Book

I am currently reading, The Great Behavior Breakdown by Bryan Post.  It is a good book.  He references Bruce Perry quite a bit in his book.  Bruce Perry is going to be in our state speaking in April.  I am very excited to be able to go to the conference.  This book by Bryan Post is really helping me renew my parenting skills for traumatized children.  It reminded me of some things I knew, but have quit using. 

One thing, is the positive and negative cycle.  Sometimes I do well changing the negative behavior to positive and diffusing the situation and sometimes I don't.  I have really focused on trying to speak to my children in positive ways instead of negative.  This really gets hard as the day progresses.  My girls seem to struggle more the more positive I try to be.  They appear to get more insecure when we are happy.  I have read that this can make them feel insecure. 

Bryan Post says that love and fear are the two emotions the children function from.  We have had two incidences today where Hannah assumed things were said that were not said at all by anyone.  Having read the night before about how she is functioning out of fear, I gently corrected her assumptions and tried to promote security.  She just assumed these things because in her mind she thought people were being unfair to her.  The good thing is the second incident was with me and she was able to partially verbalize what she was thinking.  If I can keep her from entering the fight or flight mode, she is getting better a talking.  If I can't keep her from entering, we are can't make progress until we can help her regulate again.  I am working on getting to her eye level and watching my tone of voice.  I was very good at this when they first came to live with us, but over time I have forgotten to do this when correcting them. 

I have not read very far in the book, but am looking forward to reading a little bit tonight.  I don't have time to read often, but I am trying to read some when I get in the bed at night.  However, I usually don't make it long before I am sound asleep. 

I will let you know more as I read further in the book.  Have any of you read this book?

Swim Team

We had an out of town swim meet today.  I am so proud of all of my children!!  However, Haylee and Hannah have improved so much!!  It is truly amazing.  Two girls that could barely keep their heads above water 21 months ago are competing in swim meets and doing really well! 

Haylee is either really "on" or really "not one."  Today was a really "on" day and she looked great.  She was focused and determined.  They both really improved their times.  Their confidence was so amazing today.  I talked to all of the kids on the way to the meet about how a lot of younger kids that have never competed will be there.  Be alert and help them if needed.  All five kids were very helpful.  I was helping get the newer kids to their blocks to swim.  I was encouraging a little girl to finish her race.  I looked over a few lanes and our Coach had asked Haylee to jump in and help a little guy swimming finish his freestyle race.  It was precious!!  What a confidence builder for the Coach to ask Haylee to help a little guy not much smaller than her in the pool!!!  It was such a God moment!  I wish I had a picture.  He finished the race with Haylee encouraging him and swimming next to him.  God is so good!! 

All five kids swam best times and had fun. 

On the hard days, it is so helpful to reflect on how far the girls have come.  God is so good to us!!

Snow Tubing

We gave the kids a trip for Christmas. We went to North Georgia and went snow tubing. We had a wonderful trip. They also had an outdoor ice skating rink which was a lot of fun. They did well skating considering it was their first time.   We decided to invest in making memories this year instead of a bunch of stuff they would forget about in a month or so.  I will let the pictures tell about our trip.  I have posted quite a few, but it is only a few considering we took over 300.

Glasses

How can one child break her glasses so many times?  The girls played outside today in the warmer weather.  One sweet child comes in and realizes her glasses are broken and she only has one lens.  How does this go unnoticed while playing outside?

I don't even want to count how many times her glasses have been replaced or repaired this year.

Merry Christmas!!!

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!!

(By the way, we are dressed like this because we were going to a funeral.)

Adoption Support Group

We have a great group of people in our adoption support group. We have about 7 families that are regular attendees. For December, we had a Christmas Party and dinner. It was fun for everyone!!

All four of the younger kids enjoyed working on their houses.  We made pine cone and peanut butter bird feeders and star ornaments.  We also had a fun time playing SANTA bingo and winning fun prizes.

 Haylee loves working on anything artistic like this.  She focused on her house for a long time.  As you can see, she did a great job!

Tucker's favorite thing was the chocolate cake!

Fight or Flight

I haven't posted in a long time because I have had a lot of things on my heart and mind.  I struggle with what to share and not to share. 

Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong.  She is in trouble, to put it plainly.  While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change.  During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow".  She never has.  I have been waiting for it to come.  Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat.  We were in a hotel type room.  I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys.  Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters.  Haylee and I both asked her not to tell.  Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask.  She gave in to be accepted by these girls.  Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again.  I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be.  Haylee's were normal. 

So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response.  Wow!  I looked it up and they are correct.  So, now to we call this PTSD?  So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom.  It seems to happen over big and small things.  When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure.  Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much.  However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?

I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me.  I am questioning the way I parent.  How I handle her and on and on...

Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD.  Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child?  She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies? 
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes? 

She is making more and more choices against our rules.  She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something.  For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy."  "I have already opened it."  I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy."  The next few seconds and she is eating her candy.  Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window.  We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.

How do you handle these type incidences?  I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.