Playing Pretend

Often when the girls are playing, they are playing "pretend" as they call it. I often have to stop the playing because screaming and yelling is going on and sometimes hitting. I have talked with them about when they are "pretending" they can still hurt feelings. I have heard them call each other ugly names, hit each other, yell in the others face. They unfortunately are role playing what they witnessed in their homes for so many years. It breaks my heart that they had to witness such awful things. Their excuse is always that they were just playing. Usually some has hurt feelings already. Today one girl said their BP's acted that way when they were drunk. I asked her if she is drunk since she is acting that way. She looked at me like I was crazy, but it got her attention. I asked her how it made her feel when she saw her BP's act that way. She said she was scared. I asked them if that is how they want to act when they are married. They said no. I asked if they see Daddy and I act that way. They said no. I told them that is not the plan God has for marriage. We always want to love each other as God loves us. I think they vent their frustrations acting this way. Am I handling this correctly? Morgan is learning a lot by role playing with these girls.

On a much lighter note...

We had a great weekend. We went to my parent's lake house again. My daughter that was afraid to jump off the pier and ride the tube behind the boat was doing all of it this weekend with very little fear. She would jump off the pier, off the boat in the middle of the lake, ride the tube in the rough water. It was so exciting to see her acting like a child, not an adult. Two of the three girls showered when a storm blew in. I told them they wouldn't be getting back in the lake if they showered. They chose to anyway. The sun came back out and one twin wanted to ride the tube again. She convinced her daddy to ride with her. She had the largest most genuine smile I have ever seen on her face. She said the best part was having her daddy's arm around her the whole ride. Wow!! She must have felt secure and safe in his arms! What a blessing! We have come so far in eight weeks!

Our birth daughter is really testing now. I am not surprised at all. She is probably just acting like she did before the girls came.

Overcoming Fears

We had a great afternoon today. Some friends of ours have a creek that runs behind their house with some waterfalls in it. We went to play in the creek and fish. Things were going well until the girls wanted to cross the rocks and play in the falls. They are like mini rapids. Morgan and one twin had no fear. They managed to work their way to the middle and play in the water with their daddy. However, one little girl is very fearful. She didn't want them to go because she was afraid she would fall because it was slippery. They weren't going to miss out on the fun and left her behind. They had a great time playing with their daddy while she stomped around, threw sand, yelled and cried on the sandy bank. We ignored it pretty much. The other two girls came back over and played with her eventually. A few minutes later they wanted to go back to the falls. They started going and she started fussing again. Morgan stepped up and offered to help her. She kept crying and saying she would fall. Morgan kept offering her hand and told her that if she didn't stop crying and grab her hand and try she would never do it. Well, Morgan did a great job with her!! God must have given her an extra dosage of patience today. She told her where to put her feet and bend down at times and crawl. She eventually made it to the falls. Once there, she had a blast!! Everyone had a great time. I even got in the water in my clothes!!! People that know me will be very impressed that I "got out of my box" and got in the creek. The kids were very happy that I joined in the fun with them.




Morgan trying to convince her to try to cross the creek.



The are slowly crawling across the slippery rocks.



She was able to get her to try to walk part of the way.



After she started playing, she had a blast.



Tucker was great helping them climb back up the creek.



They are working their way back up the falls.



One girl had a great day fishing with just her daddy
and Tucker the day before.



Of course Alex was proud of his catch.




The three great guys in our family. They were wonderful
with the girls today in the creek. They were even very helpful
to me when I busted it trying to get in the creek. I am very
thankful nothing is broken.

Thank God for my wonderful family and for our great day!!

Advocate for our children.

We had our initial appt today. The appt went well. For anyone that knows me, I had my research done and was ready to present my case. The doctor agreed completely with my findings. She agreed with all of the symptoms and physical features. She is going to try to get the girls in earlier for their testing and evaluations. They had someone cancel for Monday, so one girl will be tested then. The other appt isn't until the middle of June. I am praying they will work her in earlier. I called our state worker regarding the diagnosis and she agreed that I need to get them the services they are due. She is surprised they had not previously been tested. I think I would rather do it this way because I get to speak with the doctor instead of getting a report. We need to have everything documented by the doctors and recommendations by them as well. I want these girls to have all they are entitled. It isn't for me, but them. I will fight for my children. They also recommended counseling every other week. I am not sure if we are going to do that or not. My husband and I will decide that together.

