Mothers

I am so blessed to have super parents and in-laws that have always supported us throughout our adoption process.  I am very thankful that they are always there for us when we need them.  My mother and my husband's mother have listened to me countless times when I have needed them whether on the phone or in person.  They love my girls just as much as my birth children.  They are always certain that everyone is treated the same. 

Even when they are worried about something going on or decisions we are making regarding our children, they are cautious with their words.  For example, they are all thrilled about Morgan getting her own room.  They have all thought this should happen and have been praying for it for a while.  However, they held their tongue and waited on us for the right timing. 

I have read a few blogs today talking about how many relationships are wounded due to adoption.

I want everyone to know I am very thankful for my parents and my husband's parents.  They are very helpful and supportive of our family and my children adore each of them and so do we!!

Fetal Alcohol

GB's Mom at Adopting Special Needs posted an article on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome on the Foster 2Forever page here.  It was good for me to see the items she posted in her article again.  When the girls came to our family, I did a lot of research on FAS.  I used both of these items when discussing things with the doctors.  As I was reviewing the items today, I was reminded that these issues don't go away.
We have learned to live adjusting for their needs.  It makes some very difficult days for our entire family.  Some of the items I wasn't sure of two years ago, I am sure of now.  It is amazing how God has helped us adjust.  Our family definitely functions differently than before the girls came.  It is all part of God's plan, the good and the bad. 

What I often wonder is should I be getting more outside help.  We do okay now.  A lot of teaching goes on around here all the time. 

Thanks to GB's Mom for sharing today.  It reminds me that the things I see and live with are real and not just in my mind.  It is hard when the issues happen mainly at home.  They are beginning to be seen by people that my girls are with on a regular basis now.

Like Minded

I had the pleasure of talking with another Adoptive Mom on the phone last night for three hours.  Her children were placed in her home in December.  We would talk and she would say how glad she was to hear me say things because she had thought things and felt bad for thinking them.  Talking with her reminded me again that so many of Hannah's struggles are due to trauma, abuse, and neglect.  Her ten year old and Hannah are very similar in actions.  It was a great conversation!  I couldn't believe that it had already been three hours! 

It made me start thinking that maybe I should consider going to one of the retreats for adoptive moms. 

It is so nice to spend time with like minded people that "get" what we are doing in our crazy life.

Her daughter's eyes dilate when she is lying, in trouble or insecure.  It makes me really thing Hannah's are trauma related and not seizures.  Hopefully, we will find out something soon.

Two years

April 6th will be two years since my girls came to live with us forever.  I will never forget that day.  They were so tiny and frail.  They are still small, but they have grown so much, in so many ways.  For the next six months of my life, I advocated for my girls.  I became "well known" among social workers and office of adoption workers.  I am sure they thought I would never give up.  I didn't.  I had God on my side and I have no doubt he was guiding my steps.  We were blessed to have a great counselor come to our house once a month.  She met with all five of my children.  Morgan really like this time.  She would assure my husband and I that we were doing the right things with our children.  She would spend about 2-3 hours with us.  We need that assurance during that time.  As I reflect, I am reminded at how far we have come as a family.  We still have rough days and many hard decisions to make regarding our children, but one thing stays the same, my God is greater than all of our problems and diagnosis. 

I was reminded of this over the last few days because I received an email from a mother that has had a sibling group of three placed in her home.  They have had some unexpected surprises since placement and her world has been turned upside down.  Well, our state worker suggested that we get in touch with one another.  My state worker, which is hers as well, told her that I am a "ball of fire" when it comes to advocating for her children.  I did fight all the way to the top for our famiy, not just my adopted children.  I fought for things I would need to make our adoption placement successful for our entire family.  If our entire family doesn't have success, then the adoption isn't successful.  I have to look out for all of my children, no matter how God blessed me with them.

 So, eventhough I drove them all nuts, showed up at their FAS seminar to hear Kari Fletcher speak and sent numerous emails with a great amount of research on FAS, my state worker recommended me to another family for help.  God is so good!!!  I have emailed the family and am praying for them to have peace and to receive help quickly!! 

It isn't petty...

Yes, I agree with Acceptance with Joy in her response to my last post..

