Only one at a time...

As many of my blog friends have stated, with adopted children, it seems that only one of mine can "do well" at a time.

Hannah is usually my problem. Well, she has behaved pretty well and followed the rules the last few days. She has done well with her small amount of school work as well.

Haylee hasn't done well. She can't keep her hands to herself. She won't listen. She won't answer us when we ask a question. She just stares or looks at the ground. When we pull her chin up to look at us, she looks back down. She usually isn't in trouble until she starts not answering us.

We had to drive an hour in the car this morning for a doctor appt for the twins. The girls were all told to take their small amount of school with them. We start driving and I notice Haylee isn't working. I ask her why and she says she gets sick in the car. She hasn't ever gotten sick in the car with us. Hannah has, but not Haylee. So, she only brought one of her books. She had to finish her when we got home while everyone else played.

After completing her school, she wanted Hannah to play with her. They were in their room. I kept hearing Haylee yell at Hannah. After I heard a foot stomp, I intervened. Hannah was trying to control the situation by saying she didn't remember the "game" Haylee wanted to play. Haylee was frustrated and yelling at her. Haylee is now resting in her bed. I will not tolerate them acting in their "games" in ways they shouldn't act to anyone. I really don't like the "games" they play.

I am sure, since Morgan isn't home, Hannah was trying to control the situation. Well, it backfired. They aren't playing.

It may be a long 11 days while Morgan is at camp!

They may be having rest time while Morgan is gone. I try to have quiet reading time in the summer anyway. It doesn't always happen. It seems like we are always headed somewhere with a child for an appt or something.

I wonder if Haylee's medicine is helping control some other issues other than ADHD. I wonder if it is helping stabilize her emotions. We may not make it all summer without her meds. Any opinions from other Mom's of children that have suffered abuse and neglect? Children with FAE?

Standardized Testing

We are having standardized testing this week. The first day went pretty well. Hannah finished quickly. Haylee was one of the last kids to finish her test sections. I spoke with the teacher before about how slow she is, but I didn't rush her because she usually does pretty well. They were fine with her speed because two others worked at about her pace. We have two more days. The math sections our tomorrow. I pray they can recall what they have learned.

We will be finished with regular school this week. However, they will all continue some school into the summer. This kids aren't thrilled about this, but I have no doubt regression will occur if we don't continue into the summer, especially math with the twins.

I am ready for things to slow down. I am ready for more play time with the kids.

Our not so good cycle ended in this weekend. Things are going better. We have implemented a new fine system for talking back to me or my husband. They pay us 25 cents. If they don't have any money, they pay with extra chores or candy. (Candy is a prized possession around here because it is so limited.) Also, if a child does something to harm another child, they get their chores for a certain amount of time. For example, one twin has all of her chores this week as well as her sisters. Needless to say, she has a lot of kitchen chores this week. She did well tonight completing them. I thought the tears were going to start, but she kept it together and did a great job. I was sure to tell her she did a good job.

Changes

The dynamics among the kids is changing around here lately. It is interesting. Hannah has surprised me with some of the things she has said to Haylee lately. I wonder if some resentment is starting to show. Haylee doesn't need Hannah as her protector anymore. She hasn't since she has been in our home. Hannah has seemed to be defensive of Haylee toward me lately, but not very friendly to her. They have had a few yelling fights in the last few days which I have needed to intervene. Interesting...

I am not sure what is going on...time will tell. They are staying with my parents this weekend. I hope it all goes well.

Father Daughter Dance

I spent last night in Atlanta with only the boys. I was a nice change. They get so little of my attention because the girls demand so much!! The boys are very understanding of the demands of the girls. It was very quiet!! Well, I took the boys to a swim meet and Elliott stayed home with the girls. They had a dress up date night last night and had a wonderful time. I had to get home today to help them get ready for the first annual Father Daughter Dance in our town. About 45 people attended. They aren't home yet, but I am sure it was great!! Elliott had a sweet speech planned about learning to "dance" with your daughters. He mentioned that two of our girls are adopted. He said it took him about 4-5 years to learn to "dance" with Morgan. It was difficult but they dance well together now. He said that he is still learning to dance with Haylee and Hannah and a lot of toes are being stepped on in the process. It is a challenge worth taking. Girls desire to "dance" with their fathers. Each of them have a different "dance". It is worth stepping on toes to figure it out. It can be life changing. Anyway, it was a very meaningful speech. He probably doesn't even know I read it. He left it on the computer when he left tonight.

