How can one child break her glasses so many times? The girls played outside today in the warmer weather. One sweet child comes in and realizes her glasses are broken and she only has one lens. How does this go unnoticed while playing outside?
I don't even want to count how many times her glasses have been replaced or repaired this year.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Merry Christmas!!!
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!!
(By the way, we are dressed like this because we were going to a funeral.)
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Adoption Support Group
We have a great group of people in our adoption support group. We have about 7 families that are regular attendees. For December, we had a Christmas Party and dinner. It was fun for everyone!!
All four of the younger kids enjoyed working on their houses. We made pine cone and peanut butter bird feeders and star ornaments. We also had a fun time playing SANTA bingo and winning fun prizes.
Haylee loves working on anything artistic like this. She focused on her house for a long time. As you can see, she did a great job!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Fight or Flight
I haven't posted in a long time because I have had a lot of things on my heart and mind. I struggle with what to share and not to share.
Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong. She is in trouble, to put it plainly. While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change. During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow". She never has. I have been waiting for it to come. Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat. We were in a hotel type room. I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys. Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters. Haylee and I both asked her not to tell. Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask. She gave in to be accepted by these girls. Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again. I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be. Haylee's were normal.
So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response. Wow! I looked it up and they are correct. So, now to we call this PTSD? So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom. It seems to happen over big and small things. When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure. Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much. However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?
I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me. I am questioning the way I parent. How I handle her and on and on...
Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD. Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child? She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies?
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes?
She is making more and more choices against our rules. She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something. For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy." "I have already opened it." I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy." The next few seconds and she is eating her candy. Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window. We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.
How do you handle these type incidences? I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.
Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong. She is in trouble, to put it plainly. While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change. During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow". She never has. I have been waiting for it to come. Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat. We were in a hotel type room. I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys. Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters. Haylee and I both asked her not to tell. Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask. She gave in to be accepted by these girls. Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again. I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be. Haylee's were normal.
So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response. Wow! I looked it up and they are correct. So, now to we call this PTSD? So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom. It seems to happen over big and small things. When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure. Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much. However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?
I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me. I am questioning the way I parent. How I handle her and on and on...
Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD. Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child? She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies?
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes?
She is making more and more choices against our rules. She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something. For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy." "I have already opened it." I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy." The next few seconds and she is eating her candy. Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window. We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.
How do you handle these type incidences? I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving
I am very excited that we are out of school until Monday!! Yeah!!
I am very thankful for my family and each of my children. God has created each of them in a unique way. No two are alike and they each have their own giftings. We pray that we can help our children discover who God created them each to be.
God has truly blessed our family!!
I was making dressing last night and the girls wanted to help. I was so happy at the successes Hannah had in the kitchen. (Haylee ended up not helping, but Morgan did.) She was able to get 1/4 cup of butter and melt it for me. She was able to measure 1/2 cup of milk. She also cracked an egg into a bowl for me. (This is big because the last two times she has almost put the egg in the trash instead of the bowl.) Anyway, I reminded her of how much she has learned over the last year. I told her that I remember when she didn't know what a measuring cup was or even where to get the eggs. She tried to get me to do the tasks for her at first, but I encouraged her that she could do it by herself and she did!! I am so pleased with how far they have come in the 1 year and 8 months they have been in our family!
We have had a rough week. I believe Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for them. I was talking with a friend about the struggles and she reminded me that it was difficult last Thanksgiving also. They both are testing the rules and boundaries. We have made it through the week, but some days weren't fun. They are learning, I hope, that our boundaries always stay the same. They aren't a moving target.
We are headed to my sister in laws for one night for Thanksgiving. They have never been to their house. We are taking blow up beds so they can sleep near us. I can tell already Hannah is anxious about the trip. It is the little things that only a parent would notice. She packed what I told her not to pack and had to repack. She has the stressed lines on her head. I hope she can get regulated before we leave. The girls are outside playing with Play**doh now. Hopefully that will help her.
I am focusing on my responses to all of my children. I am being reminded through our Adoption Support Group and a book I just finished that we can sometimes difuse a negative situation by our response. If we don't get into the cycle with them, sometimes it can be stopped. Not always, but sometimes. Basically, we need to stay regulated to help them. I have been thinking about this a lot based on the struggles we have had the last few weeks.
I believe we are in a new season around here. We are hitting a new level of testing and emotions. God knows where we have been and where we are going. He knows what we need and when. I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my journey without God. We sure are blessed!!
I am very thankful for my family and each of my children. God has created each of them in a unique way. No two are alike and they each have their own giftings. We pray that we can help our children discover who God created them each to be.
God has truly blessed our family!!
I was making dressing last night and the girls wanted to help. I was so happy at the successes Hannah had in the kitchen. (Haylee ended up not helping, but Morgan did.) She was able to get 1/4 cup of butter and melt it for me. She was able to measure 1/2 cup of milk. She also cracked an egg into a bowl for me. (This is big because the last two times she has almost put the egg in the trash instead of the bowl.) Anyway, I reminded her of how much she has learned over the last year. I told her that I remember when she didn't know what a measuring cup was or even where to get the eggs. She tried to get me to do the tasks for her at first, but I encouraged her that she could do it by herself and she did!! I am so pleased with how far they have come in the 1 year and 8 months they have been in our family!
We have had a rough week. I believe Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for them. I was talking with a friend about the struggles and she reminded me that it was difficult last Thanksgiving also. They both are testing the rules and boundaries. We have made it through the week, but some days weren't fun. They are learning, I hope, that our boundaries always stay the same. They aren't a moving target.
We are headed to my sister in laws for one night for Thanksgiving. They have never been to their house. We are taking blow up beds so they can sleep near us. I can tell already Hannah is anxious about the trip. It is the little things that only a parent would notice. She packed what I told her not to pack and had to repack. She has the stressed lines on her head. I hope she can get regulated before we leave. The girls are outside playing with Play**doh now. Hopefully that will help her.
I am focusing on my responses to all of my children. I am being reminded through our Adoption Support Group and a book I just finished that we can sometimes difuse a negative situation by our response. If we don't get into the cycle with them, sometimes it can be stopped. Not always, but sometimes. Basically, we need to stay regulated to help them. I have been thinking about this a lot based on the struggles we have had the last few weeks.
I believe we are in a new season around here. We are hitting a new level of testing and emotions. God knows where we have been and where we are going. He knows what we need and when. I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my journey without God. We sure are blessed!!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Anger
We are dealing with anger around here. We are trying to find healthy ways for Hannah to release her anger.
I have talked to a counselor we met with prior to finalization and she suggested a few things. She is going to visit our home in early December and meet with each girl alone. This is definitely a new season for all of us. I am remaining calm and trying to love her through her anger. After we discuss the issue, I reassure her that she is safe and secure in our family. She will not be moved again. She is in our family forever. We will love her no matter what she does. She can't make us stop loving her and being her parents. Sometimes this will bring tears to her eyes and sometimes you can see her body relax. I have to remain focused for this to be successful. She is going to have to stay close to me again for awhile. I need this to keep a watchful eye on her and I think she needs this for security.
I have wondered today is she if "fake" to me and her "real" self when I am not around. She knows what not to do in front of me, but does it when I leave the room. This is becoming more and more common.
Her anger is becoming the bottom line for problems lately. She gets mad and doesn't even care about the consequences. Her cause and effect struggles also come into play at this point also.
I am praying that God will heal her hurt places.
I have talked to a counselor we met with prior to finalization and she suggested a few things. She is going to visit our home in early December and meet with each girl alone. This is definitely a new season for all of us. I am remaining calm and trying to love her through her anger. After we discuss the issue, I reassure her that she is safe and secure in our family. She will not be moved again. She is in our family forever. We will love her no matter what she does. She can't make us stop loving her and being her parents. Sometimes this will bring tears to her eyes and sometimes you can see her body relax. I have to remain focused for this to be successful. She is going to have to stay close to me again for awhile. I need this to keep a watchful eye on her and I think she needs this for security.
I have wondered today is she if "fake" to me and her "real" self when I am not around. She knows what not to do in front of me, but does it when I leave the room. This is becoming more and more common.
Her anger is becoming the bottom line for problems lately. She gets mad and doesn't even care about the consequences. Her cause and effect struggles also come into play at this point also.
I am praying that God will heal her hurt places.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Today
We had an okay day today. Hannah had an orthodontist appointment and Tucker had an appointment, both an hour away. Poor Hannah's took two hours. They were placing a new appliance in her mouth and it was very difficult. Her mouth is so tiny that is was very difficult. Both girls have little mouths and have had to wear an expander. Anyway, she hung in there and finished the appointment. She was very quiet the rest of the day and asked her multiple times if she was okay and she said she was fine. I hope she really is okay.
It was a loooong day. We left before 8 am and we got home at about 3:30 and we raced in to see if we good be back in the car in ten minutes for swim team and dance. They made it!! It was fun trying. Everyone worked together and succeeded!!
