We have had a great, but hot two days at the state swim meet. All of the kids participating did well in their events and made personal best times. My parents came to cheer everyone on. Beth and Ann enjoyed the time with their grandparents. They so desire love and attention. My parents come ready to give because they aren't with them all the time like us. They don't hear the same thing over and over all the time. They have a lot more patience and endurance when we do. This morning they wanted to ride with my parents to the meet. (We had to travel about 1 1/2 hours to the pool.) Beth and Ann rode with them and Tucker, Alex, Morgan rode with my husband and me. It was weird, but a nice break. Well, it was nice after I regained my composure after backing into my parents van. They will now be getting their van repaired and I will be getting a new bumper. This was on the driver's side and the passenger side was already scratched up from a car hitting us in a shopping mall parking lot and not bothering to leave a note with their name. Anyway, I guess now I will get a new bumper. Not a good way to start the day. My father was great about it. He just hugged me as I cried. I was so mad at myself. We usually back into that spot to turn around in the driveway and I forgot his van was there.
At least nobody was in the car and of course there were no injuries.
The twins were great at the meet. They didn't swim, but the made it through the heat without to much complaining. They are slowly adjusting to our ways of doing things, I think.
Ann keeps calling Morgan mom. She always says they are playing when I ask about it. I have told them to not call her mom because I am their mom. Is that bad that I made that request? I want them to rely on me and not her. I guess this could show me how superficial the term mom is to them. What do you think?
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Three truths...
One of my cyber friends asked about what truths I claim from scripture when I am struggling with my girls. I prayed about this for a few days before I posted. I really needed to renew my focus on what God told me about this adoption.
1. The scripture I claim the most often is Jeremiah 29:11. It reads, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God is in control of my family. I am trusting you to protect my birth children by guiding me through this process.
2. Before we received the girls, I was praying one morning about adoption. I was reading Psalm 139. I read the following verses:
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
When I read those verses that morning, I felt God telling me that He knew me in my mother's womb. He knew at that time that I would be called to adoption and obey. I was born very premature and the doctors weren't sure I would even live. If I did, they weren't sure I would walk or talk. I believe one reason He saved me was so that I could help some children heal from abuse and neglect through adoption. I could give them a better home and life. Most importantly, I could share Jesus with them. I could show them Jesus in me. This is my job, though it isn't an easy one at times.
3. God showed me more about these verses as we learned about our girls. We had been waiting and waiting for a placement. We thought we wanted younger children in a sibling group. We knew we wanted younger than Morgan.
I was teaching Morgan math one morning when the phone rang. It was our social worker. She told us they had selected us for a set of twin girls that are eight years old. Talk about overwhelming. I had prayed and prayed, but it really happening was very exciting and scary. Then she told me their names. I was almost speechless. Their names are the names Morgan has called her twin baby dolls. I had chills and told the kids and the social worker what God had done. How could I say no? We talked a little more and I asked if she had a picture. She said she would contact their worker and see if she had one. I called one of my dear friends that has walked this entire journey with us and told her about the call and the names. I told her I would really be amazed if the worker called me and said they are tiny and blonde. Morgan is small and I really was hoping they would be smaller than her. About that time the phone beeps and it is my worker. I switch over to talk with her and she tells me that she is having a picture sent, but to tell me they are tiny and blonde. Wow!! Only God could do this!!! I knew these girls were meant for us. How could anyone not see that!! I received the red flag I always want when we are praying for something so big. God is so faithful!! So, God revealed to me again through the same scripture that he knew these girls in their mother's womb. He knit them together. He knew they would be in our family. He knew they would look like our family. We have taken them even if they weren't tiny and blonde. However, what a cool thing that they look like our family. They all three have the same color hair right now because of the sun and chlorine.
On my harder days, I remind myself of this story. God planned for these girls to be in my home. I have no doubt they are suppose to be my girls. He knew they would have undiagnosed issues. He knew I would advocate and fight for them. I have pleaded their case to the highest person available. They are precious in His sight and in mine.
We will continue this journey with God. We know God has called us and we have followed. There are many joys as well as heartache in this journey. I wouldn't change it for the world. I can't imagine life without my girls anymore. Thank you God for blessing me with my girls!
1. The scripture I claim the most often is Jeremiah 29:11. It reads, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God is in control of my family. I am trusting you to protect my birth children by guiding me through this process.