Doctor Appointment

I am taking the girls to be evaluated tomorrow for things related to their past. They have been asking what they are going for over and over. I finally decided I need to tell them something. I tried to explain to them as gently as possible that their mother made some poor decisions when they were in her tummy. As a result of things she put in her body, they may have some problems in the future. For example, their short stature and growth patterns. They are very aware of that so I felt like it was a safe example. We need to have this testing done prior to the final papers being signed so if we need additional services, we can include them in the adoption agreement. I hated having to talk to them about this, but I have always told them I wouldn't lie. I reminded them that God is bigger than anything the doctor says. Tomorrow is going to be difficult because I am sure they will talk to them about their past. Who knows what tomorrow will be like. I hope we are doing the right thing for the girls by having the evaluation completed.

15 Years

Today is our anniversary. We have been married 15 years. We were talking the other night about how this adoption has helped our marriage. Don't get me wrong, we had a good marriage, this has made it even stronger and better. We followed God together into this adoption and are working together at it. I love having a spiritual husband who helps bring me back to reality when I start sinking. I am very blessed to have such a fine man as a husband and five beautiful children!!

A better day today.

We had a better day today. I told all five kids last night that we were going to clean house this morning. After cleaning, we would go swimming. They really liked that idea. I don't think the twins totally understood that I meant really clean. They hung in there and did a good job. Everytime they would come say they were done I would give them another job. They would sigh and head off to complete it. So, my house is pretty clean tonight. It is such a good feeling. We didn't finish everything I would have liked, but it is much better. All five were very helpful.

The boys were invited midmorning to go fishing with our Pastor and his grandson. They love going. Boy, did they pick up the pace with their chores!

I decided to treat the girls to lunch. I am not crazy about many fast food places. The girls seem to like one more than others so I told them we were going to eat lunch there before going to the pool. The compliant twin decided to ruffle feathers today. She told me she didn't want to eat there. I told her she can make a sandwich to eat instead. She didn't like that at all. Well, on the way to the restaurant, she again said she didn't want to eat there. I asked if she made a sandwich and she said no. I told her I guess she would be hungry if she chose not to eat. So, what does she do? Gets milk to drink and drinks all of it without eating. I told her next time she would have a drink after she had eaten most of her lunch. So trivial, but more testing!!

We had a great time at the pool. They all played well together. They have improved so much! When they came, they barely could keep their head out of the water. Now they are going everywhere. One girl can even get things off the bottom of the pool. They start swimming lessons Monday.

The compliant twin also answered the phone tonight. She was testing again. They aren't allowed to answer the phone unless it is me or my husband calling. She knows this!! She didn't even answer on a caller id phone!! She immediately knew she had messed up. I had her repeat the rule after getting on to her. She knew it. I guess she is testing her boundaries now. The other girl had a pretty good day today.

Tomorrow they go to the dentist locally for the first time. We shall see how that goes since Daddy is the dentist.

I get to go to lunch with a girl friend tomorrow with no kids!! Yeah!!!

Today

We had a fun weekend at the lake this weekend. The girls had a great time. They had never been on a boat, swam in the lake, ridden an inner tube or been spoiled by Granny until this weekend. They behaved well and can't wait to go back.

We are beginning some testing Friday for the girls. I am trying not to get anxious, but I am. I know I can't change the past for these girls, but I am struggling with the unknown in the future. The lying and manipulation "appears" to be improving. However, it seems like we start to improve and go backwards again. I am trying not to get down about everything. God is bigger than any diagnosis. I have to keep telling myself this over and over again.

The girls spoke with the foster mom yesterday and her daughter. They talked about her all last night and today. They have gone from drawing pictures with our family to drawing pictures with the two of them and the foster mom and daughter. Why does this bother me so much? Maybe they aren't as attached as I thought. After they spoke with her yesterday, they kept saying how much they miss her. I told them I was sorry.

I can easily see how people can fall into post adoption depression. Today is not a good day for me.

God is bigger...

