Thanksgiving

I am very excited that we are out of school until Monday!!  Yeah!!

I am very thankful for my family and each of my children.  God has created each of them in a unique way.  No two are alike and they each have their own giftings.  We pray that we can help our children discover who God created them each to be.  

God has truly blessed our family!!

I was making dressing last night and the girls wanted to help.  I was so happy at the successes Hannah had in the kitchen.  (Haylee ended up not helping, but Morgan did.)  She was able to get 1/4 cup of butter and melt it for me.  She was able to measure 1/2 cup of milk.  She also cracked an egg into a bowl for me.  (This is big because the last two times she has almost put the egg in the trash instead of the bowl.)  Anyway, I reminded her of how much she has learned over the last year.  I told her that I remember when she didn't know what a measuring cup was or even where to get the eggs.  She tried to get me to do the tasks for her at first, but I encouraged her that she could do it by herself and she did!!  I am so pleased with how far they have come in the 1 year and 8 months they have been in our family! 

We have had a rough week.  I believe Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for them.  I was talking with a friend about the struggles and she reminded me that it was difficult last Thanksgiving also.  They both are testing the rules and boundaries.  We have made it through the week, but some days weren't fun.  They are learning, I hope, that our boundaries always stay the same.  They aren't a moving target. 

We are headed to my sister in laws for one night for Thanksgiving.  They have never been to their house.  We are taking blow up beds so they can sleep near us.  I can tell already Hannah is anxious about the trip.  It is the little things that only a parent would notice.  She packed what I told her not to pack and had to repack.  She has the stressed lines on her head.  I hope she can get regulated before we leave.  The girls are outside playing with Play**doh now.  Hopefully that will help her. 

I am focusing on my responses to all of my children.  I am being reminded through our Adoption Support Group and a book I just finished that we can sometimes difuse a negative situation by our response.  If we don't get into the cycle with them, sometimes it can be stopped.  Not always, but sometimes.  Basically, we need to stay regulated to help them.  I have been thinking about this a lot based on the struggles we have had the last few weeks.

I believe we are in a new season around here.  We are hitting a new level of testing and emotions.  God knows where we have been and where we are going.  He knows what we need and when.  I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my journey without God.  We sure are blessed!!

Party

The girls have been invited to a birthday party tomorrow. Actually, all three girls were invited, but Morgan is still at camp. I would feel much better about leaving them if Morgan was there. The girls are doing so much better and have come so far in almost 14 months, but they still have issues. I am not sure they will ever "get" some things.

Things still happen that frustrate me so much. I am not going to detail them because others would probably so I am being petty. However, even a four year old would know better. Social settings we have been in quite a few times and can't remember how to behave. We struggle remembering our boundaries regarding hugging and touching people.

They struggle with friendships. For this birthday tomorrow, I was talking with the girls about not hanging all over the other girls. They can't grasp my problem with their actions. They struggle with the fact a hug must be wanted by both people. We don't hang all over our friends. Hannah mentioned she would sit with the birthday girl in the car tomorrow. I had to explain that there will be 12 friends of this person at the party tomorrow. Some of them are much closer to this person than Hannah. Hannah thought she would be her buddy tomorrow. I had to explain that may not be the case. They are doing a scavenger hunt downtown. I am nervous about it. The mother doesn't want me to go, but I might. I will just have to evaluate the situation in the morning when I drop them off. I am happy they were invited and I want them to go. I am just really anxious about the party. If we have struggles in the morning, we may not go. My friends always tell me they do well for them, maybe I am too strict. No, I am not. I have to be in my world or all will fall apart.

Anyway, enough of that...I will let you know how things go.

We are headed to my parents tomorrow for the remainder of the week. Well, the twins and Alex will be with me. Morgan is at camp and my husband and Tucker are going to a Father/Son retreat in Texas this weekend. We will pick up Morgan Saturday and return home. We will pack Sunday and leave for our annual beach trip Monday.

It is a very busy month for us.

What a day...

Testing is going on around here. Yes, our rules are still the same. No, we will not send you back. If you cheat in school, the same punishment applies. It has not been a fun day for one little princess today. It has been a hard week for both of us. It really makes me wonder what happened to the glasses.