We are trying Hannah on a very low dosage of meds. We aren't really seeing any difference yet. We really didn't expect to until we increase them later in the week. We are trying to help eliminate some of her focus issues due to being so hyper vigilant with what others are doing and not paying attention to what she is doing. Her school work suffers and she gets really frustrated and shuts down. It is a downhill spiral from there. It may or may not help.
It was a loooong day. We left before 8 am and we got home at about 3:30 and we raced in to see if we good be back in the car in ten minutes for swim team and dance. They made it!! It was fun trying. Everyone worked together and succeeded!!
We are trying Hannah on a very low dosage of meds. We aren't really seeing any difference yet. We really didn't expect to until we increase them later in the week. We are trying to help eliminate some of her focus issues due to being so hyper vigilant with what others are doing and not paying attention to what she is doing. Her school work suffers and she gets really frustrated and shuts down. It is a downhill spiral from there. It may or may not help.
Alex's Deer
Alex shot his first deer today. The pictures tell it all. They didn't have much luck last year, so maybe since we have started off well, they will have a good season.
Friday, November 11, 2011
A New Day
I am thankful that God gives us a new day to start over! Today is going to be a better day! I usually try to whisper when I am correcting the children. The girls (all three of them) seem to respond better to this. Sometimes, I think it frustrates them because I choose not to raise my voice. It definitely helps keep me calmer as well.
For their birthday, a friend of Haylee and Hannah's gave them each a day to play at her house and eat their favorite things. Hannah is going today and Haylee is going tomorrow. They are very excited. Some of their homeschool friends also swim on the swim team with them. They are developing sweet friendships with them. My heart was warmed the other day when we pulled up to class and some of the girls came running to see them. They wanted to know if they were going to swim team after class. Their mom told me they couldn't wait to get to class and see them. I am happy they are developing their own friendships. Things should go okay at the friends because they will each have one on one time with their friend for a day.
For their birthday, a friend of Haylee and Hannah's gave them each a day to play at her house and eat their favorite things. Hannah is going today and Haylee is going tomorrow. They are very excited. Some of their homeschool friends also swim on the swim team with them. They are developing sweet friendships with them. My heart was warmed the other day when we pulled up to class and some of the girls came running to see them. They wanted to know if they were going to swim team after class. Their mom told me they couldn't wait to get to class and see them. I am happy they are developing their own friendships. Things should go okay at the friends because they will each have one on one time with their friend for a day.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
I really blew it...
Tonight, I blew it. I lost my temper and was ugly to Haylee. It has been a rough few days around here and lost it tonight. It was the final straw. I said some things I shouldn't have. I am not sure why it happened. I was upset at myself as soon as it happened. My husband is out of town tonight because he has a meeting tomorrow three hours away. We try to keep each other pretty calm. I called him as soon as the incident was over. He didn't say anything. I knew I was wrong and he knew it. I acted like a selfish child.
Thanks goodness Jesus has shed His blood for us and we are forgiven.
I climbed up in the bed with Haylee and asked for her forgiveness. We cuddled and talked for a long time. I told her that mommy's make mistakes just like kids and we have to ask for forgiveness. I told her that that isn't how a mommy should act. I said I am not proud of it at all. She said she forgave me. Something bad turned into something very precious that I won't ever forget. I don't think she will either. We had a very sweet bonding conversation. She opened up to me about things that happened with her birth parents and the aunt and uncle that she lived with. She told me again that the aunt and uncle were very rich. She told me about all of the toys that they used to get at Christmas. I reminded her that trust, love and commitment are more important than toys. I don't think she realized they made the choice not to keep them. She thought DHR wouldn't let them. I gently told her that they made the choice, not DHR.
I am sorry to say, but the way I acted probably brought back some not so good memories for her. It hurts to write these things, but I am being brutally honest. I am a sinner and make mistakes too often, unfortunately. However, I asked for forgiveness from God and then from Haylee. I believe that we must allow our children to see us make mistakes and show them the correct way to repent. I felt much better after I repented to God and Haylee and was forgiven. I also apologized to the other children because they did witness some of it.
I was able to share with Haylee a sign the DHR worker received on the way home from the staffing when they matched us with the girls. She was driving home and praying the God would give her a sign that she made the right choice for girls. She went around a curve and saw a billboard that said, "Dentist." Well, my husband is a dentist. She took that as a confirmation that she had done the right thing. Haylee told me she loves how God works things out. She is so joyful!!
I love my children so much!! I am so blessed!! I owe every bit of it to God!!
Tomorrow is a new day...
Thanks goodness Jesus has shed His blood for us and we are forgiven.
I climbed up in the bed with Haylee and asked for her forgiveness. We cuddled and talked for a long time. I told her that mommy's make mistakes just like kids and we have to ask for forgiveness. I told her that that isn't how a mommy should act. I said I am not proud of it at all. She said she forgave me. Something bad turned into something very precious that I won't ever forget. I don't think she will either. We had a very sweet bonding conversation. She opened up to me about things that happened with her birth parents and the aunt and uncle that she lived with. She told me again that the aunt and uncle were very rich. She told me about all of the toys that they used to get at Christmas. I reminded her that trust, love and commitment are more important than toys. I don't think she realized they made the choice not to keep them. She thought DHR wouldn't let them. I gently told her that they made the choice, not DHR.
I am sorry to say, but the way I acted probably brought back some not so good memories for her. It hurts to write these things, but I am being brutally honest. I am a sinner and make mistakes too often, unfortunately. However, I asked for forgiveness from God and then from Haylee. I believe that we must allow our children to see us make mistakes and show them the correct way to repent. I felt much better after I repented to God and Haylee and was forgiven. I also apologized to the other children because they did witness some of it.
I was able to share with Haylee a sign the DHR worker received on the way home from the staffing when they matched us with the girls. She was driving home and praying the God would give her a sign that she made the right choice for girls. She went around a curve and saw a billboard that said, "Dentist." Well, my husband is a dentist. She took that as a confirmation that she had done the right thing. Haylee told me she loves how God works things out. She is so joyful!!
I love my children so much!! I am so blessed!! I owe every bit of it to God!!
Tomorrow is a new day...
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Not a fun day...
One little girl and I haven't had a fun day today. Let me back up a little bit...
My husband and I went to Scottsdale, Arizona this past weekend for a meeting. We left Thursday morning and returned Sunday. I began talking to the kids early in the week about our trip. They would ask questions about who, where and why and I would answer all of them. My husband's parents came and stayed with them for the weekend. We were very up front with the kids about the same rules apply while we were gone, etc, etc. THE KIDS DID GREAT!!! We are so happy and proud of them.
They went to my husband's office Monday for some dental work. They reverted big time! They majorly talked like babies. He said it hasn't been that bad in a long time. He corrected them there, but it was also dealt with at home. They were sent to bed early that night and also aren't allowed to participate in an event for their age children that they were looking forward too. We have worked so hard at stopping the baby talk, that we were both surprised when it came back so heavily. I am sure it was because we were gone for the weekend. We did gently correct it Sunday night when we returned, so we weren't as gentle Monday.
Well, of course the fall happens after you return. It hasn't been totally horrible, but one child has struggled more than the others.
I was discouraged Monday thinking what am I doing wrong. She was fine with my in-laws while we were gone. What am I doing to cause the reactions? I called her and asked if I handled something okay. It was regarding if you fail a test after trying two times (computer history) then shouldn't you retake the four lessons that the test covers again? I thought is was a simple question, but I wanted to make sure.
Anyway, Tuesday was a little more trying. Today was even worse. We had some anger flaring at siblings, we couldn't figure out how long a line is with a ruler, etc. I think she shut down today.
She also made a very poor choice in purchasing something while I was gone this weekend from a sibling. In the past, we have reversed the deal when it was unfair. However, this time we let it stand. She said she had the money and wanted it, so she bought it. The item was worth maybe 50 cents.
Long story short, the girls have been in our home 1 year and 7 months. I am beginning to see more and more issues from attachment and fetal alcohol effects and/or the genetic learning disablitlies from one twin. I was hoping and praying we wouldn't have to deal with some of these major issues. The girls have come soooo far! I don't want you to get me wrong. One sweet daughter really struggles with making good choices and cause and effect. I am sad about this again today. I am going to have to read up on some of these issues again to see what I need to do differently.
My husband and I went to Scottsdale, Arizona this past weekend for a meeting. We left Thursday morning and returned Sunday. I began talking to the kids early in the week about our trip. They would ask questions about who, where and why and I would answer all of them. My husband's parents came and stayed with them for the weekend. We were very up front with the kids about the same rules apply while we were gone, etc, etc. THE KIDS DID GREAT!!! We are so happy and proud of them.
They went to my husband's office Monday for some dental work. They reverted big time! They majorly talked like babies. He said it hasn't been that bad in a long time. He corrected them there, but it was also dealt with at home. They were sent to bed early that night and also aren't allowed to participate in an event for their age children that they were looking forward too. We have worked so hard at stopping the baby talk, that we were both surprised when it came back so heavily. I am sure it was because we were gone for the weekend. We did gently correct it Sunday night when we returned, so we weren't as gentle Monday.