It might seem petty -until you add up how many times a day this kind of thing takes place. . . And the energy it saps. Lies piled on lies. The emotional drain on a mother wanting the best for her children but knowing the child is doing everything possible to con you. ... And then it's not petty at all!

I also am going to try using Sophie's new motto:

"Seeing it for what it is"


Thank you ladies for your comments.  It is so nice to have friends that understand this crazy life of ours.  It is also nice to know it isn't me because sometimes I start to wonder if I am the crazy one around here.


Also, after reading my last post again, I left off the fact that when I started brushing Hannah's hair, I looked down and she had a huge tear in her tights that went all the way down her leg.  So, we are worried about our hair, that looked fine, but not about how awful our tights look?  I don't get it.
 

Adoption Support Group

We have a great group of people in our adoption support group. We have about 7 families that are regular attendees. For December, we had a Christmas Party and dinner. It was fun for everyone!!

All four of the younger kids enjoyed working on their houses.  We made pine cone and peanut butter bird feeders and star ornaments.  We also had a fun time playing SANTA bingo and winning fun prizes.

 Haylee loves working on anything artistic like this.  She focused on her house for a long time.  As you can see, she did a great job!

Tucker's favorite thing was the chocolate cake!

Fight or Flight

I haven't posted in a long time because I have had a lot of things on my heart and mind.  I struggle with what to share and not to share. 

Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong.  She is in trouble, to put it plainly.  While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change.  During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow".  She never has.  I have been waiting for it to come.  Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat.  We were in a hotel type room.  I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys.  Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters.  Haylee and I both asked her not to tell.  Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask.  She gave in to be accepted by these girls.  Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again.  I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be.  Haylee's were normal. 

So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response.  Wow!  I looked it up and they are correct.  So, now to we call this PTSD?  So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom.  It seems to happen over big and small things.  When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure.  Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much.  However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?

I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me.  I am questioning the way I parent.  How I handle her and on and on...

Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD.  Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child?  She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies? 
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes? 

She is making more and more choices against our rules.  She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something.  For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy."  "I have already opened it."  I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy."  The next few seconds and she is eating her candy.  Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window.  We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.

How do you handle these type incidences?  I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.

Thanksgiving

I am very excited that we are out of school until Monday!!  Yeah!!

I am very thankful for my family and each of my children.  God has created each of them in a unique way.  No two are alike and they each have their own giftings.  We pray that we can help our children discover who God created them each to be.  

God has truly blessed our family!!

I was making dressing last night and the girls wanted to help.  I was so happy at the successes Hannah had in the kitchen.  (Haylee ended up not helping, but Morgan did.)  She was able to get 1/4 cup of butter and melt it for me.  She was able to measure 1/2 cup of milk.  She also cracked an egg into a bowl for me.  (This is big because the last two times she has almost put the egg in the trash instead of the bowl.)  Anyway, I reminded her of how much she has learned over the last year.  I told her that I remember when she didn't know what a measuring cup was or even where to get the eggs.  She tried to get me to do the tasks for her at first, but I encouraged her that she could do it by herself and she did!!  I am so pleased with how far they have come in the 1 year and 8 months they have been in our family! 

We have had a rough week.  I believe Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for them.  I was talking with a friend about the struggles and she reminded me that it was difficult last Thanksgiving also.  They both are testing the rules and boundaries.  We have made it through the week, but some days weren't fun.  They are learning, I hope, that our boundaries always stay the same.  They aren't a moving target. 

We are headed to my sister in laws for one night for Thanksgiving.  They have never been to their house.  We are taking blow up beds so they can sleep near us.  I can tell already Hannah is anxious about the trip.  It is the little things that only a parent would notice.  She packed what I told her not to pack and had to repack.  She has the stressed lines on her head.  I hope she can get regulated before we leave.  The girls are outside playing with Play**doh now.  Hopefully that will help her. 

I am focusing on my responses to all of my children.  I am being reminded through our Adoption Support Group and a book I just finished that we can sometimes difuse a negative situation by our response.  If we don't get into the cycle with them, sometimes it can be stopped.  Not always, but sometimes.  Basically, we need to stay regulated to help them.  I have been thinking about this a lot based on the struggles we have had the last few weeks.