It will be one year April 6th. I guess they are getting nervous. They told me today their Aunt which they lived with for 10 months told them they would adopt them, then "gave them back". I explained that we adopted them, which means they are never going back.

Hannah dreamed last night that we sent them back.

I have been reading "The Connected Child" this week. God knew I would need the info this week. I was able to handle today better, I think, because I had been reading this book. I have read most of the info before, but it is helpful for me to review and be reminded that my girls are different than my birth children. It has helped me to remember why they do some of the things they do. I has reminded me of what is behind some of there actions.

Morgan has a barium swallow tomorrow to check for any visible problems with her stomach and esophagus. She is still having stomach troubles. This started when we found out the girls were going to be placed with us. We have to leave way too early in the morning.

I actually cooked dinner Monday, Tuesday and Thursday this week. Amazing!! I think my family was shocked. They have been very appreciative.


Tucker is going camping again this weekend with the scouts. He is going to Ordeal with the scouts to become part of the Order of Arrow. He is excited. He said he likes being away from the girls and their noise. This makes me sad in some ways. Maybe this is normal for a 14 year old, even if he doesn't have three younger sisters.

Catch up...

My parents did very well with the girls last weekend. They had them three nights. The first night was at my house then they went to their house. Overall, they did pretty well. My mother loves to "give in" to the kids. However, they know that we can't allow the boundaries to be very relaxed for the girls right now. She let them have loose boundaries and the testing started. My dad didn't let the big things slip. Nothing major happened, but the stories from my parents were pretty funny. The girls were trying to see if the rules apply with them as they do with us. My dad was quick to tell them the same rules applied.

I thought it had been long enough to leave the girls with my parents for three nights. I will never forget the look on Hannah's face when we arrived at my parents house to pick them up. I can't even describe the look to you. It wasn't a happy look. What the look meant, I believe, is that she isn't as attached as I thought. She didn't really care that we were back, it appeared. We definitely took some steps backwards after the separation. The first few days of the week were difficult, but we both survived. I think she it getting back to her normal now. I wonder if that will ever change? Haylee was glad to see us.

It has been a difficult week. We had a lot going on and I am staying so exhausted. Morgan is having stomach troubles again. This is very troubling to me.

The t*wins have an appt next week with the endocrinologist and Morgan has an appt with the pediatric gastro doctor. It will be another busy week.

What??

We have had a great weekend. I almost let this testing episode slip past me. I usually catch things like this quickly, but this I didn't. After our New Year's lunch, Hannah asked if she could watch a movie in my room and lay in my bed. They had all watched a movie earlier in the day in my room. I told her no because she needed to play some and not watch TV all day. (They get to watch a lot more than normal over the holiday break.) I explained why and she went on her way. Later, I couldn't find her. I found her in my bed. (The kids usually are not to be in my room for any length of time without permission. They just have no need to be in there.) I asked her what she was doing in my bed and she said she was watching a movie on her Ipod. I told her she didn't need to be in there. She left the room and went to her room. I realized a few minutes later that she was doing exactly what she had asked and I had told her no. Ugh!! I talked with my husband about it and we both agreed it needed to be addressed. I don't know if it was on purpose or not. Either way, she was disobediant. She must take responsibility for her choices. Her problem is that if she wants to do something, she will often do it no matter what the consequences. My husband and I talked with her about what happened. I asked questions and she answered without lying. Yeah!!! She hestitated more when she started realizing she was in trouble. The positive is she figured out what happened without me telling her. She told us she was disobediant and she told us the punishment. She was crying before she finished. I believe she was repentent. It was very difficult for either of us to discipline her for this, but we must. We can't let the boundaries loose, because she will push more and more. She isn't secure enough for the boundaries to be extended.

It grieved us to have to punish her today. Eventhough it was negative, so many positives were also seen. I am so proud of how far she has come. I pray that one day she will be totally secure in our family!! I know if will take a long time. We are starting to trust her more and more, which is so nice. My husband and I talk often about how far she has come.

