Success...for one

Morgan's best friend turned eleven last week.  She had a spend the night party.  She also had a spend the night party last year.  Both years she has invited all three girls.  Last year, we didn't let the twi*ns spend the night.  We didn't feel like they were ready.  This year I talked to the mother a long time about what to watch for and to expect.  We decided to let them try to spend the night.

They all three stayed all night.  Morgan came home happy with them and not complaining which means they did okay.  I have seen some pictures from the party and they all looked happy.  Hannah ran out to me the next morning very proud.  She said, " I did it and didn't have any bad dreams!"  She was very excited and proud.  She should be!  I am very happy for her this is a big step.  I was really only worried about her.  She had a great day yesterday after the party.  She is doing very well right now.

However, Haylee didn't do so well yesterday.  She had a great time at the party.  I knew she would.  One of her good friends also spent the night, so I knew she would be fine.  Yesterday was not a good day for her.  She disobeyed on a very simple thing.  I told her not to do something and the next thing I know, she is doing it.  She said she wanted to do it and so she did.  Ugh!!  Then she was writing scripture as part of the punishment for disobedience.  I specifically told her she wasn't to play or watch TV until she was finished.  I find her in the hallway watching the movie Hannah and Morgan are watching.  Ugh...again.  She finished her scripture and played for the afternoon.  We all watched a movie last night and she had to go to bed early and not participate in the popcorn and movie.  I am so sad about this. I guess she is comfortable enough in our home now that she is starting to test.  I wonder if her testing yesterday was because the boundaries at the party weren't as strict.  She wanted to know if she could do the same at home. 

Lately, most of her problems have revolved around food.  I have been praying for God to show me what is going on.  I talked to her about the fact that she always has plenty of food here and she knows she will be provided the next meal as well.  She agreed  with me.  I am praying God will give me wisdom regarding this issue. 

Struggling...

Is it me or her? 

We have had a few difficult days around here.  Hannah is struggling and so am I .  I don't know if I am the problem or if I have a reason to be struggling.  She is holding her own in school.  She is doing well with old math concepts, but struggling with the new ones.  After about three days of reteaching, she usually gets the concept.  I am okay with that.  We have developed a pattern and it works.

We had a weird occurance a few days ago about a wash cloth.  I know that sounds really stupid.  I asked a simple question and it turned into something big.  Sometimes I wish I wasn't so in tune to what my kids are doing.  I wish I was just clueless at times.  She got really defensive about what she had been doing.  Anyway, what she finally told me she did was not very good hygiene.  The more I thought about it, I wondered if she was lying to cover something else.  I have thought about it for a few days.  I am not sure of the truth.  I questioned her again about the truth.  She begged me to believe her.  I want to trust her and believe her so bad.  I have an uneasy feeling about the situation.  The story she gave is so odd, I wonder if she is started lying to cover up what she really did and made a really weird story up as I questioned her. 

Her nightmares have become more frequent in the last few weeks.  Last night, the dream was pretty bad.  (What person allows their toddler to watch horror movies??)  I am trying to find a pattern to her dreams.  What is she feeling when she goes to bed?  How was her day?  Good or bad?  Did she get in trouble late in the afternoon or evening? 

I believe if you tell one lie, it gets easier and easier to tell more.  I wonder if she has started a snowball effect.  I wonder if she cracked the door for Satan and therefore the dreams are bad again.

She got really frustrated because she couldn't get the TV to turn on to watch a DVR'd show.  We have shown her and shown her.  She went to her bed when she gave up.  She has a strong attachment to TV.  It is really odd.  I don't see it in any of my other children.  They all enjoy TV, but her interest is different.  I went by her room and saw she was upset and told her to rest in her bed to calm down.  She of course didn't like this.  She historically makes poor choices when she gets in this mode, so I was giving her time to regulate herself. 

Many little things are happening.  She it testing the boundaries.  It isn't big things, but lots of little things.  I tell her not to do something and she goes and does it.  ie: Stay here until after finish our time together (our group time in the morning to start school) before you start the dishes.  She walks to the kitchen and puts a glass in the dishwasher.  What?  I asked her why she did that.  She said because she wanted to.  Ugh!!