2. Before we received the girls, I was praying one morning about adoption. I was reading Psalm 139. I read the following verses:
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
When I read those verses that morning, I felt God telling me that He knew me in my mother's womb. He knew at that time that I would be called to adoption and obey. I was born very premature and the doctors weren't sure I would even live. If I did, they weren't sure I would walk or talk. I believe one reason He saved me was so that I could help some children heal from abuse and neglect through adoption. I could give them a better home and life. Most importantly, I could share Jesus with them. I could show them Jesus in me. This is my job, though it isn't an easy one at times.
3. God showed me more about these verses as we learned about our girls. We had been waiting and waiting for a placement. We thought we wanted younger children in a sibling group. We knew we wanted younger than Morgan.
I was teaching Morgan math one morning when the phone rang. It was our social worker. She told us they had selected us for a set of twin girls that are eight years old. Talk about overwhelming. I had prayed and prayed, but it really happening was very exciting and scary. Then she told me their names. I was almost speechless. Their names are the names Morgan has called her twin baby dolls. I had chills and told the kids and the social worker what God had done. How could I say no? We talked a little more and I asked if she had a picture. She said she would contact their worker and see if she had one. I called one of my dear friends that has walked this entire journey with us and told her about the call and the names. I told her I would really be amazed if the worker called me and said they are tiny and blonde. Morgan is small and I really was hoping they would be smaller than her. About that time the phone beeps and it is my worker. I switch over to talk with her and she tells me that she is having a picture sent, but to tell me they are tiny and blonde. Wow!! Only God could do this!!! I knew these girls were meant for us. How could anyone not see that!! I received the red flag I always want when we are praying for something so big. God is so faithful!! So, God revealed to me again through the same scripture that he knew these girls in their mother's womb. He knit them together. He knew they would be in our family. He knew they would look like our family. We have taken them even if they weren't tiny and blonde. However, what a cool thing that they look like our family. They all three have the same color hair right now because of the sun and chlorine.
On my harder days, I remind myself of this story. God planned for these girls to be in my home. I have no doubt they are suppose to be my girls. He knew they would have undiagnosed issues. He knew I would advocate and fight for them. I have pleaded their case to the highest person available. They are precious in His sight and in mine.
We will continue this journey with God. We know God has called us and we have followed. There are many joys as well as heartache in this journey. I wouldn't change it for the world. I can't imagine life without my girls anymore. Thank you God for blessing me with my girls!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Tired.
I am tired. I am ill. I am tired of the girls yelling at each other for nothing. I am tired of having to be on my toes all the time. My husband can just choose to ignore. Should I do more of that? I am afraid if I ignore things, they will build to even bigger things. Should I get them in routine counseling? I am afraid another layer is coming off. I can see it in Beth's eyes. She is changing. I can almost see the anger building behind her eyes. Beth and Ann are yelling at each other more and more. Morgan is very emotional today. Beth and Ann are mad because Morgan was invited to go to an alumni dinner for one of our major universities tonight. Morgan is very excited because the mascot will be there. Beth is very jealous, which usually causes problems. It has been Ann as much as Beth today. I have sent the girls to their beds for thirty minutes. We are going to start school in some form or fashion next week. We need some structure around here.
We had a lesson on giving for selfish, manipulative reasons and expecting something in return. I tried to explain that you give from your heart expecting nothing in return. I am so tired. I am struggling today.
We had a lesson on giving for selfish, manipulative reasons and expecting something in return. I tried to explain that you give from your heart expecting nothing in return. I am so tired. I am struggling today.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Fun Day
We had an enjoyable day today. We spent the afternoon at the pool as a family. We had two extra boys that are always a pleasure. Beth is doing little things to test the waters. She was sneaking up to the girls room to listen to what the other two were saying. My husband caught her. Anyway, she made up a story to him. She went in the room and told the girls he wouldn't let her get ice for her head. She wasn't headed towards the kitchen, she was standing outside their door listening. Anyway, she got in trouble for not telling him the truth or the girls. She didn't get to play with the girls for a while. She had to help get lunch ready, which she enjoyed. I tried to give her not so fun jobs and she obediantly did them. What she does just doesn't make sense sometimes. She is so worried about missing something or that someone is talking about her. I would have been harder on her, but he chose the punishment, not me. It seems like she is getting back into her old ways again. I guess I am going to have to be very strict with again for a few days. Anyway, we had a pretty good day.
