Boys

I don't talk much about my boys on my blog, but they are great!  They are growing into fine young men! They are both well mannered and helpful.  We are very proud of them.  They are very good big brothers to three sisters that can be very annoying. 

Tucker, Haylee and Morgan hanging out in a tree.

Easter 2012

Snow Tubing

We gave the kids a trip for Christmas. We went to North Georgia and went snow tubing. We had a wonderful trip. They also had an outdoor ice skating rink which was a lot of fun. They did well skating considering it was their first time.   We decided to invest in making memories this year instead of a bunch of stuff they would forget about in a month or so.  I will let the pictures tell about our trip.  I have posted quite a few, but it is only a few considering we took over 300.

Merry Christmas!!!

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!!

(By the way, we are dressed like this because we were going to a funeral.)

Thanksgiving

I am very excited that we are out of school until Monday!!  Yeah!!

I am very thankful for my family and each of my children.  God has created each of them in a unique way.  No two are alike and they each have their own giftings.  We pray that we can help our children discover who God created them each to be.  

God has truly blessed our family!!

I was making dressing last night and the girls wanted to help.  I was so happy at the successes Hannah had in the kitchen.  (Haylee ended up not helping, but Morgan did.)  She was able to get 1/4 cup of butter and melt it for me.  She was able to measure 1/2 cup of milk.  She also cracked an egg into a bowl for me.  (This is big because the last two times she has almost put the egg in the trash instead of the bowl.)  Anyway, I reminded her of how much she has learned over the last year.  I told her that I remember when she didn't know what a measuring cup was or even where to get the eggs.  She tried to get me to do the tasks for her at first, but I encouraged her that she could do it by herself and she did!!  I am so pleased with how far they have come in the 1 year and 8 months they have been in our family! 

We have had a rough week.  I believe Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for them.  I was talking with a friend about the struggles and she reminded me that it was difficult last Thanksgiving also.  They both are testing the rules and boundaries.  We have made it through the week, but some days weren't fun.  They are learning, I hope, that our boundaries always stay the same.  They aren't a moving target. 

We are headed to my sister in laws for one night for Thanksgiving.  They have never been to their house.  We are taking blow up beds so they can sleep near us.  I can tell already Hannah is anxious about the trip.  It is the little things that only a parent would notice.  She packed what I told her not to pack and had to repack.  She has the stressed lines on her head.  I hope she can get regulated before we leave.  The girls are outside playing with Play**doh now.  Hopefully that will help her. 

I am focusing on my responses to all of my children.  I am being reminded through our Adoption Support Group and a book I just finished that we can sometimes difuse a negative situation by our response.  If we don't get into the cycle with them, sometimes it can be stopped.  Not always, but sometimes.  Basically, we need to stay regulated to help them.  I have been thinking about this a lot based on the struggles we have had the last few weeks.

I believe we are in a new season around here.  We are hitting a new level of testing and emotions.  God knows where we have been and where we are going.  He knows what we need and when.  I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my journey without God.  We sure are blessed!!

Jabbering...

As I sit here checking in on blogs I follow...all I hear is jabbering from both girls...they don't sound like ten year olds.  One is sitting on the couch and one is loading the dishwasher.  I just try to ignore it.  I realize this is part of their growing up, making up for missed years.

I am taking the twins to a fall festival tonight at a friend's church.  Their girls are 1 and 4 1/2.  They will love it.  They have fun playing with the four year old. 

Morgan is at a friend's house this afternoon.  She was given a choice of the fall festival or going to her friend's house.  My husband and I both think she seems sad like something is wrong.  I tried to talk with her and didn't get anywhere.  Tucker said my husband also talked to her and didn't get anything either.  Please pray for her.  This is been a difficult journey for her.  She loves it most of the time, but things are so different than they would have been.  Maybe she just needs time away.  The three girls played together all day yesterday.

The boys are going fishing with my husband again this afternoon. 