Please pray for me to have a clear picture of what is going on.  She struggles with attachment to me.  She appears closer to my husband at times.  I wonder if it because I am with her all day long. 

We are struggling now.  Please pray.  I love all of my children.  I love Hannah.  I don't know what is going on with us.  Why am I struggling so?

Love

Kelly posted on her blog about the love you have for adopted children. I love my girls with all of my heart. I would do anything for them. However, it is different. I analyze things they do more than my birth children. I wonder if their actions are due to adoption or a normal kid thing. I wish I didn't have this battle in my mind. I want them to feel like they are a part of our family and "belong" as Kelly said.

A struggle I have dealt with and have tried to accept is that it is okay for the older three kids to do things they aren't allowed to do. Sometimes I am tempted to not let Morgan do something because they can't. I let Morgan and just deal with the consequences. Some items are because of trust issues and maturity and some are just the way things work out. Today Morgan is going with my Dad to see a movie while I take Haylee and Hannah to the doctor. Boy, we had some pouting going on around here last night about the movie.

The girls are nine, however in so many ways they aren't. This is one reason they aren't allowed to do the same things as the older kids. One example, everyday when I drop the kids off at the pool I say, "Get out on the curb side, not in the street." Well, one day this week, I didn't say this and Hannah jumped out on the street side right in front of a truck. Haylee was headed out right behind her when I yelled at them to stop. Ugh. I have only said this one hundred times!! When I told my husband about the incident, he reminded me to not expect them to remember tomorrow. Unfortunately, he is correct.

We leave in a few minutes to see the doctor about growth. I hope we have grown enough to not have to do growth hormones.

Better Day

Today has been a better day...

I have been saying repeatedly in my head...

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

and

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 4:13

Also, if I could tell Hannah was struggling with something I was teaching, I would stop and reteach it a different way. I didn't give her any opportunities to lie today. If I felt like an opportunity for a lie existed, I would answer the question for her or change the question so it would be very difficult to lie.

Haylee is taking forever to finish her school work again. I don't know what to do. I set a timer and it just beeps and she has not moved any faster. The plus is, she does it very well, so it is hard to complain.

Due to the weather, all of our afternoon activities have cancelled. I am happy about this because it will give everyone time to finish their school work and get ready to watch the National Championship game tonight. Alex is a HUGE Auburn fan. He is counting the hours until the game.

Cheating and Lying

I praised how well the girls were doing, then we take steps backward. Well, this hasn't been a good week for Hannah. I can ask her a question which I know the answer to and she will flat out not tell me the truth.

Yesterday, it was about a grade on a test. I already knew the grade. Today I caught her cheating. I saw her and she denied doing it. So now, we have to deal with cheating and lying. None of which is tolerated at all in this house, by anyone!! Ugh!!! The punishment was the same today as yesterday, plus a bunch more!! She is writing lots and lots of scripture today. She is also not allowed to play at all. Her free time will be sent sitting by herself at the dining room table. She chose to pout at lunch and not eat. The timer was set for ten more minutes and then she was finished. She did eat enough for her to be okay until dinner.

It is so hard not be plain mad and frustrated. The issue is getting worse and not better. God gives us grace, and we also do to our children. It is still so difficult some days. I am over being frustrated. I am so sad for her. However, she made her choices and she must take the consequences.

Do you have any suggestions for any other scripture? Below are the scripture she is writing:

Stealing the answers -

Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor,

working with his hands the thing which is good.

Ephesians 4:28

Lying-

Lying lips are abomination to the Lord:

but they that deal truly are his delight.

Proverbs 12:22

Disobedience-

Children, obey your parents in the Lord:

for this is right.

Ephesians 6:1

I also reminded her that we once again have a trust issue. Both times, she wouldn't have been in trouble. For the bad grade, she would redo the lesson and quiz again, which she did. Morgan also had to redo hers. No big deal. This is the beauty of homeschooling. If they don't do well, they do it again.

Today I was teaching her and she just plain didn't want to think. She wanted me to be finished. She wanted to finished with school so she could play. Well, that won't happen today.

