This is a conversation at my house tonight.
Haylee was playing with her Littlest Pet Shop toys when I asked her to take the dog outside. She told Hannah not to touch her toys while she went out. Hannah said she wouldn't. Haylee asked me to make sure she didn't touch them. I asked if this had been a problem. Haylee said that every time she asks Hannah not to touch them, she does, so she can't trust her. I asked Hannah if this was true and she said it was. (At least she was honest.) I told Hannah to sit on the couch and not move until Haylee gets back from walking the dog.
Ugh! Lovely. She stayed on the couch until Haylee returned and then watched Haylee play. Whatever...
Hannah has an MRI and EEG early Wednesday morning. A close friend that has been in foster care for years is letting Morgan and Haylee spend the night with her. I am totally comfortable with her keeping them. Hannah and I have to be at the hospital an hour away at 7 am.
I have a speech and OT evaluation for the girls next Monday. It may not be anything, but we are getting things evaluated.
Many prayers
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI've read all your blog in one breath.
And I notice that some aspects of FAE are difficult to grasp for you.
Like why the girls seem to understand to make exactly the same mistake right after ?
Unfortunately, this is the most important part of the FAE/FAS/FASD.
The connexion between causes and consequences is (more or less, depends of the person) broken.
They can sometimes act accordingly, but we can't rely on it. Whatever they can act accordingly or not is impossible to preview.
They always need to have someone with them.
When you wonder about acting 5, 7 or 10 years old, it is unfortunately a classic of FAE/FAS/FASD. It's not something because they are "bad", "naughty", but it's part of the disorder.
If you read the website I provided below about FAE/FAS/FASD, it will be easier to understand. This site has been written by a mother who has a 20 year-old child with FAS, so it's not only medical stuff, but also tips and tricks.
You can help somehow by constantly supervising them (or someone else in the family), but you can't rely on their willpower to behave well.
I can understand from what you say that you have a lot in your plate.
Yes on keeping firm boundaries. But keep also a list of priorities, because otherwise, you'll be drained without reaching much, if nothing.
I understand that lying and trust are important for you, and it is for me too. But read the website I provided below and you will understand why it's not the most reasonable goal with persons with FAE/FAS/FASD. This is a goal you can reach but on other ways than with "typical" children, because of FAE/FAS/FASD. Often, when we accuse a child with FAE/FAS/FASD of "lying", they seem to lie because they fill the blanks they have in their brain, and say what they think you want to hear. "Lying" and "truth" are very abstract for them, it is something long to learn and even after having learnt, they can forget it.
My point is that a typical person may perceive a behavior as "lying", to take our example, whereas it is part of a disorder because they don't process the info like us.
I am strongly convinced that the bottom line must be first and foremost health and safety, along with respect (self, others, properties). But be specific, otherwise, you will fight about everything without many results.
Keep a short list of goals, and make this list simple. Otherwise, everyone drains because everyone try to keep up with a long list of complicated goals.
You can manage, but maybe simplify things. Simple doesn't mean bad :D
Because not everything is a matter of "no".
Of course that saying "no" is part of a parent's job, but saying "yes" is also part of being a parent :)
And is it that important to match shirt and pants for staying at home ? I would be more concerned about cigarettes or alcohol than matching pants.
I've found many info on this website : http://www.come-over.to/FASCRC/
I hope it will ease you somewhat your daily life, by providing you plenty of info you need to know.
Take care