Camp

We have decided to let Morgan go to camp this summer with a friend for 12 days. What will I do?? I won't be able to tuck her in for 11 nights?? I will miss her so much!! She is going with a sweet friend that we have known for years. She is thrilled!! She has wanted to go for two years now. It has always interfered with our annual beach trip that is scheduled around my husbands annual professional meeting. This year it also conflicted with her dance recital. She has continued to pray for a way for it to happen. I just knew it wouldn't.

But God...

He has moved the mountains for Morgan!!

The dance recital was moved one week earlier and the beach meeting has been moved a week later. After much prayer and consideration, we have decided to let her attend. It is not cheap at all, but we feel she derserves this time away without her sisters.

We asked her what she was willing to help pay to go and she said all of her savings. Well, we aren't going to make her do that, but this will be her birthday present which is at the end of the month. She was thrilled!! I had already purchased her a camera, which is all she wanted. My parents will give her that for her birthday.

My husband and I have been trying to figure out what we could do special to honor her because she has learned to share almost EVERYTHING in the last nine months. She has never expected anything in return. We are so proud of her! This adoption has been the hardest on her. She has overcome!! We still have very difficult days, but she is doing well.

The problem...

How do we handle this with the other girls? They are going to want to go next year. One problem...the cost. Also, I don't know that they will be able to go away that long without me for a long time. How do I explain that to them? Suggestions?

Is it bad that we are letting her go and they may never get to go?

This will be a good time for them to learn to play without Morgan. When she isn't around now, they don't know what to do.

I feel like we are doing the right thing, but I do worry about the other girls. I can't make Morgan miss out because they may never be able to attend alone, can I ?

Setting the bar

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I am struggling with what to post. Things are going pretty well. I truly believe the girls had a wonderful Christmas. We are still having issues, but they aren't as big as some of my other blogger friends, so I hate to post about them. They feel really big to us, but trivial to others.

I have been pondering lately what issues are truly disablilites with the girls and what things aren't. I have to teach them multiple times for them to understand things. However, they usually get it, eventually. We don't want to enable them because we want them to be all God has created them to be. We also don't want to hurt them by setting the bar too high. A friend told me that we set high standards for our kids. My husband and I have talked about it and we don't think we need to change anything. We realize it is harder for Haylee and Hannah to reach the goal sometimes, but most of the time, they reach it. The goals are often different for them. For example, they are third graders, but I have backed up to second grade work in some areas because it was just too hard for them. I want them to be and feel successful. We are praying and trying to find the best balance for the girls.

We are headed to my parents house today for a one night stay. A friend of mine is also taking her two girls and going with us. We are going to take the girls to the big mall and let them see the Christmas decorations before they are removed. All of my children love to eat in the food court, so we will probably have lunch there.

I am also very excited to have breakfast with a friend that I babysat for when her son was a baby. She would have me come play with him while she was home because I was young myself. Eventually, as we both got older, I babysat him alone. She was my number one babysitting job and I called her before I took any other jobs to see if she needed me. I am excited about visiting with her!

I will post pictures of Christmas soon!

What a treat...