We are really working on the baby talk and it is getting much better. Yeah!!

What??

We have had a great weekend. I almost let this testing episode slip past me. I usually catch things like this quickly, but this I didn't. After our New Year's lunch, Hannah asked if she could watch a movie in my room and lay in my bed. They had all watched a movie earlier in the day in my room. I told her no because she needed to play some and not watch TV all day. (They get to watch a lot more than normal over the holiday break.) I explained why and she went on her way. Later, I couldn't find her. I found her in my bed. (The kids usually are not to be in my room for any length of time without permission. They just have no need to be in there.) I asked her what she was doing in my bed and she said she was watching a movie on her Ipod. I told her she didn't need to be in there. She left the room and went to her room. I realized a few minutes later that she was doing exactly what she had asked and I had told her no. Ugh!! I talked with my husband about it and we both agreed it needed to be addressed. I don't know if it was on purpose or not. Either way, she was disobediant. She must take responsibility for her choices. Her problem is that if she wants to do something, she will often do it no matter what the consequences. My husband and I talked with her about what happened. I asked questions and she answered without lying. Yeah!!! She hestitated more when she started realizing she was in trouble. The positive is she figured out what happened without me telling her. She told us she was disobediant and she told us the punishment. She was crying before she finished. I believe she was repentent. It was very difficult for either of us to discipline her for this, but we must. We can't let the boundaries loose, because she will push more and more. She isn't secure enough for the boundaries to be extended.

It grieved us to have to punish her today. Eventhough it was negative, so many positives were also seen. I am so proud of how far she has come. I pray that one day she will be totally secure in our family!! I know if will take a long time. We are starting to trust her more and more, which is so nice. My husband and I talk often about how far she has come.

Frustrated

What do you do when a child has broken the same rule each day for the last three days. She has been disciplined and written scriptures. She did it again tonight. Is something not connecting? Is it the cause and effect issues? It is not a big huge thing. It is a simple rule. We don't eat in the car without permission and especially not candy!! Don't get me wrong, we eat in the car all the time. However, sugary candy is limited at our house for many reasons. In fact, I may be too strict, but the kids all ask permission to get a snack. You may think I am nuts, but it is a rule we have always had. It may sound trivial, but if she can't follow the small rules, how will she follow the big ones?

On a positive note, my parents are going to keep all three girls for two nights. I am nervous about them going. I trust my parents completely, but the girls have never been away from me overnight. We have talked to them about going and they really want to go. I think since they will all be together, they will be okay. I will have two days without them. Believe it or not, this brings mixed emotions. I can "let my guard down" and relax some. I am sure I will stay very busy playing catch up around here. The boys are going on a field trip, so my husband and I are going Christmas shopping...with no kids!! We haven't been by ourselves much at all since the girls came to live with us. I hope the next few days go well for everyone.

Selfishness

We all can have moments. of living a world of "self". However, that is not how we should live. We are to serve others and not expect everything to revolve around us.

I believe testing and control must be in the air based on the some of what my blog friends are saying. I am thinking that may be what I am dealing with in Beth. I think she is testing her boundaries to see what she can control. She is repeatedly asking for something after I have told her no because she wants it. No other reason. For example, we have had many discussions about not getting out of bed before a specified time and getting dressed because you disturb your sisters. It is showing respect and love for your sisters. Well, today is Saturday. We allowed the girls to stay up later to watch a movie. I told the girls to sleep late. Do not get up until after 7:30 or so. However, between 6:30 and 7:00 this morning the twins were both up. Morgan was trying to sleep. I am in my bed awake and at about 7:05, Beth appears in my room completely dresssed with hair fixed and everything. I could not believe it!! I wasn't happy. I asked her all of the questions concerning all of our morning rules. She answered everyone correctly. She knew the rules, but she chose to do it anyway because she wanted to get dressed. I asked what time she got up and she said she didn't know. Not the truth because she looks at the digital clock in her room first thing every morning. I asked her if she got up before seven. I don't know. Another lie. I told her I heard someone up before seven. She chose to break the rules.

