We have had a great, but hot two days at the state swim meet. All of the kids participating did well in their events and made personal best times. My parents came to cheer everyone on. Beth and Ann enjoyed the time with their grandparents. They so desire love and attention. My parents come ready to give because they aren't with them all the time like us. They don't hear the same thing over and over all the time. They have a lot more patience and endurance when we do. This morning they wanted to ride with my parents to the meet. (We had to travel about 1 1/2 hours to the pool.) Beth and Ann rode with them and Tucker, Alex, Morgan rode with my husband and me. It was weird, but a nice break. Well, it was nice after I regained my composure after backing into my parents van. They will now be getting their van repaired and I will be getting a new bumper. This was on the driver's side and the passenger side was already scratched up from a car hitting us in a shopping mall parking lot and not bothering to leave a note with their name. Anyway, I guess now I will get a new bumper. Not a good way to start the day. My father was great about it. He just hugged me as I cried. I was so mad at myself. We usually back into that spot to turn around in the driveway and I forgot his van was there.
At least nobody was in the car and of course there were no injuries.
The twins were great at the meet. They didn't swim, but the made it through the heat without to much complaining. They are slowly adjusting to our ways of doing things, I think.
Ann keeps calling Morgan mom. She always says they are playing when I ask about it. I have told them to not call her mom because I am their mom. Is that bad that I made that request? I want them to rely on me and not her. I guess this could show me how superficial the term mom is to them. What do you think?
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Three truths...
One of my cyber friends asked about what truths I claim from scripture when I am struggling with my girls. I prayed about this for a few days before I posted. I really needed to renew my focus on what God told me about this adoption.
1. The scripture I claim the most often is Jeremiah 29:11. It reads, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God is in control of my family. I am trusting you to protect my birth children by guiding me through this process.
2. Before we received the girls, I was praying one morning about adoption. I was reading Psalm 139. I read the following verses:
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
When I read those verses that morning, I felt God telling me that He knew me in my mother's womb. He knew at that time that I would be called to adoption and obey. I was born very premature and the doctors weren't sure I would even live. If I did, they weren't sure I would walk or talk. I believe one reason He saved me was so that I could help some children heal from abuse and neglect through adoption. I could give them a better home and life. Most importantly, I could share Jesus with them. I could show them Jesus in me. This is my job, though it isn't an easy one at times.
3. God showed me more about these verses as we learned about our girls. We had been waiting and waiting for a placement. We thought we wanted younger children in a sibling group. We knew we wanted younger than Morgan.
I was teaching Morgan math one morning when the phone rang. It was our social worker. She told us they had selected us for a set of twin girls that are eight years old. Talk about overwhelming. I had prayed and prayed, but it really happening was very exciting and scary. Then she told me their names. I was almost speechless. Their names are the names Morgan has called her twin baby dolls. I had chills and told the kids and the social worker what God had done. How could I say no? We talked a little more and I asked if she had a picture. She said she would contact their worker and see if she had one. I called one of my dear friends that has walked this entire journey with us and told her about the call and the names. I told her I would really be amazed if the worker called me and said they are tiny and blonde. Morgan is small and I really was hoping they would be smaller than her. About that time the phone beeps and it is my worker. I switch over to talk with her and she tells me that she is having a picture sent, but to tell me they are tiny and blonde. Wow!! Only God could do this!!! I knew these girls were meant for us. How could anyone not see that!! I received the red flag I always want when we are praying for something so big. God is so faithful!! So, God revealed to me again through the same scripture that he knew these girls in their mother's womb. He knit them together. He knew they would be in our family. He knew they would look like our family. We have taken them even if they weren't tiny and blonde. However, what a cool thing that they look like our family. They all three have the same color hair right now because of the sun and chlorine.
On my harder days, I remind myself of this story. God planned for these girls to be in my home. I have no doubt they are suppose to be my girls. He knew they would have undiagnosed issues. He knew I would advocate and fight for them. I have pleaded their case to the highest person available. They are precious in His sight and in mine.
We will continue this journey with God. We know God has called us and we have followed. There are many joys as well as heartache in this journey. I wouldn't change it for the world. I can't imagine life without my girls anymore. Thank you God for blessing me with my girls!
1. The scripture I claim the most often is Jeremiah 29:11. It reads, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God is in control of my family. I am trusting you to protect my birth children by guiding me through this process.
2. Before we received the girls, I was praying one morning about adoption. I was reading Psalm 139. I read the following verses:
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
When I read those verses that morning, I felt God telling me that He knew me in my mother's womb. He knew at that time that I would be called to adoption and obey. I was born very premature and the doctors weren't sure I would even live. If I did, they weren't sure I would walk or talk. I believe one reason He saved me was so that I could help some children heal from abuse and neglect through adoption. I could give them a better home and life. Most importantly, I could share Jesus with them. I could show them Jesus in me. This is my job, though it isn't an easy one at times.