I am having to remind myself that God is bigger than any diagnosis, any fear, any hurt that these girls may have. We can overcome. He placed these girls in our home for a reason. We are meant to raise them. We have what we need, because He will give it to us.

We had family pictures today, one hour away. I started at 9:30 having girls shower. We left about 1:15 with 30 toe nails painted, 40 finger nails painted, 3 girls and a Mommy with attempts at fixing hair, clothes ironed, and lunch fed. What a day!! The kids all did very well. We took studio pictures first. Each of our birth children have baby pictures with Mom and alone. So, we took "baby" pictures of the girls today with Mom and alone. I just love having my picture made! Ha!Ha! Anyway, I did it. They did super. Morgan had pictures made also. We took some with all of the girls together. We also took family pictures outside after dinner. They all did well again. The photographer took pictures of the boys alone. My, how they have grown up!! Tucker is so grown up!! I can't believe it!! Anyway 2 1/2 hours of pictures! I am finished for a long time, I hope. I can't wait to see the proofs! He thought the girls were actually my birth children because they look so much like us. Pretty funny and cool!

It worked again!

Two girls had a disagreement this morning. Two stories that didn't match. It was over who was going to play with the umbrella outside. It wasn't a big deal, but I knew somebody was not telling the truth. We did the five minute time out, which ended up being ten because I was sorting laundry and made them wait, and the stories matched. I explained to the girl who struggles to be honest when she really wants her way what had happened again. She appears to understand. Do I discipline again or just keep handling it this way? She probably understood what she was doing when she wasn't honest...maybe. Anyway...it worked again. I am so glad to know that Morgan, the girl I have raised nine years, knows the difference between a truth and a lie. There was a time when I questioned whether she did or not. She is really maturing during this life change. Praise God for the baby steps we are making!

Silly Giggles!!

It is so refreshing to hear the silly girly giggles in my house right now. They are dressing up in funny outfits.

God is in control.

Today is a better day, so far. I have decided we are just going to keep some structure this summer. The new girls function better with more structure. Too much free time, unfortunately allows too much time for problems to happen. However, the incidences yesterday weren't during free time. I was sitting right there checking school work when the big one happened. Anyway, today is better. We have been busy with piano lessons, Tucker has Science and SGA. The girls are playing well at the moment.

People wonder if I would do anything different regarding the adoption of the girls. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! They are our girls forever!! Regardless of the things we weren't informed of prior to the placement, no matter what testing we have to endure by the girls, no matter what people around us say or do, no matter what illnesses they may have, they are ours and we will not change that. God gave us these girls just as He gave us our birth children. Our birth children had problems and illnesses from the time they were conceived until now. God gave us what we needed to get through each of the struggles. He has saved one child from being exposed to fifths disease in utero and dying after doctors and nurses said she would die. He healed one child of ITP after about a two year battle. He has restored hearing to one of my children after about 12 years of prayer. My son always believed God would heal him. He never doubted. He will do the same for these girls. We stand on His promises today and will continue. God called us to adoption, we are just being obediant. We are blessed to have these girls in our lives. We are able to love them, provide for them, protect them, feed them, and hopefully make them feel secure. He can heal their wounds, fill their hearts and enable them to love and trust again. He will give me the strength and edurance to get through every struggle we have. He has since the girls moved in on April 6th and will continue. I would have never aborted a baby in my belly and I will not abort these babies either.

Thanks to all of my friends that follow my blog and pray. It was so nice to walk in church Sunday and someone say they saw my blog and started praying. How awesome is that? Thanks to my blogging friends that are on this journey with me in their own homes. I admire and respect each one of you. I pray for you often! You have become friends that I talk with my husband about daily. God Bless You!

If you made it this far, sorry to preach, but this is what my heart is feeling today.

What else can happen today!!!

What a day!! Can it get any worse!! Today has been a very difficult day at our house!! Rules being broken...everywhere...by everyone!!!! How much more can I take!! I know God has called me to this, but what is going on!!! Boundaries!!! I am pretty sure we have them in this house, not to be broken, but to keep people safe and out of trouble. NOT TODAY!! Both girls have broken rules today. The difference is one is very remorseful and true tears were shown. The other was very hard. How can two girls come from the same Mom and be so different? How can one be so different than the other?