I also reviewed the rules with Ann while Beth walked the dog and she also knew the rules and chose to break them. Ugh!! They both had to sit on the couch quietly while I showered. They weren't allowed to go in their room because Morgan had gone back to sleep. Ann and Beth will both go to bed one hour earlier than Morgan tonight. Is that mean? I don't know what else to do. This is a common occurance. I am wondering again if I need to give Morgan her own room and move the Alex and Tucker in together. I would put Beth and Ann in Alex's room.

Beth is testing her boundaries and control in different ways in addition to the incident this morning. One day this week is that she asked me if she could wear a certain hair clip on our family cotton field pictures the other day. I told her no. I was thinking that I may have time to fix her hair with it if I can get everyone else ready; however, I didn't tell her that. A few minutes later, I am ironing the boys shirts and she comes up behind me and asks again if she can wear the clip. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She repeated the same question. I told her I had already said no, why is she asking again. Her answer was, "Because I want to wear it."

Today we were keeping a friend of ours little girl that is 3 1/2. She wanted to watch Dora. Beth got mad and refused to watch TV because it wasn't what she wanted to watch. I had had enough. We had the discussion about the world revolving around us and that she doesn't get everything she wants her way. She has to share and serve others. Sometimes she needs to show love by considering another persons desires.

Ann's struggle is pouting when someone gets something or gets to do something that she doesn't get. She was mad the other day because they were all invited to a birthday party that Morgan has been invited to every year for about four years. She didn't appreciate the fact that she was invited when she has never met the girl. She was mad because Morgan had been for the last few years. I asked her if she had ever been to birthday parties of her friends before. She said she had. I said that Morgan didn' t get to attend those. How is that different?

Today at a yard sale I purchased 50 cent jacket for our friends little girl. Ann got pouty because it wasn't for her. She is getting pretty good at the pouty lip. Ugh!!

Today Morgan was showing our friend a porcelain doll that I made when I was in high school and had given to her quite a few years ago. The girls were playing with them because I had purchased them some dolls at a yard sale this morning. They each had porcelain heads. Ann started pouting because she didn't have one and Morgan did.

This is getting old.

Sorry!

I will get the baptism pictures posted soon. I just haven't had time. Well, I started one time and loaded five pictures and then they disappeared. I haven't started again. I have some precious pictures.

We started school yesterday. T, A, and M did well. Ann and Beth struggled some. Beth is doing great so far today. She has "turned her brain on" today. It sure makes things easier on everyone. Ann is not focused today. We use office chairs in our school room so the height can be adjusted for each child. Well, after too many warnings, she lost hers because of the constant spinning and twisting. She almost ended up in her bed after I took it away because of the pouting and tears. Later, she was lying on the table...ugh! She got it together enough to make it to break. I am about to go teach more so we will see how she is acting. She will not get it back until tomorrow.

Please pray for us, we have some spiritual warfare going on with Beth. The world calls it something major, but we believe she has a music or praise and worship calling on her life and therefore we are having to fight for her. Please intercede for her and me as well as we fight with and for her.

Tired.

I am tired. I am ill. I am tired of the girls yelling at each other for nothing. I am tired of having to be on my toes all the time. My husband can just choose to ignore. Should I do more of that? I am afraid if I ignore things, they will build to even bigger things. Should I get them in routine counseling? I am afraid another layer is coming off. I can see it in Beth's eyes. She is changing. I can almost see the anger building behind her eyes. Beth and Ann are yelling at each other more and more. Morgan is very emotional today. Beth and Ann are mad because Morgan was invited to go to an alumni dinner for one of our major universities tonight. Morgan is very excited because the mascot will be there. Beth is very jealous, which usually causes problems. It has been Ann as much as Beth today. I have sent the girls to their beds for thirty minutes. We are going to start school in some form or fashion next week. We need some structure around here.

We had a lesson on giving for selfish, manipulative reasons and expecting something in return. I tried to explain that you give from your heart expecting nothing in return. I am so tired. I am struggling today.

Names

I have decided to name the girls for my blog. Beth and Ann are going to be their nick names.

