Playing Pretend

Often when the girls are playing, they are playing "pretend" as they call it. I often have to stop the playing because screaming and yelling is going on and sometimes hitting. I have talked with them about when they are "pretending" they can still hurt feelings. I have heard them call each other ugly names, hit each other, yell in the others face. They unfortunately are role playing what they witnessed in their homes for so many years. It breaks my heart that they had to witness such awful things. Their excuse is always that they were just playing. Usually some has hurt feelings already. Today one girl said their BP's acted that way when they were drunk. I asked her if she is drunk since she is acting that way. She looked at me like I was crazy, but it got her attention. I asked her how it made her feel when she saw her BP's act that way. She said she was scared. I asked them if that is how they want to act when they are married. They said no. I asked if they see Daddy and I act that way. They said no. I told them that is not the plan God has for marriage. We always want to love each other as God loves us. I think they vent their frustrations acting this way. Am I handling this correctly? Morgan is learning a lot by role playing with these girls.

On a much lighter note...

We had a great weekend. We went to my parent's lake house again. My daughter that was afraid to jump off the pier and ride the tube behind the boat was doing all of it this weekend with very little fear. She would jump off the pier, off the boat in the middle of the lake, ride the tube in the rough water. It was so exciting to see her acting like a child, not an adult. Two of the three girls showered when a storm blew in. I told them they wouldn't be getting back in the lake if they showered. They chose to anyway. The sun came back out and one twin wanted to ride the tube again. She convinced her daddy to ride with her. She had the largest most genuine smile I have ever seen on her face. She said the best part was having her daddy's arm around her the whole ride. Wow!! She must have felt secure and safe in his arms! What a blessing! We have come so far in eight weeks!

Our birth daughter is really testing now. I am not surprised at all. She is probably just acting like she did before the girls came.

Overcoming Fears

We had a great afternoon today. Some friends of ours have a creek that runs behind their house with some waterfalls in it. We went to play in the creek and fish. Things were going well until the girls wanted to cross the rocks and play in the falls. They are like mini rapids. Morgan and one twin had no fear. They managed to work their way to the middle and play in the water with their daddy. However, one little girl is very fearful. She didn't want them to go because she was afraid she would fall because it was slippery. They weren't going to miss out on the fun and left her behind. They had a great time playing with their daddy while she stomped around, threw sand, yelled and cried on the sandy bank. We ignored it pretty much. The other two girls came back over and played with her eventually. A few minutes later they wanted to go back to the falls. They started going and she started fussing again. Morgan stepped up and offered to help her. She kept crying and saying she would fall. Morgan kept offering her hand and told her that if she didn't stop crying and grab her hand and try she would never do it. Well, Morgan did a great job with her!! God must have given her an extra dosage of patience today. She told her where to put her feet and bend down at times and crawl. She eventually made it to the falls. Once there, she had a blast!! Everyone had a great time. I even got in the water in my clothes!!! People that know me will be very impressed that I "got out of my box" and got in the creek. The kids were very happy that I joined in the fun with them.




Morgan trying to convince her to try to cross the creek.



The are slowly crawling across the slippery rocks.



She was able to get her to try to walk part of the way.



After she started playing, she had a blast.



Tucker was great helping them climb back up the creek.



They are working their way back up the falls.



One girl had a great day fishing with just her daddy
and Tucker the day before.



Of course Alex was proud of his catch.




The three great guys in our family. They were wonderful
with the girls today in the creek. They were even very helpful
to me when I busted it trying to get in the creek. I am very
thankful nothing is broken.

Thank God for my wonderful family and for our great day!!

Advocate for our children.

We had our initial appt today. The appt went well. For anyone that knows me, I had my research done and was ready to present my case. The doctor agreed completely with my findings. She agreed with all of the symptoms and physical features. She is going to try to get the girls in earlier for their testing and evaluations. They had someone cancel for Monday, so one girl will be tested then. The other appt isn't until the middle of June. I am praying they will work her in earlier. I called our state worker regarding the diagnosis and she agreed that I need to get them the services they are due. She is surprised they had not previously been tested. I think I would rather do it this way because I get to speak with the doctor instead of getting a report. We need to have everything documented by the doctors and recommendations by them as well. I want these girls to have all they are entitled. It isn't for me, but them. I will fight for my children. They also recommended counseling every other week. I am not sure if we are going to do that or not. My husband and I will decide that together.