Well, of course the fall happens after you return. It hasn't been totally horrible, but one child has struggled more than the others.
I was discouraged Monday thinking what am I doing wrong. She was fine with my in-laws while we were gone. What am I doing to cause the reactions? I called her and asked if I handled something okay. It was regarding if you fail a test after trying two times (computer history) then shouldn't you retake the four lessons that the test covers again? I thought is was a simple question, but I wanted to make sure.
Anyway, Tuesday was a little more trying. Today was even worse. We had some anger flaring at siblings, we couldn't figure out how long a line is with a ruler, etc. I think she shut down today.
She also made a very poor choice in purchasing something while I was gone this weekend from a sibling. In the past, we have reversed the deal when it was unfair. However, this time we let it stand. She said she had the money and wanted it, so she bought it. The item was worth maybe 50 cents.
Long story short, the girls have been in our home 1 year and 7 months. I am beginning to see more and more issues from attachment and fetal alcohol effects and/or the genetic learning disablitlies from one twin. I was hoping and praying we wouldn't have to deal with some of these major issues. The girls have come soooo far! I don't want you to get me wrong. One sweet daughter really struggles with making good choices and cause and effect. I am sad about this again today. I am going to have to read up on some of these issues again to see what I need to do differently.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Jabbering...
As I sit here checking in on blogs I follow...all I hear is jabbering from both girls...they don't sound like ten year olds. One is sitting on the couch and one is loading the dishwasher. I just try to ignore it. I realize this is part of their growing up, making up for missed years.
I am taking the twins to a fall festival tonight at a friend's church. Their girls are 1 and 4 1/2. They will love it. They have fun playing with the four year old.
Morgan is at a friend's house this afternoon. She was given a choice of the fall festival or going to her friend's house. My husband and I both think she seems sad like something is wrong. I tried to talk with her and didn't get anywhere. Tucker said my husband also talked to her and didn't get anything either. Please pray for her. This is been a difficult journey for her. She loves it most of the time, but things are so different than they would have been. Maybe she just needs time away. The three girls played together all day yesterday.
The boys are going fishing with my husband again this afternoon.
I am taking the twins to a fall festival tonight at a friend's church. Their girls are 1 and 4 1/2. They will love it. They have fun playing with the four year old.
Morgan is at a friend's house this afternoon. She was given a choice of the fall festival or going to her friend's house. My husband and I both think she seems sad like something is wrong. I tried to talk with her and didn't get anywhere. Tucker said my husband also talked to her and didn't get anything either. Please pray for her. This is been a difficult journey for her. She loves it most of the time, but things are so different than they would have been. Maybe she just needs time away. The three girls played together all day yesterday.
The boys are going fishing with my husband again this afternoon.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Tea Party
The boys went to the woods this morning to do "guy" things. So, the girls had a tea party. They had a grand time. It always stretches me to be creative for this type of thing. Well, I believe it was a success and they seemed to enjoy the fun. I will let the pictures show you what we did.
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| Dessert! All in all, it was a fun way to have lunch with my girls! |
Friday, October 28, 2011
Trust
I am stuck. I am not sure I handled a situation properly. I am not sure what to do next.
We were cleaning out toys and stuff in the girls room. They all three share a room, so we have to clean out frequently to keep a path through the room. We went in the attic to get some toys down. We were trying to give away things since the girls just had a birthday and Christmas in coming. We found a baggie with some beads with letters and shapes and some strings to make bracelets or necklaces. Morgan says they belong to her and Hannah says they belong to her. What do I do? Hannah has been in trouble for not being honest lately. I asked her how I could trust that she is telling the truth? She said she isn't lying. She says they are hers. How do I know who they belong too?
We were cleaning out toys and stuff in the girls room. They all three share a room, so we have to clean out frequently to keep a path through the room. We went in the attic to get some toys down. We were trying to give away things since the girls just had a birthday and Christmas in coming. We found a baggie with some beads with letters and shapes and some strings to make bracelets or necklaces. Morgan says they belong to her and Hannah says they belong to her. What do I do? Hannah has been in trouble for not being honest lately. I asked her how I could trust that she is telling the truth? She said she isn't lying. She says they are hers. How do I know who they belong too?
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Swim Meet Weekend
I forgot to say that Tucker placed 3rh overall in his age group and Alex placed 5th overall. They were both in the Boys 13-14 division. I am proud of them!
Also, somehow this picture of Hannah didn't make it when posting pictures. She is waiting for her turn to swim.
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We had a really long weekend this weekend. We left the house Saturday and Sunday mornings before sunup and returned home after sundown. Overall, we had a great weekend. The girls competed in the swim meet in the mornings and the boys in the afternoon because of their ages.
They all did very well. Haylee and Hannah both completed each race and improved their times. They completed some very long races. I was very proud of them. They did the best they good and didn't complain. Because of their short stature most of the nine and 10 girls in their division are much taller than they are which means they automatically take fewer strokes to swim the same distance. They each swam the 200 free, which is eight links of freestyle, and the 100 Fly which is four links of butterfly. I probably wouldn't be able to complete either one.
Alex aged up to Tucker's category right before the meet. They were neck in neck in many races. Alex caught Tucker one time. The other races Tucker won by seconds. Once Alex hits his big growth spurt, he may just catch Tucker.
Morgan did super this weekend. This girl has decided she is ready to get down to business and compete. She won first in the girls 9-10 year old division. They swim 10 races in two days and the girl with the most points wins the high point trophy. Well, she did it!! I was very proud of her. Even though I am proud of her winning, I am proud proud of what the mother of the 2nd place winner told me. Morgan beat her daughter by one point. It came down to the last two races. She told me that after the last race, Morgan went and spoke to her daughter and told her it was a good race. Wow, the heart is what matters more than winning any competition. I thanked her for letting me know she told her daughter that and thanked the Lord immediately for the heart Morgan has. I don't want any of my children to be arrogant or prideful. I would rather them lose than to be ugly to anyone. I am so glad what we are trying to teach is sticking!
Also, somehow this picture of Hannah didn't make it when posting pictures. She is waiting for her turn to swim.
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We had a really long weekend this weekend. We left the house Saturday and Sunday mornings before sunup and returned home after sundown. Overall, we had a great weekend. The girls competed in the swim meet in the mornings and the boys in the afternoon because of their ages.
They all did very well. Haylee and Hannah both completed each race and improved their times. They completed some very long races. I was very proud of them. They did the best they good and didn't complain. Because of their short stature most of the nine and 10 girls in their division are much taller than they are which means they automatically take fewer strokes to swim the same distance. They each swam the 200 free, which is eight links of freestyle, and the 100 Fly which is four links of butterfly. I probably wouldn't be able to complete either one.
Alex aged up to Tucker's category right before the meet. They were neck in neck in many races. Alex caught Tucker one time. The other races Tucker won by seconds. Once Alex hits his big growth spurt, he may just catch Tucker.
Morgan did super this weekend. This girl has decided she is ready to get down to business and compete. She won first in the girls 9-10 year old division. They swim 10 races in two days and the girl with the most points wins the high point trophy. Well, she did it!! I was very proud of her. Even though I am proud of her winning, I am proud proud of what the mother of the 2nd place winner told me. Morgan beat her daughter by one point. It came down to the last two races. She told me that after the last race, Morgan went and spoke to her daughter and told her it was a good race. Wow, the heart is what matters more than winning any competition. I thanked her for letting me know she told her daughter that and thanked the Lord immediately for the heart Morgan has. I don't want any of my children to be arrogant or prideful. I would rather them lose than to be ugly to anyone. I am so glad what we are trying to teach is sticking!
Morgan, Haylee and Hannah and their wonderful swim coach.
Haylee waiting to swim.
Last minute advice from the coach before Haylee swims.
Morgan preparing to swim.
I guess we didn't take any pictures of the boys this weekend. Sorry guys! We will catch you next time!
Morgan waiting to get her trophy.
Morgan and her coach with her 1st place trophy.
Friday, October 21, 2011
One year ago today
One year ago today we finalized the adoption of Haylee and Hannah. We were going to go out to eat to celebrate the day, but Hannah has really struggled the last few days and it all culminated today. She has been moody the last few days. She started ugly with Morgan this morning, then was in trouble for smart mouthing me shortly after. Thank goodness my husband was in the room and her both incidents. He corrected her for speaking ugly to me. Our day continued. We worked on school and met some homeschool families at the park for a play day. It was a beautiful to spend outside with friends.
Anyway, we got home and she got mad at Haylee and hunted her down to take it out on her. Haylee asked her why she was hitting her. She felt like she was doing no wrong by hitting her. Needless to say, that is not acceptable behaviour by anyone in our home. My husband took care of the issue. I was relieved I wasn't having to handle it this time. She will be writing her scripture instead of playing at the swim meet tomorrow.
