear back from him the end of this week or early next about the next step and when we get to go to court. I am happy, but once again, hurry up and wait.

Joy in the journey!!

Papers!!!

Our county social worker is bringing papers to our house at 2pm tomorrow. I am going to get them to my attorney afterwards. He isn't available to finish our paperwork until early next week. I am glad he told me that because I am very anxious for a court date. Hopefully he will get a date next week for us. I hope we are able to finalize in the next month or so.

The girls have a birthday in October. They can't agree on what they want to have as a theme. I am fine having two cakes, but not two parties. Suggestions?

We have doctor appointments this week. Beth is being seen for growth hormone testing again. I believe she has grown, but I don't think it is enough. Her hands and feet are so tiny. I have always thought Morgan was tiny, but not anymore. Morgan looks giant next to Beth. Beth is nervous because they will put in an IV and draw blood every thirty minutes for 3-4 hours. Ugh!! I am not looking forward to this either. I pray she does okay...and me as well.

Next week we are going to Disney. The girls are very excited because they have never been. I will get more excited after we get through these doctor appointments on Wednesday and Thursday. We are having to travel to the big city about three hours from here. We will be there two nights. I am excited because my parents are going to keep the girls and I am getting my hair cut and highlighted on Wednesday morning before the appointment. I always feel better after getting my hair done.

Ready or not, a new week is here. I have my skates on and I am ready to roll...

Fun!

We had a great long weekend at the beach with another family. We all stayed in a four bedroom house together. Four adults and nine kids. There weren't many quiet moments. All in all, everyone behaved pretty well. Of course, after we got home tonight, Beth lost it and was yelling at Ann. I sat in my office and listened for a while. It was her time of day. We had been in the car all afternoon. I went to their room and told them I didn't know what was going on but I heard Beth yelling for way too long. I told them to go outside and jump on the trampoline or swing. I knew they need to get some frustration out. They did and Beth seemed to be better when she came back inside.

The girls loved the beach. This is only their second trip to the beach in their lives. Beth asked me how many times Daddy and I had been to the beach. I said we have gone at least once a year since we have been married, so at least 15 times. She was so surprised. Wow, the difference in the lives of our precious children. Beth sat out the first time on the beach this weekend for disobeying. She had to miss out on the initial fun. However, she obeyed pretty much everything after that. She didn't want anymore towel time.

Thanks!

I have received many suggestions about how to help Ann with ADD. I am going to try a few things this week. If I don't see improvement, I am really considering talking to the doctor about medication. She is really struggling. I can see it really upsetting her and causing frustration. I have a few friends that have sent me messages that I want to call this week.

What to purchase?

I am going to order some of the "tools" to help Ann and Beth with sensory and ADD issues. A blogger friend mentioned that Beth's anger in the afternoon could be due to overload. I have pondered this today. All summer long we had swim team in the late afternoon. That would help her unwind and she didn't really have the anger issues at night. Now that we haven't been swimming regularly she has had more trouble with outbursts. We have also started school and she pushes herself very hard. She is very diligent in school. However, tonight the girls were complaining about noise when they were trying to go to sleep. They said it was Ann. After she lied to me about it and said she wasn't doing anything, she told me she was hitting and biting her pillow. She was mad because Morgan had told her to be quiet and go to sleep. Well, at this house, after you are tucked in, you are to hush and go to sleep. I told her Morgan was right to tell her to go to sleep, but the larger issue was her lying and her anger management. Ann and Beth are both having difficulties right now with lying immediately and then realizing they were not honest shortly after. What "tools" should I order to help them unwind as well as the ADD?

I am looking at the bumpy cushion for the chair, some squeeze balls, some timers, and a weighted stuffed animal. Any other suggestions?

Thanks!

Thank you so much for the encouraging words! Believe it or not, it helps to know that others can relate and that I am not alone, or crazy. Well, I guess on days that could be questionable.

Going to teach...

Tough Days

I have had a few rough days. It is very difficult homeschooling five children. Beth and Ann do not catch on to things very quickly. I knew this was going to happen, but living it is difficult. My heart breaks for them. I may back up a year in grammer and do second grade. I just don't know that any of us can survive it.

I have decided Beth has a kind of "witching hour" like babies. She is tired and doesn't control her anger very well. Maybe she has been holding it in all day and just can't do it anymore. I didn't notice this before school started back, but the pattern is there now. It is almost like she needs a nap. If she naps, we have terrible nights. What is the answer?

