I am struggling tonight with the thought of whether I am too strict on the girls. Are my expectations too high? Am I too strict with all of my kids? Do I show them grace and mercy as we have been given by our heavenly Father? Am I messing everything up?
I am tired and feel awful tonight. Today has been a hard day. I am going to be at the doctor early to get meds I hope. My boys are traveling to Canada with my parents for the next week and a half. It will be harder without my boys. They are such good helpers. I will miss them, but hope they have a wonderful time!
Please continue to pray for my friend. He has a lung infection that must clear before surgery to repair his back.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Trust
I don't know what to do. She just doesn't get it. Two girls told me this morning that the foster mom was sending them a basket with things in it. What?!? Where did this come from. I haven't even spoken to the foster mother in a long time. She "doesn't remember" saying that. Ugh!! The other two say she said it. Not a good way to start the day...
I explained to her what if I told her the foster mom was visiting at 2 pm today. Then 3pm and 4pm came and she didn't come. When she found out I didn't tell her the truth, what would she think about me? Would she trust me?
I explained to her what if I told her the foster mom was visiting at 2 pm today. Then 3pm and 4pm came and she didn't come. When she found out I didn't tell her the truth, what would she think about me? Would she trust me?
Monday, June 28, 2010
Anger
Well, Morgan had fun at her friend's house day. One girl always has issues when Morgan goes away. It all happened right before swim team. Morgan bumped her as she was putting away toys. If looks could kill. When I asked why she made the hateful face towards Morgan, she said Morgan didn't mean to but she bumped her finger. Give me a break!!! I explained to her that she didn't mean to hurt her but she meant to make the hateful face. She is plain mad because Morgan went to play with a friend and she didn't get to go. I dropped the topic until we got into the car. In the car, I explained to her that she will not be allowed to go to a friends house as long as she can't control her anger. She also has other issues that I am figuring out along this journey that will not allow me to let her go without me. I can't trust her to behave properly and therefore she can't go without me. I also told all of the children that today wasn't a good day for her because she doesn't like it when Morgan gets to go play elsewhere. She gets mad. I asked her if that is correct and she agreed. I told everyone that she acts ugly and takes it out on everyone else. I knew this would happen today and it did. I hate if for her, but her boundaries just have to be different. The other sister said that she made her mad this morning. So, the acting out started early, I just wasn't made aware of it until late in the day. Well, they are swimming two hours tonight, so hopefully she can get over her anger. Wednesday should be a lovely day. Morgan is going to a birthday party with a friend for the day. What a journey God has us on...everyday is a new day and I just don't know what each will hold.
Boundaries
I hope I am doing the right thing. Morgan is playing at a friend's house today. This girl has been her friend for years. They go to church together and they also homeschool. The younger girls weren't happy when they didn't get to go. Morgan has also been invited to go with another friend to see a movie out of town Wednesday. She is going to do both, WITHOUT the younger girls. The younger girls do not like this. I have tried to explain that they are younger than each of these girls. They will develop their own friendships with other girls. These girls are always very friendly to them. However, I believe Morgan needs time away from her sisters. She is sharing EVERYTHING now. I am having to reassure my friends that is okay to just invite Morgan. She is still Morgan and loves to do her own thing.
I also do not think they understand our boundaries enough to be on their own. Also, I believe I have to be with them until the adoption is final anyway. They still are learning they can't just take whatever they want whenever they want. We have a refrigerator at church that has little bottles of water in it. My children aren't allowed to drink them. A water fountain is available if they need water. Well, one little girl came out drinking one before church yesterday. She told me where she got it and that she did not ask for it. I took it and gave it to my husband to drink because he is on the praise team and often needs water. The other girl asked her daddy and he told her no they weren't for them. This is just an example of them still learning boundaries and not just making theirselves at home. Of course, some of the adults around when I was scolding her thought that I was going overboard because it was just a bottle of water. In my mind, it is way more that a bottle of water. Why would you have to ask for a drink and home, but not at church our of the refrigerator? I think some of their connections just don't happen.
Other issues are arising that were not mention prior to placement. Hopefully, not major, but our counselor says we are probably reading the signs correctly. As a friend of mine on another blog has said, we have to have different boundaries for our foster/adoptive children. We just can't be to cautious. This morning with Morgan gone, the girls have watched a movie in the den so I can keep a good watch on them. I am not sure when I will totally trust them. When will I be able to leave them with another parent that hasn't dealt with foster children?
I also do not think they understand our boundaries enough to be on their own. Also, I believe I have to be with them until the adoption is final anyway. They still are learning they can't just take whatever they want whenever they want. We have a refrigerator at church that has little bottles of water in it. My children aren't allowed to drink them. A water fountain is available if they need water. Well, one little girl came out drinking one before church yesterday. She told me where she got it and that she did not ask for it. I took it and gave it to my husband to drink because he is on the praise team and often needs water. The other girl asked her daddy and he told her no they weren't for them. This is just an example of them still learning boundaries and not just making theirselves at home. Of course, some of the adults around when I was scolding her thought that I was going overboard because it was just a bottle of water. In my mind, it is way more that a bottle of water. Why would you have to ask for a drink and home, but not at church our of the refrigerator? I think some of their connections just don't happen.