Ann is our happy go lucky child that doesn't have a care in the world. She does get very angry at Beth often. She can be found in her bed hitting her pillow very hard. She is often clueless. We call her our "breath of fresh air". She is so happy and giggly. I think this has protected her heart and mind from many things in her life. She loves to be held and is very affectionate. Ann is the daughter that routinely left her wet towel and swimsuit on the floor. She has extreme ADHD, the innatentive kind. She isn't hyper.

Beth is our other twin. She is more difficult. She came to us very "fake" acting. She broke every rule known to man during her three day visit and when she first moved in with us. We have had trust issues. I believe the trust is getting better. She was very stoic in her responses. She often gets a "hard face" when she is being corrected. I believe she "checks out." We can see her switch to a different Beth around people. We see it often at the pool. We also saw it last time my in-laws came to our house. She is doing better, I think. She seems to control her anger better. She is Morgan's shadow. It drives us nuts. She is very nosy and can't stand to not know what is going on at all times. I believe this is a confidence and security problem. I think she is attaching. I am concerned more about her in the long run. She was the mother and protector of the two girls. She is beautiful to the world, so she is a master manipulator to people outside our family. I think she is starting to trust us. She knows all of the correct answers. She is the one that had the grape and the music incident yesterday. Most of our discipline issues are with her.



Kelly, a fellow blogger, named her when describing her son. Here is what she said on her blog, "helpful when it is his idea or he wants to impress someone, very sensitive to tiny pains like a mosquito bite but no sensations to the things that hurt really bad like skinning his knee or busting his head open or getting staples with out anesthesia, mumbles and talks very softly, very careful with his things and takes care of them, cautious at times but no impulse control or forethought at other times, plays hard but tires easily, gets along well with children his age but is socially immature, attention seeking, very little reasoning skills or logical thinking,problem making connections." It worries me for my family and her future. She gets scary angry at times, but doesn't have a tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if it is from abuse and trauma or an eight year old or both. However, when I read a desctiption on another blog that describes my daughter, I begin to realize it is probably a result of trauma and abuse. I know God can heal anything.

We are in the process of trying to finalize our adoption. We are waiting on the state to make some decision. After typing this, I realize how far we have come in a little over three months. We actually found out 4 months ago today that we were matched with our daughters. We had not even met them yet. Wow, how time flies!!

Busy Days

I made it through my continuing ed classes. I had hoped they would be exciting, but they weren't. It was a VERY basic software class. I have used the software for years, so I didn't need the very basic stuff. It would have been okay but the teacher is very proud of his practiced and loved to tell stories to let us know that over and over again.

The kids all did great while I was gone. We are making progress. I was very happy to see all five of them when I returned home each night.

We had our district swim meet yesterday. The little girls did very well. My husband and I were working the meet, so I had all of our kids in a tent near me. They competed well. Tucker, Alex and Morgan each made state. You needed to place in the top three to qualify. he twins were very close. One girl placed third in an event, but did an illegal kick so she was disqualified. The other placed fourth in one event. She was so close. This is amazing for girls that could not swim when they came. They have been with us a little over three months and are swimming competitively. We are so proud of them!! They are proud of themselves also and they should be.

We had our first adoption support group get together in our county last night. We had a pool party. So, we were at the district swim meet all day, left there and went straight to the other pool for the party. It was a long day, but the kids had a wonderful time. Everyone behaved well. I hope we have crossed another hurdle. Usually when I say this, we take a few steps backward. I pray not.

My girls are continuing to adjust. We are having fewer and fewer battles. I can't say enough how proud I am of them!! I believe in a year, we may forget they were ever adopted. I am praying for this!! I am praying it will be as if I birthed them myself! One of the workers last night commented that they look just like our family. I have heard that so many times!! God is so good!! Looks are one thing that will not single them out as adopted. However, I don't want them to ever be ashamed about being adopted. It is all part of God's plan for their lives.

