Hard

Ann and Beth have appointments Monday with a geneticist in a large city about three hours from us. The state didn't approve requested items because we don't have a diagnosis. We already had the appointment scheduled, thank goodness. The state notified us Thursday of their decision.

I am having to complete forms for the appointment on Monday. It is very hard for me handle my feelings as I read back over their birth records and family history. I have such mixed emotions. The feelings and thoughts are so different than four months ago. When I read the documents before, I knew the girls were ours, but didn't know them yet. They are now my daughters and this makes me angry as I read. How could parents make the choices they did when two precious children were involved. This is what addicitions can do to you. I wonder why things weren't followed up on by DHR. I can't change the past, I just have to deal with it and move forward. I will press forward reviewing their history as I prepare for our appointment. I hope we get answers and not receive the run around again. It is hard to find a person that will diagnose.

Ann sucks two of her fingers. We have tried many things to help her stop. We have painted a yucky polish on. It worked for a few days and that is all. We have been putting band aids on her fingers. When she didn't have them on, they went straight in her mouth. She said she only needed one band aid, so we started only using one. I discovered this morning that she has been moving the band aid so she can suck them. She was watching TV and I saw her with them in her mounth. I checked her fingers and she had moved the band aid up so she could suck them. I was not happy at all!!! Intentional defiance!! I know it is an addiction that she has, but she knew exactly what she was doing when she moved the band aid. I told her I would be putting the band aids on both fingers and I will check them. The other girls told me they could hear her moving the band aids at night. Ugh!! Her days of sucking her fingers are numbered. We are having an appliance placed in her mouth Wednesday so she can't suck them. I hope it works. My husband says she won't be able to take it out, so it should work. I hope so!!