I took Tucker to the doctor today and he has an ear infection. I am sorry he has an ear infection, but I did get to speak with the doctor about Hannah's issues. His first response was seizures. He said we will probably start with an EEG and MRI. I have to decide whether I want to start the testing in the town one hour away or travel to the big city three hours away. If we traveled, we would be at Children's Hospital. We already have records there with an endocrinologist and geneticist. I think I am leaning to going there. They are used to testing children. The doctors have probably seen more testing done on children from trauma situations and children with FAE. I feel like we might be about to get some answers to some things that haven't made sense before.
Maybe I should do the MRI here and if anything is found, then go to Children's. I don't know the best answer. I hate to put her through the test twice.
We "officially" see him tomorrow. I need to decide what I want to do before then.
Showing posts with label testing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label testing. Show all posts
Monday, February 20, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Attachment or manipulation??
I just typed an entire post and somehow deleted it....here we go again.
This may sound petty to some of you, but when dealing with hurt children, my view gets blurred by the manipulation.
Today, the twins were getting ready for dance. They wear pink tights and black leotards with their hair in a ponytail. Haylee comes out dressed with a huge blue sequenced bow in her hair. I tell her we aren't wearing that to dance and take it out. I think she had about four knots in the bow and two hair bands. (Sensory stuff??) I tell her I will help fix her hair when we get to dance.
Hannah walks in and looks very nice. I tell her she looks nice and she did a good job fixing her hair. It looked really good!!
We all load up to go to dance and swim team. In the car, Haylee asks if I will fix her hair at dance. I tell her yes; even though, I had already told her in the house.
We travel the five to ten minutes to dance and start unloading to go inside. Hannah asks me if I can fix her hair also. As I am getting out of the car, I turn back and her hair is down. I asked her why her hair was down, it had looked so nice. She said that it got messed up and the back was coming down.
Thoughts are swirling through my head as she tells me this. We all walk inside and the older three head to the pool for swim team. I take the twins to the bathroom to fix their hair. I asked Hannah why she took her hair down. The story I get this time is that she had bobby pins in the back and she didn't know if I would like them. What?? Why would I have a problem with bobby pins in the back under her ponytail. I never have in the past. The only thing I can ever remember saying about bobby pins was that they aren't meant to be worn in the front on top of your head, they are meant to not be very noticeable.
I fixed Haylee's hair for dance. I start fixing Hannah's hair. I asked her why she told me a story about why her hair was down when I would much rather her say that she would like me to brush and fix her hair because she likes it. I asked her why she feels she has to manipulate the situation to get her way. ( I realize she can't answer that question, but it is what I said.) She just continued to make up reasons. I told her to stop because she it just lying and going to get her into trouble. She kept trying to tell me different versions of the story. Of course, she says I am not and I didn't take my hair down on purpose. Explain to me how her hair can get messed up traveling 5-10 minutes in the car. She had even wet her hair at home when she was fixing it, so I know it didn't come down on its own. Haylee chimes in and says that Hannah just took it down, it didn't fall. She is the master at keeping a straight face and making eye contact when she is manipulating or lying. It is getting harder and harder to tell the truth from lies. She whines a little and says, "But Momma, I am not lying." It is so hard, because all of our friends believe her and say that she doesn't mean to lie. Obviously, I ignore their opinion.
This may sound petty to some of you, but when dealing with hurt children, my view gets blurred by the manipulation.
Today, the twins were getting ready for dance. They wear pink tights and black leotards with their hair in a ponytail. Haylee comes out dressed with a huge blue sequenced bow in her hair. I tell her we aren't wearing that to dance and take it out. I think she had about four knots in the bow and two hair bands. (Sensory stuff??) I tell her I will help fix her hair when we get to dance.
Hannah walks in and looks very nice. I tell her she looks nice and she did a good job fixing her hair. It looked really good!!
We all load up to go to dance and swim team. In the car, Haylee asks if I will fix her hair at dance. I tell her yes; even though, I had already told her in the house.
We travel the five to ten minutes to dance and start unloading to go inside. Hannah asks me if I can fix her hair also. As I am getting out of the car, I turn back and her hair is down. I asked her why her hair was down, it had looked so nice. She said that it got messed up and the back was coming down.
Thoughts are swirling through my head as she tells me this. We all walk inside and the older three head to the pool for swim team. I take the twins to the bathroom to fix their hair. I asked Hannah why she took her hair down. The story I get this time is that she had bobby pins in the back and she didn't know if I would like them. What?? Why would I have a problem with bobby pins in the back under her ponytail. I never have in the past. The only thing I can ever remember saying about bobby pins was that they aren't meant to be worn in the front on top of your head, they are meant to not be very noticeable.