Doctor Appointment

I am taking the girls to be evaluated tomorrow for things related to their past. They have been asking what they are going for over and over. I finally decided I need to tell them something. I tried to explain to them as gently as possible that their mother made some poor decisions when they were in her tummy. As a result of things she put in her body, they may have some problems in the future. For example, their short stature and growth patterns. They are very aware of that so I felt like it was a safe example. We need to have this testing done prior to the final papers being signed so if we need additional services, we can include them in the adoption agreement. I hated having to talk to them about this, but I have always told them I wouldn't lie. I reminded them that God is bigger than anything the doctor says. Tomorrow is going to be difficult because I am sure they will talk to them about their past. Who knows what tomorrow will be like. I hope we are doing the right thing for the girls by having the evaluation completed.

15 Years

Today is our anniversary. We have been married 15 years. We were talking the other night about how this adoption has helped our marriage. Don't get me wrong, we had a good marriage, this has made it even stronger and better. We followed God together into this adoption and are working together at it. I love having a spiritual husband who helps bring me back to reality when I start sinking. I am very blessed to have such a fine man as a husband and five beautiful children!!

A better day today.

We had a better day today. I told all five kids last night that we were going to clean house this morning. After cleaning, we would go swimming. They really liked that idea. I don't think the twins totally understood that I meant really clean. They hung in there and did a good job. Everytime they would come say they were done I would give them another job. They would sigh and head off to complete it. So, my house is pretty clean tonight. It is such a good feeling. We didn't finish everything I would have liked, but it is much better. All five were very helpful.

The boys were invited midmorning to go fishing with our Pastor and his grandson. They love going. Boy, did they pick up the pace with their chores!

I decided to treat the girls to lunch. I am not crazy about many fast food places. The girls seem to like one more than others so I told them we were going to eat lunch there before going to the pool. The compliant twin decided to ruffle feathers today. She told me she didn't want to eat there. I told her she can make a sandwich to eat instead. She didn't like that at all. Well, on the way to the restaurant, she again said she didn't want to eat there. I asked if she made a sandwich and she said no. I told her I guess she would be hungry if she chose not to eat. So, what does she do? Gets milk to drink and drinks all of it without eating. I told her next time she would have a drink after she had eaten most of her lunch. So trivial, but more testing!!

We had a great time at the pool. They all played well together. They have improved so much! When they came, they barely could keep their head out of the water. Now they are going everywhere. One girl can even get things off the bottom of the pool. They start swimming lessons Monday.

The compliant twin also answered the phone tonight. She was testing again. They aren't allowed to answer the phone unless it is me or my husband calling. She knows this!! She didn't even answer on a caller id phone!! She immediately knew she had messed up. I had her repeat the rule after getting on to her. She knew it. I guess she is testing her boundaries now. The other girl had a pretty good day today.

Tomorrow they go to the dentist locally for the first time. We shall see how that goes since Daddy is the dentist.

I get to go to lunch with a girl friend tomorrow with no kids!! Yeah!!!

Today

We had a fun weekend at the lake this weekend. The girls had a great time. They had never been on a boat, swam in the lake, ridden an inner tube or been spoiled by Granny until this weekend. They behaved well and can't wait to go back.

We are beginning some testing Friday for the girls. I am trying not to get anxious, but I am. I know I can't change the past for these girls, but I am struggling with the unknown in the future. The lying and manipulation "appears" to be improving. However, it seems like we start to improve and go backwards again. I am trying not to get down about everything. God is bigger than any diagnosis. I have to keep telling myself this over and over again.

The girls spoke with the foster mom yesterday and her daughter. They talked about her all last night and today. They have gone from drawing pictures with our family to drawing pictures with the two of them and the foster mom and daughter. Why does this bother me so much? Maybe they aren't as attached as I thought. After they spoke with her yesterday, they kept saying how much they miss her. I told them I was sorry.

I can easily see how people can fall into post adoption depression. Today is not a good day for me.