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Listening Program
Is anyone familiar with this program? We are going to use it with our daughters. It is designed to train the brain in the numerous skills that comprise what is called auditory processing. It says the primary purpose is the bring the auditory system into balance. We believe it may help with some of their processing difficulties. We are blessed that we have friends that have purchased it and are letting us borrow it.
Names
I have decided to name the girls for my blog. Beth and Ann are going to be their nick names.
Ann is our happy go lucky child that doesn't have a care in the world. She does get very angry at Beth often. She can be found in her bed hitting her pillow very hard. She is often clueless. We call her our "breath of fresh air". She is so happy and giggly. I think this has protected her heart and mind from many things in her life. She loves to be held and is very affectionate. Ann is the daughter that routinely left her wet towel and swimsuit on the floor. She has extreme ADHD, the innatentive kind. She isn't hyper.
Beth is our other twin. She is more difficult. She came to us very "fake" acting. She broke every rule known to man during her three day visit and when she first moved in with us. We have had trust issues. I believe the trust is getting better. She was very stoic in her responses. She often gets a "hard face" when she is being corrected. I believe she "checks out." We can see her switch to a different Beth around people. We see it often at the pool. We also saw it last time my in-laws came to our house. She is doing better, I think. She seems to control her anger better. She is Morgan's shadow. It drives us nuts. She is very nosy and can't stand to not know what is going on at all times. I believe this is a confidence and security problem. I think she is attaching. I am concerned more about her in the long run. She was the mother and protector of the two girls. She is beautiful to the world, so she is a master manipulator to people outside our family. I think she is starting to trust us. She knows all of the correct answers. She is the one that had the grape and the music incident yesterday. Most of our discipline issues are with her.
Kelly, a fellow blogger, named her when describing her son. Here is what she said on her blog, "helpful when it is his idea or he wants to impress someone, very sensitive to tiny pains like a mosquito bite but no sensations to the things that hurt really bad like skinning his knee or busting his head open or getting staples with out anesthesia, mumbles and talks very softly, very careful with his things and takes care of them, cautious at times but no impulse control or forethought at other times, plays hard but tires easily, gets along well with children his age but is socially immature, attention seeking, very little reasoning skills or logical thinking,problem making connections." It worries me for my family and her future. She gets scary angry at times, but doesn't have a tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if it is from abuse and trauma or an eight year old or both. However, when I read a desctiption on another blog that describes my daughter, I begin to realize it is probably a result of trauma and abuse. I know God can heal anything.
We are in the process of trying to finalize our adoption. We are waiting on the state to make some decision. After typing this, I realize how far we have come in a little over three months. We actually found out 4 months ago today that we were matched with our daughters. We had not even met them yet. Wow, how time flies!!
Ann is our happy go lucky child that doesn't have a care in the world. She does get very angry at Beth often. She can be found in her bed hitting her pillow very hard. She is often clueless. We call her our "breath of fresh air". She is so happy and giggly. I think this has protected her heart and mind from many things in her life. She loves to be held and is very affectionate. Ann is the daughter that routinely left her wet towel and swimsuit on the floor. She has extreme ADHD, the innatentive kind. She isn't hyper.
Beth is our other twin. She is more difficult. She came to us very "fake" acting. She broke every rule known to man during her three day visit and when she first moved in with us. We have had trust issues. I believe the trust is getting better. She was very stoic in her responses. She often gets a "hard face" when she is being corrected. I believe she "checks out." We can see her switch to a different Beth around people. We see it often at the pool. We also saw it last time my in-laws came to our house. She is doing better, I think. She seems to control her anger better. She is Morgan's shadow. It drives us nuts. She is very nosy and can't stand to not know what is going on at all times. I believe this is a confidence and security problem. I think she is attaching. I am concerned more about her in the long run. She was the mother and protector of the two girls. She is beautiful to the world, so she is a master manipulator to people outside our family. I think she is starting to trust us. She knows all of the correct answers. She is the one that had the grape and the music incident yesterday. Most of our discipline issues are with her.