3. God showed me more about these verses as we learned about our girls. We had been waiting and waiting for a placement. We thought we wanted younger children in a sibling group. We knew we wanted younger than Morgan.
I was teaching Morgan math one morning when the phone rang. It was our social worker. She told us they had selected us for a set of twin girls that are eight years old. Talk about overwhelming. I had prayed and prayed, but it really happening was very exciting and scary. Then she told me their names. I was almost speechless. Their names are the names Morgan has called her twin baby dolls. I had chills and told the kids and the social worker what God had done. How could I say no? We talked a little more and I asked if she had a picture. She said she would contact their worker and see if she had one. I called one of my dear friends that has walked this entire journey with us and told her about the call and the names. I told her I would really be amazed if the worker called me and said they are tiny and blonde. Morgan is small and I really was hoping they would be smaller than her. About that time the phone beeps and it is my worker. I switch over to talk with her and she tells me that she is having a picture sent, but to tell me they are tiny and blonde. Wow!! Only God could do this!!! I knew these girls were meant for us. How could anyone not see that!! I received the red flag I always want when we are praying for something so big. God is so faithful!! So, God revealed to me again through the same scripture that he knew these girls in their mother's womb. He knit them together. He knew they would be in our family. He knew they would look like our family. We have taken them even if they weren't tiny and blonde. However, what a cool thing that they look like our family. They all three have the same color hair right now because of the sun and chlorine.
On my harder days, I remind myself of this story. God planned for these girls to be in my home. I have no doubt they are suppose to be my girls. He knew they would have undiagnosed issues. He knew I would advocate and fight for them. I have pleaded their case to the highest person available. They are precious in His sight and in mine.
We will continue this journey with God. We know God has called us and we have followed. There are many joys as well as heartache in this journey. I wouldn't change it for the world. I can't imagine life without my girls anymore. Thank you God for blessing me with my girls!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Tired.
I am tired. I am ill. I am tired of the girls yelling at each other for nothing. I am tired of having to be on my toes all the time. My husband can just choose to ignore. Should I do more of that? I am afraid if I ignore things, they will build to even bigger things. Should I get them in routine counseling? I am afraid another layer is coming off. I can see it in Beth's eyes. She is changing. I can almost see the anger building behind her eyes. Beth and Ann are yelling at each other more and more. Morgan is very emotional today. Beth and Ann are mad because Morgan was invited to go to an alumni dinner for one of our major universities tonight. Morgan is very excited because the mascot will be there. Beth is very jealous, which usually causes problems. It has been Ann as much as Beth today. I have sent the girls to their beds for thirty minutes. We are going to start school in some form or fashion next week. We need some structure around here.
We had a lesson on giving for selfish, manipulative reasons and expecting something in return. I tried to explain that you give from your heart expecting nothing in return. I am so tired. I am struggling today.
We had a lesson on giving for selfish, manipulative reasons and expecting something in return. I tried to explain that you give from your heart expecting nothing in return. I am so tired. I am struggling today.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Fun Day
We had an enjoyable day today. We spent the afternoon at the pool as a family. We had two extra boys that are always a pleasure. Beth is doing little things to test the waters. She was sneaking up to the girls room to listen to what the other two were saying. My husband caught her. Anyway, she made up a story to him. She went in the room and told the girls he wouldn't let her get ice for her head. She wasn't headed towards the kitchen, she was standing outside their door listening. Anyway, she got in trouble for not telling him the truth or the girls. She didn't get to play with the girls for a while. She had to help get lunch ready, which she enjoyed. I tried to give her not so fun jobs and she obediantly did them. What she does just doesn't make sense sometimes. She is so worried about missing something or that someone is talking about her. I would have been harder on her, but he chose the punishment, not me. It seems like she is getting back into her old ways again. I guess I am going to have to be very strict with again for a few days. Anyway, we had a pretty good day.
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Listening Program
Is anyone familiar with this program? We are going to use it with our daughters. It is designed to train the brain in the numerous skills that comprise what is called auditory processing. It says the primary purpose is the bring the auditory system into balance. We believe it may help with some of their processing difficulties. We are blessed that we have friends that have purchased it and are letting us borrow it.
Names
I have decided to name the girls for my blog. Beth and Ann are going to be their nick names.
Ann is our happy go lucky child that doesn't have a care in the world. She does get very angry at Beth often. She can be found in her bed hitting her pillow very hard. She is often clueless. We call her our "breath of fresh air". She is so happy and giggly. I think this has protected her heart and mind from many things in her life. She loves to be held and is very affectionate. Ann is the daughter that routinely left her wet towel and swimsuit on the floor. She has extreme ADHD, the innatentive kind. She isn't hyper.