Frustrated

What do you do when a child has broken the same rule each day for the last three days. She has been disciplined and written scriptures. She did it again tonight. Is something not connecting? Is it the cause and effect issues? It is not a big huge thing. It is a simple rule. We don't eat in the car without permission and especially not candy!! Don't get me wrong, we eat in the car all the time. However, sugary candy is limited at our house for many reasons. In fact, I may be too strict, but the kids all ask permission to get a snack. You may think I am nuts, but it is a rule we have always had. It may sound trivial, but if she can't follow the small rules, how will she follow the big ones?

On a positive note, my parents are going to keep all three girls for two nights. I am nervous about them going. I trust my parents completely, but the girls have never been away from me overnight. We have talked to them about going and they really want to go. I think since they will all be together, they will be okay. I will have two days without them. Believe it or not, this brings mixed emotions. I can "let my guard down" and relax some. I am sure I will stay very busy playing catch up around here. The boys are going on a field trip, so my husband and I are going Christmas shopping...with no kids!! We haven't been by ourselves much at all since the girls came to live with us. I hope the next few days go well for everyone.

Testing Boundaries

Well, the adoption has been final a few weeks now. Sweet Haylee Ann stood in front of the church last week and said I am a **last name** now. She was so sweet and proud. The excitement has ended. The party is over.

Haylee Ann and Hannah Beth are both testing the boundaires around here. Intentional disobediance. Not any complex things, simple things. Getting out of your bed before the set time to get up, after being told multiple times. Not telling the other girls to get ready to go, but sitting and pouting instead. Choosing to touch in stores when your hands are suppose to be in your pockets because you have been told multiple times in less than five minutes to not touch. After touching again and getting in trouble, you use your foot to touch!! After this happened, my husband took her to the car. She came back and apoligized for disobeying.

Both girls have learned to write and have memorized the scripture from Ephesians 6:1, "Children obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." It breaks my heart to have to discipline for things that seem so trivial, but we have to look at the big picture. I reminded both of them today that if I can't trust them with the little things, they won't be trusted with the big things.

They are having to learn boundaries that our birth children learned so much earlier in life. I reminded myself today that they probably had no boundaries until about 6 years old. As long as they stayed out of their birth parents way, they were okay. So sad.

Hannah Beth was in trouble this morning for disobeying, due to Haylee Ann telling on her. Well, when Haylee was in trouble this afternoon for disobediance, she didn't think she deserved the same punishment. Wrong!!

The girls are really doing pretty well. School is tough most days, but we endure. Haylee Ann's meds were increased again last week. We will see how school is this week.

Control?

Why does a child insist on happily wearing jeans when it is 95 degrees outside and they are burning up?

Why does a child insist on wearing shorts and a tank top when it is chilly outside?

She is outside picking up pine cones in a tank top and shorts.

Is this control? I am not making a big deal about it with her. She has been to the soccer field this week in shorts, short sleeve shirt and flip flops when it is freezing to me. She does take a light jacket. I don't want her to get sick, but she loves to get the attention. We are trying not to give it to her. Eventually, I will have to put the clothes in the attic for her health.

I think she is testing, trying to find out what she can control.

All of you experienced readers with neglected children, what do you think?

Okay day today...

No court date yet...miscommunication again. We must have the post placement visit before the hearing. Our new social worker, lovely, a new one at the end of this process, is coming tomorrow to do the post placement visit. I hope we have the procedures clear now.

Ann took forever to do her school work. The girls loves to color!!! It prevented her from finishing her other work. She did finish after her music class today, before we went to the soccer field.

Beth doesn't understand the value of things. She spent her only dollar, a gold coin given to her as a gift, for a candy bar at the field tonight. I told her if she bought something she could only have one piece because it was so late. She returns with a large candy bar which she was able to take one bite of and then put away. So she paid way too much for the candy, only got one bite, and spent her gold coin. How do we teach her the value of things?

Update

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It has been pretty busy around here.

We went to the doctor this week for Beth. Praise God!!! She has doubled her growth rate in the last five months. I took her in April and she had a rate of 3.9 cm per year. This time it was 9.3 cm per year!! We were all so happy!! She didn't even have to go back the second day for the hormone testing. She may need it later, but the doctor wants to see if she keeps growing like she has in the last five months. God is so good. We prayed before the last visit and decided to ask the doctor to wait on the testing. We want to get Beth in her forever home and make sure she is eating well, sleeping enough, and exercising. The doctor said we would probably need it at the next visit and to go ahead and schedule it. We did and were able to cancel it!!! It was a true to testimony to God's power and response to our prayers. Beth was so proud because she had diligently prayed. She had grown a little over 1 1/2 inches in five months.

