Thanksgiving

I am very excited that we are out of school until Monday!!  Yeah!!

I am very thankful for my family and each of my children.  God has created each of them in a unique way.  No two are alike and they each have their own giftings.  We pray that we can help our children discover who God created them each to be.  

God has truly blessed our family!!

I was making dressing last night and the girls wanted to help.  I was so happy at the successes Hannah had in the kitchen.  (Haylee ended up not helping, but Morgan did.)  She was able to get 1/4 cup of butter and melt it for me.  She was able to measure 1/2 cup of milk.  She also cracked an egg into a bowl for me.  (This is big because the last two times she has almost put the egg in the trash instead of the bowl.)  Anyway, I reminded her of how much she has learned over the last year.  I told her that I remember when she didn't know what a measuring cup was or even where to get the eggs.  She tried to get me to do the tasks for her at first, but I encouraged her that she could do it by herself and she did!!  I am so pleased with how far they have come in the 1 year and 8 months they have been in our family! 

We have had a rough week.  I believe Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for them.  I was talking with a friend about the struggles and she reminded me that it was difficult last Thanksgiving also.  They both are testing the rules and boundaries.  We have made it through the week, but some days weren't fun.  They are learning, I hope, that our boundaries always stay the same.  They aren't a moving target. 

We are headed to my sister in laws for one night for Thanksgiving.  They have never been to their house.  We are taking blow up beds so they can sleep near us.  I can tell already Hannah is anxious about the trip.  It is the little things that only a parent would notice.  She packed what I told her not to pack and had to repack.  She has the stressed lines on her head.  I hope she can get regulated before we leave.  The girls are outside playing with Play**doh now.  Hopefully that will help her. 

I am focusing on my responses to all of my children.  I am being reminded through our Adoption Support Group and a book I just finished that we can sometimes difuse a negative situation by our response.  If we don't get into the cycle with them, sometimes it can be stopped.  Not always, but sometimes.  Basically, we need to stay regulated to help them.  I have been thinking about this a lot based on the struggles we have had the last few weeks.

I believe we are in a new season around here.  We are hitting a new level of testing and emotions.  God knows where we have been and where we are going.  He knows what we need and when.  I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my journey without God.  We sure are blessed!!

Anger

We are dealing with anger around here.  We are trying to find healthy ways for Hannah to release her anger. 

I have talked to a counselor we met with prior to finalization and she suggested a few things.  She is going to visit our home in early December and meet with each girl alone.  This is definitely a new season for all of us.  I am remaining calm and trying to love her through her anger.  After we discuss the issue, I reassure her that she is safe and secure in our family.  She will not be moved again.  She is in our family forever.  We will love her no matter what she does.  She can't make us stop loving her and being her parents.  Sometimes this will bring tears to her eyes and sometimes you can see her body relax.  I have to remain focused for this to be successful.  She is going to have to stay close to me again for awhile.  I need this to keep a watchful eye on her and I think she needs this for security.

I have wondered today is she if "fake" to me and her "real" self when I am not around.  She knows what not to do in front of me, but does it when I leave the room.  This is becoming more and more common. 

Her anger is becoming the bottom line for problems lately.  She gets mad and doesn't even care about the consequences.  Her cause and effect struggles also come into play at this point also. 

I am praying that God will heal her hurt places. 

Today

We had an okay day today.  Hannah had an orthodontist appointment and Tucker had an appointment, both an hour away.  Poor Hannah's took two hours.  They were placing a new appliance in her mouth and it was very difficult.  Her mouth is so tiny that is was very difficult.  Both girls have little mouths and have had to wear an expander.  Anyway, she hung in there and finished the appointment.  She was very quiet the rest of the day and asked her multiple times if she was okay and she said she was fine.  I hope she really is okay. 

It was a loooong day.  We left before 8 am and we got home at about 3:30 and we raced in to see if we good be back in the car in ten minutes for swim team and dance.  They made it!!  It was fun trying.  Everyone worked together and succeeded!! 

We are trying Hannah on a very low dosage of meds.  We aren't really seeing any difference yet.  We really didn't expect to until we increase them later in the week.  We are trying to help eliminate some of her focus issues due to being so hyper vigilant with what others are doing and not paying attention to what she is doing.  Her school work suffers and she gets really frustrated and shuts down.  It is a downhill spiral from there.  It may or may not help.

Alex's Deer

Alex shot his first deer today.  The pictures tell it all.  They didn't have much luck last year, so maybe since we have started off well, they will have a good season.

A New Day

I am thankful that God gives us a new day to start over!  Today is going to be a better day!  I usually try to whisper when I am correcting the children.  The girls (all three of them) seem to respond better to this.  Sometimes, I think it frustrates them because I choose not to raise my voice.  It definitely helps keep me calmer as well. 

