Trust is improving

I felt God was leading me to talk with Hannah last night about some of her fears and the root issues behind them.  It was like God brought a picture into focus for me about some of the fears she has displayed over the last two years.  I talked with her alone for about thirty minutes last night.  She wasn't able to tell me what had happened in her past that made her so fearful regarding the situation I mentioned, but she did start opening up with me about other things. 

She told me about things she witnessed her parents doing and how they would copy those things as well.  She has told me about situations like this in the past. She got very emotional and didn't want to share with me what they had done.  She finally shared and like the other things she has shared it wasn't as bad as she thought.  I explained to her again that she was very young and didn't know any better.  It is not her fault and that I am glad she wouldn't want to do those things now.  It wasn't nearly what I was expecting for her to tell me.  She decided she wanted Haylee in the room for the rest of the story.
We called Haylee in the room and continued talking.  It was a good conversation.  I think Haylee has everything stuffed very deeply away inside of her.  The look on Haylee's face was of disgust when Hannah told her what she had told me.  It wasn't disgust at Hannah, but disgust at what they did.  I am protecting my girls and not sharing the details here, but it isn't as bad as one might think. 

I am glad they were sharing with me.  It is amazing how resourceful they were as such little girls.  I guess when a bad situation would come their way, they would do whatever needed to get help.  They told me about stacking chairs and pillows so they could climb up high enough to unlatch the door to get help.  Now remember, my girls are very small.  At ten they are about 48 pounds and 48 inches tall.  So, all these years ago, they were very, very small. 

Haylee shared some not so pleasant memories about her birth parents with me.  She rarely talks about her past.  It was interesting the types of things she remembered versus what Hannah remembers.

I am glad Hannah knows that what she revealed to me isn't as bad as she thought.  I believe as she reaches puberty she would have questioned her identity even more due to this issue.  I reassured her that she is okay and to not worry about what happened.  They were very young little girls. 

I believe Hannah and I are reaching a new milestone in our attachment.  I am very happy for each step.

On another note, I ordered Haylee and pressure tank top and a cushion for her seat.  It is suppose to help with ADHD and sensory needs.  I ordered a S and XS tank.  She put on the S first and it was snug.  However, she wanted to try on the smaller one.  It was hard to get over her head, but she loved it and wanted to keep the smaller one.  She has worn it all day today.  We shall see over time if it helps meet her sensory needs. 

We aren't able to get Hannah seen by a neurologist at our Children's Hospital three hours away because her tests were okay.  My doctor still wants her to be evaluated.  They are going to see if the pediatric neurologist will see her one hour away. 

I want them to start in the therapeutic horse riding group we have here.  Haylee has been approved by the doctor, but Hannah won't be approved until we see the neurologist.  Haylee is very excited about starting.  She loves horses.