The doctor is concerned that we are dealing with another syndrome in addition to FAE. It has very similar characteristics. I hope we aren't because it affects the ability for them to ever have children. She does want Ann to be seen the next time Beth is seen. The doctor and I are both waiting for the testing from the geneticist to return. Hopefully the results will be in within the next two weeks.

Beth has been okay lately. She hasn't tried anything new. I think I am used to her "normal" and am not surprised often. She really works hard during school and eventually gets tired and angry. I tell her to take a break, which she doesn't like to do. She does and is able to work better when she returns. She is still having a harder time in the evenings, but I am getting better at recognizing the symptoms and helping her redirect and control her anger better.

Ann is another story. I caught her cheating in school this week. She was working in a book with the answers in the back. We all know they are there and that I am the only one that looks at them. Well, I think she chose to look in the back for answers. I found her out because she left the marker in the back of the book. I would known when I checked it because she probably needed help to complete the work. The good news is she didn't lie at all. When I asked about it, her face dropped and she told the truth. She also took her punishment well. She was very repentive.

Last night, someone had left socks on the floor. I asked who they belonged to and Ann said Beth. I found that interesting because they were right next to the shoes Ann had worn that day. I asked if Ann had wore them and her face dropped and she said yes. I then proceeded to ask if she had asked Beth to borrow them. She said no. I asked if she was in Beth's drawer without permission. She said said yes. Ugh!! The socks aren't the issue here. Beth doesn't care at all if Ann borrows them. The problem is she went in someone else's drawer without permission. This has been a major rule since the girls came to our home. I was shocked that she had done this. Anyway, you may think we are mean, but Morgan and Beth can go in her drawers and get her clothes or toys for the next two days without asking. Beth had fun with that this morning because she can wear most of Ann's clothes because she has grown so much. Morgan even found something that fit her. Ann didn't like it at all. I don't think she will forget this punishment. She also had to write the scripture, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." Ephesians 6:1 ten times in her best handwriting. She didn't like this because the other girls were already playing. Amazing how fast she completed this task so she could play with the other girls when school takes her forever.

I am taking Ann to the doctor Monday and Tuesday about her ADD. She is really struggling. We have decided to try medication. It may not work for her with her conditions. People say it works quickly if it is going to work. If it doesn't help, we will stop the meds. She needs help. A friend of ours that reads my blog reminded me that these girls have so much to overcome and deal with in their past, that if i can help Ann with this, that is one less thing for her. Also, it doesn't help my relationship with her. I am the teacher and the mother. It is no fun when I am constanly correcting her. I hope the appointments go well.

We leave for Disney Wednesday. We are so excited. I am a bit worried about the girls wondering off. I believe Elliott and I will be specifically be in charge of one for the day and the boys will each have one. Two people will be assigned to each of them everyday.

Swim Meet

We have had a great, but hot two days at the state swim meet. All of the kids participating did well in their events and made personal best times. My parents came to cheer everyone on. Beth and Ann enjoyed the time with their grandparents. They so desire love and attention. My parents come ready to give because they aren't with them all the time like us. They don't hear the same thing over and over all the time. They have a lot more patience and endurance when we do. This morning they wanted to ride with my parents to the meet. (We had to travel about 1 1/2 hours to the pool.) Beth and Ann rode with them and Tucker, Alex, Morgan rode with my husband and me. It was weird, but a nice break. Well, it was nice after I regained my composure after backing into my parents van. They will now be getting their van repaired and I will be getting a new bumper. This was on the driver's side and the passenger side was already scratched up from a car hitting us in a shopping mall parking lot and not bothering to leave a note with their name. Anyway, I guess now I will get a new bumper. Not a good way to start the day. My father was great about it. He just hugged me as I cried. I was so mad at myself. We usually back into that spot to turn around in the driveway and I forgot his van was there.



At least nobody was in the car and of course there were no injuries.