Beth is our other twin. She is more difficult. She came to us very "fake" acting. She broke every rule known to man during her three day visit and when she first moved in with us. We have had trust issues. I believe the trust is getting better. She was very stoic in her responses. She often gets a "hard face" when she is being corrected. I believe she "checks out." We can see her switch to a different Beth around people. We see it often at the pool. We also saw it last time my in-laws came to our house. She is doing better, I think. She seems to control her anger better. She is Morgan's shadow. It drives us nuts. She is very nosy and can't stand to not know what is going on at all times. I believe this is a confidence and security problem. I think she is attaching. I am concerned more about her in the long run. She was the mother and protector of the two girls. She is beautiful to the world, so she is a master manipulator to people outside our family. I think she is starting to trust us. She knows all of the correct answers. She is the one that had the grape and the music incident yesterday. Most of our discipline issues are with her.
Kelly, a fellow blogger, named her when describing her son. Here is what she said on her blog, "helpful when it is his idea or he wants to impress someone, very sensitive to tiny pains like a mosquito bite but no sensations to the things that hurt really bad like skinning his knee or busting his head open or getting staples with out anesthesia, mumbles and talks very softly, very careful with his things and takes care of them, cautious at times but no impulse control or forethought at other times, plays hard but tires easily, gets along well with children his age but is socially immature, attention seeking, very little reasoning skills or logical thinking,problem making connections." It worries me for my family and her future. She gets scary angry at times, but doesn't have a tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if it is from abuse and trauma or an eight year old or both. However, when I read a desctiption on another blog that describes my daughter, I begin to realize it is probably a result of trauma and abuse. I know God can heal anything.
We are in the process of trying to finalize our adoption. We are waiting on the state to make some decision. After typing this, I realize how far we have come in a little over three months. We actually found out 4 months ago today that we were matched with our daughters. We had not even met them yet. Wow, how time flies!!
Ann is our happy go lucky child that doesn't have a care in the world. She does get very angry at Beth often. She can be found in her bed hitting her pillow very hard. She is often clueless. We call her our "breath of fresh air". She is so happy and giggly. I think this has protected her heart and mind from many things in her life. She loves to be held and is very affectionate. Ann is the daughter that routinely left her wet towel and swimsuit on the floor. She has extreme ADHD, the innatentive kind. She isn't hyper.
Beth is our other twin. She is more difficult. She came to us very "fake" acting. She broke every rule known to man during her three day visit and when she first moved in with us. We have had trust issues. I believe the trust is getting better. She was very stoic in her responses. She often gets a "hard face" when she is being corrected. I believe she "checks out." We can see her switch to a different Beth around people. We see it often at the pool. We also saw it last time my in-laws came to our house. She is doing better, I think. She seems to control her anger better. She is Morgan's shadow. It drives us nuts. She is very nosy and can't stand to not know what is going on at all times. I believe this is a confidence and security problem. I think she is attaching. I am concerned more about her in the long run. She was the mother and protector of the two girls. She is beautiful to the world, so she is a master manipulator to people outside our family. I think she is starting to trust us. She knows all of the correct answers. She is the one that had the grape and the music incident yesterday. Most of our discipline issues are with her.
Kelly, a fellow blogger, named her when describing her son. Here is what she said on her blog, "helpful when it is his idea or he wants to impress someone, very sensitive to tiny pains like a mosquito bite but no sensations to the things that hurt really bad like skinning his knee or busting his head open or getting staples with out anesthesia, mumbles and talks very softly, very careful with his things and takes care of them, cautious at times but no impulse control or forethought at other times, plays hard but tires easily, gets along well with children his age but is socially immature, attention seeking, very little reasoning skills or logical thinking,problem making connections." It worries me for my family and her future. She gets scary angry at times, but doesn't have a tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if it is from abuse and trauma or an eight year old or both. However, when I read a desctiption on another blog that describes my daughter, I begin to realize it is probably a result of trauma and abuse. I know God can heal anything.
We are in the process of trying to finalize our adoption. We are waiting on the state to make some decision. After typing this, I realize how far we have come in a little over three months. We actually found out 4 months ago today that we were matched with our daughters. We had not even met them yet. Wow, how time flies!!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Something isn't connecting...
Today one of my daughters had 2 obvious situations where she very obviously disobeyed and acted totally clueless about it.
The first was right after lunch. Morgan was tired of having her as a shadow. She didn't actually say that, but she is followed around constantly by this sister. She said she was tired and wanted to rest. She had tried in their room and it just wasn't working. My husband told her to go get in Alex's bed and close the door because Alex was in the den. Morgan went. My husband told the other girls to leave her alone and be quiet so Morgan can rest. The next thing we know, she has loud music playing in their room which is right next door to Alex's room. When I questioned her why she played the music when her daddy had told her to be quiet, she said she wanted to listen to music. Ugh!! I went over and over how she chose to disobey because she wanted to do what she wanted and not what her daddy told her. Well, I decided all of the girls needed a rest time. The twins had to get in their beds and sleep or read for one hour. However, the disobediant one had 1 1/2 hours. She wasn't happy beause all of the other kids were allowed to watch a movie that she likes during the half hour she had to stay in her room.