We decided since she wasn't handling the day well, not to make a big deal about the day. I feel like the day they moved into our home is more special to me. Also, we just celebrated their birthdays. I really don't think it is good for them to have these two days so close together. April 6th is the day they moved in and may be a better day to celebrate.
What are other adoptive parents thoughts?
Anyway, we got home and she got mad at Haylee and hunted her down to take it out on her. Haylee asked her why she was hitting her. She felt like she was doing no wrong by hitting her. Needless to say, that is not acceptable behaviour by anyone in our home. My husband took care of the issue. I was relieved I wasn't having to handle it this time. She will be writing her scripture instead of playing at the swim meet tomorrow.
We decided since she wasn't handling the day well, not to make a big deal about the day. I feel like the day they moved into our home is more special to me. Also, we just celebrated their birthdays. I really don't think it is good for them to have these two days so close together. April 6th is the day they moved in and may be a better day to celebrate.
What are other adoptive parents thoughts?
Great News!
The doctor appointment went very well. The girls have each grown about 1 1/2 inches since early March. They calculate that to be about 6cm per year. At that growth rate, we hope they will each reach 5 ft tall and we shouldn't need to discuss growth hormone testing. I am so glad I followed my instinct (God) and asked them on our first appointment to delay growth hormone testing. I asked them to give her time in her forever home to see if it makes a difference and it definitely has helped.
Haylee has always been about 1 1/2 inches taller than Hannah, so she will probably end up a little taller. Hannah has caught her in weight. Hannah was 47 inches and 47 pounds. Haylee was 48 1/2 inches tall and 48 pounds. I am very proud of how they are doing. We focus a lot on how they eat. We always make sure they have a protein of some sort. They exercise plenty between dance and swim team. We always try to make sure they get plenty of "good" sleep. Hannah struggles with this more than Haylee because of her nightmares. She told me to continue having them drink Carn*ation Instant Break*fast in the mornings with their milk. She said that is actually what their nutritionist recommends.
Also, we don't have to see her again for a year. They will probably redo the bone growth x-ray at that point. They will just be turning eleven and may be getting close to puberty based on their bone age.
God is so good!!
Also, I think I passed day one even with traveling and going to the doctor. One daughter even exclaimed at dinner, "That's not fair!!!" and I kept my cool! I was pretty pleased with myself.
Haylee has always been about 1 1/2 inches taller than Hannah, so she will probably end up a little taller. Hannah has caught her in weight. Hannah was 47 inches and 47 pounds. Haylee was 48 1/2 inches tall and 48 pounds. I am very proud of how they are doing. We focus a lot on how they eat. We always make sure they have a protein of some sort. They exercise plenty between dance and swim team. We always try to make sure they get plenty of "good" sleep. Hannah struggles with this more than Haylee because of her nightmares. She told me to continue having them drink Carn*ation Instant Break*fast in the mornings with their milk. She said that is actually what their nutritionist recommends.
Also, we don't have to see her again for a year. They will probably redo the bone growth x-ray at that point. They will just be turning eleven and may be getting close to puberty based on their bone age.
God is so good!!
Also, I think I passed day one even with traveling and going to the doctor. One daughter even exclaimed at dinner, "That's not fair!!!" and I kept my cool! I was pretty pleased with myself.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Doctor Appointment
We are about to leave for a doctor appointment about 3 hours away. I am praying for growth! I am hoping today will be a better day.to say, I love Hannah dearly. She is a great girl! I feel like I am so negative about her sometimes. She reminds me so much of Morgan when she was younger. Morgan has turned into a sweet, beautiful young lady.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tomorrow is Day 1, again.
I did so well this morning. I didn't lose my temper. I tried to work with Hannah two different times on grammar and stopped both times so I would not get negative with her. She just wants to be finished and will say whatever, without thinking at all. I stayed neutral with her. I have to have very little emotion to succeed at this. I think she struggled this morning because I was refusing the battle.
Well, they have classes this afternoon. They loaded their swim things and were getting in the car. A little incident occurred and Morgan was hit in the head by the large tailgate on my Sequoia. I am sure it hurt. She came back in crying. We were trying to get out the door so I kissed her head, gave her a hug and we were getting to head out the door when in walks Hannah. I asked why she wasn't in the car and she said she didn't know she was suppose to be. I not so nicely told her she knew she was suppose to be in the car and better get back in. We loaded up and headed out.
I talked Hannah back through the sequence of events leading up to why she was loading up her swim items and getting in the car to go to class. She agreed with everything I said. I asked her why she told me she didn't know she was suppose to be in the car. She said she didn't know. Ugh!! She just told me she did!!!
We went over the events three times before she admitted that she knew she was suppose to be in the car when she told me she didn't know.
About the end of the second time with her telling me she didn't know to get in the car, I lost it. I wasn't friendly anymore. I wasn't necessarily negative in words, but my tone wasn't good.
I don't handle it well when they aren't truthful. She finally said she came in the check on Morgan. That would have been okay. I still would have sent her back to the car, but she wouldn't have been in trouble.
I was so upset and frustrated I stopped at my husbands office on the way to class. He just shook his head when I told him what happened. I asked what I should do. He gently reminded me that I am trying so hard to act positive and neutral that the enemy is going to try to steal my joy and destroy my good intentions. He succeeded. I ended up hurting Hannah and I am totally discouraged.
God is still in control. I am learning a lot about myself in this attitude challenge. I find I don't like the way I act sometimes. This is even more difficult because I want to do it very well, not just halfway.
I will try to finish the day well and start over tomorrow.
Well, they have classes this afternoon. They loaded their swim things and were getting in the car. A little incident occurred and Morgan was hit in the head by the large tailgate on my Sequoia. I am sure it hurt. She came back in crying. We were trying to get out the door so I kissed her head, gave her a hug and we were getting to head out the door when in walks Hannah. I asked why she wasn't in the car and she said she didn't know she was suppose to be. I not so nicely told her she knew she was suppose to be in the car and better get back in. We loaded up and headed out.
I talked Hannah back through the sequence of events leading up to why she was loading up her swim items and getting in the car to go to class. She agreed with everything I said. I asked her why she told me she didn't know she was suppose to be in the car. She said she didn't know. Ugh!! She just told me she did!!!
We went over the events three times before she admitted that she knew she was suppose to be in the car when she told me she didn't know.
About the end of the second time with her telling me she didn't know to get in the car, I lost it. I wasn't friendly anymore. I wasn't necessarily negative in words, but my tone wasn't good.
I don't handle it well when they aren't truthful. She finally said she came in the check on Morgan. That would have been okay. I still would have sent her back to the car, but she wouldn't have been in trouble.
I was so upset and frustrated I stopped at my husbands office on the way to class. He just shook his head when I told him what happened. I asked what I should do. He gently reminded me that I am trying so hard to act positive and neutral that the enemy is going to try to steal my joy and destroy my good intentions. He succeeded. I ended up hurting Hannah and I am totally discouraged.
God is still in control. I am learning a lot about myself in this attitude challenge. I find I don't like the way I act sometimes. This is even more difficult because I want to do it very well, not just halfway.
I will try to finish the day well and start over tomorrow.
Almost blew it...
but didn't. I was working on math with Haylee and Hannah. Hannah often gets mad at me when I tell her a problem is not correct. Today we were working through some problems together. She put an answer and I told her it wasn't correct. She started the, "but Momma's" with me. I knew she was getting mad at me. I started helping Haylee and ignored her. Eventually, she changed her answer to the correct one. I told her it was correct. I then asked her who she was mad at when I told her it was incorrect. She said she was mad at me. I told her that it isn't right for her to be mad at me when she can't figure out an answer. I kept my big girl panties on and stayed calm. Neither one of us got upset, we just discussed that it isn't me that doesn't know the answer and is frustrated, it is her.
It is definitely a happier place since I stayed calm and didn't get negative. We discussed it and moved on.
God is so good!!
It is definitely a happier place since I stayed calm and didn't get negative. We discussed it and moved on.
God is so good!!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Today
Well, I did better today. It wasn't perfect, but everything I said, I evaluated. I am not sure if today was good enough to call Day 1 or not. That is okay because I just want to keep improving.
We had doctor appointments out of town today. All five kids went with me. We went in to the large pet store. The girls wanted to look at the hamsters and birds. The place was empty because it was 10:30am on a school day. I left them looking as the boys and I went to get dog food. We were only gone a few minutes and when we returned, Hannah was trying to open the door to get inside the booth behind the glass where the animals are kept. I couldn't believe it. When asked why,of course she said she wanted to go in there. (Duh, Mom, what a stupid question.) Well, I can say,I didn't lecture or lose my temper. I said that is not a good decision for a ten year old. You will hold my hand and stay next to me the rest of the day. I have heard other blog friends do this, but I have never actually made any of them hold my hand for a long period of time.
Well, she thought it was okay at first. However, we went into a large shoe store next. She discovered it was no fun to be stuck to Mom like glue when the other girls are looking around. (They were within my sight also.) I wasn't negative or ugly. I just made her hold my hand. We left the store and went to eat lunch. I made her get out of the car and hold my hand. She had to sit by me and not choose her seat. This is a big deal for her because she always wants to pick where she sits. It is a control thing with her. During the meal, I had to go to the restroom, so she had to go with me. We survived and did okay. I think it made an impression on her.