The boys have started soccer games. We went to the field tonight. Beth needed to go to the bathroom. I sent Morgan with her because the last time my husband let the twins go by theirself, they talked some strangers head off. How do I know this? The stranger told me tonight how cute they are and how they talked her ears off in the bathroom. Ugh!! This lady is probably as safe as can be. However, not all people are safe. I tried to explain this to them and they don't understand. Anyway, back to tonight. I had Morgan take Beth to the bathroom. To get there you must cross a small driveway type road that goes by the soccer fields. I saw Beth hit Morgan. When they returned I asked Beth why she hit Morgan. She said because Morgan grabbed her first. When I asked Morgan what happened she said Beth was going to cross the road without stopping to look for cars. Beth said that was correct. I told her I would have done the same thing if I was Morgan. She should not have hit Morgan. I told her I couldn't trust her to go to the bathroom by herself for two reasons now. She sat in time out a few minutes then was able to play again. I hate that the girls have these struggles. I hate having to treat them differently than Morgan. I have no choice.

This journey is so hard. It is getting harder in a lot of ways and easier in a few. It is exhausting. I wrestled with God this morning for about 1 1/2 hours before getting out of the bed. I kept hearing, " The joy of the Lord is my strength." I prayed to have joy today. I prayed about Ann's ADD and what to do. I prayed for the future of my family. It worries me sometimes when I think of the future for my family. I worry way too much sometimes about the future of Beth and Ann. I pray that God connects every synapse in their brain and heals their hearts. I questioned God about the journey He has us on. I am tired and behind on everything and I don't feel like I will ever catch up. I am not sure if I can do this. I worry the state won't fulfill the things they have told us. I feel like I have too many hats on my head. I know I can do everything with God. That is the key. He is pushing me to be totally reliant on Him. I need Him more than ever. I am sorry to complain. God has been so good to me and my family. We are blessed to have Beth and Ann in our family. We are blessed to be able to go to the beach this weekend for a short trip. We are blessed to be able to go to Disney during the end of September. (I wouldn't have planned these two weeks apart, but my husband really wanted to go to the beach for his birthday, so we are going.)

Tomorrow is a new day. Today was better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today.

Sorry to complain. I just know that so many of you understand. It is so hard for my local friends to really get. A few are compassionate and helpful. Others are just nosy.

Attention issues

I need suggestions on how to help Ann stayed focused during school. She has been diagnosed with inattentive ADD. She is not taking any medicine. It takes her forever to do her school work. I let her move around, take breaks, work outside, etc. She did tell me today that she used to get in trouble in school for making noises and moving around in her desk to get comfortable. I received a magazine with sensory items to help them. There are so many choices and I am not sure what to choose.

It was suggested that we try an all natural soda called Ze*ia. It is made by Ste*ia. It tastes awful. It has natural caffeine. I was told the ADD meds have caffeine which helps them calm down. She drank a half can this morning. She didn't like the taste at all. It may have helped a little. Is there another natural form to give her?

I feel sorry for her because she wants to be done, but she isn't. She has to finish. My husband took everyone to the pool except her. I hate it, but I don't know what to do to help her. She has a hard time staying focused when I am talking to her one on one.

Things

We have been pretty busy around here. We went to my parent's lake house for two days. Everyone did great. We have a lot of baby talk going on, but gentle reminders and they would be back to their normal voices. I think this must happen when they get insecure or are experiencing something new. I wonder if it is when they are processing and learning things as a younger child. No person argued about wearing life jackets to the pier or boat house, they just wore them. Yea!! We were very happy! The girls rode the tube behind the boat for a long time. The fear is gone. We were talking about how far they have come. Beth was terrified the first time she went behind the boat. This time she was standing on the tube...amazing!! She even fell off and cried a minute and got back on and continued riding. God is so good!!

Morgan's best friend was baptized this morning. What a precious memory!!

The men in the church prayed over all of the single females in the church. They prayed for their husbands and that they would be equally yoked with them. They prayed the girls would be patient and wait on the man God has planned for them. Don't make it happen. It was great!! I am not sure our girls totally understood, but they received it on their level. I wish I had understood this many years ago.

I often feel led to hold them and pray over them as I sing and worship our Lord. It is an amazing time of bonding, healing and being filled each time it happens. I believe God can heal my girls. I believe he is greater than any diagnosis. We serve an amazing God!!