The twins were great at the meet. They didn't swim, but the made it through the heat without to much complaining. They are slowly adjusting to our ways of doing things, I think.



Ann keeps calling Morgan mom. She always says they are playing when I ask about it. I have told them to not call her mom because I am their mom. Is that bad that I made that request? I want them to rely on me and not her. I guess this could show me how superficial the term mom is to them. What do you think?

Something isn't connecting...

Today one of my daughters had 2 obvious situations where she very obviously disobeyed and acted totally clueless about it.

The first was right after lunch. Morgan was tired of having her as a shadow. She didn't actually say that, but she is followed around constantly by this sister. She said she was tired and wanted to rest. She had tried in their room and it just wasn't working. My husband told her to go get in Alex's bed and close the door because Alex was in the den. Morgan went. My husband told the other girls to leave her alone and be quiet so Morgan can rest. The next thing we know, she has loud music playing in their room which is right next door to Alex's room. When I questioned her why she played the music when her daddy had told her to be quiet, she said she wanted to listen to music. Ugh!! I went over and over how she chose to disobey because she wanted to do what she wanted and not what her daddy told her. Well, I decided all of the girls needed a rest time. The twins had to get in their beds and sleep or read for one hour. However, the disobediant one had 1 1/2 hours. She wasn't happy beause all of the other kids were allowed to watch a movie that she likes during the half hour she had to stay in her room.

The other incident was at dinner tonight. She wanted grapes instead of watermelon with her dinner. I told her that was fine. Well, she got the container and sat down and started eating out of them. I explained, as I have many times, that she needs to put some on her plate and close the container. We also told all of the kids they didn't need a lot of watermelon or grapes because we didn't want any accidents during the night. As we were finishing dinner, I see her eating something from her lap. She had the grapes in the container hidden in her lap eating them!!! I did remain calm, but I wasn't happy. She was eating more than allowed and out of the container! I asked her what I had told her about the grapes. She looked at me like I was crazy and had not told her anything. Instead of allowing her to lie, I asked if anyone could tell me what I said. Well, the other twin repeated exactly what I said to her.

Is this part of the connections not being made? Is this strong will? Is this testing? Manipulation? I guess I am going to have to start watching her more closely again. She knows she is never allowed many grapes at one time because it upsets her stomach. What was she thinking...or was she not thinking?

Anger

Well, Morgan had fun at her friend's house day. One girl always has issues when Morgan goes away. It all happened right before swim team. Morgan bumped her as she was putting away toys. If looks could kill. When I asked why she made the hateful face towards Morgan, she said Morgan didn't mean to but she bumped her finger. Give me a break!!! I explained to her that she didn't mean to hurt her but she meant to make the hateful face. She is plain mad because Morgan went to play with a friend and she didn't get to go. I dropped the topic until we got into the car. In the car, I explained to her that she will not be allowed to go to a friends house as long as she can't control her anger. She also has other issues that I am figuring out along this journey that will not allow me to let her go without me. I can't trust her to behave properly and therefore she can't go without me. I also told all of the children that today wasn't a good day for her because she doesn't like it when Morgan gets to go play elsewhere. She gets mad. I asked her if that is correct and she agreed. I told everyone that she acts ugly and takes it out on everyone else. I knew this would happen today and it did. I hate if for her, but her boundaries just have to be different. The other sister said that she made her mad this morning. So, the acting out started early, I just wasn't made aware of it until late in the day. Well, they are swimming two hours tonight, so hopefully she can get over her anger. Wednesday should be a lovely day. Morgan is going to a birthday party with a friend for the day. What a journey God has us on...everyday is a new day and I just don't know what each will hold.

Boundaries

I hope I am doing the right thing. Morgan is playing at a friend's house today. This girl has been her friend for years. They go to church together and they also homeschool. The younger girls weren't happy when they didn't get to go. Morgan has also been invited to go with another friend to see a movie out of town Wednesday. She is going to do both, WITHOUT the younger girls. The younger girls do not like this. I have tried to explain that they are younger than each of these girls. They will develop their own friendships with other girls. These girls are always very friendly to them. However, I believe Morgan needs time away from her sisters. She is sharing EVERYTHING now. I am having to reassure my friends that is okay to just invite Morgan. She is still Morgan and loves to do her own thing.