I fixed Haylee's hair for dance. I start fixing Hannah's hair. I asked her why she told me a story about why her hair was down when I would much rather her say that she would like me to brush and fix her hair because she likes it. I asked her why she feels she has to manipulate the situation to get her way. ( I realize she can't answer that question, but it is what I said.) She just continued to make up reasons. I told her to stop because she it just lying and going to get her into trouble. She kept trying to tell me different versions of the story. Of course, she says I am not and I didn't take my hair down on purpose. Explain to me how her hair can get messed up traveling 5-10 minutes in the car. She had even wet her hair at home when she was fixing it, so I know it didn't come down on its own. Haylee chimes in and says that Hannah just took it down, it didn't fall. She is the master at keeping a straight face and making eye contact when she is manipulating or lying. It is getting harder and harder to tell the truth from lies. She whines a little and says, "But Momma, I am not lying." It is so hard, because all of our friends believe her and say that she doesn't mean to lie. Obviously, I ignore their opinion.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Book
I am currently reading, The Great Behavior Breakdown by Bryan Post. It is a good book. He references Bruce Perry quite a bit in his book. Bruce Perry is going to be in our state speaking in April. I am very excited to be able to go to the conference. This book by Bryan Post is really helping me renew my parenting skills for traumatized children. It reminded me of some things I knew, but have quit using.
One thing, is the positive and negative cycle. Sometimes I do well changing the negative behavior to positive and diffusing the situation and sometimes I don't. I have really focused on trying to speak to my children in positive ways instead of negative. This really gets hard as the day progresses. My girls seem to struggle more the more positive I try to be. They appear to get more insecure when we are happy. I have read that this can make them feel insecure.
Bryan Post says that love and fear are the two emotions the children function from. We have had two incidences today where Hannah assumed things were said that were not said at all by anyone. Having read the night before about how she is functioning out of fear, I gently corrected her assumptions and tried to promote security. She just assumed these things because in her mind she thought people were being unfair to her. The good thing is the second incident was with me and she was able to partially verbalize what she was thinking. If I can keep her from entering the fight or flight mode, she is getting better a talking. If I can't keep her from entering, we are can't make progress until we can help her regulate again. I am working on getting to her eye level and watching my tone of voice. I was very good at this when they first came to live with us, but over time I have forgotten to do this when correcting them.
I have not read very far in the book, but am looking forward to reading a little bit tonight. I don't have time to read often, but I am trying to read some when I get in the bed at night. However, I usually don't make it long before I am sound asleep.
I will let you know more as I read further in the book. Have any of you read this book?
One thing, is the positive and negative cycle. Sometimes I do well changing the negative behavior to positive and diffusing the situation and sometimes I don't. I have really focused on trying to speak to my children in positive ways instead of negative. This really gets hard as the day progresses. My girls seem to struggle more the more positive I try to be. They appear to get more insecure when we are happy. I have read that this can make them feel insecure.
Bryan Post says that love and fear are the two emotions the children function from. We have had two incidences today where Hannah assumed things were said that were not said at all by anyone. Having read the night before about how she is functioning out of fear, I gently corrected her assumptions and tried to promote security. She just assumed these things because in her mind she thought people were being unfair to her. The good thing is the second incident was with me and she was able to partially verbalize what she was thinking. If I can keep her from entering the fight or flight mode, she is getting better a talking. If I can't keep her from entering, we are can't make progress until we can help her regulate again. I am working on getting to her eye level and watching my tone of voice. I was very good at this when they first came to live with us, but over time I have forgotten to do this when correcting them.
I have not read very far in the book, but am looking forward to reading a little bit tonight. I don't have time to read often, but I am trying to read some when I get in the bed at night. However, I usually don't make it long before I am sound asleep.
I will let you know more as I read further in the book. Have any of you read this book?
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Fight or Flight
I haven't posted in a long time because I have had a lot of things on my heart and mind. I struggle with what to share and not to share.
Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong. She is in trouble, to put it plainly. While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change. During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow". She never has. I have been waiting for it to come. Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat. We were in a hotel type room. I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys. Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters. Haylee and I both asked her not to tell. Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask. She gave in to be accepted by these girls. Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again. I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be. Haylee's were normal.
So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response. Wow! I looked it up and they are correct. So, now to we call this PTSD? So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom. It seems to happen over big and small things. When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure. Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much. However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?
I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me. I am questioning the way I parent. How I handle her and on and on...
Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD. Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child? She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies?