Tea Party

The boys went to the woods this morning to do "guy" things.  So, the girls had a tea party.  They had a grand time.  It always stretches me to be creative for this type of thing.  Well, I believe it was a success and they seemed to enjoy the fun.  I will let the pictures show you what we did.

Dessert! 

All in all, it was a fun way to have lunch with my girls!

Wild Week

It was a wild week around her last week.  We had soccer games, dance, ortho appointments, locally and one hour away, piano and swim team.  I was trying to get well from a cold that has gone through our family.  A good friend of mine needed a ride to the ER Wednesday night because her husband was away on business.  She was one sick girl, but she is recovering well after a three night hospital stay.

I also had my first experience with foster care.  I thought we were going to have a little girl this past week, even though they never licensed us for foster care.  It ended up that she went to a foster home.  Let me just say God put me in this little girls life for a reason.  I don't know that I will ever see her again, but I pray for her protection often.  I feel like the system has let her down.  She was released to her mom after four nights in care. I makes me even more thankful that my girls are doing so well as a product of the foster system.  

Everyone is doing pretty well around here.  I am trying to extend more grace to Haylee and Hannah.  I am trying to filter everything through the glass of "How would I treat Morgan?"  They have come so far in 17 months.

State Swim Meet

I realized I never posted about the state swim meet.  The kids are did very well.  Haylee and Hannah finished the race.  We only ask that they do their best.  Hannah improved and Haylee struggled. Haylee had a difficult night in the hotel the night before her race.  I was up during the night with her a few times.  We still don't know exactly what was happening. 

Tucker swam well and maintained his best times. 

Morgan placed 4th, 5th and 8th in the state in her races!!  Go Morgan!!

Alex was the state champion in the 50 free!!! He was first!!!  I have never had a child take first before!!  We are so proud of him and his dedication and hard work.  He also placed 2nd and 4th in his other races!

The Friday night of the meet they opened the spring diving boards and the water slides.  For the first time, we let the girls go play without one of us.  They weren't allowed to leave the pool deck.  We could see them most of the time.  They both went off of the high dive!  I was very proud of them!  I am proud they did well on their own.  They really weren't alone because they had quite a few friends there and their other siblings.  They were always with someone they knew, even though, it may have been a different person every few minutes.

Attachment

Thursday my dad was having a heart cath. As much as I wanted to be with my parents for the procedure, I have five children to take care of and my mom was with him. I had an uneasy feeling all day. My mom called and said the procedure went well and he had three stents. Well, the afternoon went on and she called again. He was having heart attack symptoms. He was rushed back to the lab, the doctor was still there, in between patients, thank you God. They were able to open up the blockage with a balloon and insert a fourth stent. My mother called after they took him back and I decided to quickly leave and drive the three hours to the hospital. They had the heart surgeon on standby if needed. Thank you Lord they didn't have to open him up. When I arrived he was stable and uncomfortable. By this morning, his color was good and the actually discharged him. Many prayer warriors were interceding for him in this time of need. I appreciate everyone of them. I am so glad God was not finished with him here on earth!!

Anyway, the reason for me to tell you this is about Hannah. I often wonder about the bond between the two of us. When I walked out in tears and told them we needed to stop and pray for my dad she got a fearful yet concerned look. We prayed and I was still trying to decide whether to go or stay. We had an Adoption Support Group party that night and I hated to miss it. Anyway, I made the decision to go and tearfully told them I was going and why. She immediately started crying and clung to me. I held her for a few minutes and told them the plans for the next hour until the party. I am sure she was afraid of another loss in her little life. I am so thankful that didn't occur. My dad is great with her. He is so patient and caring at times I am very short with her. All of my children adore their PawPaw. A dear friend of mine was at the party and she said she was "not herself" at the party. She behaved fine, but she could tell she wasn't at peace. So, after pondering the events in hindsight, some positive signs of attachment have/are occurring. I am always encouraged when either one of the girls run to me in a time of need whether it be sadness, injury, concern, etc. This is one of those times. I wouldn't want a replay of Thursday at all, but I am encouraged by Hannah's responses to the situation. It was a healthy response.