The other incident was at dinner tonight. She wanted grapes instead of watermelon with her dinner. I told her that was fine. Well, she got the container and sat down and started eating out of them. I explained, as I have many times, that she needs to put some on her plate and close the container. We also told all of the kids they didn't need a lot of watermelon or grapes because we didn't want any accidents during the night. As we were finishing dinner, I see her eating something from her lap. She had the grapes in the container hidden in her lap eating them!!! I did remain calm, but I wasn't happy. She was eating more than allowed and out of the container! I asked her what I had told her about the grapes. She looked at me like I was crazy and had not told her anything. Instead of allowing her to lie, I asked if anyone could tell me what I said. Well, the other twin repeated exactly what I said to her.
Is this part of the connections not being made? Is this strong will? Is this testing? Manipulation? I guess I am going to have to start watching her more closely again. She knows she is never allowed many grapes at one time because it upsets her stomach. What was she thinking...or was she not thinking?
The first was right after lunch. Morgan was tired of having her as a shadow. She didn't actually say that, but she is followed around constantly by this sister. She said she was tired and wanted to rest. She had tried in their room and it just wasn't working. My husband told her to go get in Alex's bed and close the door because Alex was in the den. Morgan went. My husband told the other girls to leave her alone and be quiet so Morgan can rest. The next thing we know, she has loud music playing in their room which is right next door to Alex's room. When I questioned her why she played the music when her daddy had told her to be quiet, she said she wanted to listen to music. Ugh!! I went over and over how she chose to disobey because she wanted to do what she wanted and not what her daddy told her. Well, I decided all of the girls needed a rest time. The twins had to get in their beds and sleep or read for one hour. However, the disobediant one had 1 1/2 hours. She wasn't happy beause all of the other kids were allowed to watch a movie that she likes during the half hour she had to stay in her room.
The other incident was at dinner tonight. She wanted grapes instead of watermelon with her dinner. I told her that was fine. Well, she got the container and sat down and started eating out of them. I explained, as I have many times, that she needs to put some on her plate and close the container. We also told all of the kids they didn't need a lot of watermelon or grapes because we didn't want any accidents during the night. As we were finishing dinner, I see her eating something from her lap. She had the grapes in the container hidden in her lap eating them!!! I did remain calm, but I wasn't happy. She was eating more than allowed and out of the container! I asked her what I had told her about the grapes. She looked at me like I was crazy and had not told her anything. Instead of allowing her to lie, I asked if anyone could tell me what I said. Well, the other twin repeated exactly what I said to her.
Is this part of the connections not being made? Is this strong will? Is this testing? Manipulation? I guess I am going to have to start watching her more closely again. She knows she is never allowed many grapes at one time because it upsets her stomach. What was she thinking...or was she not thinking?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Diagnosis
How important is a diagnosis? We can't change the past; however, we can get help for the future. Do we delay the finalization of the adoption for a diagnosis? Will it really matter to our state people? Will it change anything in their book? I know how severe the issues can be with this diagnosis, but the state people don't seem to know. Am I letting fear guide me or God?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Busy Days
I made it through my continuing ed classes. I had hoped they would be exciting, but they weren't. It was a VERY basic software class. I have used the software for years, so I didn't need the very basic stuff. It would have been okay but the teacher is very proud of his practiced and loved to tell stories to let us know that over and over again.
The kids all did great while I was gone. We are making progress. I was very happy to see all five of them when I returned home each night.
We had our district swim meet yesterday. The little girls did very well. My husband and I were working the meet, so I had all of our kids in a tent near me. They competed well. Tucker, Alex and Morgan each made state. You needed to place in the top three to qualify. he twins were very close. One girl placed third in an event, but did an illegal kick so she was disqualified. The other placed fourth in one event. She was so close. This is amazing for girls that could not swim when they came. They have been with us a little over three months and are swimming competitively. We are so proud of them!! They are proud of themselves also and they should be.
We had our first adoption support group get together in our county last night. We had a pool party. So, we were at the district swim meet all day, left there and went straight to the other pool for the party. It was a long day, but the kids had a wonderful time. Everyone behaved well. I hope we have crossed another hurdle. Usually when I say this, we take a few steps backward. I pray not.
My girls are continuing to adjust. We are having fewer and fewer battles. I can't say enough how proud I am of them!! I believe in a year, we may forget they were ever adopted. I am praying for this!! I am praying it will be as if I birthed them myself! One of the workers last night commented that they look just like our family. I have heard that so many times!! God is so good!! Looks are one thing that will not single them out as adopted. However, I don't want them to ever be ashamed about being adopted. It is all part of God's plan for their lives.
The kids all did great while I was gone. We are making progress. I was very happy to see all five of them when I returned home each night.