Kelly, a fellow blogger, named her when describing her son. Here is what she said on her blog, "helpful when it is his idea or he wants to impress someone, very sensitive to tiny pains like a mosquito bite but no sensations to the things that hurt really bad like skinning his knee or busting his head open or getting staples with out anesthesia, mumbles and talks very softly, very careful with his things and takes care of them, cautious at times but no impulse control or forethought at other times, plays hard but tires easily, gets along well with children his age but is socially immature, attention seeking, very little reasoning skills or logical thinking,problem making connections." It worries me for my family and her future. She gets scary angry at times, but doesn't have a tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if it is from abuse and trauma or an eight year old or both. However, when I read a desctiption on another blog that describes my daughter, I begin to realize it is probably a result of trauma and abuse. I know God can heal anything.
We are in the process of trying to finalize our adoption. We are waiting on the state to make some decision. After typing this, I realize how far we have come in a little over three months. We actually found out 4 months ago today that we were matched with our daughters. We had not even met them yet. Wow, how time flies!!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Something isn't connecting...
Today one of my daughters had 2 obvious situations where she very obviously disobeyed and acted totally clueless about it.
The first was right after lunch. Morgan was tired of having her as a shadow. She didn't actually say that, but she is followed around constantly by this sister. She said she was tired and wanted to rest. She had tried in their room and it just wasn't working. My husband told her to go get in Alex's bed and close the door because Alex was in the den. Morgan went. My husband told the other girls to leave her alone and be quiet so Morgan can rest. The next thing we know, she has loud music playing in their room which is right next door to Alex's room. When I questioned her why she played the music when her daddy had told her to be quiet, she said she wanted to listen to music. Ugh!! I went over and over how she chose to disobey because she wanted to do what she wanted and not what her daddy told her. Well, I decided all of the girls needed a rest time. The twins had to get in their beds and sleep or read for one hour. However, the disobediant one had 1 1/2 hours. She wasn't happy beause all of the other kids were allowed to watch a movie that she likes during the half hour she had to stay in her room.
The other incident was at dinner tonight. She wanted grapes instead of watermelon with her dinner. I told her that was fine. Well, she got the container and sat down and started eating out of them. I explained, as I have many times, that she needs to put some on her plate and close the container. We also told all of the kids they didn't need a lot of watermelon or grapes because we didn't want any accidents during the night. As we were finishing dinner, I see her eating something from her lap. She had the grapes in the container hidden in her lap eating them!!! I did remain calm, but I wasn't happy. She was eating more than allowed and out of the container! I asked her what I had told her about the grapes. She looked at me like I was crazy and had not told her anything. Instead of allowing her to lie, I asked if anyone could tell me what I said. Well, the other twin repeated exactly what I said to her.
Is this part of the connections not being made? Is this strong will? Is this testing? Manipulation? I guess I am going to have to start watching her more closely again. She knows she is never allowed many grapes at one time because it upsets her stomach. What was she thinking...or was she not thinking?
The first was right after lunch. Morgan was tired of having her as a shadow. She didn't actually say that, but she is followed around constantly by this sister. She said she was tired and wanted to rest. She had tried in their room and it just wasn't working. My husband told her to go get in Alex's bed and close the door because Alex was in the den. Morgan went. My husband told the other girls to leave her alone and be quiet so Morgan can rest. The next thing we know, she has loud music playing in their room which is right next door to Alex's room. When I questioned her why she played the music when her daddy had told her to be quiet, she said she wanted to listen to music. Ugh!! I went over and over how she chose to disobey because she wanted to do what she wanted and not what her daddy told her. Well, I decided all of the girls needed a rest time. The twins had to get in their beds and sleep or read for one hour. However, the disobediant one had 1 1/2 hours. She wasn't happy beause all of the other kids were allowed to watch a movie that she likes during the half hour she had to stay in her room.
The other incident was at dinner tonight. She wanted grapes instead of watermelon with her dinner. I told her that was fine. Well, she got the container and sat down and started eating out of them. I explained, as I have many times, that she needs to put some on her plate and close the container. We also told all of the kids they didn't need a lot of watermelon or grapes because we didn't want any accidents during the night. As we were finishing dinner, I see her eating something from her lap. She had the grapes in the container hidden in her lap eating them!!! I did remain calm, but I wasn't happy. She was eating more than allowed and out of the container! I asked her what I had told her about the grapes. She looked at me like I was crazy and had not told her anything. Instead of allowing her to lie, I asked if anyone could tell me what I said. Well, the other twin repeated exactly what I said to her.
Is this part of the connections not being made? Is this strong will? Is this testing? Manipulation? I guess I am going to have to start watching her more closely again. She knows she is never allowed many grapes at one time because it upsets her stomach. What was she thinking...or was she not thinking?
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