I believe our Consent to Adopt papers are in the mail. Hopefully they will be in our hands this week. If so, I can get them to the attorney and get a court date. I can't wait!!

My heart...

I truly love my girls. I am very proud of how far they have come in the almost five months they have been my daughters. They are improving a little each day. I am questioning about what to share and not to share. I don't want to hurt my girls in any way. Maybe I have messed up. I don't want to be fake at all. If people ask me how things are going, I will be honest. I hope you know my heart is not to hurt my children.

Maturity

Okay...the struggle for the weekend is this...

Beth and Ann, in my opinion, aren't as mature and responsible as an average almost nine year old. Morgan is only nine months older than them but is more responsible and trustworthy. Her decisions do not revolve around what everyone else is doing. She knows the difference between right and wrong and usually makes good choices. Yes, she does make poor choices at times. However, she understands consequences for her actions. I am not sure Beth does. Whatever Morgan does they want to do.

Well, they didn't get to spend the night out last night. Morgan did spend the night away. I didn't hesitate one bit allowing her. Morgan wants to go to camp next summer. She probably won't, but we will consider it. I have already told the girls they will not be going. The girls think whatever she does, they automatically get to do. Well, no. Morgan would do great at an overnight camp. There is no way they are going anywhere overnight without my husband or me.

Morgan was allowed to go in the woods with Alex and a friend today. She is able to get up and down the hill by herself. She needs very little assistance in the woods. Beth asked to go. The answer was no again. We tried that one time and it wasn't a good thing. So, she gets mad and gets in the bed and cries. My husband told her she could choose how to spend her day, in the bed or playing, her choice. I am sorry, but everyone doesn't get to do everything around here.

Beth isn't having a good day. She got in trouble for leaving the door open again. Our power bill was over $500 this month. Ugh!! My husband took everyone swimming. The last time they went swimming she left her new competition goggles somewhere where Reesie, our dog, got them and was chewing them up. They each have a swim bag on a hook in the mud room to put their swim items in. I took them from the dog and put them away. Today she wanted them back. I made her explain why she didn't have them. If the dog has them again she will lose them again. She wasn't a happy camper when she left. I am sure she is sick of me correcting her today. She definately does better during the school week with very strict structure.

I have learned that children which are affected like my girls don't mature at the same pace as children with non alcohol affected brains. My girls just don't act almost nine. I am sure being in the foster system doesn't help either. How do I explain this to them? How do I explain I have to totally trust before they spend the night away? Will they ever get the same opportunities as Morgan? I have to accept that they may not. Children with these issues often take longer to mature and some continue to struggle with cause and effect problems. We shall see....

This calling by God is so exhausting...

Update and incident

I received the info I needed from the geneticist to confirm the diagnosis. Praise God!! I received an email today with dialogue between my state worker and the head of the office of adoption regarding our subsidy and the approval. My worker is on special assignment this week so she won't have time to complete our paperwork until next week sometime. I am happy that we are coming to the end of this phase of the journey. Hopefully, next week, we will get some official paperwork to sign to finalize what has been discussed.

Good news. Ann's auditory processing testing came back normal. I am very happy about this. I believe her problems come from her ADD. I don't want to medicate, if possible, because she isn't hyper. She has a hard time focusing. Beth was tested today and I should receive the results next week.

While we were out of town for Beth to be tested today, we went into a restaurant. The place had just opened because it was only about 10:30. The lady behind the counter was loudly "discussing" with the guy behind the window in the kitched that someone is not taking care of their children and the state should take custody and have them adopted. They keep having children and not providing for them. The man in the kitchen said no matter how many children he has, he will provide for them. When we came in, she looked at us, turned her back to us and continued arguing with the guy. Well, I started getting upset because I was worried how this would affect Beth. She heard the main words, DHR, adoption, not taking care of, take them away. Finally someone else came and took our order. I finished paying and asked Beth to go pick a table. We were the only ones in the place so I was comfortable with her doing this. I then proceeded to tell the lady that she needs to be careful what she is saying with customers in the building. My child is currently being adopted from the foster care system and I didn't appreciate her yelling these things in front of her. She should have stopped as soon as we walked in. She started telling me about her "old man" that keeps having children. I told her I didn't want the story, she just needs to be more considerate. She kept trying to justify and I just kept reminding her that she doesn't know who is listening and who she is affecting as she discusses things in the restaurant.