I also do not think they understand our boundaries enough to be on their own. Also, I believe I have to be with them until the adoption is final anyway. They still are learning they can't just take whatever they want whenever they want. We have a refrigerator at church that has little bottles of water in it. My children aren't allowed to drink them. A water fountain is available if they need water. Well, one little girl came out drinking one before church yesterday. She told me where she got it and that she did not ask for it. I took it and gave it to my husband to drink because he is on the praise team and often needs water. The other girl asked her daddy and he told her no they weren't for them. This is just an example of them still learning boundaries and not just making theirselves at home. Of course, some of the adults around when I was scolding her thought that I was going overboard because it was just a bottle of water. In my mind, it is way more that a bottle of water. Why would you have to ask for a drink and home, but not at church our of the refrigerator? I think some of their connections just don't happen.

Other issues are arising that were not mention prior to placement. Hopefully, not major, but our counselor says we are probably reading the signs correctly. As a friend of mine on another blog has said, we have to have different boundaries for our foster/adoptive children. We just can't be to cautious. This morning with Morgan gone, the girls have watched a movie in the den so I can keep a good watch on them. I am not sure when I will totally trust them. When will I be able to leave them with another parent that hasn't dealt with foster children?

Things

I have been thinking about a few things the last few days.



I went to a reunion Friday night for the colorguard of which I was a member for three years in high school. This was a very important time in my life. I learned to fight through my struggles more than ever in my life. I was born with CP on my right side. It is mild, but could have been much worse if my parents had not pushed me to be all I could be. They always supported and ecouraged me. If my brothers and I were performing in the half time show, they were always there. They traveled everywhere we went to support us. In marching band and colorguard, you must roll your feet to march smoothly. Well, this isn't possible with the way God designed my body. There were many days my instructor would yell at me and I would be almost in tears. Usually, one of my two best friends would remind him as gently as possible that I can't do that. I believe this experience along with many others has made me a much stronger person. The verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" is very important to me. The point I want to make is that God leads us through struggles as he prepares us for the next step or season in our lives. He has prepared us for this time in our lives.



God has changed me and my husband significantly in the 15 years we have been married. We are so different then when we got married. We have changed in more ways than I can even tell you. We were definately meant to be together.



Well, I am so busy in my life with my children and homeschooling and taking care of my husband's business as well as the many other hats we all wear as moms. I think my life is totally normal. Well, at the reunion Friday night, you would have thought I was from a foreign country. A few people were in awe. It is just life to me. I don't want any gratification. I receieved comments like, "Wow, you adopted when you already had three children? What made you do that?" When I would tell them God called us to adopt, they would look at me like I am crazy. Add homeschooling all five on top of that and they thought I was totally nuts!! Of course I received the famous question, "How are your children socialized when they are homeschooled?" I have always been nervous when asked this question. Well, God must have spoke through me because I was very impressed with how I answered. I am not a very good speaker, the words just flowed. The person said, "Wow, that makes sense. I have never thought of it that way. I admire you for what you do." I don't do anything for approval from other people. We choose the way we live to benefit our children and most importantly follow God. I have to remember we are called by God to be in the world but not of the world. I forget that we aren't the "normal" family. However, we choose to surround our family with like minded people. We have a great church family and homeschool group that sees our vision for the family. They are very supportive of us.



The other thing I have been thinking about lately is how parents can make such bad choices that totally mess up their children. Thank goodness for foster homes that can help "repair" some of the damage done. I read many blogs and have found a few that I have really connected with the foster/adoptive moms. All of these children are so similar, at different degrees. Why do parents intentionally teach their children improper things at 5 years old? Why do they force them to watch Freddy Kruegar movies? Why do they neglect them for drugs and alcohol? I struggle sometimes with not having compassion for the birth parents of the many foster and adoptive children. We are very blessed by the girls we have been given through adoption. However, the don't process things like my birth children. I realize that is probably due to their their lifestyle during the first 5-6 years of life. It is so sad. Sometimes they just don't understand what we are trying to teach them. I worked with one girls for 3 hours on lying. We read. She read. She wrote scripture. She wrote sentences on trust and lying. She read other books on bossyness, stealing, etc. The next day, she lied again. I am at a loss. We are going to have to find another approach. I don't believe she realizes she is lying until we "wake her up" to reality. Eventually, she seems to maybe understand.