We had our district swim meet yesterday. The little girls did very well. My husband and I were working the meet, so I had all of our kids in a tent near me. They competed well. Tucker, Alex and Morgan each made state. You needed to place in the top three to qualify. he twins were very close. One girl placed third in an event, but did an illegal kick so she was disqualified. The other placed fourth in one event. She was so close. This is amazing for girls that could not swim when they came. They have been with us a little over three months and are swimming competitively. We are so proud of them!! They are proud of themselves also and they should be.
We had our first adoption support group get together in our county last night. We had a pool party. So, we were at the district swim meet all day, left there and went straight to the other pool for the party. It was a long day, but the kids had a wonderful time. Everyone behaved well. I hope we have crossed another hurdle. Usually when I say this, we take a few steps backward. I pray not.
My girls are continuing to adjust. We are having fewer and fewer battles. I can't say enough how proud I am of them!! I believe in a year, we may forget they were ever adopted. I am praying for this!! I am praying it will be as if I birthed them myself! One of the workers last night commented that they look just like our family. I have heard that so many times!! God is so good!! Looks are one thing that will not single them out as adopted. However, I don't want them to ever be ashamed about being adopted. It is all part of God's plan for their lives.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Peace and Quiet
Aaaahhhh!!! I have ten minutes left of my one hour of total quiet. We went to the pool this morning and also had lunch while we were there. I decided everyone was going to read in their bed for one hour. They grumbled, then picked out books. I was able to make a few calls, sort laundry and shower with NO interruptions!! It is amazing how the little things excite you when you have five children.
I am going to be to be taking continuing education classes the next two days. I am happy because it is actually something I enjoy and can benefit from. It is training for the financial software that I use for my husband's practice. It is a very common software and I really have no problems with using it. However, I always enjoy learning more efficient ways to use it and new tricks along the way. The hesitation is that we have a friend keeping the girls tomorrow. I hope they will be on their best behavior. I have started the lectures with the girls. The friend is only in charge of the girls. The boys will be here and are expected to help and be responsible. If they aren't, they have to pay her for taking care of them also. I hope the girls don't test the waters too much. This person is around them often, so I think they will be okay.
We had a friend Morgan's age spend the night a week ago. I just talked to her Mom. She said that one twin really tried to have her attention the entire time. She is usually the first to sleep and she kept the guest up late that night. The guest kept trying to go to sleep and she wouldn't let her. Ugh...she also "hogged" the time of the guest and the other girls complained about not even being able to talk with the guest. The other two girls commented to the guest and made her very uncomfortable. Ugh...I am hoping the girls make new friends when school starts back and Morgan can have a friend over and they can have a friend over so maybe this won't be so difficult.
I am going to be to be taking continuing education classes the next two days. I am happy because it is actually something I enjoy and can benefit from. It is training for the financial software that I use for my husband's practice. It is a very common software and I really have no problems with using it. However, I always enjoy learning more efficient ways to use it and new tricks along the way. The hesitation is that we have a friend keeping the girls tomorrow. I hope they will be on their best behavior. I have started the lectures with the girls. The friend is only in charge of the girls. The boys will be here and are expected to help and be responsible. If they aren't, they have to pay her for taking care of them also. I hope the girls don't test the waters too much. This person is around them often, so I think they will be okay.
We had a friend Morgan's age spend the night a week ago. I just talked to her Mom. She said that one twin really tried to have her attention the entire time. She is usually the first to sleep and she kept the guest up late that night. The guest kept trying to go to sleep and she wouldn't let her. Ugh...she also "hogged" the time of the guest and the other girls complained about not even being able to talk with the guest. The other two girls commented to the guest and made her very uncomfortable. Ugh...I am hoping the girls make new friends when school starts back and Morgan can have a friend over and they can have a friend over so maybe this won't be so difficult.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Doctor visits and growth
We spent our entire morning at the doctor's office. Morgan had a follow up at 7:50 for her stomach issues. They haven't found a resolution yet. The doctor doesn't believe it is reflux, so she is no longer taking that medicine. They treated her for a bacteria they found in her stool for five days. The symptoms were better for a day or so then returned again. They are checking the stool again. I really hope they find the root issue. She has spells of nausea, stomach cramps and headaches. It is miserable for her.
Later in the morning, I took the four other children. Tucker and one twin have swimmer's ear. Alex had to get 2 eleven year old shots. He had to have a check-up first because it had been over a year since he had been seen for a check-up. (Twelve and 1/2 months to be exact...ugh.) He also has what I call cradle cap in babies. It is strange. Anyway, all went well.
The BEST news of all is that the shorter twin, that is being considered for growth hormones, has grown 1 inch since May 4th. Yeah!! Praise God!! We felt like a forever home with stability and security would produce better sleeping, which helps growth. We are also making sure she eats properly and exercises. We are so excited! One inch in a about 2 1/2 months. The other twin grew 3/4 inch. We are so happy for both of them. I don't know if she will still need the hormones or not. She has an appt again in early September. We are praying for God to guide us in our decision.