Praise...Anger

Last night when I going to sleep, I decided that I needed to tell one sweet little girl how proud I am of her. She was the first one up this morning and I told her. She seemed to recieved it well. I told her I was proud of her because she had not lied or lost control of anger in a few days. I told her God was holding her heart and make it even sweeter than ever. Well, early in the morning she lost control and yelled at her sisters. She sat in time out and then we talked about it. Praise...she was honest about what happened and why. She had to apologize, tell them what she was sorry for and why she got angry. She didn't like this one bit! It took a few minutes, but she finally complied. We moved on as normal. Well, this afternoon, it happened again. She blamed it on her ear hurting. I don't know if was hurting or not. A friend of mine took them to the pool this afternoon and had no ear complaints. She also went to swim team tonight for two hours and hasn't complained. No complaints at bedtime either. We will see if it hurts in the morning. Is she afraid that I am proud of her? Did I cause her to get angry? This is such a difficult journey.

I spoke with a friend on a similar journey tonight. We could have talked for hours, but I had to get off the phone. It is nice to truly express feelings that many people just don't understand. I am so glad God has placed other mothers on this journey with me, in the blog world and in person.

Things

I have been thinking about a few things the last few days.



I went to a reunion Friday night for the colorguard of which I was a member for three years in high school. This was a very important time in my life. I learned to fight through my struggles more than ever in my life. I was born with CP on my right side. It is mild, but could have been much worse if my parents had not pushed me to be all I could be. They always supported and ecouraged me. If my brothers and I were performing in the half time show, they were always there. They traveled everywhere we went to support us. In marching band and colorguard, you must roll your feet to march smoothly. Well, this isn't possible with the way God designed my body. There were many days my instructor would yell at me and I would be almost in tears. Usually, one of my two best friends would remind him as gently as possible that I can't do that. I believe this experience along with many others has made me a much stronger person. The verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" is very important to me. The point I want to make is that God leads us through struggles as he prepares us for the next step or season in our lives. He has prepared us for this time in our lives.



God has changed me and my husband significantly in the 15 years we have been married. We are so different then when we got married. We have changed in more ways than I can even tell you. We were definately meant to be together.



Well, I am so busy in my life with my children and homeschooling and taking care of my husband's business as well as the many other hats we all wear as moms. I think my life is totally normal. Well, at the reunion Friday night, you would have thought I was from a foreign country. A few people were in awe. It is just life to me. I don't want any gratification. I receieved comments like, "Wow, you adopted when you already had three children? What made you do that?" When I would tell them God called us to adopt, they would look at me like I am crazy. Add homeschooling all five on top of that and they thought I was totally nuts!! Of course I received the famous question, "How are your children socialized when they are homeschooled?" I have always been nervous when asked this question. Well, God must have spoke through me because I was very impressed with how I answered. I am not a very good speaker, the words just flowed. The person said, "Wow, that makes sense. I have never thought of it that way. I admire you for what you do." I don't do anything for approval from other people. We choose the way we live to benefit our children and most importantly follow God. I have to remember we are called by God to be in the world but not of the world. I forget that we aren't the "normal" family. However, we choose to surround our family with like minded people. We have a great church family and homeschool group that sees our vision for the family. They are very supportive of us.



The other thing I have been thinking about lately is how parents can make such bad choices that totally mess up their children. Thank goodness for foster homes that can help "repair" some of the damage done. I read many blogs and have found a few that I have really connected with the foster/adoptive moms. All of these children are so similar, at different degrees. Why do parents intentionally teach their children improper things at 5 years old? Why do they force them to watch Freddy Kruegar movies? Why do they neglect them for drugs and alcohol? I struggle sometimes with not having compassion for the birth parents of the many foster and adoptive children. We are very blessed by the girls we have been given through adoption. However, the don't process things like my birth children. I realize that is probably due to their their lifestyle during the first 5-6 years of life. It is so sad. Sometimes they just don't understand what we are trying to teach them. I worked with one girls for 3 hours on lying. We read. She read. She wrote scripture. She wrote sentences on trust and lying. She read other books on bossyness, stealing, etc. The next day, she lied again. I am at a loss. We are going to have to find another approach. I don't believe she realizes she is lying until we "wake her up" to reality. Eventually, she seems to maybe understand.

