Pure Joy!

The girls played in the rain this morning and had a wonderful time! They laughed and giggled as they ran and played. What fun to see pure joy and innocence! I love the colorful panties! They were excited they were allowed to play in the rain in the "new" leotards their Nana gave them. (She found them at a thrift store for us.)

Let go and let God!

We had a great praise and worship service today. I felt led to hold one of my new daughters while I worshiped. She just melted to me. I starting crying like a baby. God was changing my heart and hers, I believe. I got myself back under control. Our worship leader started talking about how she felt like people in the body were weary and needed prayer, support and encouragement. I didn't think I needed to go. Well, God showed me quickly, I did. I started weeping all over again. I went to the front, and carried my daughter with me. I asked her permission and she wanted to go with me. I thought to myself, what a way to bond! She was wrapped around me as I wept. People were praying for me and probably her also. It was precious. I had a very emotional week building up to this today, so the tears felt like a total release for me. I sobbed and sobbed. People prayed different things over me. The most important thing I heard was that I am used to being able to handles things on my own. However, this time in my life, I am going to have to relinquish control and let God have the reigns and me follow Him. This is something I have always known in my brain, but now allowed to happen. It was an amazing time for me. It refreshed me, encouraged me, and drew me closer to my daughter. It reminded me that we have chosen the narrow path, but God is with us every step of the way. We are so blessed by these girls!

Another thing happened in our lives this weekend. A dear friend of ours is a single Mom to two precious children. Her children have been with their father for six weeks this summer. She went to pick them up last night and the father refused to let the daughter return. She finally was able to see her daughter and she wept in her arms. She says she wants to stay with her dad. Our friend is torn to pieces. She is going to continue to fight for her daughter. We are praying the daughter will change her heart and willingly come home with her tomorrow. The point in me telling you this is that I have never been able to really understand the grief of the parents of my adopted children. Hearing our friend on the phone and speaking with her mother gave me a glimpse of what the birth mother of our children may have felt. Even though she was given plenty of chances to make better choices, she still lost her precious daughters. I can't imagine. I can't imagine what that final visit was like. It breaks my heart. I think part of my tears today were shed for the mother of my daughters. I asked my husband if he thought they would ever be able to overcome their addictions now that they have lost their girls. Only God can heal them.

We serve a mighty God! He is our healer and redeemer!

Praise...Anger

Last night when I going to sleep, I decided that I needed to tell one sweet little girl how proud I am of her. She was the first one up this morning and I told her. She seemed to recieved it well. I told her I was proud of her because she had not lied or lost control of anger in a few days. I told her God was holding her heart and make it even sweeter than ever. Well, early in the morning she lost control and yelled at her sisters. She sat in time out and then we talked about it. Praise...she was honest about what happened and why. She had to apologize, tell them what she was sorry for and why she got angry. She didn't like this one bit! It took a few minutes, but she finally complied. We moved on as normal. Well, this afternoon, it happened again. She blamed it on her ear hurting. I don't know if was hurting or not. A friend of mine took them to the pool this afternoon and had no ear complaints. She also went to swim team tonight for two hours and hasn't complained. No complaints at bedtime either. We will see if it hurts in the morning. Is she afraid that I am proud of her? Did I cause her to get angry? This is such a difficult journey.

I spoke with a friend on a similar journey tonight. We could have talked for hours, but I had to get off the phone. It is nice to truly express feelings that many people just don't understand. I am so glad God has placed other mothers on this journey with me, in the blog world and in person.

Adoption Contract

I have just finished compiling a rough draft of the letter to go to our state social worker with items requested to be put into our adoption contract. I really am not sure how all of this works. I have struggled with this task because I am having to deal with labels of this world. I believe in my heart that my girls don't have to live under these labels. God can heal my girls of everything!! I explained at church tonight during bible study that I am having to face so many wordly things that I am losing focus of the healing power of God. I am ready for this to be final so I can focus on parenting and loving these girls as the Father has taught us to love. Don't misunderstand me, we have been loving and training these girls since they have been with us. However, I always had the finalization process in my mind and what needs to be documented in their file with the state, in case we have problems later. I begin encountering many fears when I start thinking of the "what if's". I am ready for this step to be behind us. I will be able to conquer issues as they arise daily instead of preparing for 2 years down the road and what our life may be like. Only God knows what our life will be like. I firmly believe the wounds my girls have can be healed and they can live happy fulfilling lives!

Morgan is still dealing with stomach issues. The girls seem to be getting along better everyday. I believe my two strong willed girls are learning to give more each day. My cousin sent them some neat purses. Of course, they all wanted the pink one. One girl really loves lime green so she chose that one. The other two wanted pink. Morgan decided to be a good big sister and let her have the pink and she took the blue purse. I was proud of Morgan for making that decision on her own.

