Friday, July 23, 2010
The Listening Program
Is anyone familiar with this program? We are going to use it with our daughters. It is designed to train the brain in the numerous skills that comprise what is called auditory processing. It says the primary purpose is the bring the auditory system into balance. We believe it may help with some of their processing difficulties. We are blessed that we have friends that have purchased it and are letting us borrow it.
Names
I have decided to name the girls for my blog. Beth and Ann are going to be their nick names.
Ann is our happy go lucky child that doesn't have a care in the world. She does get very angry at Beth often. She can be found in her bed hitting her pillow very hard. She is often clueless. We call her our "breath of fresh air". She is so happy and giggly. I think this has protected her heart and mind from many things in her life. She loves to be held and is very affectionate. Ann is the daughter that routinely left her wet towel and swimsuit on the floor. She has extreme ADHD, the innatentive kind. She isn't hyper.
Beth is our other twin. She is more difficult. She came to us very "fake" acting. She broke every rule known to man during her three day visit and when she first moved in with us. We have had trust issues. I believe the trust is getting better. She was very stoic in her responses. She often gets a "hard face" when she is being corrected. I believe she "checks out." We can see her switch to a different Beth around people. We see it often at the pool. We also saw it last time my in-laws came to our house. She is doing better, I think. She seems to control her anger better. She is Morgan's shadow. It drives us nuts. She is very nosy and can't stand to not know what is going on at all times. I believe this is a confidence and security problem. I think she is attaching. I am concerned more about her in the long run. She was the mother and protector of the two girls. She is beautiful to the world, so she is a master manipulator to people outside our family. I think she is starting to trust us. She knows all of the correct answers. She is the one that had the grape and the music incident yesterday. Most of our discipline issues are with her.
Kelly, a fellow blogger, named her when describing her son. Here is what she said on her blog, "helpful when it is his idea or he wants to impress someone, very sensitive to tiny pains like a mosquito bite but no sensations to the things that hurt really bad like skinning his knee or busting his head open or getting staples with out anesthesia, mumbles and talks very softly, very careful with his things and takes care of them, cautious at times but no impulse control or forethought at other times, plays hard but tires easily, gets along well with children his age but is socially immature, attention seeking, very little reasoning skills or logical thinking,problem making connections." It worries me for my family and her future. She gets scary angry at times, but doesn't have a tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if it is from abuse and trauma or an eight year old or both. However, when I read a desctiption on another blog that describes my daughter, I begin to realize it is probably a result of trauma and abuse. I know God can heal anything.
We are in the process of trying to finalize our adoption. We are waiting on the state to make some decision. After typing this, I realize how far we have come in a little over three months. We actually found out 4 months ago today that we were matched with our daughters. We had not even met them yet. Wow, how time flies!!
Ann is our happy go lucky child that doesn't have a care in the world. She does get very angry at Beth often. She can be found in her bed hitting her pillow very hard. She is often clueless. We call her our "breath of fresh air". She is so happy and giggly. I think this has protected her heart and mind from many things in her life. She loves to be held and is very affectionate. Ann is the daughter that routinely left her wet towel and swimsuit on the floor. She has extreme ADHD, the innatentive kind. She isn't hyper.
Beth is our other twin. She is more difficult. She came to us very "fake" acting. She broke every rule known to man during her three day visit and when she first moved in with us. We have had trust issues. I believe the trust is getting better. She was very stoic in her responses. She often gets a "hard face" when she is being corrected. I believe she "checks out." We can see her switch to a different Beth around people. We see it often at the pool. We also saw it last time my in-laws came to our house. She is doing better, I think. She seems to control her anger better. She is Morgan's shadow. It drives us nuts. She is very nosy and can't stand to not know what is going on at all times. I believe this is a confidence and security problem. I think she is attaching. I am concerned more about her in the long run. She was the mother and protector of the two girls. She is beautiful to the world, so she is a master manipulator to people outside our family. I think she is starting to trust us. She knows all of the correct answers. She is the one that had the grape and the music incident yesterday. Most of our discipline issues are with her.