Even the ortho in our girls is going to be more complicated by poor choices by the birth parents. Foster children have very difficult lives due to irresponsible adults. It is so aggravating.

Lying and trust

We had another lying episode yesterday. We were all in the car together and heard it. She continued to deny saying what she said. We waited until we were home and handled it. She had to apologize to each person by name and read scripture aloud. She is not going to Kids Camp with the other girls on Tuesday. She will begin on Wednesday. She will be home doing what I tell her to do. No screen time (TV, computers, etc), no bike, no trampoline, etc. I am looking for a good book on lying. Any suggestions? Maybe I will make her write a paper on lying and trust. What do you do for this kind of situation?

Missing money...

Okay...my husband was getting tooth fairy money out of his wallet last night. He only had a twenty dollar bill. He then got 2 ones out of my wallet. He called right before lunch and the twenty is missing. All five children deny taking it. I guess I will be searching the house tonight while the kids are at swim team to see if I can find the twenty dollar bill. No child looked guilty when I asked. I didn't tell them where the money was or how much was missing. I told them that if someone took it, they need to come let me know. He has had a very stressful morning at work, so hopefully it is in his wallet and he just didn't see it.

I feel really guilty suspecting one child, but it has happened in the past with this child. If she did, she is a master liar.

We are home...

We are finally home from our vacation. I was ready to be home a few days before we arrived. It was too long for me. It was sweet to hear the girls say they were excited to be home and loved the smell of home. I believe this is a big thing in their lives. Looking at the big picture, we had a wonderful trip. We of course had some struggles along the way. One twin continues to act improper toward her sister when she doesn't get her way. It doesn't happen everyday, but when it does, it is not pretty. I can tell when it is happening because the tone of voice changes in both girls. Bless her heart, this is what she saw for about 6 years of her life. It is over simple things.

One of the families at the beach had a teenager and one twin loved it!! She thinks she is 18. It is different than Morgan trying to be 18. I can't describe it in words, it is just different and not in a positive way. I struggled at the beach because one of the other mothers thought the strong twin was just adorable and she could eat her up. Well, it was very obvious to me in her actions toward all three girls. She had her come sit in her lap and told her she needed to come stay with her for a visit. Did she say this to the other two girls? No! I thought to myself, you take her home for a week and treat her like a queen and see what happens! She will have an eventful time with no boundaries!!

She does well when we have structure. I have to reign her in a little closer then let her out some again. After an incident last night, I sent her to get a bath because I told her no and she tried to argue with me. When I sent her she cried and slammed the door. Well, this is not acceptable in our home. Also, about an hour earlier I reminded the girls that their door is not to be closed. This may be crazy, but I need to be able to hear what is going on in their room. I made her sit in the den alone for awhile. She cried very loudly to be sure I could hear her in my office. Later, I went in to talk with her. She had told me she didn't mean to slam the door right after she did it. I asked her if their door was supposed to be closed. She said no. I then asked her if she told the truth when she said she didn't mean to slam the door. She said no. I asked her if this was done out of anger and frustration, she said yes. I asked her why she did it and she said she wasn't thinking. I told her this is not acceptable behavior in our house. However, I also praised her because she has improved her behavior in the two months she has been with us. I reminded her that she would have had a much larger fit then. She agreed. She also agreed that she gets in trouble every time. I am really proud of her!

Both girls are still learning they can't just do what they want when they want to. I guess because for so many years, no person cared what they were doing, this is new to them. They both took off at the beach with my husband without telling me. They told him that I told them to go with him. I absolutely didn't! Morgan came in terrified because she was going to the beach to get something and one was going with her. She was walking with her, then she was gone. She had come back to the house to see my husband. The other twin was with her and had not told me she was going. I was in the condo looking for her when everything went crazy. Morgan came in scared because she couldn't find one and I couldn't find the other. They were headed to the bay with my husband. Luckily I walked out as they were leaving. He then told me they said I told them to go with him. Needless to say, all girls were sent in the house and we had a major discussion. Many rules were broken and so was trust. At the beginning of the week we never let them go without either me or my husband. We had started letting them go with a sibling. I guess they assumed they could do or say whatever again. Ugh!! I was so glad we only had one more day at this point.