Later in the morning, I took the four other children. Tucker and one twin have swimmer's ear. Alex had to get 2 eleven year old shots. He had to have a check-up first because it had been over a year since he had been seen for a check-up. (Twelve and 1/2 months to be exact...ugh.) He also has what I call cradle cap in babies. It is strange. Anyway, all went well.
The BEST news of all is that the shorter twin, that is being considered for growth hormones, has grown 1 inch since May 4th. Yeah!! Praise God!! We felt like a forever home with stability and security would produce better sleeping, which helps growth. We are also making sure she eats properly and exercises. We are so excited! One inch in a about 2 1/2 months. The other twin grew 3/4 inch. We are so happy for both of them. I don't know if she will still need the hormones or not. She has an appt again in early September. We are praying for God to guide us in our decision.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Pure Joy!
The girls played in the rain this morning and had a wonderful time! They laughed and giggled as they ran and played. What fun to see pure joy and innocence! I love the colorful panties! They were excited they were allowed to play in the rain in the "new" leotards their Nana gave them. (She found them at a thrift store for us.)
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Sunday, July 11, 2010
Let go and let God!
We had a great praise and worship service today. I felt led to hold one of my new daughters while I worshiped. She just melted to me. I starting crying like a baby. God was changing my heart and hers, I believe. I got myself back under control. Our worship leader started talking about how she felt like people in the body were weary and needed prayer, support and encouragement. I didn't think I needed to go. Well, God showed me quickly, I did. I started weeping all over again. I went to the front, and carried my daughter with me. I asked her permission and she wanted to go with me. I thought to myself, what a way to bond! She was wrapped around me as I wept. People were praying for me and probably her also. It was precious. I had a very emotional week building up to this today, so the tears felt like a total release for me. I sobbed and sobbed. People prayed different things over me. The most important thing I heard was that I am used to being able to handles things on my own. However, this time in my life, I am going to have to relinquish control and let God have the reigns and me follow Him. This is something I have always known in my brain, but now allowed to happen. It was an amazing time for me. It refreshed me, encouraged me, and drew me closer to my daughter. It reminded me that we have chosen the narrow path, but God is with us every step of the way. We are so blessed by these girls!
Another thing happened in our lives this weekend. A dear friend of ours is a single Mom to two precious children. Her children have been with their father for six weeks this summer. She went to pick them up last night and the father refused to let the daughter return. She finally was able to see her daughter and she wept in her arms. She says she wants to stay with her dad. Our friend is torn to pieces. She is going to continue to fight for her daughter. We are praying the daughter will change her heart and willingly come home with her tomorrow. The point in me telling you this is that I have never been able to really understand the grief of the parents of my adopted children. Hearing our friend on the phone and speaking with her mother gave me a glimpse of what the birth mother of our children may have felt. Even though she was given plenty of chances to make better choices, she still lost her precious daughters. I can't imagine. I can't imagine what that final visit was like. It breaks my heart. I think part of my tears today were shed for the mother of my daughters. I asked my husband if he thought they would ever be able to overcome their addictions now that they have lost their girls. Only God can heal them.
We serve a mighty God! He is our healer and redeemer!
Another thing happened in our lives this weekend. A dear friend of ours is a single Mom to two precious children. Her children have been with their father for six weeks this summer. She went to pick them up last night and the father refused to let the daughter return. She finally was able to see her daughter and she wept in her arms. She says she wants to stay with her dad. Our friend is torn to pieces. She is going to continue to fight for her daughter. We are praying the daughter will change her heart and willingly come home with her tomorrow. The point in me telling you this is that I have never been able to really understand the grief of the parents of my adopted children. Hearing our friend on the phone and speaking with her mother gave me a glimpse of what the birth mother of our children may have felt. Even though she was given plenty of chances to make better choices, she still lost her precious daughters. I can't imagine. I can't imagine what that final visit was like. It breaks my heart. I think part of my tears today were shed for the mother of my daughters. I asked my husband if he thought they would ever be able to overcome their addictions now that they have lost their girls. Only God can heal them.
We serve a mighty God! He is our healer and redeemer!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Praise...Anger
Last night when I going to sleep, I decided that I needed to tell one sweet little girl how proud I am of her. She was the first one up this morning and I told her. She seemed to recieved it well. I told her I was proud of her because she had not lied or lost control of anger in a few days. I told her God was holding her heart and make it even sweeter than ever. Well, early in the morning she lost control and yelled at her sisters. She sat in time out and then we talked about it. Praise...she was honest about what happened and why. She had to apologize, tell them what she was sorry for and why she got angry. She didn't like this one bit! It took a few minutes, but she finally complied. We moved on as normal. Well, this afternoon, it happened again. She blamed it on her ear hurting. I don't know if was hurting or not. A friend of mine took them to the pool this afternoon and had no ear complaints. She also went to swim team tonight for two hours and hasn't complained. No complaints at bedtime either. We will see if it hurts in the morning. Is she afraid that I am proud of her? Did I cause her to get angry? This is such a difficult journey.
