Today

I went with my 13 year old son out of town to go shopping at Sam's. What fun!! It was nice to be myself with him. Yes, it was grocery shopping, but we did go eat Mexican, his favorite. We had a great time. I can't believe how we are going through food right now. We only added two more mouths, but Tucker is eating everything. He is eating and growing. We hope the girls are growing right along with him.

In my last post I referred to not serving my kids. I give my life to my kids. I don't wait on them, but am very willing to help them, if needed. We have very strict rules about asking for things before getting them. We have always had rules about getting food and drinks at our house. They had gotten more relaxed but when the girls came, they became really strict again. We have very strict boundaries. All of the kids ask before getting anything to eat or drink, watching TV, playing video games etc. I was talking about someone saying they want milk while we are eating and them expecting me to stop and go get it. They aren't babies. I realize they "need" to go through many phases of growth and trust with us but I don't feel after three weeks when we have taught them where things are and that we always have food and drinks available, that I should always wait on them.

We have had a pretty few rough days but we are still moving forward. They tested Elliott today and one girl received the joy of picking up all of the pine cones because she had been moping around and chose not to play. He told her he would give her something to do, therefore we have no more pine cones in our yard.

Tonight my husband and I went on a date. It is the first we have had since the girls came. It was much needed!! My in-laws are here and offered to keep the kids. We went to dinner and to Walmart. (The only thing to do in our town.) His mom said to stay gone a long time. We were gone about three hours. It was great!! We were able to catch up on the stories for the past few days. We both had incidences with the kids that we hadn't had time to tell the other.

It was very nice when we returned home. Even after the rough past few days, the kids were all very glad to see us. Happy, genuine smiles!! I good way to end the day.

Things

We have had an okay past few days. It has been about 3 1/2 weeks since the girls moved in. Both girls have had rough times today. They cried and got angry at things that weren't very big. I tried to ask them if something else was bothering them. They both said nothing else other than the known problem. Maybe I am treating them too much like my own. I don't respond to whining very well or manipulation. I don't do well with blaming and tattling on someone because they ate the last piece of cheese pizza and you didn't get it when they didn't even eat it!! Ugh!! They want to be waited on sometimes and we just don't do that. If my kids want milk, they go get milk. I will be glad to help them get it if they can't reach it, but I am not their servant. Is that wrong of me? I am struggling with if I am doing this right or not. Am I messing all five kids up?

We pretty much confirmed some suspicions I had when the counselor came yesterday. I had researched a few things the day before she came and she mentioned the same things after meeting with each of the kids. I read through the pile of records given to me when we signed the letters of intent to adopt the girls. Of course, some things were never told to us. Some things were denied that are written in black and white. We would not change taking the girls at all. However, it does change some of the rules and boundaries in our house. An obvious diagnosis didn't occur. I wonder why?

Nothing I discovered will ever make us love the girls any less or not take them. They are our girls and will always be. God knew they would be ours. He will not give us more than we can handle. After I figured out things, I was very depressed. I did get better after being alone and processing everything. I relate it to being pregnant and having an ultrasound. They tell you something is wrong and you are shocked and overwhelmed. After you have time to process the news, you continue on and adjust accordingly. I am glad we have pediatrician appointments next week. I can talk to him about everything.

I am rocking the girls regularly and we all enjoy it. Can I do this forever? I know the answer is yes I will, but some days I am just not sure.

Tired...

All I can say tonight is tired. I am physically and mentally exhausted today. One thing doesn't stick out as a reaon to be so tired today.

We are preparing for standardized testing next week. That is in itself is very stressful.

I am grateful for a friend/foster mom that took care of everyone tonight and even cooked dinner. I was able to attend Tucker's SGA event this afternoon and a swim team meeting.

I hope I have more energy tomorrow.

Emotions

I believe we made a big step tonight. The other girl showed emotions about her past tonight. It was about not seeing some of the family members ever again. She cried in my arms. I truly believe they were real tears. I was happy and sad at the same time. She then told about some things they did when they were younger that were wrong. She asked me not to get mad when she told me, as she cried. I reassured her that she was very young and didn't know any better. She told me she had never told anyone before. I explained that God is healing her heart. He is cleaning out her bad memories to replace them with happy memories. I told her how proud I was that she shared. I also explained that tears are okay. They will help her heal and grieve. I told her it was okay to not like her BP's, but she did need to try to forgive them. I explained what unforgiveness can do when it is kept inside.

I hope this is all genuine. I am glad she trusted me enough to tell me. When I looked at her after we prayed together, her face looked different to me. I can't describe it, just different. It was cool and all God!! Praise God for everything!!

More Pictures

Pictures...only the backside.

These are some pictures from this past week. I can't wait until everything in FINAL and we can post faces, they are much cuter!!

This is Alex and our two extras that we claim anytime.

I have been thinking...

I have been glancing through other blogs I follow. I as I read them, I wonder are we still in the heights of the honeymoon phase? The girls have only been here 18 days. We had an "issue" a few minutes ago. One girl went and did what I had just told her not to do. Of course, I immediately went and handled it the best I could. She didn't seem sorry for what she did but upset because I got on to her. I am not even sure she understood the problem. Is this an eight year old problem or a foster child issue? I sometimes am not sure. Did I need to handle it like the other three kids or differently? I wonder if and when we will see some of the issues surface that we saw during their visit. They seem to be doing well.

I wonder if it will change? School is going to be out in a few weeks and I wonder if we are going to have problems then. Too much free time, too many idle hands and minds, is there going to be problems? If so, I guess we can start school again.

We have been truly blessed so far. I think they have been given things freely in foster care. Not necessarily by the foster parents as much as everyone else in the community. They don't like that we don't go out to eat all the time or buy them things everywhere we go. They didn't like that we rented movies today instead of going to see a movie. I tried to explain the cost of going to a movie. I am not sure they understood. I also chose that moment to say we don't purchase things to eat when we go because it is so expensive. We don't give an allowance either. We never have. We believe that chores are part of being a family, not to earn money.
Is this a bad thing? We hope we are teaching them to be good stewards, not to have a poverty mentality.

I am starting to see a few gripes about chores, but not anything abnormal for kids. I think they are learning that crying, manipulation, whining, and arguing gets you no where in this house.

They are really sweet girls. The three girls have played pretty well today. Either they aren't arguing as much or they aren't bringing it to me. They are starting to break off and not play with each other all the time. Usually two are together at a time. It is not always the same ones. It is nice that the odd girl will go and play with the boys. The boys have been SUPER big brothers. We are VERY proud of them.