If you made it through may rambling, thanks. These are short little snapshots into our current life. The girls and Alex are at Vacation Bible School this morning. I am nervous about them going. The twins have a early education teacher as their teacher. I am sure she will do great with them. I just told her to make sure she has boundaries for them. I will let you know how it goes...

Beach

Hey! My husband's aunt is letting me borrow her computer so I can update. I haven't seen her in years and we are happy to be able to visit with her.

We traveled to the first location. The girls are slowly getting used to traveling. Thank goodness for Little House DVD's. They certainly helped the trip go faster. We had a wonderful first day! The girls loved the beach! They played on boogie boards, built sandcastles, jumped in the waves, as well as anything else you can think of to do at the beach. We played from early in the morning until late in the afternoon. We saw a few signs of oil, but not much on the first day. By evening we smelled oil. We started deciding what to do. We debated and debated. The other two families we usually spend time with at the beach decided to move further east. We were all able to get condo's near each other so we decided to travel again. The girls were dreading the travel but are thrilled to be at the beach again. The condo is larger and has three bathrooms!! Yeah!!

It is interesting what the girls have learned to do while we are at home. However, we change places and some training has to start again. Things like cramming all of your clothes in the nightstand drawers when you have an entire chest and two nightstands for two girls. I showed them how to sort their clothes and put them in drawers so they can find their things. They said they have never been shown how to do that before. So sad. When we made lunch the first day, they acted like they had never made a sandwich before. They had gotten so they could do it at home. One girl just sat and stared at her bread, peanut butter, jelly and knife for a long time. My husband finally asked if she thought the sandwich was going to make itself. She just looked at him and sighed. We are more than happy to help after effort has been made. We are working on teaching them not enabling them. They adjusted well. However, this morning at the new condo on girl asked me where the milk was. I asked her, "Where do we keep the milk?" She said, "Oh" and went and got it. She struggles sometimes with completing her statements. She is improving. Anyway, we are having a wonderful trip and the girls seem to be happy. We are having some struggles with Morgan and the dominant twin some because they have similar personalities. We just handle the issues as they come.

I am sorry if this post is crazy, I am borrowing a computer.

A better day today.

We had a better day today. I told all five kids last night that we were going to clean house this morning. After cleaning, we would go swimming. They really liked that idea. I don't think the twins totally understood that I meant really clean. They hung in there and did a good job. Everytime they would come say they were done I would give them another job. They would sigh and head off to complete it. So, my house is pretty clean tonight. It is such a good feeling. We didn't finish everything I would have liked, but it is much better. All five were very helpful.

The boys were invited midmorning to go fishing with our Pastor and his grandson. They love going. Boy, did they pick up the pace with their chores!

I decided to treat the girls to lunch. I am not crazy about many fast food places. The girls seem to like one more than others so I told them we were going to eat lunch there before going to the pool. The compliant twin decided to ruffle feathers today. She told me she didn't want to eat there. I told her she can make a sandwich to eat instead. She didn't like that at all. Well, on the way to the restaurant, she again said she didn't want to eat there. I asked if she made a sandwich and she said no. I told her I guess she would be hungry if she chose not to eat. So, what does she do? Gets milk to drink and drinks all of it without eating. I told her next time she would have a drink after she had eaten most of her lunch. So trivial, but more testing!!

We had a great time at the pool. They all played well together. They have improved so much! When they came, they barely could keep their head out of the water. Now they are going everywhere. One girl can even get things off the bottom of the pool. They start swimming lessons Monday.

The compliant twin also answered the phone tonight. She was testing again. They aren't allowed to answer the phone unless it is me or my husband calling. She knows this!! She didn't even answer on a caller id phone!! She immediately knew she had messed up. I had her repeat the rule after getting on to her. She knew it. I guess she is testing her boundaries now. The other girl had a pretty good day today.

Tomorrow they go to the dentist locally for the first time. We shall see how that goes since Daddy is the dentist.

I get to go to lunch with a girl friend tomorrow with no kids!! Yeah!!!