I was excited because I contained my emotions even though I couldn't believe what she was trying to do at the pet store. I may be using this form of discipline more with her because it worked well for both of us.
I guess I have finished with Day 1. It may not have been perfect, but I prayed a lot for guidance and understanding towards my girls. I think I did much better than the day before. It is like I tell my children, I tried hard and improved. Tomorrow is a new day.
How is everyone else doing?
However, homeschooling makes this a very interesting challenge. We were out of town most of the day today. I am anxious to see what tomorrow hold for all of us.
We had doctor appointments out of town today. All five kids went with me. We went in to the large pet store. The girls wanted to look at the hamsters and birds. The place was empty because it was 10:30am on a school day. I left them looking as the boys and I went to get dog food. We were only gone a few minutes and when we returned, Hannah was trying to open the door to get inside the booth behind the glass where the animals are kept. I couldn't believe it. When asked why,of course she said she wanted to go in there. (Duh, Mom, what a stupid question.) Well, I can say,I didn't lecture or lose my temper. I said that is not a good decision for a ten year old. You will hold my hand and stay next to me the rest of the day. I have heard other blog friends do this, but I have never actually made any of them hold my hand for a long period of time.
Well, she thought it was okay at first. However, we went into a large shoe store next. She discovered it was no fun to be stuck to Mom like glue when the other girls are looking around. (They were within my sight also.) I wasn't negative or ugly. I just made her hold my hand. We left the store and went to eat lunch. I made her get out of the car and hold my hand. She had to sit by me and not choose her seat. This is a big deal for her because she always wants to pick where she sits. It is a control thing with her. During the meal, I had to go to the restroom, so she had to go with me. We survived and did okay. I think it made an impression on her.
I was excited because I contained my emotions even though I couldn't believe what she was trying to do at the pet store. I may be using this form of discipline more with her because it worked well for both of us.
I guess I have finished with Day 1. It may not have been perfect, but I prayed a lot for guidance and understanding towards my girls. I think I did much better than the day before. It is like I tell my children, I tried hard and improved. Tomorrow is a new day.
How is everyone else doing?
However, homeschooling makes this a very interesting challenge. We were out of town most of the day today. I am anxious to see what tomorrow hold for all of us.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
The Challenge
Angela, at Pearls of Price, mentioned a challenge she is taking. You can read about it here. It is fourteen days long. You only speak positive or neutral things to others. I didn't realize how difficult this was going to be. I have really been struggling with my thoughts and actions. I didn't realize how negative we had gotten around here. I didn't realize how much correction goes on by all seven of us toward each other. It isn't very pleasant when you step back and look at it. It robs the Joy of the Lord that we want in our house. I know I can only accomplish this with God. I have been wrestling in my heart today, while at church and afterwards regarding my words, as well as my thoughts. I have bit my tongue many times. I have tried to change my responses at the last minute. I often have the facial expression, but no words come out of my mouth. I have used this challenge as a time of self evaluation and reflection. We need to love as Jesus loves us. Our tone of voice and our words are not always in a loving manner as Jesus would speak to us.
I am praying that God can help me with this challenge. I know that I will not accomplish this goal on my own. I will definitely have to press in more with God to accomplish this goal.
My girls have not had the best start in life, but that isn't their fault. They don't know the things my birth children do because they haven't been taught. Once again, this isn't their fault. They are precious girls and have learned so much. I get very frustrated sometimes, but love them dearly. Already today, I have caught myself getting frustrated over really trivial things. They are kids and they are still learning. I should not be frustrated. This challenge has made me stop mid step and change my responses. As Angela said in her post, these poor kids get blamed for so many things. They get corrected so often, by so many people. I am proud of how they have endured so much criticism. It really needs to stop. They have been in our family for a year and a half. This Friday the adoption will have been final for one year. (Wow, how time goes by quickly.)
God is really doing a work in me through this challenge.
Quite a few of my blog friends of abused and neglected children are also taking the challenge. I hope by having other friends working towards the same goal will help me to not give up. We can be accountable to one another. This can be such a positive thing for my family as well as many others.
Thanks Angela for the challenge!!
I am praying that God can help me with this challenge. I know that I will not accomplish this goal on my own. I will definitely have to press in more with God to accomplish this goal.
My girls have not had the best start in life, but that isn't their fault. They don't know the things my birth children do because they haven't been taught. Once again, this isn't their fault. They are precious girls and have learned so much. I get very frustrated sometimes, but love them dearly. Already today, I have caught myself getting frustrated over really trivial things. They are kids and they are still learning. I should not be frustrated. This challenge has made me stop mid step and change my responses. As Angela said in her post, these poor kids get blamed for so many things. They get corrected so often, by so many people. I am proud of how they have endured so much criticism. It really needs to stop. They have been in our family for a year and a half. This Friday the adoption will have been final for one year. (Wow, how time goes by quickly.)
God is really doing a work in me through this challenge.
Quite a few of my blog friends of abused and neglected children are also taking the challenge. I hope by having other friends working towards the same goal will help me to not give up. We can be accountable to one another. This can be such a positive thing for my family as well as many others.
Thanks Angela for the challenge!!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Old Habits Surface Again
Alex has a friend over tonight that lives out of town. They have been friends since they were babies. He came down to spend the night tonight. Well, the kids were playing outside. I walk out and Haylee has reverted to baby talk and Hannah is flirting telling the friend that she can't believe he is only 12 because he looks much older. Ugh...
Needless to say, they are watching a movie now and the girls are on one side of the couch and the boys are on the other. Morgan is the barrier between the twins and the other boys.
I guess when they try to impress the new person they get uncomfortable and revert back to their old ways.
Well Angela, I blew it already!!!
Needless to say, they are watching a movie now and the girls are on one side of the couch and the boys are on the other. Morgan is the barrier between the twins and the other boys.
I guess when they try to impress the new person they get uncomfortable and revert back to their old ways.
Well Angela, I blew it already!!!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Happy Birthday!!
Haylee and Hannah are ten years old today. They have been a part of our family for 1 year and 6 months. We are so blessed that they are a part of our family! They have grown so much in so many ways since they have been home.
We love you, Haylee and Hannah and are very proud to call you our daughters!!
We love you, Haylee and Hannah and are very proud to call you our daughters!!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sick
Hannah hasn't been sick very much since coming to our home about 19 months ago. She had a ruptured ear drum one time. She didn't complain until right before it ruptured. Well, Friday she started saying her throat hurt a little. She had fever all day Saturday and Sunday. It got up to about 102.5. She rarely complained and said her throat was getting better. I told her if she needed me during the night, she could come get me. She was really confused. She kept asking questions. I told her if she was hurting or feeling really bad, she could come get me. I told her she could have more medicine about 2:30am. She asked if she should come get me at 2:30. Bless her heart. I don't think she has had anyone to care for her during the night. I wonder if she cried out when she was little and was ignored or got in trouble. It breaks my heart.
I took her to the doctor today and she has strep throat and a bad ear infection. The doctor was concerned because she said her ear doesn't hurt. He said I need to watch her in the future because of her high tolerance for pain. If Tucker, Alex or Morgan had a high fever, they would be on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. She did school today. She hasn't acted sick. I gave her some more medicine for her fever this afternoon and she really didn't want to take it. She acted afraid to take it. I reminded her that if she needs medicine and takes it as prescribed, it is okay.
I hope she gets better soon. I also hope no one else gets sick.
I took her to the doctor today and she has strep throat and a bad ear infection. The doctor was concerned because she said her ear doesn't hurt. He said I need to watch her in the future because of her high tolerance for pain. If Tucker, Alex or Morgan had a high fever, they would be on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. She did school today. She hasn't acted sick. I gave her some more medicine for her fever this afternoon and she really didn't want to take it. She acted afraid to take it. I reminded her that if she needs medicine and takes it as prescribed, it is okay.
I hope she gets better soon. I also hope no one else gets sick.
10th Birthday
After the pizza party, the party moved to the skating rink to celebrate the birthday of a girl at our birthday party. Everyone continued to have a great time skating and just being together.
The girls actually turn ten Wednesday. We have something planned for that day, but Alex will enjoy it the most and his birthday is October 18th. It happened to be the day it was available.
They are doing pretty well dealing with their birthday. A few old habits have slipped back in and a little testing is going on, but overall I can't complain.
I am very proud to call them my daughters. I am so thankful God has blessed us with them!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
A New Day
I am so thankful that God gives us a new day everyday!! I failed miserably yesterday at being a mother. The girls are testing the waters right now. I think it must be because their birthday is coming.