Even the ortho in our girls is going to be more complicated by poor choices by the birth parents. Foster children have very difficult lives due to irresponsible adults. It is so aggravating.

A better day today.

We had a better day today. I told all five kids last night that we were going to clean house this morning. After cleaning, we would go swimming. They really liked that idea. I don't think the twins totally understood that I meant really clean. They hung in there and did a good job. Everytime they would come say they were done I would give them another job. They would sigh and head off to complete it. So, my house is pretty clean tonight. It is such a good feeling. We didn't finish everything I would have liked, but it is much better. All five were very helpful.

The boys were invited midmorning to go fishing with our Pastor and his grandson. They love going. Boy, did they pick up the pace with their chores!

I decided to treat the girls to lunch. I am not crazy about many fast food places. The girls seem to like one more than others so I told them we were going to eat lunch there before going to the pool. The compliant twin decided to ruffle feathers today. She told me she didn't want to eat there. I told her she can make a sandwich to eat instead. She didn't like that at all. Well, on the way to the restaurant, she again said she didn't want to eat there. I asked if she made a sandwich and she said no. I told her I guess she would be hungry if she chose not to eat. So, what does she do? Gets milk to drink and drinks all of it without eating. I told her next time she would have a drink after she had eaten most of her lunch. So trivial, but more testing!!

We had a great time at the pool. They all played well together. They have improved so much! When they came, they barely could keep their head out of the water. Now they are going everywhere. One girl can even get things off the bottom of the pool. They start swimming lessons Monday.

The compliant twin also answered the phone tonight. She was testing again. They aren't allowed to answer the phone unless it is me or my husband calling. She knows this!! She didn't even answer on a caller id phone!! She immediately knew she had messed up. I had her repeat the rule after getting on to her. She knew it. I guess she is testing her boundaries now. The other girl had a pretty good day today.

Tomorrow they go to the dentist locally for the first time. We shall see how that goes since Daddy is the dentist.

I get to go to lunch with a girl friend tomorrow with no kids!! Yeah!!!

It worked again!

Two girls had a disagreement this morning. Two stories that didn't match. It was over who was going to play with the umbrella outside. It wasn't a big deal, but I knew somebody was not telling the truth. We did the five minute time out, which ended up being ten because I was sorting laundry and made them wait, and the stories matched. I explained to the girl who struggles to be honest when she really wants her way what had happened again. She appears to understand. Do I discipline again or just keep handling it this way? She probably understood what she was doing when she wasn't honest...maybe. Anyway...it worked again. I am so glad to know that Morgan, the girl I have raised nine years, knows the difference between a truth and a lie. There was a time when I questioned whether she did or not. She is really maturing during this life change. Praise God for the baby steps we are making!

What else can happen today!!!

What a day!! Can it get any worse!! Today has been a very difficult day at our house!! Rules being broken...everywhere...by everyone!!!! How much more can I take!! I know God has called me to this, but what is going on!!! Boundaries!!! I am pretty sure we have them in this house, not to be broken, but to keep people safe and out of trouble. NOT TODAY!! Both girls have broken rules today. The difference is one is very remorseful and true tears were shown. The other was very hard. How can two girls come from the same Mom and be so different? How can one be so different than the other?

The worst part about the problem this afternoon is that she broke somthing of Morgan's and she isn't here. It was very special to her. There is going to be drama at my house tonight!!

This is definately the hardest, most trying thing my husband and I have ever been through. Praise the Lord we are in total agreement on everything. He came home at lunch and finished dealing with the morning issue with me. I guess we will deal with the afternoon issue tonight when he gets home. We are both struggling with mixed emotions for these girls. Such fun. God give me the strength I need and words of wisdom.

T,A,M are at the pool. The girls wanted to watch a show I have never heard of. I told them I get to choose what they are watching. They are watching Arthur. They get to watch was if most fitting for them at the moment. Arthur sometimes has some good lessons.

We are in this for the long haul. The girls are ours forever and ever. We are always telling them nothing will change that.

What is it?

What causes a child to take a card they know isn't theirs, walk off a little, turn their back to you, then read it? When questioned, about what they did, tells the truth.

Nosy.