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes?
She is making more and more choices against our rules. She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something. For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy." "I have already opened it." I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy." The next few seconds and she is eating her candy. Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window. We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.
How do you handle these type incidences? I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.
Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong. She is in trouble, to put it plainly. While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change. During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow". She never has. I have been waiting for it to come. Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat. We were in a hotel type room. I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys. Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters. Haylee and I both asked her not to tell. Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask. She gave in to be accepted by these girls. Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again. I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be. Haylee's were normal.
So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response. Wow! I looked it up and they are correct. So, now to we call this PTSD? So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom. It seems to happen over big and small things. When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure. Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much. However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?
I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me. I am questioning the way I parent. How I handle her and on and on...
Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD. Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child? She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies?
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes?
She is making more and more choices against our rules. She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something. For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy." "I have already opened it." I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy." The next few seconds and she is eating her candy. Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window. We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.
How do you handle these type incidences? I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Success...for one
Morgan's best friend turned eleven last week. She had a spend the night party. She also had a spend the night party last year. Both years she has invited all three girls. Last year, we didn't let the twi*ns spend the night. We didn't feel like they were ready. This year I talked to the mother a long time about what to watch for and to expect. We decided to let them try to spend the night.
They all three stayed all night. Morgan came home happy with them and not complaining which means they did okay. I have seen some pictures from the party and they all looked happy. Hannah ran out to me the next morning very proud. She said, " I did it and didn't have any bad dreams!" She was very excited and proud. She should be! I am very happy for her this is a big step. I was really only worried about her. She had a great day yesterday after the party. She is doing very well right now.
However, Haylee didn't do so well yesterday. She had a great time at the party. I knew she would. One of her good friends also spent the night, so I knew she would be fine. Yesterday was not a good day for her. She disobeyed on a very simple thing. I told her not to do something and the next thing I know, she is doing it. She said she wanted to do it and so she did. Ugh!! Then she was writing scripture as part of the punishment for disobedience. I specifically told her she wasn't to play or watch TV until she was finished. I find her in the hallway watching the movie Hannah and Morgan are watching. Ugh...again. She finished her scripture and played for the afternoon. We all watched a movie last night and she had to go to bed early and not participate in the popcorn and movie. I am so sad about this. I guess she is comfortable enough in our home now that she is starting to test. I wonder if her testing yesterday was because the boundaries at the party weren't as strict. She wanted to know if she could do the same at home.
Lately, most of her problems have revolved around food. I have been praying for God to show me what is going on. I talked to her about the fact that she always has plenty of food here and she knows she will be provided the next meal as well. She agreed with me. I am praying God will give me wisdom regarding this issue.
They all three stayed all night. Morgan came home happy with them and not complaining which means they did okay. I have seen some pictures from the party and they all looked happy. Hannah ran out to me the next morning very proud. She said, " I did it and didn't have any bad dreams!" She was very excited and proud. She should be! I am very happy for her this is a big step. I was really only worried about her. She had a great day yesterday after the party. She is doing very well right now.
However, Haylee didn't do so well yesterday. She had a great time at the party. I knew she would. One of her good friends also spent the night, so I knew she would be fine. Yesterday was not a good day for her. She disobeyed on a very simple thing. I told her not to do something and the next thing I know, she is doing it. She said she wanted to do it and so she did. Ugh!! Then she was writing scripture as part of the punishment for disobedience. I specifically told her she wasn't to play or watch TV until she was finished. I find her in the hallway watching the movie Hannah and Morgan are watching. Ugh...again. She finished her scripture and played for the afternoon. We all watched a movie last night and she had to go to bed early and not participate in the popcorn and movie. I am so sad about this. I guess she is comfortable enough in our home now that she is starting to test. I wonder if her testing yesterday was because the boundaries at the party weren't as strict. She wanted to know if she could do the same at home.
Lately, most of her problems have revolved around food. I have been praying for God to show me what is going on. I talked to her about the fact that she always has plenty of food here and she knows she will be provided the next meal as well. She agreed with me. I am praying God will give me wisdom regarding this issue.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Party
The girls have been invited to a birthday party tomorrow. Actually, all three girls were invited, but Morgan is still at camp. I would feel much better about leaving them if Morgan was there. The girls are doing so much better and have come so far in almost 14 months, but they still have issues. I am not sure they will ever "get" some things.
Things still happen that frustrate me so much. I am not going to detail them because others would probably so I am being petty. However, even a four year old would know better. Social settings we have been in quite a few times and can't remember how to behave. We struggle remembering our boundaries regarding hugging and touching people.