The worst part about the problem this afternoon is that she broke somthing of Morgan's and she isn't here. It was very special to her. There is going to be drama at my house tonight!!

This is definately the hardest, most trying thing my husband and I have ever been through. Praise the Lord we are in total agreement on everything. He came home at lunch and finished dealing with the morning issue with me. I guess we will deal with the afternoon issue tonight when he gets home. We are both struggling with mixed emotions for these girls. Such fun. God give me the strength I need and words of wisdom.

T,A,M are at the pool. The girls wanted to watch a show I have never heard of. I told them I get to choose what they are watching. They are watching Arthur. They get to watch was if most fitting for them at the moment. Arthur sometimes has some good lessons.

We are in this for the long haul. The girls are ours forever and ever. We are always telling them nothing will change that.

What is it?

What causes a child to take a card they know isn't theirs, walk off a little, turn their back to you, then read it? When questioned, about what they did, tells the truth.

Nosy.

Deceit.

Control.

No emotion.

Punished.

No emotion.

Apology.

No emotion.

She knew exactly what she did and didn't care.

Still no trust.

What do I do?

Light School Days

Today is Monday, which means time to finish up school. We are pretty much finished for the school year. We had standardized testing last week, we have finished all of our textbooks. During the summer all of my kids have to continue to read regularly, the girls will work in their BrainQuest workbooks that review all academic areas and the boys will work on their Boy Scout merit badges. We also will finish our History book. I am letting them play outside this morning and we will continue school after lunch. We will also have "home ec" once a week. We don't have any help with cleaning the house, so I have five great helpers that can help me get the house clean. We try to keep it pretty straight, but the toilets and sinks get pretty gross! We have cleaned the house twice since the girls have been here and it has gone pretty well. We are learning the difference in windows and mirrors, cleaning and straigtening, honesty and lying. Wow, isn't it amazing how the last one creeps into everything!!

Mother's Day went well. The girls seemed to handle the day well. One girl has asked to call the Foster Mom the last few days. We tried twice last night and could not get in touch with her. How long does this continue? How long should I allow this to continue?

Mother's Day

I received many cards made with love this morning. Morgan gave me a few sweet cards, as usual. One of the twins gave me six or seven. Hearts, notebook paper, construction paper, puppets and many other precious cards. They all said something about thanks for being my mommy. One said, "I wish I could come out of your tummy." How sweet!! The other daughter had one card with many sweet things. She said she knows I still love her when she fights with Morgan, when she is scared at night and thanks for buying them clothes when they needed it. Wow!! What a sweet morning!!

I am so very blessed!!

Mother's Day

Tomorrow is suppose to be a happy day. I am blessed to be the mother of five beautiful children. However, for my two new daughter, is it different? One daughter asked to look at her birth family pictures today. My parents were here, so we all were able to browse them together. I am not sure what is going through their little minds. Did they want to look through the pictures because they are missing her as we talk about celebrating Mother's Day? How sad that their birth mom has no idea where her babies are on this special day. I can't imagine not knowing where my children live. How hard is this day for them? This is the first holiday they have had in our house. I hope it is a happy one.

My heart hurts.

My heart is really sad tonight. It is breaking for these girls.

One girl admitted to picking fights with Morgan. She realizes she is doing it. She was very mad and pouting on the couch today. The reason was because she was mad because the other two girls walked away and didn't fight with her. I have told them repeatedly to walk away. They were so proud they did. The sister was not happy with them. SHE DIDN'T GAIN CONTROL OF THEM and so she was MAD!! We had a nice long discussion just as we had friends coming over for dinner with their eight children. I had to let them in and go handle the problem. I am praying for God to reveal the root issue for this action. We told her we want to replace this need she has with something better, spirit filled. So sad.

One girl came to me tonight asking about when we were going to change the sheets on their beds. I told her I didn't know. Honestly, I haven't had time this week and haven't even thought about it. I asked her why and she said no reason. I remembered that she was in different clothes this morning and it all came together for me. I asked her again and she finally told me. She had a dream that she was in the bathroom and wet the bed. I asked why she hadn't told me and she said she was punished in her previous home. MY HEART BROKE!! I asked where the clothes are because I had them bring all of the dirty laundry to me today and I didn't notice any. She went and got them and gave them to me. I have no idea where she had hidden them. I reassured her that it is okay and that it happens to others, not just her. I have probably told her five times that she isn't in trouble, but please tell us next time so we can get the we sheets off the bed. So sad.