They have been saying they want to go to Chuc*kee Chee*se. It is an hour away, but we said they could each take a friend and we would go. All of a sudden, they think they can just decide they want a spend the night party and have one. They are NOT ready for a spend the night party. I asked what they wanted to do at their party. Haylee said they just want to play babies. I reminded them they don't do as well with "free play" for long periods of time. My husband and I agree they aren't having a spend the night party. Also, when they first started talking about what they wanted to do for their birthday, I told them not to mention the party to any of their friends because we hadn't made plans for anything. Well, what does Hannah do the next day? Tell one of her friends that we are going to the place for their birthday. Guess what? Now her one friend is going to be the friend she invites because she already invited that person and we aren't going to hurt feelings. She probably would have invited her anyway, but we are trying to make a point.
Anyway, I really blew it yesterday. Hannah has this way of deciding when she is done with school. At that point, she doesn't complete anything well. She has to redo and redo. I have talked and talked with her about this. I have sent her to jump on the trampoline, ride her bike, run around outside for awhile, or whatever I can think of to let her brain rest. Well, all we accomplish is she gets really angry at me. Yesterday, she didn't go outside, she just got angry at me. She got mad because she couldn't take the computer to the soccer field to finish her paper. (It is a desktop, by the way.) She was livid at ME. Well, I had had enough. I really lost my temper and spoke truth to her!! I guess the truth hurts sometimes.
I don't like it when I lose my temper with her because I truly believe her goal in life right now is to please me so I won't send her back. I would never send her back. I reminded after the "event" was over that I love her bunches. I told her that nothing would ever change that. I told her that I don't like her choices, but I love her. We talk about choices quite often around here. When they talk about their birth parents, we talk about the bad choices they made.
I got upset with Haylee later over a stupid thing, her socks. Now why did I pick that battle? Stupid, huh? Well, she had on two pair of socks. She told me she didn't realize she had on two. What??? I told her to take one pair off, she was changing at swim team, because she was having to work really hard to get her shoes on with two pair. On the way to the soccer field, she said something about having on two pair of socks. Ugh!! Did she just choose to disobey? I was so frustrated.
I must have forgotten yesterday that I am the adult, not a ten year old. I need to act better than they do to set an example.
Thanks goodness for a new day!! I am trying to stay calm and peaceful this morning. However, it is always difficult when one little girls brings me a school book and tells me it is wrong or it can't be done. Ugh!!
They have been saying they want to go to Chuc*kee Chee*se. It is an hour away, but we said they could each take a friend and we would go. All of a sudden, they think they can just decide they want a spend the night party and have one. They are NOT ready for a spend the night party. I asked what they wanted to do at their party. Haylee said they just want to play babies. I reminded them they don't do as well with "free play" for long periods of time. My husband and I agree they aren't having a spend the night party. Also, when they first started talking about what they wanted to do for their birthday, I told them not to mention the party to any of their friends because we hadn't made plans for anything. Well, what does Hannah do the next day? Tell one of her friends that we are going to the place for their birthday. Guess what? Now her one friend is going to be the friend she invites because she already invited that person and we aren't going to hurt feelings. She probably would have invited her anyway, but we are trying to make a point.
Anyway, I really blew it yesterday. Hannah has this way of deciding when she is done with school. At that point, she doesn't complete anything well. She has to redo and redo. I have talked and talked with her about this. I have sent her to jump on the trampoline, ride her bike, run around outside for awhile, or whatever I can think of to let her brain rest. Well, all we accomplish is she gets really angry at me. Yesterday, she didn't go outside, she just got angry at me. She got mad because she couldn't take the computer to the soccer field to finish her paper. (It is a desktop, by the way.) She was livid at ME. Well, I had had enough. I really lost my temper and spoke truth to her!! I guess the truth hurts sometimes.
I don't like it when I lose my temper with her because I truly believe her goal in life right now is to please me so I won't send her back. I would never send her back. I reminded after the "event" was over that I love her bunches. I told her that nothing would ever change that. I told her that I don't like her choices, but I love her. We talk about choices quite often around here. When they talk about their birth parents, we talk about the bad choices they made.
I got upset with Haylee later over a stupid thing, her socks. Now why did I pick that battle? Stupid, huh? Well, she had on two pair of socks. She told me she didn't realize she had on two. What??? I told her to take one pair off, she was changing at swim team, because she was having to work really hard to get her shoes on with two pair. On the way to the soccer field, she said something about having on two pair of socks. Ugh!! Did she just choose to disobey? I was so frustrated.
I must have forgotten yesterday that I am the adult, not a ten year old. I need to act better than they do to set an example.
Thanks goodness for a new day!! I am trying to stay calm and peaceful this morning. However, it is always difficult when one little girls brings me a school book and tells me it is wrong or it can't be done. Ugh!!
Baby Adoption
No, we aren't adopting again. For their birthday, Haylee and Hannah wanted to adopt Le*e Midd*leton nursery babies. Morgan adopted one when she was 6 and still loves to play with her. So, we went Friday and they adopted their babies. The lady at the store talked with them about how to take care of their babies. It was a very sweet time for the girls. Haylee listened to the heart beat of her baby. 
Hannah checked her baby's diaper and practiced buttoning her clothes.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Wild Week
It was a wild week around her last week. We had soccer games, dance, ortho appointments, locally and one hour away, piano and swim team. I was trying to get well from a cold that has gone through our family. A good friend of mine needed a ride to the ER Wednesday night because her husband was away on business. She was one sick girl, but she is recovering well after a three night hospital stay.
I also had my first experience with foster care. I thought we were going to have a little girl this past week, even though they never licensed us for foster care. It ended up that she went to a foster home. Let me just say God put me in this little girls life for a reason. I don't know that I will ever see her again, but I pray for her protection often. I feel like the system has let her down. She was released to her mom after four nights in care. I makes me even more thankful that my girls are doing so well as a product of the foster system.
Everyone is doing pretty well around here. I am trying to extend more grace to Haylee and Hannah. I am trying to filter everything through the glass of "How would I treat Morgan?" They have come so far in 17 months.
I also had my first experience with foster care. I thought we were going to have a little girl this past week, even though they never licensed us for foster care. It ended up that she went to a foster home. Let me just say God put me in this little girls life for a reason. I don't know that I will ever see her again, but I pray for her protection often. I feel like the system has let her down. She was released to her mom after four nights in care. I makes me even more thankful that my girls are doing so well as a product of the foster system.
Everyone is doing pretty well around here. I am trying to extend more grace to Haylee and Hannah. I am trying to filter everything through the glass of "How would I treat Morgan?" They have come so far in 17 months.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Success...for one
Morgan's best friend turned eleven last week. She had a spend the night party. She also had a spend the night party last year. Both years she has invited all three girls. Last year, we didn't let the twi*ns spend the night. We didn't feel like they were ready. This year I talked to the mother a long time about what to watch for and to expect. We decided to let them try to spend the night.
They all three stayed all night. Morgan came home happy with them and not complaining which means they did okay. I have seen some pictures from the party and they all looked happy. Hannah ran out to me the next morning very proud. She said, " I did it and didn't have any bad dreams!" She was very excited and proud. She should be! I am very happy for her this is a big step. I was really only worried about her. She had a great day yesterday after the party. She is doing very well right now.
However, Haylee didn't do so well yesterday. She had a great time at the party. I knew she would. One of her good friends also spent the night, so I knew she would be fine. Yesterday was not a good day for her. She disobeyed on a very simple thing. I told her not to do something and the next thing I know, she is doing it. She said she wanted to do it and so she did. Ugh!! Then she was writing scripture as part of the punishment for disobedience. I specifically told her she wasn't to play or watch TV until she was finished. I find her in the hallway watching the movie Hannah and Morgan are watching. Ugh...again. She finished her scripture and played for the afternoon. We all watched a movie last night and she had to go to bed early and not participate in the popcorn and movie. I am so sad about this. I guess she is comfortable enough in our home now that she is starting to test. I wonder if her testing yesterday was because the boundaries at the party weren't as strict. She wanted to know if she could do the same at home.
Lately, most of her problems have revolved around food. I have been praying for God to show me what is going on. I talked to her about the fact that she always has plenty of food here and she knows she will be provided the next meal as well. She agreed with me. I am praying God will give me wisdom regarding this issue.
They all three stayed all night. Morgan came home happy with them and not complaining which means they did okay. I have seen some pictures from the party and they all looked happy. Hannah ran out to me the next morning very proud. She said, " I did it and didn't have any bad dreams!" She was very excited and proud. She should be! I am very happy for her this is a big step. I was really only worried about her. She had a great day yesterday after the party. She is doing very well right now.
However, Haylee didn't do so well yesterday. She had a great time at the party. I knew she would. One of her good friends also spent the night, so I knew she would be fine. Yesterday was not a good day for her. She disobeyed on a very simple thing. I told her not to do something and the next thing I know, she is doing it. She said she wanted to do it and so she did. Ugh!! Then she was writing scripture as part of the punishment for disobedience. I specifically told her she wasn't to play or watch TV until she was finished. I find her in the hallway watching the movie Hannah and Morgan are watching. Ugh...again. She finished her scripture and played for the afternoon. We all watched a movie last night and she had to go to bed early and not participate in the popcorn and movie. I am so sad about this. I guess she is comfortable enough in our home now that she is starting to test. I wonder if her testing yesterday was because the boundaries at the party weren't as strict. She wanted to know if she could do the same at home.
