Father Daughter Dance

 

My girls went to the annual Father Daughter Dinner/Dance last night. 

They love dressing up and going with their daddy.

They had a wonderful time!

My how they have grown up.  I enjoyed looking back at this post
to see how they have changed.
 

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The sweet side...

I read this blog today, http://ouralabamaadventure.blogspot.com/.  Sharon wrote a great description of what we deal with as parents of older adopted children. 

You can link to the blog above and/or read a portion of it here.  This is what I wish people would understand about us instead of judging us.


One of the biggest frustrations we all face, though, is the judgement we get from those around us that don't understand RAD. And let me stop right here and say - if you have done this, don't beat yourself up - everyone does, you are not alone. Heck - >> I << did it, to other parents of RAD kids, before we got ours!!

But our kids' behaviors often come across as sweet and cute to those who don't know them well, or, even, sometimes to those who DO know them pretty well, but don't understand their 'issues'. And our responses, as parents, to those 'sweet and cute' behaviors will often come across as somewhat harsh. It's so tiring to know that people whom I care about sometimes judge me to be part of the problem because I am being 'too harsh' with them. It's a TOUGH style of parenting, and not our first choice of ways to have to treat them, but there are indications that it WORKS, we have SEEN it help in our own kids' lives, so we DO it because we want what is best for our kid. Please don't judge us.

It's also TIRING. And often people don't understand just HOW tiring it is, because when they (KINDly) take our kids for us for short periods of time, the kids are angelic! "What could possibly be so hard about parenting these wonderful children?" But the kids save their 'behaviors' for when other people are not around.

The human spirit is incredibly deeply programmed for survival. And when the psyche is injured at a young age, it becomes VERY defensive by nature and VERY capable of manipulating and playing the situation to it's best advantage. These kids are PROFESSIONALS at this process. They are generally very sweet in public and to those who they do not see on a daily basis. They save their 'behaviors' for those who are trying to get the closest to them, because, deep down inside, they know that we hold the most power to hurt them again. So they work VERY hard at making SURE we can not get close enough to have that power.


Also, Hannah is really wanting to see her birth parents to ask them some questions.  Our counselor suggested she start a journal of what she would like to ask them.  Of course, we are not going to allow her to see them anytime soon.  I hope this journal doesn't become a big ordeal.  She made a few comments about it last night that I am not sure how to take. 

When she first came, if she got in trouble, she would ask to call her foster mother.  We eventually ended that.  Now, if she is in trouble or in the middle of a punishment (ie: no TV) she will tell me she is going to write in her journal to her BP.

Update

Sorry I haven't posted in so long.  We have been really busy around here. 

We finally had Tucker's Eagle Ceremony.  It was a very special time for all of us.  Tucker is in the middle and his brother Alex is next to him.  I believe he will have his Eagle within the next year.

Haylee is trying contacts.  Poor girl, her glasses are so thick for her left eye.  We are trying them for 30 days to make sure she will keep up with them before we purchase any more.  So far she is doing great!  She loves not having to worry about glasses. 

Hannah is doing really well.  We went through a difficult phase, but we are coming out of it, I think.  She still struggles with nightmares.  She only grew one inch in one year.  We did hormone testing and she passed.  So, slow growth and no hormorne deficiency.  Interesting.

Some exciting news is that my parents have purchased a house in my city.  They have sold their house in the city three hours from us.  We are very excited.  My kids are very excited!  I am thrilled because I have never lived in the same city as my parents since I graduated from college.  I am sure they will be a big help to me.

Morgan had her 12th birthday.  I can't believe she is already twelve!! 

Overall, we are all doing well.  We are staying very busy, so I haven't blogged much. 

Tucker is preparing to take the ACT again for college entrance.  I can't believe he only has two more years before he graduates.  He will be sixteen in about a month.  I am not sure I am ready to have a new driver!

My husband is in his new office building which is beautiful.

This is Morgan's birthday cake.  She came up with the design from looking on the internet.  I think is turned out very well.

 

She and her friends made duck tape clothes, purses, crowns and earrings.  They were pretty creative!

 

Below is my mother and my new nephew.

 

My brother and his wife.