Other issues are arising that were not mention prior to placement. Hopefully, not major, but our counselor says we are probably reading the signs correctly. As a friend of mine on another blog has said, we have to have different boundaries for our foster/adoptive children. We just can't be to cautious. This morning with Morgan gone, the girls have watched a movie in the den so I can keep a good watch on them. I am not sure when I will totally trust them. When will I be able to leave them with another parent that hasn't dealt with foster children?
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Swim Meet
We had our first summer swim meet today that the girls have participated. They did great! They each raced in three events, 50 free, 25 free, 25 back. They place fourth or higher in all three events. I am so proud of them. It was a totally new experience for them. One girl even got first in backstroke.
We still have our good days and bad days. I was gone all night Thursday night with my friend because her husband was hit by a drunk driver. I got home about 4 am so I tried to sleep in since my husband was home. The girls were concerned and confused because I didn't get up Friday morning before they went to day camp. I was up and showered when they got home so they were happy about that. They still come check on me when they haven't seen me in a while. We were eating out after the swim meet today. A couple families were there so we had the kids sit together and the adults sit together. There was a little wall between us. You could see each other if you were standing (and an adult) but not if you were sitting. One girl came over to make sure we were still there. I reassured her we would never leave her in a restaurant. Bless her heart!!
July 9th will be three months and we can begin pushing for the paperwork to make the adoption final. I think I will be lessed stressed and worried when that happens.
We still have our good days and bad days. I was gone all night Thursday night with my friend because her husband was hit by a drunk driver. I got home about 4 am so I tried to sleep in since my husband was home. The girls were concerned and confused because I didn't get up Friday morning before they went to day camp. I was up and showered when they got home so they were happy about that. They still come check on me when they haven't seen me in a while. We were eating out after the swim meet today. A couple families were there so we had the kids sit together and the adults sit together. There was a little wall between us. You could see each other if you were standing (and an adult) but not if you were sitting. One girl came over to make sure we were still there. I reassured her we would never leave her in a restaurant. Bless her heart!!
July 9th will be three months and we can begin pushing for the paperwork to make the adoption final. I think I will be lessed stressed and worried when that happens.
Prayer
Please pray a friend of mine. Her husband was in a terrible car accident Friday night. He was driving home from a visitation on a four lane highway. A drunk driver going about 100 miles per hour hit him from behind. He ended up in the trees on the side of the highway. Multiple pine trees fell on his truck. The toolbox from his vehicle was thrown off and ended up on the front end of the drunk driver's vehicle on the south bound lane. Our friend was on the North bound side. It took EMT's over 1 hour to get him out of the vehicle. He was airlifted to the closest trauma receiving hospital about 40 minutes away. He has a broken pelvis, broken leg and a broken neck as well as other lacerations. They are waiting to do surgery on his back until the swelling goes down. Currently, he is paralysed from the chest down. He is responding to friends and family. They reduced his pain meds enough yesterday for him to open his eyes and see everyone. They increased medications when he began to hurt to badly. Please stand in the gap for he and his family and pray for him to walk again. God can heal him!!! Please pray!! The doctor is only giving him a 5% chance of walking, but with God anything is possible! Please pray!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Things
I have been thinking about a few things the last few days.
I went to a reunion Friday night for the colorguard of which I was a member for three years in high school. This was a very important time in my life. I learned to fight through my struggles more than ever in my life. I was born with CP on my right side. It is mild, but could have been much worse if my parents had not pushed me to be all I could be. They always supported and ecouraged me. If my brothers and I were performing in the half time show, they were always there. They traveled everywhere we went to support us. In marching band and colorguard, you must roll your feet to march smoothly. Well, this isn't possible with the way God designed my body. There were many days my instructor would yell at me and I would be almost in tears. Usually, one of my two best friends would remind him as gently as possible that I can't do that. I believe this experience along with many others has made me a much stronger person. The verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" is very important to me. The point I want to make is that God leads us through struggles as he prepares us for the next step or season in our lives. He has prepared us for this time in our lives.
God has changed me and my husband significantly in the 15 years we have been married. We are so different then when we got married. We have changed in more ways than I can even tell you. We were definately meant to be together.