The girls and I worked diligently for a long time practicing the motions they are doing in two songs in our homeschool Christmas musical in a few weeks. Everyone was tired afterwards and had some quiet time. I let them end the quiet time early and we had hot chocolate with whip cream and homemade Christmas cookies which they helped make the day before!! Wow, at that moment, I was the best Mom in the world!!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving went pretty well. At times, Hannah and Haylee would not know what to do. They would just come and look at me. I believe they weren't used to having so much free time. We weren't having school of course, so they could just play. They definately do better with structure. As the weekend went on, this improved. Hannah struggled more with the holiday. She seemed to be on the outside looking in many times. She would just be by herself watching. I am not sure what she was thinking. My husband and I believe she really struggled the week before because of the arrival of the holiday. During the time when the family was here I believe she was taking it all in to see how our family acts. I found her staring at me many times. She spent a lot of time watching everyone. She was trying to outdo Morgan many times. I wish I could read her mind.

Selfishness

We all can have moments. of living a world of "self". However, that is not how we should live. We are to serve others and not expect everything to revolve around us.

I believe testing and control must be in the air based on the some of what my blog friends are saying. I am thinking that may be what I am dealing with in Beth. I think she is testing her boundaries to see what she can control. She is repeatedly asking for something after I have told her no because she wants it. No other reason. For example, we have had many discussions about not getting out of bed before a specified time and getting dressed because you disturb your sisters. It is showing respect and love for your sisters. Well, today is Saturday. We allowed the girls to stay up later to watch a movie. I told the girls to sleep late. Do not get up until after 7:30 or so. However, between 6:30 and 7:00 this morning the twins were both up. Morgan was trying to sleep. I am in my bed awake and at about 7:05, Beth appears in my room completely dresssed with hair fixed and everything. I could not believe it!! I wasn't happy. I asked her all of the questions concerning all of our morning rules. She answered everyone correctly. She knew the rules, but she chose to do it anyway because she wanted to get dressed. I asked what time she got up and she said she didn't know. Not the truth because she looks at the digital clock in her room first thing every morning. I asked her if she got up before seven. I don't know. Another lie. I told her I heard someone up before seven. She chose to break the rules.

I also reviewed the rules with Ann while Beth walked the dog and she also knew the rules and chose to break them. Ugh!! They both had to sit on the couch quietly while I showered. They weren't allowed to go in their room because Morgan had gone back to sleep. Ann and Beth will both go to bed one hour earlier than Morgan tonight. Is that mean? I don't know what else to do. This is a common occurance. I am wondering again if I need to give Morgan her own room and move the Alex and Tucker in together. I would put Beth and Ann in Alex's room.

Beth is testing her boundaries and control in different ways in addition to the incident this morning. One day this week is that she asked me if she could wear a certain hair clip on our family cotton field pictures the other day. I told her no. I was thinking that I may have time to fix her hair with it if I can get everyone else ready; however, I didn't tell her that. A few minutes later, I am ironing the boys shirts and she comes up behind me and asks again if she can wear the clip. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She repeated the same question. I told her I had already said no, why is she asking again. Her answer was, "Because I want to wear it."

Today we were keeping a friend of ours little girl that is 3 1/2. She wanted to watch Dora. Beth got mad and refused to watch TV because it wasn't what she wanted to watch. I had had enough. We had the discussion about the world revolving around us and that she doesn't get everything she wants her way. She has to share and serve others. Sometimes she needs to show love by considering another persons desires.

Ann's struggle is pouting when someone gets something or gets to do something that she doesn't get. She was mad the other day because they were all invited to a birthday party that Morgan has been invited to every year for about four years. She didn't appreciate the fact that she was invited when she has never met the girl. She was mad because Morgan had been for the last few years. I asked her if she had ever been to birthday parties of her friends before. She said she had. I said that Morgan didn' t get to attend those. How is that different?

Today at a yard sale I purchased 50 cent jacket for our friends little girl. Ann got pouty because it wasn't for her. She is getting pretty good at the pouty lip. Ugh!!

Today Morgan was showing our friend a porcelain doll that I made when I was in high school and had given to her quite a few years ago. The girls were playing with them because I had purchased them some dolls at a yard sale this morning. They each had porcelain heads. Ann started pouting because she didn't have one and Morgan did.

This is getting old.

Maturity

Okay...the struggle for the weekend is this...