 

Tucker, my oldest son.  He just loves taking pictures.

 

Alex and Hannah

 

My dad and Morgan.  As you can tell Morgan loves pink and zebra right now.  The zebra blanket was a birthday give from a friend.  It has an M monogrammed on it. 

 

     My husband and Haylee without her glasses.  She is doing so well.  I believe she is attached and very happy.  She always keeps us laughing.  She is such a joy!

Movie

Last night we let the girls watch Oct*ober Ba*by.  We weren't sure if and when we would.  It just felt right last night.  I have felt like Hannah has been distant the last few days. 

Well, I watched the movie with them.  After it was over Hannah crawled up in my lap and cried.  My husband wasn't in the room.  She usually goes to him, not me.  She could relate to the movie so much.  The girl, Hannah, in the movie has so many of the same characteristics as my daughter, Hannah.  To name a few: name, MRI, EEG, Preemie, wants to find her parents, birthday in October and on and on. Hannah realized most of these.

She started asking about her birth parents again.  She said she wants to find them.  She wants to tell them about Jesus.  She asked why she can't go now. I told her it isn't safe or she would be with them now. She asked if I would help her later.  I told her when it was time, I would help her.  (I hope that was the right thing to say.)  I wonder sometimes if she saw them now, would it give her some closure?

While Hannah and I were talking, Haylee was sitting on the couch next to me.  I was able to see how each of them cope with their past.  Hannah was very emotional and the feelings were deep.  Haylee got silly and would say silly off the wall things to not think about what Hannah was talking about. 

Later, when I was tucking the girls in for the night, Hannah told me that she didn't think I loved her, but after watching the movie, she knows that I do.

I was bothered by her statement.  I was beating myself up about being a bad mom to her if she doesn't think I love her.  I was pondering this when it occurred to me that she doesn't understand what love is or means.  When she came she loved every single thing and person.  She has learned a great deal, but still doesn't get it.  I think her definition is probably someone that gives her what she wants when she wants it.  That sounds harsh, but that is how she thinks.  We are definitely not that kind of parents.  We have boundaries and they don't move.   She thinks everything should be equal no matter what.

This morning I gave her an example of how I showed my love for her today.  Yesterday, she asked for cinnamon rolls.  We usually eat those one morning each weekend.  Well, we didn't have any.  Last night I went to return some movies and also purchased some cinnamon rolls for breakfast.  I asked her what we were eating for breakfast.  She told me.  I asked what she wanted for breakfast yesterday.  She told me.  I asked her why we didn't eat them yesterday.  She told me.  I told her that I went and bought some so they could have them this morning.  I did this because I love them and know they look forward to eating them.  I explained to her that this is one simple way to show love for another person.  Doing simple things just because you love them and expecting nothing in return. 

I feel like that was a huge step between the two of us last night.  Hopefully this will break down some of the walls that has been built between us. 

Age

It is so hard to remember the girls aren't eleven in maturity.  Sometimes they are no more mature or developed than a five or six year old.  This is such a difficult situation when they want to do preteen things but they aren't ready to be a preteen.  They think they are so grown up and then make choices and follow directions as a young child. 

I pray very often that God will help me discern which age they are each and everyday.  It is definitely a moving target.

Speak Life!

This is a great song shared on a blog I follow.  Enjoy!

Growth

The girls had doctor appointments today. 

Haylee has grown almost three inches and gained eight pounds in one year. She is wearing a size 7/8 pants and a medium shirt.

Hannah has grown a little over one inch and gained 3 pounds in one year. She was on the lower end of okay last year.  She has now fallen below the acceptable line by quite a bit.  Hannah wears a small shirt and size 6/7 pants.

They just turned eleven a few weeks ago.

Hannah will have growth hormone testing in early January.

Hannah may have to be given growth hormones.

I always knew this could be a possibility.  I was praying that we wouldn't have to endure this process. 

The doctor said it is hard to get insurance companies to approve the therapy.  She said if they aren't producing the correct amount of hormones and are not on the growth chart they will usually approve the treatment.  I hope it will be approved, if needed.

Haylee is finally on the growth chart at 3%.

Hannah is not on the growth chart at all.