Fight or Flight

I haven't posted in a long time because I have had a lot of things on my heart and mind.  I struggle with what to share and not to share. 

Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong.  She is in trouble, to put it plainly.  While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change.  During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow".  She never has.  I have been waiting for it to come.  Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat.  We were in a hotel type room.  I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys.  Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters.  Haylee and I both asked her not to tell.  Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask.  She gave in to be accepted by these girls.  Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again.  I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be.  Haylee's were normal. 

So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response.  Wow!  I looked it up and they are correct.  So, now to we call this PTSD?  So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom.  It seems to happen over big and small things.  When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure.  Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much.  However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?

I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me.  I am questioning the way I parent.  How I handle her and on and on...

Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD.  Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child?  She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies? 
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes? 

She is making more and more choices against our rules.  She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something.  For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy."  "I have already opened it."  I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy."  The next few seconds and she is eating her candy.  Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window.  We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.

How do you handle these type incidences?  I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.