Today

Well, three months ago today, the girls were placed in our home. This brings mixed emotions in me. I am thrilled and blessed to have them, but I also wonder how my life would be different without them. I am not sure why my mind goes in this direction. We have a lot more laughter, hugs, kisses and DRAMA, of course. I believe I am going to start praying for strenth and grace and mercy for when I have three 13 year old girls. I can't imagine how much drama we will have then.

I have got to submit information to the state that I would like to have included in the adoption agreement. I really don't know what this is suppose to look like. I will begin working on the info and pray my way through it. I am open to any advice or tips for anyone that has been through this process before.

I was talking to a friend this morning. She has a 12 day old baby girl she is adopting. Anyway, we were talking about the girls and she said based on what I had put on my blog, she also suspects some auditory processing issues. This problem fits their history. I am going to contact the place she recommended and see what they think. Any suggestions?


I had a nice time with my niece this weekend. She is so cute!! She is a good baby and sleeps well. I actually thought to myself, maybe I will adopt again if I can have a baby. I just love babies!! We will just have to see what path God takes us on. Right now, my five children need me, especially the younger three. I am trying to prepare for school to start in August. Boy, is that an overwhelming thought!

As I adjust to my busy crazy lifestyle, I realized at 10:45 am that I had a Pregnancy Resource Board meeting at 12:00. Ugh, I was planning to go to the pool and lunch with a friend. Well, plans changed quickly and my husband and I played tag team during lunch today. As a bonus, he made brownies while he was home!! Coffee and brownies...yum!

A Break

I am going to visit my brother and his wife today. My husband has been great with the girls the last few days. He is going to keep them today and tomorrow so I can go help my brother and his wife with their new baby. She is two weeks old and they are exhausted. I am excited to be going to help them. It will be nice to be doing something different for a few days. I won't have to be "on my toes" all the time. I can travel three hours in the car without a hundred questions and some child always having a need. I love my kids, but I will enjoy this also.

We have had a pretty good last few days. One girl doesn't get to swim today because she continues to leave her wet clothes on the floor and/or the bed. We have told her way to many times. My husband finally said if it happens again, the guilty child doesn't swim the next time we go to the pool. I am glad I won't be there to witness the pain. She will obey and sit in the chair and pout for the entire time. He can ignore it, I would be totally frustrated.

I can't believe they will have been in my home three months tomorrow. It is so natural to say their new whole name when they are in trouble. It is feels more and more like they have always been mine each day. One girl asked me if she had indian in her blood. I told her no without even thinking. She said her birth mother told her she did. I responded without even thinking about her being adopted. It was actually a neat moment.

I hope everyone has a blessed 4th of July!

Connections are being made

We eat a lot of "blue box" mac and cheese at our house. All five kids love it and I love it because they can make it without help. Well, the older three kids can. The new girls often with difficulty with processing math problems. I use every opportunity for a teaching moment. Well, tonight the girls wanted to make the mac and cheese. The boys are in Canada and Morgan was doing something else, so they wanted to cook the mac and cheese. Elliott had them sitting waiting for the water to boil. One girl called and said "Uh-oh, I poured the milk and don't know how much I need." She had a two cup measuring cup with milk in it. We started by pouring the milk back into the jug. I had them read the directions on the box. They couldn't read 1/4 cup. They didn't know what that was or meant. I started with how many quarters in a dollar, how many quarters in a football game with no connection. I asked if they had a piece of paper and I wanted 1/4 of it how many pieces would you give me. It connected. One girl said one. When I asked how many in all, she said 4. I was so happy. We talked about 4 quarters in a dollar. I told them to read the box again. We couldn't do it. I explained again. She was finally able to read the box after I repeated it a few times. I asked if they could see 1/4 on the measuring cup and they couldn't. I got out a 1 cup measuring cup. One girl told me she needed the 1/4 line. Yeah!! We have been praying for breakthrough in life skills. They can do simple calculations, but not apply them. She poured it and realized she had too much and corrected it. The other big occurance is that she is started to remember and think through the steps in making mac and cheese. She finally remembers that you must drain the noodles before putting in the milk, cheese, and butter. She is showing signs of comprehending the steps!! Before, she just couldn't get it. I am always trying to answer their questions with a word problem where possible to help them apply their math.

I am sorry this is long drawn out, but we were very excited tonight when things started "clicking" with her. The other girls hasn't quite got it yet, but it will come with time.

When we look back over the almost three months with our girls, they are improving little by little. It is exciting to see the changes. It is also exciting to see my husband rising to the challenge of raising three girls. We can see in our two girls what happens when a strong father figure doesn't exist in a little girls life. They have obsessions about unhealthy things, among many other things. The one twin is learning to play more and more each day. She is trying hard to let go of control. She still gets angry at times. Well, they all do.

It is nice to see visible improvement.