when you suspect an adopted daughter is flirting with a birth son? She begs him to play outside with her and desires his attention. She will do stupid things to get attention, just like flirting.
We were all in the kitchen a few minutes ago having a snack. She doesn't like banana at all. She told him she would try it. She was doing her fake smiley face and flirting!! Other kids were in the kitchen laughing also. She took the banana and started the drama about needing a drink, giggling, etc. I stopped the drama there. I told everyone to leave the kitchen but her. I told her she was going to eat it because she is just trying to get attention. She needed to stop flirting because he is her brother. She said,"I don't like him." Interesting, she knew exactly what I was referring too. She is obsessed with this type thing. She has definitely been into this boyfriend/girlfriend thing before coming to our house. How early does this start? She was finishing the second grade when she came here? It may be from TV shows they were allowed to watch before coming her also. I don't believe there is any abuse in their past. I guess I am going to have to talk to my son also. He needs to be very careful with her. He can't play with her like he does Morgan. Situations like this bring up the trust issues I have with her. I have always had a feeling of not totally trusting her. Maybe because she has told me about things she had done and lied about in her previous homes.
We saw a boy at a gas station yesterday that was on Morgan's soccer team. He is very needy and has some emotional issues. Of course, Morgan was very nice to him while on his team, unlike people that know him and his problems from school. It meant alot to him that Morgan was his friend. Well, he came over and spoke to Morgan. My heart breaks for him because I know his family isn't stable. Morgan was very polite and friendly. As soon as we pulled out, she said, "I think he likes Morgan." Ugh...can't you just be friends with boys and girls? Maybe my birth children are too sheltered regarding dating, but I think I like it that way!!
Relationships are complicated, especially for people who did not have good early life development and modeling of appropriate relationship skills.
ReplyDeleteI would strongly suggest that you do not allow your son to be in a position where he could be accused of something. It is sadly quite normal behavior for people who had early life trauma and attachment breaks to misread situations or make false allegations.
Do you have a therapist working with your family? This is one of the reasons we need adoption competent therapists! If you have one, mention this to them so it is documented.
My daughter is only 8 years old but she already exhibits a lot of these behaviors. FASD can cause precocious puberty and children with FASD can also be very easily influenced and not understand what they see on TV or in public regarding interactions between men and woman. They don't tend to understand boundaries that they cannot see in a concrete way.
People who have not received good nurturing care when they most needed it will seek it out in other ways. She is not a bad girl, she is acting out of her hurt.
And just so you know...Jesus is coming back before my daughter hits full blown puberty. He said He wouldn't give me more than I can handle so I know He's coming soon!
~Kari
I would love to talk with you further. I have, unfortunately, gone through tremendous se*ual issues because of the 3 kids we adopted. My heart is to help other adoptive moms prevent what happened in our home. My blog is:
ReplyDeletehttp://waldenbunch.blogspot.com/
my email is waldenbunch@triad.rr.com
Marty