Tomorrow is Day 1, again.

I did so well this morning.  I didn't lose my temper.  I tried to work with Hannah two different times on grammar and stopped both times so I would not get negative with her.  She just wants to be finished and will say whatever, without thinking at all.  I stayed neutral with her.  I have to have very little emotion to succeed at this.  I think she struggled this morning because I was refusing the battle. 

Well, they have classes this afternoon.  They loaded their swim things and were getting in the car.  A little incident occurred and Morgan was hit in the head by the large tailgate on my Sequoia.  I am sure it hurt.  She came back in crying.  We were trying to get out the door so I kissed her head, gave her a hug and we were getting to head out the door when in walks Hannah.  I asked why she wasn't in the car and she said she didn't know she was suppose to be.  I not so nicely told her she knew she was suppose to be in the car and better get back in.  We loaded up and headed out. 

I talked Hannah back through the sequence of events leading up to why she was loading up her swim items and getting in the car to go to class.  She agreed with everything I said.  I asked her why she told me she didn't know she was suppose to be in the car.  She said she didn't know.  Ugh!!  She just told me she did!!!
We went over the events three times before she admitted that she knew she was suppose to be in the car when she told me she didn't know. 

About the end of the second time with her telling me she didn't know to get in the car, I lost it.  I wasn't friendly anymore.  I wasn't necessarily negative in words, but my tone wasn't good. 

I don't handle it well when they aren't truthful.  She finally said she came in the check on Morgan.  That would have been okay.  I still would have sent her back to the car, but she wouldn't have been in trouble. 

I was so upset and frustrated I stopped at my husbands office on the way to class.  He just shook his head when I told him what happened.  I asked what I should do.  He gently reminded me that I am trying so hard to act positive and neutral that the enemy is going to try to steal my joy and destroy my good intentions.  He succeeded.  I ended up hurting Hannah and I am totally discouraged. 

God is still in control.  I am learning a lot about myself in this attitude challenge.  I find I don't like the way I act sometimes.  This is even more difficult because I want to do it very well, not just halfway. 

I will try to finish the day well and start over tomorrow.