I believe we are in a new season around here.  We are hitting a new level of testing and emotions.  God knows where we have been and where we are going.  He knows what we need and when.  I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my journey without God.  We sure are blessed!!

Anger

We are dealing with anger around here.  We are trying to find healthy ways for Hannah to release her anger. 

I have talked to a counselor we met with prior to finalization and she suggested a few things.  She is going to visit our home in early December and meet with each girl alone.  This is definitely a new season for all of us.  I am remaining calm and trying to love her through her anger.  After we discuss the issue, I reassure her that she is safe and secure in our family.  She will not be moved again.  She is in our family forever.  We will love her no matter what she does.  She can't make us stop loving her and being her parents.  Sometimes this will bring tears to her eyes and sometimes you can see her body relax.  I have to remain focused for this to be successful.  She is going to have to stay close to me again for awhile.  I need this to keep a watchful eye on her and I think she needs this for security.

I have wondered today is she if "fake" to me and her "real" self when I am not around.  She knows what not to do in front of me, but does it when I leave the room.  This is becoming more and more common. 

Her anger is becoming the bottom line for problems lately.  She gets mad and doesn't even care about the consequences.  Her cause and effect struggles also come into play at this point also. 

I am praying that God will heal her hurt places. 

I really blew it...

Tonight, I blew it.  I lost my temper and was ugly to Haylee.  It has been a rough few days around here and lost it tonight.  It was the final straw.  I said some things I shouldn't have.  I am not sure why it happened.  I was upset at myself as soon as it happened.  My husband is out of town tonight because he has a meeting tomorrow three hours away.  We try to keep each other pretty calm.  I called him as soon as the incident was over.  He didn't say anything.  I knew I was wrong and he knew it.  I acted like a selfish child. 

Thanks goodness Jesus has shed His blood for us and we are forgiven.

  I climbed up in the bed with Haylee and asked for her forgiveness.  We cuddled and talked for a long time.  I told her that mommy's make mistakes just like kids and we have to ask for forgiveness.  I told her that that isn't how a mommy should act.  I said I am not proud of it at all.  She said she forgave me.  Something bad turned into something very precious that I won't ever forget.  I don't think she will either.  We had a very sweet bonding conversation.  She opened up to me about things that happened with her birth parents and the aunt and uncle that she lived with.  She told me again that the aunt and uncle were very rich.  She told me about all of the toys that they used to get at Christmas.  I reminded her that trust, love and commitment are more important than toys.  I don't think she realized they made the choice not to keep them.  She thought DHR wouldn't let them.  I gently told her that they made the choice, not DHR.

I am sorry to say, but the way I acted probably brought back some not so good memories for her. It hurts to write these things, but I am being brutally honest. I am a sinner and make mistakes too often, unfortunately. However, I asked for forgiveness from God and then from Haylee. I believe that we must allow our children to see us make mistakes and show them the correct way to repent. I felt much better after I repented to God and Haylee and was forgiven. I also apologized to the other children because they did witness some of it.

I was able to share with Haylee a sign the DHR worker received on the way home from the staffing when they matched us with the girls.  She was driving home and praying the God would give her a sign that she made the right choice for girls.  She went around a curve and saw a billboard that said, "Dentist."  Well, my husband is a dentist.  She took that as a confirmation that she had done the right thing.  Haylee told me she loves how God works things out.  She is so joyful!!

I love my children so much!!  I am so blessed!!  I owe every bit of it to God!!

 Tomorrow is a new day...

Jabbering...

As I sit here checking in on blogs I follow...all I hear is jabbering from both girls...they don't sound like ten year olds.  One is sitting on the couch and one is loading the dishwasher.  I just try to ignore it.  I realize this is part of their growing up, making up for missed years.

I am taking the twins to a fall festival tonight at a friend's church.  Their girls are 1 and 4 1/2.  They will love it.  They have fun playing with the four year old. 