They struggle with friendships. For this birthday tomorrow, I was talking with the girls about not hanging all over the other girls. They can't grasp my problem with their actions. They struggle with the fact a hug must be wanted by both people. We don't hang all over our friends. Hannah mentioned she would sit with the birthday girl in the car tomorrow. I had to explain that there will be 12 friends of this person at the party tomorrow. Some of them are much closer to this person than Hannah. Hannah thought she would be her buddy tomorrow. I had to explain that may not be the case. They are doing a scavenger hunt downtown. I am nervous about it. The mother doesn't want me to go, but I might. I will just have to evaluate the situation in the morning when I drop them off. I am happy they were invited and I want them to go. I am just really anxious about the party. If we have struggles in the morning, we may not go. My friends always tell me they do well for them, maybe I am too strict. No, I am not. I have to be in my world or all will fall apart.
Anyway, enough of that...I will let you know how things go.
We are headed to my parents tomorrow for the remainder of the week. Well, the twins and Alex will be with me. Morgan is at camp and my husband and Tucker are going to a Father/Son retreat in Texas this weekend. We will pick up Morgan Saturday and return home. We will pack Sunday and leave for our annual beach trip Monday.
It is a very busy month for us.
Things still happen that frustrate me so much. I am not going to detail them because others would probably so I am being petty. However, even a four year old would know better. Social settings we have been in quite a few times and can't remember how to behave. We struggle remembering our boundaries regarding hugging and touching people.
They struggle with friendships. For this birthday tomorrow, I was talking with the girls about not hanging all over the other girls. They can't grasp my problem with their actions. They struggle with the fact a hug must be wanted by both people. We don't hang all over our friends. Hannah mentioned she would sit with the birthday girl in the car tomorrow. I had to explain that there will be 12 friends of this person at the party tomorrow. Some of them are much closer to this person than Hannah. Hannah thought she would be her buddy tomorrow. I had to explain that may not be the case. They are doing a scavenger hunt downtown. I am nervous about it. The mother doesn't want me to go, but I might. I will just have to evaluate the situation in the morning when I drop them off. I am happy they were invited and I want them to go. I am just really anxious about the party. If we have struggles in the morning, we may not go. My friends always tell me they do well for them, maybe I am too strict. No, I am not. I have to be in my world or all will fall apart.
Anyway, enough of that...I will let you know how things go.
We are headed to my parents tomorrow for the remainder of the week. Well, the twins and Alex will be with me. Morgan is at camp and my husband and Tucker are going to a Father/Son retreat in Texas this weekend. We will pick up Morgan Saturday and return home. We will pack Sunday and leave for our annual beach trip Monday.
It is a very busy month for us.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Standardized Testing
We are having standardized testing this week. The first day went pretty well. Hannah finished quickly. Haylee was one of the last kids to finish her test sections. I spoke with the teacher before about how slow she is, but I didn't rush her because she usually does pretty well. They were fine with her speed because two others worked at about her pace. We have two more days. The math sections our tomorrow. I pray they can recall what they have learned.
We will be finished with regular school this week. However, they will all continue some school into the summer. This kids aren't thrilled about this, but I have no doubt regression will occur if we don't continue into the summer, especially math with the twins.
I am ready for things to slow down. I am ready for more play time with the kids.
Our not so good cycle ended in this weekend. Things are going better. We have implemented a new fine system for talking back to me or my husband. They pay us 25 cents. If they don't have any money, they pay with extra chores or candy. (Candy is a prized possession around here because it is so limited.) Also, if a child does something to harm another child, they get their chores for a certain amount of time. For example, one twin has all of her chores this week as well as her sisters. Needless to say, she has a lot of kitchen chores this week. She did well tonight completing them. I thought the tears were going to start, but she kept it together and did a great job. I was sure to tell her she did a good job.
We will be finished with regular school this week. However, they will all continue some school into the summer. This kids aren't thrilled about this, but I have no doubt regression will occur if we don't continue into the summer, especially math with the twins.
I am ready for things to slow down. I am ready for more play time with the kids.
Our not so good cycle ended in this weekend. Things are going better. We have implemented a new fine system for talking back to me or my husband. They pay us 25 cents. If they don't have any money, they pay with extra chores or candy. (Candy is a prized possession around here because it is so limited.) Also, if a child does something to harm another child, they get their chores for a certain amount of time. For example, one twin has all of her chores this week as well as her sisters. Needless to say, she has a lot of kitchen chores this week. She did well tonight completing them. I thought the tears were going to start, but she kept it together and did a great job. I was sure to tell her she did a good job.
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