For their birthday, a friend of Haylee and Hannah's gave them each a day to play at her house and eat their favorite things.  Hannah is going today and Haylee is going tomorrow.  They are very excited.  Some of their homeschool friends also swim on the swim team with them.  They are developing sweet friendships with them.  My heart was warmed the other day when we pulled up to class and some of the girls came running to see them.  They wanted to know if they were going to swim team after class.  Their mom told me they couldn't wait to get to class and see them.  I am happy they are developing their own friendships.  Things should go okay at the friends because they will each have one on one time with their friend for a day. 

I really blew it...

Tonight, I blew it.  I lost my temper and was ugly to Haylee.  It has been a rough few days around here and lost it tonight.  It was the final straw.  I said some things I shouldn't have.  I am not sure why it happened.  I was upset at myself as soon as it happened.  My husband is out of town tonight because he has a meeting tomorrow three hours away.  We try to keep each other pretty calm.  I called him as soon as the incident was over.  He didn't say anything.  I knew I was wrong and he knew it.  I acted like a selfish child. 

Thanks goodness Jesus has shed His blood for us and we are forgiven.

  I climbed up in the bed with Haylee and asked for her forgiveness.  We cuddled and talked for a long time.  I told her that mommy's make mistakes just like kids and we have to ask for forgiveness.  I told her that that isn't how a mommy should act.  I said I am not proud of it at all.  She said she forgave me.  Something bad turned into something very precious that I won't ever forget.  I don't think she will either.  We had a very sweet bonding conversation.  She opened up to me about things that happened with her birth parents and the aunt and uncle that she lived with.  She told me again that the aunt and uncle were very rich.  She told me about all of the toys that they used to get at Christmas.  I reminded her that trust, love and commitment are more important than toys.  I don't think she realized they made the choice not to keep them.  She thought DHR wouldn't let them.  I gently told her that they made the choice, not DHR.

I am sorry to say, but the way I acted probably brought back some not so good memories for her. It hurts to write these things, but I am being brutally honest. I am a sinner and make mistakes too often, unfortunately. However, I asked for forgiveness from God and then from Haylee. I believe that we must allow our children to see us make mistakes and show them the correct way to repent. I felt much better after I repented to God and Haylee and was forgiven. I also apologized to the other children because they did witness some of it.

I was able to share with Haylee a sign the DHR worker received on the way home from the staffing when they matched us with the girls.  She was driving home and praying the God would give her a sign that she made the right choice for girls.  She went around a curve and saw a billboard that said, "Dentist."  Well, my husband is a dentist.  She took that as a confirmation that she had done the right thing.  Haylee told me she loves how God works things out.  She is so joyful!!

I love my children so much!!  I am so blessed!!  I owe every bit of it to God!!

 Tomorrow is a new day...

Not a fun day...

One little girl and I haven't had a fun day today.  Let me back up a little bit...

My husband and I went to Scottsdale, Arizona this past weekend for a meeting.  We left Thursday morning and returned Sunday.  I began talking to the kids early in the week about our trip.  They would ask questions about who, where and why and I would answer all of them.  My husband's parents came and stayed with them for the weekend.  We were very up front with the kids about the same rules apply while we were gone, etc, etc.  THE KIDS DID GREAT!!!  We are so happy and proud of them. 

They went to my husband's office Monday for some dental work.  They reverted big time!  They majorly talked like babies.  He said it hasn't been that bad in a long time.  He corrected them there, but it was also dealt with at home.  They were sent to bed early that night and also aren't allowed to participate in an event for their age children that they were looking forward too.  We have worked so hard at stopping the baby talk, that we were both surprised when it came back so heavily.  I am sure it was because we were gone for the weekend.  We did gently correct it Sunday night when we returned, so we weren't as gentle Monday.

Well, of course the fall happens after you return.  It hasn't been totally horrible, but one child has struggled more than the others. 

I was discouraged Monday thinking what am I doing wrong.  She was fine with my in-laws while we were gone.  What am I doing to cause the reactions?  I called her and asked if I handled something okay.  It was regarding if you fail a test after trying two times (computer history) then shouldn't you retake the four lessons that the test covers again?  I thought is was a simple question, but I wanted to make sure. 

Anyway, Tuesday was a little more trying.  Today was even worse.  We had some anger flaring at siblings, we couldn't figure out how long a line is with a ruler, etc.  I think she shut down today. 

She also made a very poor choice in purchasing something while I was gone this weekend from a sibling.  In the past, we have reversed the deal when it was unfair.  However, this time we let it stand.  She said she had the money and wanted it, so she bought it.  The item was worth maybe 50 cents. 

Long story short, the girls have been in our home 1 year and 7 months.  I am beginning to see more and more issues from attachment and fetal alcohol effects and/or the genetic learning disablitlies from one twin.  I was hoping and praying we wouldn't have to deal with some of these major issues.  The girls have come soooo far!  I don't want you to get me wrong.  One sweet daughter really struggles with making good choices and cause and effect.  I am sad about this again today.  I am going to have to read up on some of these issues again to see what I need to do differently.