Kelly, a fellow blogger, named her when describing her son. Here is what she said on her blog, "helpful when it is his idea or he wants to impress someone, very sensitive to tiny pains like a mosquito bite but no sensations to the things that hurt really bad like skinning his knee or busting his head open or getting staples with out anesthesia, mumbles and talks very softly, very careful with his things and takes care of them, cautious at times but no impulse control or forethought at other times, plays hard but tires easily, gets along well with children his age but is socially immature, attention seeking, very little reasoning skills or logical thinking,problem making connections." It worries me for my family and her future. She gets scary angry at times, but doesn't have a tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if it is from abuse and trauma or an eight year old or both. However, when I read a desctiption on another blog that describes my daughter, I begin to realize it is probably a result of trauma and abuse. I know God can heal anything.
We are in the process of trying to finalize our adoption. We are waiting on the state to make some decision. After typing this, I realize how far we have come in a little over three months. We actually found out 4 months ago today that we were matched with our daughters. We had not even met them yet. Wow, how time flies!!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Something isn't connecting...
Today one of my daughters had 2 obvious situations where she very obviously disobeyed and acted totally clueless about it.
The first was right after lunch. Morgan was tired of having her as a shadow. She didn't actually say that, but she is followed around constantly by this sister. She said she was tired and wanted to rest. She had tried in their room and it just wasn't working. My husband told her to go get in Alex's bed and close the door because Alex was in the den. Morgan went. My husband told the other girls to leave her alone and be quiet so Morgan can rest. The next thing we know, she has loud music playing in their room which is right next door to Alex's room. When I questioned her why she played the music when her daddy had told her to be quiet, she said she wanted to listen to music. Ugh!! I went over and over how she chose to disobey because she wanted to do what she wanted and not what her daddy told her. Well, I decided all of the girls needed a rest time. The twins had to get in their beds and sleep or read for one hour. However, the disobediant one had 1 1/2 hours. She wasn't happy beause all of the other kids were allowed to watch a movie that she likes during the half hour she had to stay in her room.
The other incident was at dinner tonight. She wanted grapes instead of watermelon with her dinner. I told her that was fine. Well, she got the container and sat down and started eating out of them. I explained, as I have many times, that she needs to put some on her plate and close the container. We also told all of the kids they didn't need a lot of watermelon or grapes because we didn't want any accidents during the night. As we were finishing dinner, I see her eating something from her lap. She had the grapes in the container hidden in her lap eating them!!! I did remain calm, but I wasn't happy. She was eating more than allowed and out of the container! I asked her what I had told her about the grapes. She looked at me like I was crazy and had not told her anything. Instead of allowing her to lie, I asked if anyone could tell me what I said. Well, the other twin repeated exactly what I said to her.
Is this part of the connections not being made? Is this strong will? Is this testing? Manipulation? I guess I am going to have to start watching her more closely again. She knows she is never allowed many grapes at one time because it upsets her stomach. What was she thinking...or was she not thinking?
The first was right after lunch. Morgan was tired of having her as a shadow. She didn't actually say that, but she is followed around constantly by this sister. She said she was tired and wanted to rest. She had tried in their room and it just wasn't working. My husband told her to go get in Alex's bed and close the door because Alex was in the den. Morgan went. My husband told the other girls to leave her alone and be quiet so Morgan can rest. The next thing we know, she has loud music playing in their room which is right next door to Alex's room. When I questioned her why she played the music when her daddy had told her to be quiet, she said she wanted to listen to music. Ugh!! I went over and over how she chose to disobey because she wanted to do what she wanted and not what her daddy told her. Well, I decided all of the girls needed a rest time. The twins had to get in their beds and sleep or read for one hour. However, the disobediant one had 1 1/2 hours. She wasn't happy beause all of the other kids were allowed to watch a movie that she likes during the half hour she had to stay in her room.
The other incident was at dinner tonight. She wanted grapes instead of watermelon with her dinner. I told her that was fine. Well, she got the container and sat down and started eating out of them. I explained, as I have many times, that she needs to put some on her plate and close the container. We also told all of the kids they didn't need a lot of watermelon or grapes because we didn't want any accidents during the night. As we were finishing dinner, I see her eating something from her lap. She had the grapes in the container hidden in her lap eating them!!! I did remain calm, but I wasn't happy. She was eating more than allowed and out of the container! I asked her what I had told her about the grapes. She looked at me like I was crazy and had not told her anything. Instead of allowing her to lie, I asked if anyone could tell me what I said. Well, the other twin repeated exactly what I said to her.
