Tomorrow is Day 1, again.

I did so well this morning.  I didn't lose my temper.  I tried to work with Hannah two different times on grammar and stopped both times so I would not get negative with her.  She just wants to be finished and will say whatever, without thinking at all.  I stayed neutral with her.  I have to have very little emotion to succeed at this.  I think she struggled this morning because I was refusing the battle. 

Well, they have classes this afternoon.  They loaded their swim things and were getting in the car.  A little incident occurred and Morgan was hit in the head by the large tailgate on my Sequoia.  I am sure it hurt.  She came back in crying.  We were trying to get out the door so I kissed her head, gave her a hug and we were getting to head out the door when in walks Hannah.  I asked why she wasn't in the car and she said she didn't know she was suppose to be.  I not so nicely told her she knew she was suppose to be in the car and better get back in.  We loaded up and headed out. 

I talked Hannah back through the sequence of events leading up to why she was loading up her swim items and getting in the car to go to class.  She agreed with everything I said.  I asked her why she told me she didn't know she was suppose to be in the car.  She said she didn't know.  Ugh!!  She just told me she did!!!
We went over the events three times before she admitted that she knew she was suppose to be in the car when she told me she didn't know. 

About the end of the second time with her telling me she didn't know to get in the car, I lost it.  I wasn't friendly anymore.  I wasn't necessarily negative in words, but my tone wasn't good. 

I don't handle it well when they aren't truthful.  She finally said she came in the check on Morgan.  That would have been okay.  I still would have sent her back to the car, but she wouldn't have been in trouble. 

I was so upset and frustrated I stopped at my husbands office on the way to class.  He just shook his head when I told him what happened.  I asked what I should do.  He gently reminded me that I am trying so hard to act positive and neutral that the enemy is going to try to steal my joy and destroy my good intentions.  He succeeded.  I ended up hurting Hannah and I am totally discouraged. 

God is still in control.  I am learning a lot about myself in this attitude challenge.  I find I don't like the way I act sometimes.  This is even more difficult because I want to do it very well, not just halfway. 

I will try to finish the day well and start over tomorrow.

The Challenge

Angela, at Pearls of Price, mentioned a challenge she is taking.  You can read about it here.  It is fourteen days long.  You only speak positive or neutral things to others.  I didn't realize how difficult this was going to be.  I have really been struggling with my thoughts and actions.  I didn't realize how negative we had gotten around here.  I didn't realize how much correction goes on by all seven of us toward each other.  It isn't  very pleasant when you step back and look at it.  It robs the Joy of the Lord that we want in our house.  I know I can only accomplish this with God.  I have been wrestling in my heart today, while at church and afterwards regarding my words, as well as my thoughts.  I have bit my tongue many times.  I have tried to change my responses at the last minute.  I often have the facial expression, but no words come out of my mouth.  I have used this challenge as a time of self evaluation and reflection. We need to love as Jesus loves us. Our tone of voice and our words are not always in a loving manner as Jesus would speak to us.


I am praying that God can help me with this challenge.  I know that I will not accomplish this goal on my own.  I will definitely have to press in more with God to accomplish this goal. 

My girls have not had the best start in life, but that isn't their fault.  They don't know the things my birth children do because they haven't been taught.  Once again, this isn't their fault.  They are precious girls and have learned so much.  I get very frustrated sometimes, but love them dearly.  Already today, I have caught myself getting frustrated over really trivial things.  They are kids and they are still learning.  I should not be frustrated.  This challenge has made me stop mid step and change my responses.  As Angela said in her post, these poor kids get blamed for so many things.  They get corrected so often, by so many people.  I am proud of how they have endured so much criticism.  It really needs to stop.  They have been in our family for a year and a half.  This Friday the adoption will have been final for one year.  (Wow, how time goes by quickly.)

God is really doing a work in me through this challenge.

Quite a few of my blog friends of abused and neglected children are also taking the challenge.  I hope by having other friends working towards the same goal will help me to not give up.  We can be accountable to one another.  This can be such a positive thing for my family as well as many others.

Thanks Angela for the challenge!!