Struggling...

Is it me or her? 

We have had a few difficult days around here.  Hannah is struggling and so am I .  I don't know if I am the problem or if I have a reason to be struggling.  She is holding her own in school.  She is doing well with old math concepts, but struggling with the new ones.  After about three days of reteaching, she usually gets the concept.  I am okay with that.  We have developed a pattern and it works.

We had a weird occurance a few days ago about a wash cloth.  I know that sounds really stupid.  I asked a simple question and it turned into something big.  Sometimes I wish I wasn't so in tune to what my kids are doing.  I wish I was just clueless at times.  She got really defensive about what she had been doing.  Anyway, what she finally told me she did was not very good hygiene.  The more I thought about it, I wondered if she was lying to cover something else.  I have thought about it for a few days.  I am not sure of the truth.  I questioned her again about the truth.  She begged me to believe her.  I want to trust her and believe her so bad.  I have an uneasy feeling about the situation.  The story she gave is so odd, I wonder if she is started lying to cover up what she really did and made a really weird story up as I questioned her. 

Her nightmares have become more frequent in the last few weeks.  Last night, the dream was pretty bad.  (What person allows their toddler to watch horror movies??)  I am trying to find a pattern to her dreams.  What is she feeling when she goes to bed?  How was her day?  Good or bad?  Did she get in trouble late in the afternoon or evening? 

I believe if you tell one lie, it gets easier and easier to tell more.  I wonder if she has started a snowball effect.  I wonder if she cracked the door for Satan and therefore the dreams are bad again.

She got really frustrated because she couldn't get the TV to turn on to watch a DVR'd show.  We have shown her and shown her.  She went to her bed when she gave up.  She has a strong attachment to TV.  It is really odd.  I don't see it in any of my other children.  They all enjoy TV, but her interest is different.  I went by her room and saw she was upset and told her to rest in her bed to calm down.  She of course didn't like this.  She historically makes poor choices when she gets in this mode, so I was giving her time to regulate herself. 

Many little things are happening.  She it testing the boundaries.  It isn't big things, but lots of little things.  I tell her not to do something and she goes and does it.  ie: Stay here until after finish our time together (our group time in the morning to start school) before you start the dishes.  She walks to the kitchen and puts a glass in the dishwasher.  What?  I asked her why she did that.  She said because she wanted to.  Ugh!!


Please pray for me to have a clear picture of what is going on.  She struggles with attachment to me.  She appears closer to my husband at times.  I wonder if it because I am with her all day long. 

We are struggling now.  Please pray.  I love all of my children.  I love Hannah.  I don't know what is going on with us.  Why am I struggling so?