I spoke with a friend on a similar journey tonight. We could have talked for hours, but I had to get off the phone. It is nice to truly express feelings that many people just don't understand. I am so glad God has placed other mothers on this journey with me, in the blog world and in person.
I spoke with a friend on a similar journey tonight. We could have talked for hours, but I had to get off the phone. It is nice to truly express feelings that many people just don't understand. I am so glad God has placed other mothers on this journey with me, in the blog world and in person.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Adoption Contract
I have just finished compiling a rough draft of the letter to go to our state social worker with items requested to be put into our adoption contract. I really am not sure how all of this works. I have struggled with this task because I am having to deal with labels of this world. I believe in my heart that my girls don't have to live under these labels. God can heal my girls of everything!! I explained at church tonight during bible study that I am having to face so many wordly things that I am losing focus of the healing power of God. I am ready for this to be final so I can focus on parenting and loving these girls as the Father has taught us to love. Don't misunderstand me, we have been loving and training these girls since they have been with us. However, I always had the finalization process in my mind and what needs to be documented in their file with the state, in case we have problems later. I begin encountering many fears when I start thinking of the "what if's". I am ready for this step to be behind us. I will be able to conquer issues as they arise daily instead of preparing for 2 years down the road and what our life may be like. Only God knows what our life will be like. I firmly believe the wounds my girls have can be healed and they can live happy fulfilling lives!
Morgan is still dealing with stomach issues. The girls seem to be getting along better everyday. I believe my two strong willed girls are learning to give more each day. My cousin sent them some neat purses. Of course, they all wanted the pink one. One girl really loves lime green so she chose that one. The other two wanted pink. Morgan decided to be a good big sister and let her have the pink and she took the blue purse. I was proud of Morgan for making that decision on her own.
Morgan is still dealing with stomach issues. The girls seem to be getting along better everyday. I believe my two strong willed girls are learning to give more each day. My cousin sent them some neat purses. Of course, they all wanted the pink one. One girl really loves lime green so she chose that one. The other two wanted pink. Morgan decided to be a good big sister and let her have the pink and she took the blue purse. I was proud of Morgan for making that decision on her own.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Today
Well, three months ago today, the girls were placed in our home. This brings mixed emotions in me. I am thrilled and blessed to have them, but I also wonder how my life would be different without them. I am not sure why my mind goes in this direction. We have a lot more laughter, hugs, kisses and DRAMA, of course. I believe I am going to start praying for strenth and grace and mercy for when I have three 13 year old girls. I can't imagine how much drama we will have then.
I have got to submit information to the state that I would like to have included in the adoption agreement. I really don't know what this is suppose to look like. I will begin working on the info and pray my way through it. I am open to any advice or tips for anyone that has been through this process before.
I was talking to a friend this morning. She has a 12 day old baby girl she is adopting. Anyway, we were talking about the girls and she said based on what I had put on my blog, she also suspects some auditory processing issues. This problem fits their history. I am going to contact the place she recommended and see what they think. Any suggestions?
I had a nice time with my niece this weekend. She is so cute!! She is a good baby and sleeps well. I actually thought to myself, maybe I will adopt again if I can have a baby. I just love babies!! We will just have to see what path God takes us on. Right now, my five children need me, especially the younger three. I am trying to prepare for school to start in August. Boy, is that an overwhelming thought!
As I adjust to my busy crazy lifestyle, I realized at 10:45 am that I had a Pregnancy Resource Board meeting at 12:00. Ugh, I was planning to go to the pool and lunch with a friend. Well, plans changed quickly and my husband and I played tag team during lunch today. As a bonus, he made brownies while he was home!! Coffee and brownies...yum!
I have got to submit information to the state that I would like to have included in the adoption agreement. I really don't know what this is suppose to look like. I will begin working on the info and pray my way through it. I am open to any advice or tips for anyone that has been through this process before.
I was talking to a friend this morning. She has a 12 day old baby girl she is adopting. Anyway, we were talking about the girls and she said based on what I had put on my blog, she also suspects some auditory processing issues. This problem fits their history. I am going to contact the place she recommended and see what they think. Any suggestions?
I had a nice time with my niece this weekend. She is so cute!! She is a good baby and sleeps well. I actually thought to myself, maybe I will adopt again if I can have a baby. I just love babies!! We will just have to see what path God takes us on. Right now, my five children need me, especially the younger three. I am trying to prepare for school to start in August. Boy, is that an overwhelming thought!