Haylee just rolled with the events. I think this must be how she has handled things in her past because, so far, she has shared very little about being hurt or upset. I believe her personality and ADHD has protected her from many things. She has only expressed tears and sadness over missing a half sister one time. She has never mentioned her birth parents. Hannah has cried for them a few times since she has been with us. I am sure Haylee will eventually share, but not yet.

I am encouraged that attachment is occurring. I pray God will continue the good work and progress will continue!

Mixed emotions today

Today is our 16th anniversary!! Yeah!! My husband is awesome and has helped me through many difficult times in our marriage.

My brother died of cancer 15 years ago tomorrow. We spent our first anniversary at the hospital with him hours before he died.

My grandfather passed away during the night last night. I don't think we are going to take the kids to the funeral. Haylee and Hannah have never met him. He has been in a nursing home since they came. I am not sure what emotions this would bring in the equation. Elliott may change my mind, but for know I think that is the best thing for everyone.

Also, if the girls go, it will be all about them and how cute they are. This always causes problems.

The girls have dance all day tomorrow to prepare for their recital next weekend and the boys are competing in a swim meet in Auburn.

Two sweet friends are going to help us out. One family is going to get my boys to the swim meet. Another friend is going to pick the girls up at dance and stay at the house Saturday night and Sunday so the kids can stay home. The friend staying the night has done foster care for 25 years. She knows what can go on around here and she is also aware of my recent concerns. I don't think much will get past her. I am so blessed to have such sweet friends.

So, for our anniversary, we get a night without kids but it is to go the my grandfather's funeral. The funeral is four hours north of here. We will get to see what is left of the tornado destruction because Cullman was hit pretty hared.

It is a bitter sweet time, but we will find joy in our situation. What will I do with a car ride with my husband by ourselves for three hours?

I hope the girls will do okay while we are gone. We probably won't be home until late Sunday night.

Am I...

Am I doing this whole parenting thing even close to right? Sometimes I feel like I am too strict, but if I let up, everything goes down hill. If the boundaries get to loose, we have a mess. I feel like people think I am mean. Some say my expectations are too high. I believe that God wants us to train our children to be all they can be. Until they appear to not be able to learn anymore, we keep teaching, encouraging and teaching more. I believe people can always learn, no matter what level of learning they are at.

I know I mess up along the way. Thank goodness for the mercy and grace of our heavenly Father! This journey has definately taught me to rely on Him more!

I realize my adopted children issues aren't as severe as others. We are blessed by that. My trials may seem petty and minor compared to others. I pray for many of the children of blog friends because their struggles appear harder than mine. (At least the fits last longer.) However, God has blessed us with our children and their struggles seem really huge to me some days.

The diagnosises my girls have overwhelm me some days. I try not to claim them because I know God can heal their brains and their hearts. They are continuing to learn. However, some connections are not being made. I don't know if they will ever be made. Each of them have different needs. It is a daily challenge, moment by moment, deciding how to respond and handle each situation. The parenting is so much harder and confusing than my birth children ever were. No amount of teaching can ever prepare you for this journey. It does teach you what may be the underlying cause of the issues.

God knows the detail of every moment in the past of Haylee and Hannah. He gives me what I need to parent them just at the moment I need it. Thank goodness we serve a loving and forgiving God!

School is out for the summer...

Yes, we are finished with our "official" school year. The girls are all finishing their online history program for the year. They love doing it, so it isn't a problem. I purchased some simple math and literature books for them to complete this summer. I told them when they are finished with them, they are done until school starts in the fall. Morgan and Alex are doing well working through their books. I didn't expect any problems. Hannah and Haylee are working well, but struggling with the math. They have been taught the info, but when it is presented differently they struggle with "putting it all together."