Morgan is at a friend's house this afternoon.  She was given a choice of the fall festival or going to her friend's house.  My husband and I both think she seems sad like something is wrong.  I tried to talk with her and didn't get anywhere.  Tucker said my husband also talked to her and didn't get anything either.  Please pray for her.  This is been a difficult journey for her.  She loves it most of the time, but things are so different than they would have been.  Maybe she just needs time away.  The three girls played together all day yesterday.

The boys are going fishing with my husband again this afternoon. 

One year ago today

One year ago today we finalized the adoption of Haylee and Hannah.  We were going to go out to eat to celebrate the day, but Hannah has really struggled the last few days and it all culminated today.  She has been moody the last few days.  She started ugly with Morgan this morning, then was in trouble for smart mouthing me shortly after.  Thank goodness my husband was in the room and her both incidents.  He corrected her for speaking ugly to me.  Our day continued.  We worked on school and met some homeschool families at the park for a play day.  It was a beautiful to spend outside with friends.

Anyway, we got home and she got mad at Haylee and hunted her down to take it out on her.  Haylee asked her why she was hitting her.  She felt like she was doing no wrong by hitting her.  Needless to say, that is not acceptable behaviour by anyone in our home.  My husband took care of the issue.  I was relieved I wasn't having to handle it this time.  She will be writing her scripture instead of playing at the swim meet tomorrow. 

We decided since she wasn't handling the day well, not to make a big deal about the day.  I feel like the day they moved into our home is more special to me.  Also, we just celebrated their birthdays.  I really don't think it is good for them to have these two days so close together.  April 6th is the day they moved in and may be a better day to celebrate. 

What are other adoptive parents thoughts?

A New Day

I am so thankful that God gives us a new day everyday!!  I failed miserably yesterday at being a mother.  The girls are testing the waters right now.  I think it must be because their birthday is coming.

  They have been saying they want to go to Chuc*kee Chee*se.  It is an hour away, but we said they could each take a friend and we would go.  All of a sudden, they think they can just decide they want a spend the night party and have one.  They are NOT ready for a spend the night party.  I asked what they wanted to do at their party.  Haylee said they just want to play babies.  I reminded them they don't do as well with "free play" for long periods of time.  My husband and I agree they aren't having a spend the night party.  Also, when they first started talking about what they wanted to do for their birthday, I told them not to mention the party to any of their friends because we hadn't made plans for anything.  Well, what does Hannah do the next day?  Tell one of her friends that we are going to the place for their birthday.  Guess what?  Now her one friend is going to be the friend she invites because she already invited that person and we aren't going to hurt feelings.  She probably would have invited her anyway, but we are trying to make a point. 

Anyway, I really blew it yesterday.  Hannah has this way of deciding when she is done with school.  At that point, she doesn't complete anything well.  She has to redo and redo.  I have talked and talked with her about this.  I have sent her to jump on the trampoline, ride her bike, run around outside for awhile, or whatever I can think of to let her brain rest.  Well, all we accomplish is she gets really angry at me.  Yesterday, she didn't go outside, she just got angry at me.  She got mad because she couldn't take the computer to the soccer field to finish her paper.  (It is a desktop, by the way.)  She was livid at ME.  Well, I had had enough.  I really lost my temper and spoke truth to her!!  I guess the truth hurts sometimes.

  I don't like it when I lose my temper with her because I truly believe her goal in life right now is to please me so I won't send her back.  I would never send her back.  I reminded after the "event" was over that I love her bunches.  I told her that nothing would ever change that.  I told her that I don't like her choices, but I love her.  We talk about choices quite often around here.  When they talk about their birth parents, we talk about the bad choices they made. 

I got upset with Haylee later over a stupid thing, her socks.  Now why did I pick that battle?  Stupid, huh?  Well, she had on two pair of socks.  She told me she didn't realize she had on two.  What???  I told her to take one pair off, she was changing at swim team, because she was having to work really hard to get her shoes on with two pair.  On the way to the soccer field, she said something about having on two pair of socks.  Ugh!!  Did she just choose to disobey?  I was so frustrated. 

I must have forgotten yesterday that I am the adult, not a ten year old.  I need to act better than they do to set an example. 

Thanks goodness for a new day!!  I am trying to stay calm and peaceful this morning.  However, it is always difficult when one little girls brings me a school book and tells me it is wrong or it can't be done.  Ugh!!