Is this part of the connections not being made? Is this strong will? Is this testing? Manipulation? I guess I am going to have to start watching her more closely again. She knows she is never allowed many grapes at one time because it upsets her stomach. What was she thinking...or was she not thinking?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Diagnosis
How important is a diagnosis? We can't change the past; however, we can get help for the future. Do we delay the finalization of the adoption for a diagnosis? Will it really matter to our state people? Will it change anything in their book? I know how severe the issues can be with this diagnosis, but the state people don't seem to know. Am I letting fear guide me or God?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Busy Days
I made it through my continuing ed classes. I had hoped they would be exciting, but they weren't. It was a VERY basic software class. I have used the software for years, so I didn't need the very basic stuff. It would have been okay but the teacher is very proud of his practiced and loved to tell stories to let us know that over and over again.
The kids all did great while I was gone. We are making progress. I was very happy to see all five of them when I returned home each night.
We had our district swim meet yesterday. The little girls did very well. My husband and I were working the meet, so I had all of our kids in a tent near me. They competed well. Tucker, Alex and Morgan each made state. You needed to place in the top three to qualify. he twins were very close. One girl placed third in an event, but did an illegal kick so she was disqualified. The other placed fourth in one event. She was so close. This is amazing for girls that could not swim when they came. They have been with us a little over three months and are swimming competitively. We are so proud of them!! They are proud of themselves also and they should be.
We had our first adoption support group get together in our county last night. We had a pool party. So, we were at the district swim meet all day, left there and went straight to the other pool for the party. It was a long day, but the kids had a wonderful time. Everyone behaved well. I hope we have crossed another hurdle. Usually when I say this, we take a few steps backward. I pray not.
My girls are continuing to adjust. We are having fewer and fewer battles. I can't say enough how proud I am of them!! I believe in a year, we may forget they were ever adopted. I am praying for this!! I am praying it will be as if I birthed them myself! One of the workers last night commented that they look just like our family. I have heard that so many times!! God is so good!! Looks are one thing that will not single them out as adopted. However, I don't want them to ever be ashamed about being adopted. It is all part of God's plan for their lives.
The kids all did great while I was gone. We are making progress. I was very happy to see all five of them when I returned home each night.
We had our district swim meet yesterday. The little girls did very well. My husband and I were working the meet, so I had all of our kids in a tent near me. They competed well. Tucker, Alex and Morgan each made state. You needed to place in the top three to qualify. he twins were very close. One girl placed third in an event, but did an illegal kick so she was disqualified. The other placed fourth in one event. She was so close. This is amazing for girls that could not swim when they came. They have been with us a little over three months and are swimming competitively. We are so proud of them!! They are proud of themselves also and they should be.
We had our first adoption support group get together in our county last night. We had a pool party. So, we were at the district swim meet all day, left there and went straight to the other pool for the party. It was a long day, but the kids had a wonderful time. Everyone behaved well. I hope we have crossed another hurdle. Usually when I say this, we take a few steps backward. I pray not.
My girls are continuing to adjust. We are having fewer and fewer battles. I can't say enough how proud I am of them!! I believe in a year, we may forget they were ever adopted. I am praying for this!! I am praying it will be as if I birthed them myself! One of the workers last night commented that they look just like our family. I have heard that so many times!! God is so good!! Looks are one thing that will not single them out as adopted. However, I don't want them to ever be ashamed about being adopted. It is all part of God's plan for their lives.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Peace and Quiet
Aaaahhhh!!! I have ten minutes left of my one hour of total quiet. We went to the pool this morning and also had lunch while we were there. I decided everyone was going to read in their bed for one hour. They grumbled, then picked out books. I was able to make a few calls, sort laundry and shower with NO interruptions!! It is amazing how the little things excite you when you have five children.