Haylee has been off of her meds for over a week now. She did very well at first and I started wondering if she could stay off forever. Well, the longer she is off the more her symptoms resurface. She is struggling with the small amount of school she has and she can't sit still. She doesn't seem as hyper and wild, but fidgets all the time. I know they say this medicine doesn't stay in her body, but it sure seems like it took a while to totally be gone from her system.

The kids have enjoyed the cooler weather outside the last few days. It has given me time to complete grades and figure out and order school books for next year. I finally pushed the order button for the bulk of my books today. I have a few more things, but I can't wait on those.

Morgan goes to camp in two weeks. I can't believe it! What will I do? More importantly, what will the twins do? I guess they will learn to play together again. I wonder who will control who? Will it be like "old times" when Hannah took care of Haylee? Will Haylee stand her ground and be equal? It should be interesting.

I feel like Hannah, Haylee and I need to work on our attachment. When you have other children, it seems like the adopted children attach to them first. Well, Haylee has. I am not sure to whom Hannah has attached, if anyone. I think that will be easier when Morgan is at camp. I ponder attachment issues with Hannah often. They haven't mentioned Mother's Day. I think I may mention it to each of them alone and see if they open up to talk about anything. I am sure they thought of their birth mother.


Tucker and Alex finished their co-op classes with A's. I was very proud of them! As I helped Tucker review for his Biology final, I was really glad I wasn't taking it because I couldn't pronounce half of the words.

Tucker has an opportunity to go to Alaska for the Teen Pact Survival camp with some friends of ours. She and her dad are going. He can fly with them and participate. They used frequent flyer miles, which is great for them. However, for me to get him on the same flights, it is twice the cost of other tickets. We are praying about what to do. My husband and I think maybe it just isn't the right time for him to go. Flights went up today from yesterday. If it is meant to happen the cost will change or God will show us the way, I have no doubt. There is something wrong with paying for an airline ticket for one person when our entire family could travel somewhere for that amount closer. We are praying...

Gotcha Day!

Our Gotcha Day was actually last Wednesday, April 6th. (Yes, I am a little late posting this. I can't seem to find time to post lately.) The girls picked where we went for lunch. They chose a locally owned pizza place that also serves Blu* Be*l Ice Cream. We had fun at lunch, as well as a pretty good day.

All five at lunch. They all love a reason to eat pizza and ice cream.

Lock-in

We allowed the girls to attend the lock-in. I was not comfortable with them going without me, so I was locked-in with them. It ended up being only nine kids, which was good for the girls. They knew everybody, so they weren't uneasy.

Haylee did fine, except for the overload of baby talk. So, maybe she wasn't as comfortable as I thought. I corrected her nicely many times because we talked about it in the car on the way there.

I don't believe Hannah would have made it all night without me. She still gets up at night sometimes afraid. We usually have to walk her back two times before she stays. We pray with her and have her pray as well. She gets insecure very easily. With her history, this in not surprising. It will probably take years to overcome.

We had a fun time. We ate way too much junk and stayed up way too late! We came home early and slept for a few hours. It made it easier for everyone to adjust to daylight savings time.

This was the first time they have ever spent the night away with friends. This was a big treat. I am glad I was able to stay with them, so they could participate.

Focus

During praise and worship at church yesterday, God showed me what my problem was last week. I was trying to handle everything on my own. Well, duh...of course I can't survive this way. Last week was a really bad week. I had so many things to accomplish last week that I lost total focus. I was totally striving on my own. Everything is so much better when I rely on Him and not my own strength. I repented and got my heart right yesterday in church. No person around here is my enemy, eventhough I believed those lies last week. We are a family and we are in this together.

We began the process of adoption in response to the call of God. God has blessed us so much!!! He deserves the glory for everything in my life!! He is a great and wonderful God!! He is the healer, the comforter, the restorer, my everything!!

Thank goodness for the forgiveness and mercy of our heavenly father!

I hope everyone is blessed today!!