Baby Adoption

No, we aren't adopting again.  For their birthday, Haylee and Hannah wanted to adopt Le*e Midd*leton nursery babies.  Morgan adopted one when she was 6 and still loves to play with her.  So, we went Friday and they adopted their babies.  The lady at the store talked with them about how to take care of their babies.  It was a very sweet time for the girls. 

Haylee listened to the heart beat of her baby.

Hannah checked her baby's diaper and practiced buttoning her clothes.

Control

I believe we are reaching a new phase in the adoption cycle.  It has been here a while, but it is becoming more and more apparent.  My husband and I talked about it today and agree that we are having control issues with the girls.  They are both trying to control us, me mostly, in different ways. 

We had a horrible start to the day today.  I won't go into details, but we have a rule in our family that no matter what time you get up, you must be finished at the breakfast table by 7:45 so you will be ready for school by 8:00.  If you get up late, you have less time for breakfast.  They are suppose to get up at 7 am.  This system has worked pretty well this year with most of the kids. 

Haylee is usually a problem.  This morning was horrible.  She sat and was basically was silently refusing to eat.  She knows that she must eat because once she takes her medicine she really will not feel like eating. She sat and wasn't eating.  I kept asking her why.  Anyway, I won't go into the details.  She was mad about what she was eating and the amount.  Instead of eating what she wanted of her cereal, she sat and pouted.  I was in and out of the kitchen.  Finally, my husband told her he was tired of this and she better be done before he leaves in 5 minutes.  AMAZING, she ate most of her cereal and drank her glass of milk.  I was not happy.  She ate everything in less than five minutes after sitting there pouting for 30 minutes.  Needless to say, I was not a happy Momma this morning. 

Later in the morning, Hannah was trying to telling me that I was adding some of the mental math problems wrong.  She kept saying the wrong answer and I quietly told her it wasn't correct.  Haylee was still trying to calculate the answer.  She got mad and basically told me I was wrong.  Well, once again, she won because I wasn't to happy about her telling me I was wrong about the answer.   

I think these are both ways of them controlling or feeling as they are in control.  What do you think?  Other things are happening, these are just two examples from today.  We are going to be on the lookout for other instances in the next few days. 

We are going to my parents lake house this weekend.  I am a little uneasy that we are going with these issues going on. My parents are very supportive and us and the girls.  I think things will be okay. 

Orphans

A group of people from our church went on a mission trip to Peru last week. They spoke at church last night about their trip. It sounds like many lives were touched during their trip, as well as their own. During their presentation they talked about the children at the orphanage they visited.

They spoke of how happy the children were to have visitors. How they just clung to them and wanted to hold their hands. How they wanted so bad to be loved. When the group left, the children asked them not to forget them, to please come back. The group didn't have plans to return, but ended up working another visit in during their trip. The kids were thrilled to see them again. They were glad they weren't forgotten. They spoke about how these kids need security and a family. Most of them may never have a family. All of the things they said about these children, I could relate too.

I picture my girls the first time I saw them. They clung to us the first time we met them. They wanted to hold our hands and not let go. We went to a local fast food restaurant and they wanted to ride with us. We visited with them for about three hours and then left. They didn't want us to leave them that day. They told us later they were worried we wouldn't come back. They wanted a forever home very badly.

They came to our house for a visit later in the week. They stayed three nights and we took them back to their foster family. I remember Hannah gettting in the foster mother's van and quietly crying. She didn't want us to leave her. She was afraid we wouldn't return. She cried the next few days alot while she was at the foster home. I can only imagine what she was thinking because she did break every rule possible while she was here the few days. She didn't believe we were coming back. When they first came they wanted to hold our hands often. They immediately called us Mom and Dad with little meaning. Now, it has meaning to them.

I am so thankful that God blessed us with our precious girls. It isn't always a fun or easy journey, but it is God's plan for our family. I am glad that we were able to provide a loving secure home for Haylee and Hannah. I am so happy they are not children still hoping and waiting for a forever family. So many children are still waiting. Some may never find their forever family. I hope we can continue to teach them to have a heart for their heavenly father.