Lately, most of her problems have revolved around food. I have been praying for God to show me what is going on. I talked to her about the fact that she always has plenty of food here and she knows she will be provided the next meal as well. She agreed with me. I am praying God will give me wisdom regarding this issue.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
24/7/365
As Phyllis posted in response to my post on "control", "When isolated, it seems like we as mothers are being so petty. But when you are dealing with it 24/7/365 it is overwhelming."
Phyllis, I couldn't agree more. People sometimes look at me like I am nuts and very controlling when I tell them things to look for when they are with my children.
Oh well, I am living this life, not them. We are following God, and that it what we are called to do.
Phyllis, I couldn't agree more. People sometimes look at me like I am nuts and very controlling when I tell them things to look for when they are with my children.
Oh well, I am living this life, not them. We are following God, and that it what we are called to do.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Olympic Swim Clinic
The three older kids attended a swim clinic this past Sunday led by two Olympic swimmers. Mark Gangloff and Kim Vanderburg led the clinic. The kids loved it!! They raced each of them, with a huge head start of course. They spoke about nutrition and a life as a swimmer. It was fun for them and gave them a new excitement for a different level of swimming.
Alex and the swimmers.
Morgan and the swimmers.
Tucker and the swimmers.
All five kids with the swimmers.
While the older kids participated in the clinic, we took the twins shopping for some fall clothes. It was a nice day for the four of us to spend together.
Control
I believe we are reaching a new phase in the adoption cycle. It has been here a while, but it is becoming more and more apparent. My husband and I talked about it today and agree that we are having control issues with the girls. They are both trying to control us, me mostly, in different ways.
We had a horrible start to the day today. I won't go into details, but we have a rule in our family that no matter what time you get up, you must be finished at the breakfast table by 7:45 so you will be ready for school by 8:00. If you get up late, you have less time for breakfast. They are suppose to get up at 7 am. This system has worked pretty well this year with most of the kids.
Haylee is usually a problem. This morning was horrible. She sat and was basically was silently refusing to eat. She knows that she must eat because once she takes her medicine she really will not feel like eating. She sat and wasn't eating. I kept asking her why. Anyway, I won't go into the details. She was mad about what she was eating and the amount. Instead of eating what she wanted of her cereal, she sat and pouted. I was in and out of the kitchen. Finally, my husband told her he was tired of this and she better be done before he leaves in 5 minutes. AMAZING, she ate most of her cereal and drank her glass of milk. I was not happy. She ate everything in less than five minutes after sitting there pouting for 30 minutes. Needless to say, I was not a happy Momma this morning.
Later in the morning, Hannah was trying to telling me that I was adding some of the mental math problems wrong. She kept saying the wrong answer and I quietly told her it wasn't correct. Haylee was still trying to calculate the answer. She got mad and basically told me I was wrong. Well, once again, she won because I wasn't to happy about her telling me I was wrong about the answer.
I think these are both ways of them controlling or feeling as they are in control. What do you think? Other things are happening, these are just two examples from today. We are going to be on the lookout for other instances in the next few days.
We are going to my parents lake house this weekend. I am a little uneasy that we are going with these issues going on. My parents are very supportive and us and the girls. I think things will be okay.
We had a horrible start to the day today. I won't go into details, but we have a rule in our family that no matter what time you get up, you must be finished at the breakfast table by 7:45 so you will be ready for school by 8:00. If you get up late, you have less time for breakfast. They are suppose to get up at 7 am. This system has worked pretty well this year with most of the kids.
Haylee is usually a problem. This morning was horrible. She sat and was basically was silently refusing to eat. She knows that she must eat because once she takes her medicine she really will not feel like eating. She sat and wasn't eating. I kept asking her why. Anyway, I won't go into the details. She was mad about what she was eating and the amount. Instead of eating what she wanted of her cereal, she sat and pouted. I was in and out of the kitchen. Finally, my husband told her he was tired of this and she better be done before he leaves in 5 minutes. AMAZING, she ate most of her cereal and drank her glass of milk. I was not happy. She ate everything in less than five minutes after sitting there pouting for 30 minutes. Needless to say, I was not a happy Momma this morning.
Later in the morning, Hannah was trying to telling me that I was adding some of the mental math problems wrong. She kept saying the wrong answer and I quietly told her it wasn't correct. Haylee was still trying to calculate the answer. She got mad and basically told me I was wrong. Well, once again, she won because I wasn't to happy about her telling me I was wrong about the answer.
I think these are both ways of them controlling or feeling as they are in control. What do you think? Other things are happening, these are just two examples from today. We are going to be on the lookout for other instances in the next few days.
We are going to my parents lake house this weekend. I am a little uneasy that we are going with these issues going on. My parents are very supportive and us and the girls. I think things will be okay.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Playing
Hannah struggles with just playing. She skated with the other girls for a little while. They changed to playing the Wii. The kids are very limited on the amount of time they can play. For some reason, it has become an exciting thing at our house again. She doesn't know what to do because they don't want to skate with her anymore. She quit because they did. I don't care if she skates or not. Now she doesn't know what to do with herself. She didn't like that I told her she needed to go back outside and play. They all will stay inside all day if I let them.
How do you teach a child to play? I don't have time to entertain her. I have always told my children that I am not their entertainment. They need figure out their own entertainment. Suggestions?
How do you teach a child to play? I don't have time to entertain her. I have always told my children that I am not their entertainment. They need figure out their own entertainment. Suggestions?
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Struggling...
Is it me or her?
We have had a few difficult days around here. Hannah is struggling and so am I . I don't know if I am the problem or if I have a reason to be struggling. She is holding her own in school. She is doing well with old math concepts, but struggling with the new ones. After about three days of reteaching, she usually gets the concept. I am okay with that. We have developed a pattern and it works.
We had a weird occurance a few days ago about a wash cloth. I know that sounds really stupid. I asked a simple question and it turned into something big. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so in tune to what my kids are doing. I wish I was just clueless at times. She got really defensive about what she had been doing. Anyway, what she finally told me she did was not very good hygiene. The more I thought about it, I wondered if she was lying to cover something else. I have thought about it for a few days. I am not sure of the truth. I questioned her again about the truth. She begged me to believe her. I want to trust her and believe her so bad. I have an uneasy feeling about the situation. The story she gave is so odd, I wonder if she is started lying to cover up what she really did and made a really weird story up as I questioned her.
Her nightmares have become more frequent in the last few weeks. Last night, the dream was pretty bad. (What person allows their toddler to watch horror movies??) I am trying to find a pattern to her dreams. What is she feeling when she goes to bed? How was her day? Good or bad? Did she get in trouble late in the afternoon or evening?
I believe if you tell one lie, it gets easier and easier to tell more. I wonder if she has started a snowball effect. I wonder if she cracked the door for Satan and therefore the dreams are bad again.
She got really frustrated because she couldn't get the TV to turn on to watch a DVR'd show. We have shown her and shown her. She went to her bed when she gave up. She has a strong attachment to TV. It is really odd. I don't see it in any of my other children. They all enjoy TV, but her interest is different. I went by her room and saw she was upset and told her to rest in her bed to calm down. She of course didn't like this. She historically makes poor choices when she gets in this mode, so I was giving her time to regulate herself.
Many little things are happening. She it testing the boundaries. It isn't big things, but lots of little things. I tell her not to do something and she goes and does it. ie: Stay here until after finish our time together (our group time in the morning to start school) before you start the dishes. She walks to the kitchen and puts a glass in the dishwasher. What? I asked her why she did that. She said because she wanted to. Ugh!!
Please pray for me to have a clear picture of what is going on. She struggles with attachment to me. She appears closer to my husband at times. I wonder if it because I am with her all day long.
We are struggling now. Please pray. I love all of my children. I love Hannah. I don't know what is going on with us. Why am I struggling so?
We have had a few difficult days around here. Hannah is struggling and so am I . I don't know if I am the problem or if I have a reason to be struggling. She is holding her own in school. She is doing well with old math concepts, but struggling with the new ones. After about three days of reteaching, she usually gets the concept. I am okay with that. We have developed a pattern and it works.
We had a weird occurance a few days ago about a wash cloth. I know that sounds really stupid. I asked a simple question and it turned into something big. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so in tune to what my kids are doing. I wish I was just clueless at times. She got really defensive about what she had been doing. Anyway, what she finally told me she did was not very good hygiene. The more I thought about it, I wondered if she was lying to cover something else. I have thought about it for a few days. I am not sure of the truth. I questioned her again about the truth. She begged me to believe her. I want to trust her and believe her so bad. I have an uneasy feeling about the situation. The story she gave is so odd, I wonder if she is started lying to cover up what she really did and made a really weird story up as I questioned her.