Beth and Ann, in my opinion, aren't as mature and responsible as an average almost nine year old. Morgan is only nine months older than them but is more responsible and trustworthy. Her decisions do not revolve around what everyone else is doing. She knows the difference between right and wrong and usually makes good choices. Yes, she does make poor choices at times. However, she understands consequences for her actions. I am not sure Beth does. Whatever Morgan does they want to do.

Well, they didn't get to spend the night out last night. Morgan did spend the night away. I didn't hesitate one bit allowing her. Morgan wants to go to camp next summer. She probably won't, but we will consider it. I have already told the girls they will not be going. The girls think whatever she does, they automatically get to do. Well, no. Morgan would do great at an overnight camp. There is no way they are going anywhere overnight without my husband or me.

Morgan was allowed to go in the woods with Alex and a friend today. She is able to get up and down the hill by herself. She needs very little assistance in the woods. Beth asked to go. The answer was no again. We tried that one time and it wasn't a good thing. So, she gets mad and gets in the bed and cries. My husband told her she could choose how to spend her day, in the bed or playing, her choice. I am sorry, but everyone doesn't get to do everything around here.

Beth isn't having a good day. She got in trouble for leaving the door open again. Our power bill was over $500 this month. Ugh!! My husband took everyone swimming. The last time they went swimming she left her new competition goggles somewhere where Reesie, our dog, got them and was chewing them up. They each have a swim bag on a hook in the mud room to put their swim items in. I took them from the dog and put them away. Today she wanted them back. I made her explain why she didn't have them. If the dog has them again she will lose them again. She wasn't a happy camper when she left. I am sure she is sick of me correcting her today. She definately does better during the school week with very strict structure.

I have learned that children which are affected like my girls don't mature at the same pace as children with non alcohol affected brains. My girls just don't act almost nine. I am sure being in the foster system doesn't help either. How do I explain this to them? How do I explain I have to totally trust before they spend the night away? Will they ever get the same opportunities as Morgan? I have to accept that they may not. Children with these issues often take longer to mature and some continue to struggle with cause and effect problems. We shall see....

This calling by God is so exhausting...

Precious moments!

My girls are in their room taking turns reading the Bible. From what I can tell, they are reading in Genesis. We are also studying that in history. What sweet moments!

What a glorious Day!!

Beth getting in the water to be baptized.


Beth listening as they are talking with her about baptism.

Ann getting used to the water. The heater must not have helped too much. Ann listening to the questions as they prepare her for baptism.

My husband and the elders praying over Ann after her baptism. They prayed for Beth also, but I didn't have a picture without her face showing.

Morgan about to be baptized. I love the way she is looking at her daddy.

Morgan is so happy about being baptized. She asked Jesus in her heart when she was 4 1/2 but never would get baptized. How neat of God to plan it so all of my girls would be baptized on the same day.

Morgan being prayed for after her baptism.

Before the girls were baptized, various members of our church body shared scripture and words God had given each of them. One thing shared by a friend of ours was the connection between being adopted into God's family and being adopted into our family. She reminded them they are all princesses of the King. It was so neat for someone else to share this with them. The friend is 19 and babysat Morgan for many years when she was younger. It was very sweet.

Peace and Quiet

Aaaahhhh!!! I have ten minutes left of my one hour of total quiet. We went to the pool this morning and also had lunch while we were there. I decided everyone was going to read in their bed for one hour. They grumbled, then picked out books. I was able to make a few calls, sort laundry and shower with NO interruptions!! It is amazing how the little things excite you when you have five children.

I am going to be to be taking continuing education classes the next two days. I am happy because it is actually something I enjoy and can benefit from. It is training for the financial software that I use for my husband's practice. It is a very common software and I really have no problems with using it. However, I always enjoy learning more efficient ways to use it and new tricks along the way. The hesitation is that we have a friend keeping the girls tomorrow. I hope they will be on their best behavior. I have started the lectures with the girls. The friend is only in charge of the girls. The boys will be here and are expected to help and be responsible. If they aren't, they have to pay her for taking care of them also. I hope the girls don't test the waters too much. This person is around them often, so I think they will be okay.