My husband just walked in...so...we are off to Cullman!!

It took them a while to believe they were really going to stay forever in our home.

Attachment

Thursday my dad was having a heart cath. As much as I wanted to be with my parents for the procedure, I have five children to take care of and my mom was with him. I had an uneasy feeling all day. My mom called and said the procedure went well and he had three stents. Well, the afternoon went on and she called again. He was having heart attack symptoms. He was rushed back to the lab, the doctor was still there, in between patients, thank you God. They were able to open up the blockage with a balloon and insert a fourth stent. My mother called after they took him back and I decided to quickly leave and drive the three hours to the hospital. They had the heart surgeon on standby if needed. Thank you Lord they didn't have to open him up. When I arrived he was stable and uncomfortable. By this morning, his color was good and the actually discharged him. Many prayer warriors were interceding for him in this time of need. I appreciate everyone of them. I am so glad God was not finished with him here on earth!!

Anyway, the reason for me to tell you this is about Hannah. I often wonder about the bond between the two of us. When I walked out in tears and told them we needed to stop and pray for my dad she got a fearful yet concerned look. We prayed and I was still trying to decide whether to go or stay. We had an Adoption Support Group party that night and I hated to miss it. Anyway, I made the decision to go and tearfully told them I was going and why. She immediately started crying and clung to me. I held her for a few minutes and told them the plans for the next hour until the party. I am sure she was afraid of another loss in her little life. I am so thankful that didn't occur. My dad is great with her. He is so patient and caring at times I am very short with her. All of my children adore their PawPaw. A dear friend of mine was at the party and she said she was "not herself" at the party. She behaved fine, but she could tell she wasn't at peace. So, after pondering the events in hindsight, some positive signs of attachment have/are occurring. I am always encouraged when either one of the girls run to me in a time of need whether it be sadness, injury, concern, etc. This is one of those times. I wouldn't want a replay of Thursday at all, but I am encouraged by Hannah's responses to the situation. It was a healthy response.

Haylee just rolled with the events. I think this must be how she has handled things in her past because, so far, she has shared very little about being hurt or upset. I believe her personality and ADHD has protected her from many things. She has only expressed tears and sadness over missing a half sister one time. She has never mentioned her birth parents. Hannah has cried for them a few times since she has been with us. I am sure Haylee will eventually share, but not yet.

I am encouraged that attachment is occurring. I pray God will continue the good work and progress will continue!

Only one at a time...

As many of my blog friends have stated, with adopted children, it seems that only one of mine can "do well" at a time.

Hannah is usually my problem. Well, she has behaved pretty well and followed the rules the last few days. She has done well with her small amount of school work as well.

Haylee hasn't done well. She can't keep her hands to herself. She won't listen. She won't answer us when we ask a question. She just stares or looks at the ground. When we pull her chin up to look at us, she looks back down. She usually isn't in trouble until she starts not answering us.

We had to drive an hour in the car this morning for a doctor appt for the twins. The girls were all told to take their small amount of school with them. We start driving and I notice Haylee isn't working. I ask her why and she says she gets sick in the car. She hasn't ever gotten sick in the car with us. Hannah has, but not Haylee. So, she only brought one of her books. She had to finish her when we got home while everyone else played.

After completing her school, she wanted Hannah to play with her. They were in their room. I kept hearing Haylee yell at Hannah. After I heard a foot stomp, I intervened. Hannah was trying to control the situation by saying she didn't remember the "game" Haylee wanted to play. Haylee was frustrated and yelling at her. Haylee is now resting in her bed. I will not tolerate them acting in their "games" in ways they shouldn't act to anyone. I really don't like the "games" they play.

I am sure, since Morgan isn't home, Hannah was trying to control the situation. Well, it backfired. They aren't playing.

It may be a long 11 days while Morgan is at camp!

They may be having rest time while Morgan is gone. I try to have quiet reading time in the summer anyway. It doesn't always happen. It seems like we are always headed somewhere with a child for an appt or something.

I wonder if Haylee's medicine is helping control some other issues other than ADHD. I wonder if it is helping stabilize her emotions. We may not make it all summer without her meds. Any opinions from other Mom's of children that have suffered abuse and neglect? Children with FAE?