I am going to be to be taking continuing education classes the next two days. I am happy because it is actually something I enjoy and can benefit from. It is training for the financial software that I use for my husband's practice. It is a very common software and I really have no problems with using it. However, I always enjoy learning more efficient ways to use it and new tricks along the way. The hesitation is that we have a friend keeping the girls tomorrow. I hope they will be on their best behavior. I have started the lectures with the girls. The friend is only in charge of the girls. The boys will be here and are expected to help and be responsible. If they aren't, they have to pay her for taking care of them also. I hope the girls don't test the waters too much. This person is around them often, so I think they will be okay.
We had a friend Morgan's age spend the night a week ago. I just talked to her Mom. She said that one twin really tried to have her attention the entire time. She is usually the first to sleep and she kept the guest up late that night. The guest kept trying to go to sleep and she wouldn't let her. Ugh...she also "hogged" the time of the guest and the other girls complained about not even being able to talk with the guest. The other two girls commented to the guest and made her very uncomfortable. Ugh...I am hoping the girls make new friends when school starts back and Morgan can have a friend over and they can have a friend over so maybe this won't be so difficult.
I am going to be to be taking continuing education classes the next two days. I am happy because it is actually something I enjoy and can benefit from. It is training for the financial software that I use for my husband's practice. It is a very common software and I really have no problems with using it. However, I always enjoy learning more efficient ways to use it and new tricks along the way. The hesitation is that we have a friend keeping the girls tomorrow. I hope they will be on their best behavior. I have started the lectures with the girls. The friend is only in charge of the girls. The boys will be here and are expected to help and be responsible. If they aren't, they have to pay her for taking care of them also. I hope the girls don't test the waters too much. This person is around them often, so I think they will be okay.
We had a friend Morgan's age spend the night a week ago. I just talked to her Mom. She said that one twin really tried to have her attention the entire time. She is usually the first to sleep and she kept the guest up late that night. The guest kept trying to go to sleep and she wouldn't let her. Ugh...she also "hogged" the time of the guest and the other girls complained about not even being able to talk with the guest. The other two girls commented to the guest and made her very uncomfortable. Ugh...I am hoping the girls make new friends when school starts back and Morgan can have a friend over and they can have a friend over so maybe this won't be so difficult.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Doctor visits and growth
We spent our entire morning at the doctor's office. Morgan had a follow up at 7:50 for her stomach issues. They haven't found a resolution yet. The doctor doesn't believe it is reflux, so she is no longer taking that medicine. They treated her for a bacteria they found in her stool for five days. The symptoms were better for a day or so then returned again. They are checking the stool again. I really hope they find the root issue. She has spells of nausea, stomach cramps and headaches. It is miserable for her.
Later in the morning, I took the four other children. Tucker and one twin have swimmer's ear. Alex had to get 2 eleven year old shots. He had to have a check-up first because it had been over a year since he had been seen for a check-up. (Twelve and 1/2 months to be exact...ugh.) He also has what I call cradle cap in babies. It is strange. Anyway, all went well.
The BEST news of all is that the shorter twin, that is being considered for growth hormones, has grown 1 inch since May 4th. Yeah!! Praise God!! We felt like a forever home with stability and security would produce better sleeping, which helps growth. We are also making sure she eats properly and exercises. We are so excited! One inch in a about 2 1/2 months. The other twin grew 3/4 inch. We are so happy for both of them. I don't know if she will still need the hormones or not. She has an appt again in early September. We are praying for God to guide us in our decision.
Later in the morning, I took the four other children. Tucker and one twin have swimmer's ear. Alex had to get 2 eleven year old shots. He had to have a check-up first because it had been over a year since he had been seen for a check-up. (Twelve and 1/2 months to be exact...ugh.) He also has what I call cradle cap in babies. It is strange. Anyway, all went well.
The BEST news of all is that the shorter twin, that is being considered for growth hormones, has grown 1 inch since May 4th. Yeah!! Praise God!! We felt like a forever home with stability and security would produce better sleeping, which helps growth. We are also making sure she eats properly and exercises. We are so excited! One inch in a about 2 1/2 months. The other twin grew 3/4 inch. We are so happy for both of them. I don't know if she will still need the hormones or not. She has an appt again in early September. We are praying for God to guide us in our decision.
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