We had a friend Morgan's age spend the night a week ago. I just talked to her Mom. She said that one twin really tried to have her attention the entire time. She is usually the first to sleep and she kept the guest up late that night. The guest kept trying to go to sleep and she wouldn't let her. Ugh...she also "hogged" the time of the guest and the other girls complained about not even being able to talk with the guest. The other two girls commented to the guest and made her very uncomfortable. Ugh...I am hoping the girls make new friends when school starts back and Morgan can have a friend over and they can have a friend over so maybe this won't be so difficult.

Pure Joy!

The girls played in the rain this morning and had a wonderful time! They laughed and giggled as they ran and played. What fun to see pure joy and innocence! I love the colorful panties! They were excited they were allowed to play in the rain in the "new" leotards their Nana gave them. (She found them at a thrift store for us.)

Praise...Anger

Last night when I going to sleep, I decided that I needed to tell one sweet little girl how proud I am of her. She was the first one up this morning and I told her. She seemed to recieved it well. I told her I was proud of her because she had not lied or lost control of anger in a few days. I told her God was holding her heart and make it even sweeter than ever. Well, early in the morning she lost control and yelled at her sisters. She sat in time out and then we talked about it. Praise...she was honest about what happened and why. She had to apologize, tell them what she was sorry for and why she got angry. She didn't like this one bit! It took a few minutes, but she finally complied. We moved on as normal. Well, this afternoon, it happened again. She blamed it on her ear hurting. I don't know if was hurting or not. A friend of mine took them to the pool this afternoon and had no ear complaints. She also went to swim team tonight for two hours and hasn't complained. No complaints at bedtime either. We will see if it hurts in the morning. Is she afraid that I am proud of her? Did I cause her to get angry? This is such a difficult journey.

I spoke with a friend on a similar journey tonight. We could have talked for hours, but I had to get off the phone. It is nice to truly express feelings that many people just don't understand. I am so glad God has placed other mothers on this journey with me, in the blog world and in person.

Adoption Contract

I have just finished compiling a rough draft of the letter to go to our state social worker with items requested to be put into our adoption contract. I really am not sure how all of this works. I have struggled with this task because I am having to deal with labels of this world. I believe in my heart that my girls don't have to live under these labels. God can heal my girls of everything!! I explained at church tonight during bible study that I am having to face so many wordly things that I am losing focus of the healing power of God. I am ready for this to be final so I can focus on parenting and loving these girls as the Father has taught us to love. Don't misunderstand me, we have been loving and training these girls since they have been with us. However, I always had the finalization process in my mind and what needs to be documented in their file with the state, in case we have problems later. I begin encountering many fears when I start thinking of the "what if's". I am ready for this step to be behind us. I will be able to conquer issues as they arise daily instead of preparing for 2 years down the road and what our life may be like. Only God knows what our life will be like. I firmly believe the wounds my girls have can be healed and they can live happy fulfilling lives!

Morgan is still dealing with stomach issues. The girls seem to be getting along better everyday. I believe my two strong willed girls are learning to give more each day. My cousin sent them some neat purses. Of course, they all wanted the pink one. One girl really loves lime green so she chose that one. The other two wanted pink. Morgan decided to be a good big sister and let her have the pink and she took the blue purse. I was proud of Morgan for making that decision on her own.

Swim Meet

We had our first summer swim meet today that the girls have participated. They did great! They each raced in three events, 50 free, 25 free, 25 back. They place fourth or higher in all three events. I am so proud of them. It was a totally new experience for them. One girl even got first in backstroke.

We still have our good days and bad days. I was gone all night Thursday night with my friend because her husband was hit by a drunk driver. I got home about 4 am so I tried to sleep in since my husband was home. The girls were concerned and confused because I didn't get up Friday morning before they went to day camp. I was up and showered when they got home so they were happy about that. They still come check on me when they haven't seen me in a while. We were eating out after the swim meet today. A couple families were there so we had the kids sit together and the adults sit together. There was a little wall between us. You could see each other if you were standing (and an adult) but not if you were sitting. One girl came over to make sure we were still there. I reassured her we would never leave her in a restaurant. Bless her heart!!