Well, I am so busy in my life with my children and homeschooling and taking care of my husband's business as well as the many other hats we all wear as moms. I think my life is totally normal. Well, at the reunion Friday night, you would have thought I was from a foreign country. A few people were in awe. It is just life to me. I don't want any gratification. I receieved comments like, "Wow, you adopted when you already had three children? What made you do that?" When I would tell them God called us to adopt, they would look at me like I am crazy. Add homeschooling all five on top of that and they thought I was totally nuts!! Of course I received the famous question, "How are your children socialized when they are homeschooled?" I have always been nervous when asked this question. Well, God must have spoke through me because I was very impressed with how I answered. I am not a very good speaker, the words just flowed. The person said, "Wow, that makes sense. I have never thought of it that way. I admire you for what you do." I don't do anything for approval from other people. We choose the way we live to benefit our children and most importantly follow God. I have to remember we are called by God to be in the world but not of the world. I forget that we aren't the "normal" family. However, we choose to surround our family with like minded people. We have a great church family and homeschool group that sees our vision for the family. They are very supportive of us.
The other thing I have been thinking about lately is how parents can make such bad choices that totally mess up their children. Thank goodness for foster homes that can help "repair" some of the damage done. I read many blogs and have found a few that I have really connected with the foster/adoptive moms. All of these children are so similar, at different degrees. Why do parents intentionally teach their children improper things at 5 years old? Why do they force them to watch Freddy Kruegar movies? Why do they neglect them for drugs and alcohol? I struggle sometimes with not having compassion for the birth parents of the many foster and adoptive children. We are very blessed by the girls we have been given through adoption. However, the don't process things like my birth children. I realize that is probably due to their their lifestyle during the first 5-6 years of life. It is so sad. Sometimes they just don't understand what we are trying to teach them. I worked with one girls for 3 hours on lying. We read. She read. She wrote scripture. She wrote sentences on trust and lying. She read other books on bossyness, stealing, etc. The next day, she lied again. I am at a loss. We are going to have to find another approach. I don't believe she realizes she is lying until we "wake her up" to reality. Eventually, she seems to maybe understand.
Even the ortho in our girls is going to be more complicated by poor choices by the birth parents. Foster children have very difficult lives due to irresponsible adults. It is so aggravating.
I went to a reunion Friday night for the colorguard of which I was a member for three years in high school. This was a very important time in my life. I learned to fight through my struggles more than ever in my life. I was born with CP on my right side. It is mild, but could have been much worse if my parents had not pushed me to be all I could be. They always supported and ecouraged me. If my brothers and I were performing in the half time show, they were always there. They traveled everywhere we went to support us. In marching band and colorguard, you must roll your feet to march smoothly. Well, this isn't possible with the way God designed my body. There were many days my instructor would yell at me and I would be almost in tears. Usually, one of my two best friends would remind him as gently as possible that I can't do that. I believe this experience along with many others has made me a much stronger person. The verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" is very important to me. The point I want to make is that God leads us through struggles as he prepares us for the next step or season in our lives. He has prepared us for this time in our lives.
God has changed me and my husband significantly in the 15 years we have been married. We are so different then when we got married. We have changed in more ways than I can even tell you. We were definately meant to be together.
Well, I am so busy in my life with my children and homeschooling and taking care of my husband's business as well as the many other hats we all wear as moms. I think my life is totally normal. Well, at the reunion Friday night, you would have thought I was from a foreign country. A few people were in awe. It is just life to me. I don't want any gratification. I receieved comments like, "Wow, you adopted when you already had three children? What made you do that?" When I would tell them God called us to adopt, they would look at me like I am crazy. Add homeschooling all five on top of that and they thought I was totally nuts!! Of course I received the famous question, "How are your children socialized when they are homeschooled?" I have always been nervous when asked this question. Well, God must have spoke through me because I was very impressed with how I answered. I am not a very good speaker, the words just flowed. The person said, "Wow, that makes sense. I have never thought of it that way. I admire you for what you do." I don't do anything for approval from other people. We choose the way we live to benefit our children and most importantly follow God. I have to remember we are called by God to be in the world but not of the world. I forget that we aren't the "normal" family. However, we choose to surround our family with like minded people. We have a great church family and homeschool group that sees our vision for the family. They are very supportive of us.
The other thing I have been thinking about lately is how parents can make such bad choices that totally mess up their children. Thank goodness for foster homes that can help "repair" some of the damage done. I read many blogs and have found a few that I have really connected with the foster/adoptive moms. All of these children are so similar, at different degrees. Why do parents intentionally teach their children improper things at 5 years old? Why do they force them to watch Freddy Kruegar movies? Why do they neglect them for drugs and alcohol? I struggle sometimes with not having compassion for the birth parents of the many foster and adoptive children. We are very blessed by the girls we have been given through adoption. However, the don't process things like my birth children. I realize that is probably due to their their lifestyle during the first 5-6 years of life. It is so sad. Sometimes they just don't understand what we are trying to teach them. I worked with one girls for 3 hours on lying. We read. She read. She wrote scripture. She wrote sentences on trust and lying. She read other books on bossyness, stealing, etc. The next day, she lied again. I am at a loss. We are going to have to find another approach. I don't believe she realizes she is lying until we "wake her up" to reality. Eventually, she seems to maybe understand.
Even the ortho in our girls is going to be more complicated by poor choices by the birth parents. Foster children have very difficult lives due to irresponsible adults. It is so aggravating.
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