Her nightmares have become more frequent in the last few weeks. Last night, the dream was pretty bad. (What person allows their toddler to watch horror movies??) I am trying to find a pattern to her dreams. What is she feeling when she goes to bed? How was her day? Good or bad? Did she get in trouble late in the afternoon or evening?
I believe if you tell one lie, it gets easier and easier to tell more. I wonder if she has started a snowball effect. I wonder if she cracked the door for Satan and therefore the dreams are bad again.
She got really frustrated because she couldn't get the TV to turn on to watch a DVR'd show. We have shown her and shown her. She went to her bed when she gave up. She has a strong attachment to TV. It is really odd. I don't see it in any of my other children. They all enjoy TV, but her interest is different. I went by her room and saw she was upset and told her to rest in her bed to calm down. She of course didn't like this. She historically makes poor choices when she gets in this mode, so I was giving her time to regulate herself.
Many little things are happening. She it testing the boundaries. It isn't big things, but lots of little things. I tell her not to do something and she goes and does it. ie: Stay here until after finish our time together (our group time in the morning to start school) before you start the dishes. She walks to the kitchen and puts a glass in the dishwasher. What? I asked her why she did that. She said because she wanted to. Ugh!!
Please pray for me to have a clear picture of what is going on. She struggles with attachment to me. She appears closer to my husband at times. I wonder if it because I am with her all day long.
We are struggling now. Please pray. I love all of my children. I love Hannah. I don't know what is going on with us. Why am I struggling so?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
A mix of things...
School is back in session now. Everyone is doing well so far this year. We started about two weeks ago and had the first crying episode today. I have to make the twins take a break or we have problems. Hannah didn't take a long enough break today and she ended up in tears before she finished. Bless her heart...she gets to where she can't think at all. She wants to be finished so bad, she just slaps whatever on the paper and gets to do it over and over until she thinks and completes the work correctly. However, the girls both had math and grammar tests today and made A's. Yea!!
Haylee is adjusting on her medicine well. She had a check-up for weight and height. She has grown one inch and gained two pounds since April. Yes, that is good news, but she was off of her medicine from early May until the middle of July. She ate VERY well off the medicine. We are going to try to not give her the medicine on the weekends. I am not sure this is a good idea, but we may try. Any suggestions for ways to keep the height and weight in check while on ADD medicine?
Tucker started his school year with a trip to Alaska for Survival Camp. He had a wonderful experience. It was a test for me also. He flew with another young man in our homeschool group. Thankfully, on the way back an adult friend and his daughter were on the plane with them. He did great!! He made new friends and survived!! Listening to his stories makes me so happy and proud. They had some intense training and trials. I am so happy for him and hope that we will be able to send Alex in a few years.
Haylee is adjusting on her medicine well. She had a check-up for weight and height. She has grown one inch and gained two pounds since April. Yes, that is good news, but she was off of her medicine from early May until the middle of July. She ate VERY well off the medicine. We are going to try to not give her the medicine on the weekends. I am not sure this is a good idea, but we may try. Any suggestions for ways to keep the height and weight in check while on ADD medicine?
Friday, August 5, 2011
APAC Article
We were asked to write an article about our adoption for the APAC quarterly newsletter. We have submitted it for review, but haven't heard anything back yet. A friend of mine suggested I post it for others to read.
Our family has lived in a small town in Alabama since I began my dental practice in 1993. As our family grew to five with three birth children, we made the decision to begin homeschooling in 2005. In April of 2010, our twin daughters were placed in our home; their new forever family. We love being together as a family and our favorite family activities center around one element: water! From tubing to fishing, swimming to water skiing, boogie boarding to water parks, our family is happiest when dripping wet!
Jenny and I have been involved working with children since our teenage years. When we got married adoption was never ruled out, but we were not planning on adopting either. After we got married, we had three birth children fairly close together and began praying about having a fourth child. Because of the demands of three young children, neither of us was very keen on the idea of having more children at the time. When Jenny began having problems that required a hysterectomy, we felt that God was answering our prayers by limiting the size of our family. Over the years as life became easier, with the children growing older and maturing, we began to prayerfully consider expanding our family through adoption. We began to seriously feel the Lord calling us to adopt, and so we decided together to take GPS classes to establish our eligibility for adoption. We decided to adopt through the State as opposed to private or foreign adoptions for several reasons. While we would have loved adopting a newborn or an infant, the age difference for the new baby and our birth children would have been 6-8 years, and we felt that we didn’t want to keep a baby from a couple who couldn’t conceive. With foreign adoption, extended out of the country visits would have been required, and the travel, coupled with the expense, helped solidify our decision to go with domestic adoption. The final question we faced with beginning our adoption process was single or sibling adoption; this was never an issue. Both Jenny and I were open to both, but ended up feeling most led to a sibling group because it gives your adopted child an invaluable connection to the past while allowing them a chance at a better future.
While the decision to begin the adoption process was mine and Jenny’s, we were very open and proactive in including our birth children in the entire process. As with anything foreign or unfamiliar, the children were naturally apprehensive, but were never against our decision. We made sure to include them in family prayer times concerning our adoption decisions throughout the whole process.
Prior to the placement, we received counseling through APAC as a family. We prayed, had open family discussions about the process, and had our church family pray with us. When the twins first arrived, our new family definitely experienced a “honeymoon period” the first few months. As we all became more accustomed to our new family and routine, the challenges began for all of us, but especially for our birth daughter who is exactly nine months older than our twins. As a family, we received counseling from APAC in our home during the placement period prior to the official adoption. The counselor gave our family a wonderful outlet for voicing concerns, asking questions and seeking advice and encouragement. Our counselor was phenomenal at comforting and encouraging everyone, but she really connected well with our birth daughter and really helped her process. Now, the majority of our issues are simply normal sibling conflict.
With each of the twins we have dealt with separate issues during the time since the adoption. One of the twins has a personality that lends itself to easy adaptability and has been “all in” from the beginning. The other twin has struggled with having an older sister, and with identifying her new role as just a sibling and no longer as the protector of her twin. She has struggled with some jealousy towards her older sister which we believe stems from wishing she was born into our family. Both our birth daughter and this twin have strong giftings of leadership, and thus, at times, there is a struggle for control. The girls still have some adjusting to do, but things are much better now than a year ago.
Overall, the birth children have really embraced the twins as new siblings. The twins have really become engrafted more into the family, and have become less exclusive in their relationship with one another. The relationships and connections between our children are more fluid as time goes on; one day these two siblings are “joined at the hip” and the next day, “the deck” gets shuffled. Isolation, within our family, is now only by choice. We realized how well the twins were adjusting to the rest of the family, and how strong their connections were when they began making choices for the truth and for the betterment of the family, rather than to protect their twin.
The impact of adoption on our family has not been without its challenges, but life is certainly richer and fuller. Because with the adoption we are faced with new issues, adopting has strengthened our marriage with deeper lines of communication with one another. Our boys, who have always been great older brothers, have grown further into their roles as protectors now that they have been given more opportunities to care for their siblings. The twins have helped our oldest son to get out of his “box”, and our second born son, a natural manager, has enjoyed having more siblings to supervise. And while our oldest daughter has had the most adjusting to do, she has risen to the occasion and has developed into a much more mature young lady as a result. With a stable home environment, the twins have blossomed into beautiful little girls with more confidence in themselves, and in their identity as members of our family. In the sixteen months since their placement in our home, they have grown socially, emotionally and physically in leaps and bounds. Adoption has been a true blessing on our home.
State Swim Meet
I realized I never posted about the state swim meet. The kids are did very well. Haylee and Hannah finished the race. We only ask that they do their best. Hannah improved and Haylee struggled. Haylee had a difficult night in the hotel the night before her race. I was up during the night with her a few times. We still don't know exactly what was happening.
Tucker swam well and maintained his best times.
Morgan placed 4th, 5th and 8th in the state in her races!! Go Morgan!!
Alex was the state champion in the 50 free!!! He was first!!! I have never had a child take first before!! We are so proud of him and his dedication and hard work. He also placed 2nd and 4th in his other races!
The Friday night of the meet they opened the spring diving boards and the water slides. For the first time, we let the girls go play without one of us. They weren't allowed to leave the pool deck. We could see them most of the time. They both went off of the high dive! I was very proud of them! I am proud they did well on their own. They really weren't alone because they had quite a few friends there and their other siblings. They were always with someone they knew, even though, it may have been a different person every few minutes.
Tucker swam well and maintained his best times.
Morgan placed 4th, 5th and 8th in the state in her races!! Go Morgan!!
Alex was the state champion in the 50 free!!! He was first!!! I have never had a child take first before!! We are so proud of him and his dedication and hard work. He also placed 2nd and 4th in his other races!
The Friday night of the meet they opened the spring diving boards and the water slides. For the first time, we let the girls go play without one of us. They weren't allowed to leave the pool deck. We could see them most of the time. They both went off of the high dive! I was very proud of them! I am proud they did well on their own. They really weren't alone because they had quite a few friends there and their other siblings. They were always with someone they knew, even though, it may have been a different person every few minutes.
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