Deceit.

Control.

No emotion.

Punished.

No emotion.

Apology.

No emotion.

She knew exactly what she did and didn't care.

Still no trust.

What do I do?

Are the tears real or manipulation?

This weekend T,A, and M participated in a swim meet. Well, that means we were at the pool all day Saturday. The girls kept asking if we were done and if we could leave. I finally had to tell them this is what our family does together. We would be at the pool until we were all finished and received the awards. They finally realized I meant it and adjusted. One girl napped and the snacked. Survival at its best!!

After such a big weekend, we decided to nap Sunday. The boys and one girl slept and me, of course. MISTAKE!! I will not do that again. The girl that slept couldn't go to sleep that night. We even rode our bikes five miles after naps. She kept getting out of bed, waking up the other girls, not being honest, becoming fearful, among other things. We had a rough night. My wonderful husband had them in bed early tonight since I was at a meeting. It is very quiet in my house. All I hear is the dishwasher and washing machine. Peaceful!!

How do you handle manipulation? I am struggling to tell the difference between tears for manipulation or real tears. When the bad tears come often and appear like the real tears, I struggle with helping her. As the night went on when she kept waking others up I became less and less sensitive. I didn't like the way I was feeling. However, she gave the same tears earlier about not going to BK to eat lunch. She said we had not been since she had been here. I wanted say to her, lets name where we have been. I didn't to that, but I thought it. I feel really bad for thinking that way. I don't want to feel that way. However, I finally got her to admit to me that she was crying because she wanted to go there for lunch and she thought we would change our mind. Well, she is learning quickly that acting that way makes it that much longer before you get to go with us as parents. (We are as stubborn as the come. My husband and I both received a good dose of this in our genetics!!) This is happening more and more. Needless to say, I am staying firm and hopefully it will eventually improve. I think she doesn't realize she is being dishonest and manipulative. Well, maybe she does. Today, when I could tell she was going to say whatever to get her way, I stopped and made her think about it a few minutes and then tell me. Both times after thinking for a few minutes, she chose to tell the truth. I told her she was still in trouble for the action but not for lying. She told the truth!!! I think she is learning the difference. I think she has had to act this way in her past for survival at times. Hopefully as she becomes more and more secure, this will improve.

The girls have check-ups tomorrow. I hope all goes well. I have many questions for our pediatrician. I hope he is ready!! He is wonderful, so I am sure he will be very patient with me.

Today

I went with my 13 year old son out of town to go shopping at Sam's. What fun!! It was nice to be myself with him. Yes, it was grocery shopping, but we did go eat Mexican, his favorite. We had a great time. I can't believe how we are going through food right now. We only added two more mouths, but Tucker is eating everything. He is eating and growing. We hope the girls are growing right along with him.

In my last post I referred to not serving my kids. I give my life to my kids. I don't wait on them, but am very willing to help them, if needed. We have very strict rules about asking for things before getting them. We have always had rules about getting food and drinks at our house. They had gotten more relaxed but when the girls came, they became really strict again. We have very strict boundaries. All of the kids ask before getting anything to eat or drink, watching TV, playing video games etc. I was talking about someone saying they want milk while we are eating and them expecting me to stop and go get it. They aren't babies. I realize they "need" to go through many phases of growth and trust with us but I don't feel after three weeks when we have taught them where things are and that we always have food and drinks available, that I should always wait on them.

We have had a pretty few rough days but we are still moving forward. They tested Elliott today and one girl received the joy of picking up all of the pine cones because she had been moping around and chose not to play. He told her he would give her something to do, therefore we have no more pine cones in our yard.

Tonight my husband and I went on a date. It is the first we have had since the girls came. It was much needed!! My in-laws are here and offered to keep the kids. We went to dinner and to Walmart. (The only thing to do in our town.) His mom said to stay gone a long time. We were gone about three hours. It was great!! We were able to catch up on the stories for the past few days. We both had incidences with the kids that we hadn't had time to tell the other.

It was very nice when we returned home. Even after the rough past few days, the kids were all very glad to see us. Happy, genuine smiles!! I good way to end the day.