JOY

We have seen a change in Hannah since the Father Daughter Dance. We are seeing more genuine happiness in her than ever before. We are seeing more genuine smiles and more laughter. I believe another piece of attachment occurred on the magical night for her. I believe another layer was pulled back and healing has started on the new layer.

Praise God!! He is faithful!!

Father Daughter Dance

I spent last night in Atlanta with only the boys. I was a nice change. They get so little of my attention because the girls demand so much!! The boys are very understanding of the demands of the girls. It was very quiet!! Well, I took the boys to a swim meet and Elliott stayed home with the girls. They had a dress up date night last night and had a wonderful time. I had to get home today to help them get ready for the first annual Father Daughter Dance in our town. About 45 people attended. They aren't home yet, but I am sure it was great!! Elliott had a sweet speech planned about learning to "dance" with your daughters. He mentioned that two of our girls are adopted. He said it took him about 4-5 years to learn to "dance" with Morgan. It was difficult but they dance well together now. He said that he is still learning to dance with Haylee and Hannah and a lot of toes are being stepped on in the process. It is a challenge worth taking. Girls desire to "dance" with their fathers. Each of them have a different "dance". It is worth stepping on toes to figure it out. It can be life changing. Anyway, it was a very meaningful speech. He probably doesn't even know I read it. He left it on the computer when he left tonight.

Rocking along...

Everyone is doing pretty well. Hannah continues to get in trouble because she doesn't want to use her brain to think. She would prefer to use Haylee's. She does well when she exercises her brain. She also doesn't think before poor choices and often forgets that the world doesn't revolve around her. For example, I told her not to let the dog get a bug outside. She got the bug on a stick and gave it to the dog. Needless to say, I wasn't a happy mother and the rest of her afternoon and evening wasn't very fun. I am praying that the confidence she has in herself will continue to increase and she will overcome her struggles. Some days are better than others.

Haylee is doing pretty well in school. She does well most days. I am really starting to see confidence issues in her as well. Since she has really improved her "baby talk" I am able to see that she uses it when she isn't sure about herself. I can always tell when she is afraid to tell me something or not sure of an answer in school. I have been reminding them this week to speak boldly and with confidence even if you aren't sure. It is better to appear confident and be wrong than not confident and wrong. The other benefit is that when she speaks boldly she can't speak like a baby.

All in all, they are doing pretty well if you think of them as their maturity age of about 7, instead of a young nine year old. Morgan is definitely more mature than Haylee and Hannah.

Morgan's birthday party went well. Feeding the dog the bug happened the afternoon after the party. Hannah always seems to have issues when something big happens and it isn't about her. She is doing much better. She usually takes her punishment well. She doesn't voice her disagreement, but you can see it all over her face. I believe I did see some repentance this time when I discussed the issues with her later.

Words of Wisdom

My Mother-in-law sent me an email this morning with a quote from a book she just finished reading. The book is called, The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven. (I can't figure out how to underline the title. Sorry.)

The son in the book has just been in a horrible car accident and no one thinks he will live. An EMP spoke the following to his mother.:

"You're going to go in the trauma room and your're going to hear some horrible things. In fact, they're going to tell you your son's going to die. But I laid hands on your son and prayed for him in the name of Jesus. I'm telling you, he's not going to die. Now you definitely have a part to play in all this. The Lord is already beginning the healing, but when you go in there, fear will try to attack your thinking. I'm not telling you to go in there and argue. Be polite and listen; they know what they're talking about. But as true as all their information is, God's Word can change all that. But if you go in there and agree with what they're saying and start speaking that, he will die. You'll negate what's been started by my praying for him. But if every time you get scared or hear a bad report, you thank the Lord for His healing, He will do His part."

She followed the quote with this statement to me, "I thought that was wonderful truth that can be applied to Hannah and Haylee. Yes, some things are "true" but they are not God's truth. We can either agree with the Word or agree with man's wisdom... the outcome will be vastly different."

Once again, I know this, but I need to be reminded of these truths when I am in the trench.

I am so glad God is in control of me and my family and NOT me!!!