As I adjust to my busy crazy lifestyle, I realized at 10:45 am that I had a Pregnancy Resource Board meeting at 12:00. Ugh, I was planning to go to the pool and lunch with a friend. Well, plans changed quickly and my husband and I played tag team during lunch today. As a bonus, he made brownies while he was home!! Coffee and brownies...yum!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
A Break
I am going to visit my brother and his wife today. My husband has been great with the girls the last few days. He is going to keep them today and tomorrow so I can go help my brother and his wife with their new baby. She is two weeks old and they are exhausted. I am excited to be going to help them. It will be nice to be doing something different for a few days. I won't have to be "on my toes" all the time. I can travel three hours in the car without a hundred questions and some child always having a need. I love my kids, but I will enjoy this also.
We have had a pretty good last few days. One girl doesn't get to swim today because she continues to leave her wet clothes on the floor and/or the bed. We have told her way to many times. My husband finally said if it happens again, the guilty child doesn't swim the next time we go to the pool. I am glad I won't be there to witness the pain. She will obey and sit in the chair and pout for the entire time. He can ignore it, I would be totally frustrated.
I can't believe they will have been in my home three months tomorrow. It is so natural to say their new whole name when they are in trouble. It is feels more and more like they have always been mine each day. One girl asked me if she had indian in her blood. I told her no without even thinking. She said her birth mother told her she did. I responded without even thinking about her being adopted. It was actually a neat moment.
I hope everyone has a blessed 4th of July!
We have had a pretty good last few days. One girl doesn't get to swim today because she continues to leave her wet clothes on the floor and/or the bed. We have told her way to many times. My husband finally said if it happens again, the guilty child doesn't swim the next time we go to the pool. I am glad I won't be there to witness the pain. She will obey and sit in the chair and pout for the entire time. He can ignore it, I would be totally frustrated.
I can't believe they will have been in my home three months tomorrow. It is so natural to say their new whole name when they are in trouble. It is feels more and more like they have always been mine each day. One girl asked me if she had indian in her blood. I told her no without even thinking. She said her birth mother told her she did. I responded without even thinking about her being adopted. It was actually a neat moment.
I hope everyone has a blessed 4th of July!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Connections are being made
We eat a lot of "blue box" mac and cheese at our house. All five kids love it and I love it because they can make it without help. Well, the older three kids can. The new girls often with difficulty with processing math problems. I use every opportunity for a teaching moment. Well, tonight the girls wanted to make the mac and cheese. The boys are in Canada and Morgan was doing something else, so they wanted to cook the mac and cheese. Elliott had them sitting waiting for the water to boil. One girl called and said "Uh-oh, I poured the milk and don't know how much I need." She had a two cup measuring cup with milk in it. We started by pouring the milk back into the jug. I had them read the directions on the box. They couldn't read 1/4 cup. They didn't know what that was or meant. I started with how many quarters in a dollar, how many quarters in a football game with no connection. I asked if they had a piece of paper and I wanted 1/4 of it how many pieces would you give me. It connected. One girl said one. When I asked how many in all, she said 4. I was so happy. We talked about 4 quarters in a dollar. I told them to read the box again. We couldn't do it. I explained again. She was finally able to read the box after I repeated it a few times. I asked if they could see 1/4 on the measuring cup and they couldn't. I got out a 1 cup measuring cup. One girl told me she needed the 1/4 line. Yeah!! We have been praying for breakthrough in life skills. They can do simple calculations, but not apply them. She poured it and realized she had too much and corrected it. The other big occurance is that she is started to remember and think through the steps in making mac and cheese. She finally remembers that you must drain the noodles before putting in the milk, cheese, and butter. She is showing signs of comprehending the steps!! Before, she just couldn't get it. I am always trying to answer their questions with a word problem where possible to help them apply their math.
I am sorry this is long drawn out, but we were very excited tonight when things started "clicking" with her. The other girls hasn't quite got it yet, but it will come with time.
When we look back over the almost three months with our girls, they are improving little by little. It is exciting to see the changes. It is also exciting to see my husband rising to the challenge of raising three girls. We can see in our two girls what happens when a strong father figure doesn't exist in a little girls life. They have obsessions about unhealthy things, among many other things. The one twin is learning to play more and more each day. She is trying hard to let go of control. She still gets angry at times. Well, they all do.
It is nice to see visible improvement.
I am sorry this is long drawn out, but we were very excited tonight when things started "clicking" with her. The other girls hasn't quite got it yet, but it will come with time.
When we look back over the almost three months with our girls, they are improving little by little. It is exciting to see the changes. It is also exciting to see my husband rising to the challenge of raising three girls. We can see in our two girls what happens when a strong father figure doesn't exist in a little girls life. They have obsessions about unhealthy things, among many other things. The one twin is learning to play more and more each day. She is trying hard to let go of control. She still gets angry at times. Well, they all do.
It is nice to see visible improvement.
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