I went to the table to join Beth. She asked me if the lady knew she was adopted. I told her no. I tried to distract her and talk with her so she wouldn't hear the lady. Obviously it didn't work. She said it reminded her of her BM and BD yelling at each other. It has never crossed my mind that she probably did hear her birth parents talk about them losing their girls and DHR coming to their home, ect. It did bother her. For the first time, I believe I was hurt and offended for her. I explained to her that when my babies are hurt, I also hurt. She said, "and I am your baby." She is getting it. I got upset because I was afraid what the lady was saying would upset her. She did hear and it did bother her. Later the manager came to refill our drinks and I tried to talk with him about what happened. He didn't seem bothered by any of it. I told him that I was always taught to be quiet and pay attention to the customer, not continue a conversation with another employee. People just don't understand good customer service any more. He didn't say much.

The girls are all at a birthday party tonight. My husband and I went to dinner for his 42nd birthday. We had a nice time. I will pick the twins up at 9pm and Morgan will spend the night. They were very excited. I preached all the way there. I have to state every rule or who knows what they might do. I will be anxious to hear how things went.

Maybe...

The doctor just called. I explained what the state wants. He said he would send me an addendum stating this is more than likely what we are dealing with and he would send a brief paragraph about their diagnosis.

I hope this will be what I need. I am praying that God will guide him as he types the letter or dictates it and it will be exactly what we need.

Frustration!

I received the long awaited letter with our diagnosis today. It isn't a complete diagnosis, it is a "maybe" or "possibility" diagnosis. The doctor told me they had it and he was going to send a letter stating that. Now I get this! I called his secretary back and explained the situation. She said she would try to get him to call me. I pray he calls and is understanding in our situation.

I feel as if it is going to appear that I have misrepresented our situation to the state. Lord you know the truth...please reveal it where it needs to be!!

Precious moments!

My girls are in their room taking turns reading the Bible. From what I can tell, they are reading in Genesis. We are also studying that in history. What sweet moments!

Cause and Effect

Okay...so we are having a pretty good day yesterday. Everyone was getting school work done and I was praising Beth for such good work and attitude. I have read that sometimes children of abuse and neglect start acting out after praise. I can't remember why. I overheard Beth and Ann in the kitchen. Ann was emptying the dishwasher. I hear Ann tell Beth in a worried voice to stop and put it back now. I step out of the laundry room and ask what is going on. With a smirk on her face Beth tells me she was going to try to twirl the knife on her fingers like Zach and Cody. OH MY GOODNESS!!! By the way, it was one of the largest knives in the drawer. I was not happy to say the least. I believe she thought they really did that on the show. Thank goodness Ann stopped her. Later she was trying to get Ann with the can opener. Maybe I could have brushed that off as a five year old acting thing if the first incident with the knife hadn't happened. The worst part is that when I asked her if she knew why I was concerned about her choices she said that if she got hurt before the adoption was final, they would take them away. I didn't know what to say to this. She had an okay night, but was in trouble with attitude first thing this morning. She had to write Philippians 2:14 in her best handwriting 10 times before lunch. "Do all things without murmurings and disputings." She completed the task and has been okay the rest of the day. We are headed to the soccer field tonight for Alex's tryouts. I have never had to worry about Morgan playing with others. I will have to have a watchful eye with Beth and Ann. What a day!

I spoke to the geneticist this morning. Still no letter with the diagnosis. They say I should have it by Thursday. I will email it to the state that day also. I am ready to get this thing finalized!!

Is there an actual contract you add things into? How does this work?

Weekend

We had a pretty good weekend. I attended the conference Thursday. My husband and the other three children came to my parents Friday morning. We had a large family get together Saturday so everyone could meet the girls and my brother's precious new baby girl. It went pretty well. The girls reverted back a little to their insecure voices but behaved well. Overall, they did very well. They appear to be attaching and becoming a little more secure everyday.

We are ready to start another school week tomorrow. I am excited because we only have one doctor appt this week and one couselor appt. We also extra classes for the boys, dance for the girls, scouts for the boys, and piano for two kids. We haven't even started piano for the twins and swim team for the fall yet.

I am hoping the state will move quickly so we can get this adoption final!! It sounds like it may be soon. I am going to contact the attorney so he can make sure he has the ball rolling on his end. Any suggestions on how to move this along quickly? I am not sure what the process is with the court system.