July 9th will be three months and we can begin pushing for the paperwork to make the adoption final. I think I will be lessed stressed and worried when that happens.

God is bigger...

I am having to remind myself that God is bigger than any diagnosis, any fear, any hurt that these girls may have. We can overcome. He placed these girls in our home for a reason. We are meant to raise them. We have what we need, because He will give it to us.

We had family pictures today, one hour away. I started at 9:30 having girls shower. We left about 1:15 with 30 toe nails painted, 40 finger nails painted, 3 girls and a Mommy with attempts at fixing hair, clothes ironed, and lunch fed. What a day!! The kids all did very well. We took studio pictures first. Each of our birth children have baby pictures with Mom and alone. So, we took "baby" pictures of the girls today with Mom and alone. I just love having my picture made! Ha!Ha! Anyway, I did it. They did super. Morgan had pictures made also. We took some with all of the girls together. We also took family pictures outside after dinner. They all did well again. The photographer took pictures of the boys alone. My, how they have grown up!! Tucker is so grown up!! I can't believe it!! Anyway 2 1/2 hours of pictures! I am finished for a long time, I hope. I can't wait to see the proofs! He thought the girls were actually my birth children because they look so much like us. Pretty funny and cool!

It worked again!

Two girls had a disagreement this morning. Two stories that didn't match. It was over who was going to play with the umbrella outside. It wasn't a big deal, but I knew somebody was not telling the truth. We did the five minute time out, which ended up being ten because I was sorting laundry and made them wait, and the stories matched. I explained to the girl who struggles to be honest when she really wants her way what had happened again. She appears to understand. Do I discipline again or just keep handling it this way? She probably understood what she was doing when she wasn't honest...maybe. Anyway...it worked again. I am so glad to know that Morgan, the girl I have raised nine years, knows the difference between a truth and a lie. There was a time when I questioned whether she did or not. She is really maturing during this life change. Praise God for the baby steps we are making!

I have been thinking...

I have been glancing through other blogs I follow. I as I read them, I wonder are we still in the heights of the honeymoon phase? The girls have only been here 18 days. We had an "issue" a few minutes ago. One girl went and did what I had just told her not to do. Of course, I immediately went and handled it the best I could. She didn't seem sorry for what she did but upset because I got on to her. I am not even sure she understood the problem. Is this an eight year old problem or a foster child issue? I sometimes am not sure. Did I need to handle it like the other three kids or differently? I wonder if and when we will see some of the issues surface that we saw during their visit. They seem to be doing well.

I wonder if it will change? School is going to be out in a few weeks and I wonder if we are going to have problems then. Too much free time, too many idle hands and minds, is there going to be problems? If so, I guess we can start school again.

We have been truly blessed so far. I think they have been given things freely in foster care. Not necessarily by the foster parents as much as everyone else in the community. They don't like that we don't go out to eat all the time or buy them things everywhere we go. They didn't like that we rented movies today instead of going to see a movie. I tried to explain the cost of going to a movie. I am not sure they understood. I also chose that moment to say we don't purchase things to eat when we go because it is so expensive. We don't give an allowance either. We never have. We believe that chores are part of being a family, not to earn money.
Is this a bad thing? We hope we are teaching them to be good stewards, not to have a poverty mentality.

I am starting to see a few gripes about chores, but not anything abnormal for kids. I think they are learning that crying, manipulation, whining, and arguing gets you no where in this house.

They are really sweet girls. The three girls have played pretty well today. Either they aren't arguing as much or they aren't bringing it to me. They are starting to break off and not play with each other all the time. Usually two are together at a time. It is not always the same ones. It is nice that the odd girl will go and play with the boys. The boys have been SUPER big brothers. We are VERY proud of them.