Tough times

The good news is that both girls did much better on the math practice section of their test yesterday. The not so good news is that Hannah struggled again today. She was doing okay and she got to a problem she didn't understand and she started grunting and almost crying and shut down. I could see the breakdown coming. I suggested that she mark an answer and move on. Don't let it mess her up. She just kept grunting. Finally, she marked an answer and moved on. However, she missed over half of the remaining problems because her brain had shut down. I have seen this happen so many times with her in math. I told her I could see what was happening. I knew she was struggling because I heard her grunting. I told her I would talk to the teacher administering her test and see if she can go to the bathroom or get water if she gets stuck like that. She needs time to deprogram and get fresh again. I will be testing older kids, so I will be there if needed. I need suggestions on how to help her with this.

This has been a tough day. The three girls and I had to be at the pediatrician at 7:40 this morning. So, we all had to get going earlier. Therefore, everyone is out of the routine. Hannah has had an attitude this morning. Well, she and I are struggling with each other today. I am trying to be the good parent and help her deal with her problems and not take them personally. Ugh...adoption is not an easy thing. She has had a sassy attitude all day. In my house, I usually have at least one sassy girl a day.

The doctor said all of the ear infections have healed nicely. The twins can participate in swim team again. He is concerned about Haylee's weight loss. She has lost two pounds in two months. I am sure this is from her medicine. We have to make her eat. I am really surprised she has lost that much. We are going to have to make sure she drinks supplements each day.

We only have next week left for full school days. We have standardized testing for three days next week. I wonder how that will go with the girls. Tucker, Alex and Morgan always enjoy the testing. The girls tested last year, but their were no expectations. They tested so we would have a baseline. We are pretty much finished after the testing. We will have more relaxed days. I am hoping that will my help attitude as well as theirs. This is always such a hard time of the school year. We are all tired of school and ready to be finished!! However, we will do some math and reading during the summer because I don't want anyone to regress.

Haylee got her mouth piece out of her mouth. I told her the baby talk and the mouth piece are gone. She has no excuses for the incorrect speech now. She slipped up a few times yesterday, but has done much better today. She is having to retrain her tongue so she can speak correctly. Hopefully, we are to the end of the baby talk.

The bottom line is I am trying not to get discouraged. We have come so far, but it seems like we are regressing or at a standstill right now.

A Day with Morgan

I needed to go to the city one hour away and run some errands. Morgan needed new shoes and some things for camp this summer. She asked first thing Friday morning if she could go. Neither of the other girls asked to go with us. Hannah didn't mention going and Haylee didn't until we were walking out the door. Hannah may not have asked because I usually only take one child with me when I go out of town for the day. Haylee and Hannah both had school left to complete. Hannah was in a tizzy because she had rushed through her school and had many corrections to make. Haylee was taking her sweet time as always.

Morgan and I left about 11:30. I felt really guilty for the first thirty minutes or so of the drive. I decided I really needed a break from the girls and special alone time with Morgan. We worked on the last item she had for school while we traveled. We went to a restaurant that is usually pretty fast and it took forever. The blessing is we had a great time visiting.

She has grown up so much in a year. I forget sometimes how much more tense I am with all three girls with me. We had a wonderful day!! I didn't have to remind her to check for cars, stay with me in a store, don't touch, etc. She is ten and acted ten. I was able to let my guard down and enjoy the day. It was a very nice break for both of us. I love all of my girls, but it was nice to have a break from the twins. I had forgotten how much work they are to take places.

Our lives have really changed in a year. I am glad we followed God's plan and adopted our girls, but it is definitely not the easy path. However, it is our path. I must continue to have the trips with only Morgan. We both need them. I do struggle with the guilt at times. I must accept that it is okay to not take all of them everywhere. Our day reminded me so much of days I spent with my mother at the same age. I loved shopping with my mother (and I still do). They are very special memories and I hope to have them with all of my girls.

Also, by leaving them with my husband he understands more of my struggles. Some days when I discuss things about the twins, I think he thinks I am just whining. After he is with them for any length of time, he can relate. I am thankful for my husband and that he gave me a much needed break.