My heart is breaking for these girls tonight. As we walk this journey with God, I am learning more and more about me and each of my family members. I am so blessed!!! I am honored to be their mother of five precious children.

Good Day

The doctor appointments went well yesterday. We just love our pediatrician. He takes so much time with us. He knows our family well. Alex had a blood disorder as 1 year called ITP. He was very sick and we saw him often. He was chronic and so we saw the Dr two times a week for a long time. Anyway, he was glad to see us. The funniest thing was that he was sitting with his laptop next to us while the nurse was taking labs on the girls. I had introduced him already. I was sitting next to him talking and told him they were adopted through DHR. He kept looking at them and finally asked if they were related. This was really sweet to me. He couldn't believe how much they look like our family. It was neat for the girls to hear this also. They did great at the office. We didn't find anything new. I had some questions about some things. His answer was that we can't change some things we just have to deal with them going forward. He reassured me he would help in anyway. It is so nice to have doctors we can trust so well!! We have a pediatrician and a general practioner in our town that are great men. They truly care for their patients and honor what we are doing with the girls. I believe they will help in anyway needed.

It was a busy day, but we made it. We had SAT10 in the morning, lunch at BK then one child had a 1:30 Science class, two had piano at 1:30 and the girls had doctor appts at 2:00. We made it to everything, thanks to the help of great friends.

I am so blessed to have such great support from my parents, my in-laws, and many friends. Thanks to everyone!!!

Quiet?!?

Wow! I am home alone for about 2 hours three mornings this week. All five kids are taking standardized test Tuesday-Thursday. I usually help test, but wasn't sure if I would be testing the girls or not. I can actually pay bills for my husbands office today!!

Are the tears real or manipulation?

This weekend T,A, and M participated in a swim meet. Well, that means we were at the pool all day Saturday. The girls kept asking if we were done and if we could leave. I finally had to tell them this is what our family does together. We would be at the pool until we were all finished and received the awards. They finally realized I meant it and adjusted. One girl napped and the snacked. Survival at its best!!

After such a big weekend, we decided to nap Sunday. The boys and one girl slept and me, of course. MISTAKE!! I will not do that again. The girl that slept couldn't go to sleep that night. We even rode our bikes five miles after naps. She kept getting out of bed, waking up the other girls, not being honest, becoming fearful, among other things. We had a rough night. My wonderful husband had them in bed early tonight since I was at a meeting. It is very quiet in my house. All I hear is the dishwasher and washing machine. Peaceful!!

How do you handle manipulation? I am struggling to tell the difference between tears for manipulation or real tears. When the bad tears come often and appear like the real tears, I struggle with helping her. As the night went on when she kept waking others up I became less and less sensitive. I didn't like the way I was feeling. However, she gave the same tears earlier about not going to BK to eat lunch. She said we had not been since she had been here. I wanted say to her, lets name where we have been. I didn't to that, but I thought it. I feel really bad for thinking that way. I don't want to feel that way. However, I finally got her to admit to me that she was crying because she wanted to go there for lunch and she thought we would change our mind. Well, she is learning quickly that acting that way makes it that much longer before you get to go with us as parents. (We are as stubborn as the come. My husband and I both received a good dose of this in our genetics!!) This is happening more and more. Needless to say, I am staying firm and hopefully it will eventually improve. I think she doesn't realize she is being dishonest and manipulative. Well, maybe she does. Today, when I could tell she was going to say whatever to get her way, I stopped and made her think about it a few minutes and then tell me. Both times after thinking for a few minutes, she chose to tell the truth. I told her she was still in trouble for the action but not for lying. She told the truth!!! I think she is learning the difference. I think she has had to act this way in her past for survival at times. Hopefully as she becomes more and more secure, this will improve.

The girls have check-ups tomorrow. I hope all goes well. I have many questions for our pediatrician. I hope he is ready!! He is wonderful, so I am sure he will be very patient with me.