How can one child break her glasses so many times? The girls played outside today in the warmer weather. One sweet child comes in and realizes her glasses are broken and she only has one lens. How does this go unnoticed while playing outside?
I don't even want to count how many times her glasses have been replaced or repaired this year.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Merry Christmas!!!
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!!
(By the way, we are dressed like this because we were going to a funeral.)
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Adoption Support Group
We have a great group of people in our adoption support group. We have about 7 families that are regular attendees. For December, we had a Christmas Party and dinner. It was fun for everyone!!
All four of the younger kids enjoyed working on their houses. We made pine cone and peanut butter bird feeders and star ornaments. We also had a fun time playing SANTA bingo and winning fun prizes.
Haylee loves working on anything artistic like this. She focused on her house for a long time. As you can see, she did a great job!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Fight or Flight
I haven't posted in a long time because I have had a lot of things on my heart and mind. I struggle with what to share and not to share.
Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong. She is in trouble, to put it plainly. While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change. During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow". She never has. I have been waiting for it to come. Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat. We were in a hotel type room. I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys. Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters. Haylee and I both asked her not to tell. Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask. She gave in to be accepted by these girls. Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again. I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be. Haylee's were normal.
So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response. Wow! I looked it up and they are correct. So, now to we call this PTSD? So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom. It seems to happen over big and small things. When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure. Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much. However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?
I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me. I am questioning the way I parent. How I handle her and on and on...
Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD. Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child? She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies?
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes?
She is making more and more choices against our rules. She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something. For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy." "I have already opened it." I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy." The next few seconds and she is eating her candy. Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window. We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.
How do you handle these type incidences? I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.
Over the last year and eight months there have been times when I have been talking with Hannah about something she has done wrong. She is in trouble, to put it plainly. While I am talking to her, her eyes begin to change. During these times, I have often wondered if she was about "to blow". She never has. I have been waiting for it to come. Well, last weekend we were at a camp for a family retreat. We were in a hotel type room. I was in one with the girls and my husband was in one with the boys. Well, she broke trust with one of her sisters. Haylee and I both asked her not to tell. Of course, she tells the girls in her class as soon as they ask. She gave in to be accepted by these girls. Anyway, while I was sitting on the bed talking to her, her eyes changed again. I had Haylee come sit next to her and Hannah's eyes were as dilated as they could be. Haylee's were normal.
So, some friends of mine tell me at breakfast the next morning that this is a fight or flight response. Wow! I looked it up and they are correct. So, now to we call this PTSD? So, now anytime I correct her I look for this symptom. It seems to happen over big and small things. When I see this response, knowing it is out of her control, I watch for her to check out on me and I try to help her feel secure. Sometimes she still answers my questions and is comprhending, but sometimes not as much. However, don't I still need to hold her accountable for her choices?
I have really been struggling with this since the God has revealed more of the picture to me. I am questioning the way I parent. How I handle her and on and on...
Our counselor said there is usually a specific event that causes PTSD. Could it be the horrible movies her BP's let her watch as a very young child? She does have nightmares about the characters in the movies?
Do you notice this in your children that are from abusive and neglectful homes?
She is making more and more choices against our rules. She is doing things opposite right after I tell her not to do something. For example, I said, "Do not eat your candy." "I have already opened it." I said,"Okay, don't eat your candy." The next few seconds and she is eating her candy. Needless to say, I threw the candy out the window. We have had this type thing happening more and more lately.
How do you handle these type incidences? I need help from experienced parents of children from trauma.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving
I am very excited that we are out of school until Monday!! Yeah!!
I am very thankful for my family and each of my children. God has created each of them in a unique way. No two are alike and they each have their own giftings. We pray that we can help our children discover who God created them each to be.
God has truly blessed our family!!
I was making dressing last night and the girls wanted to help. I was so happy at the successes Hannah had in the kitchen. (Haylee ended up not helping, but Morgan did.) She was able to get 1/4 cup of butter and melt it for me. She was able to measure 1/2 cup of milk. She also cracked an egg into a bowl for me. (This is big because the last two times she has almost put the egg in the trash instead of the bowl.) Anyway, I reminded her of how much she has learned over the last year. I told her that I remember when she didn't know what a measuring cup was or even where to get the eggs. She tried to get me to do the tasks for her at first, but I encouraged her that she could do it by herself and she did!! I am so pleased with how far they have come in the 1 year and 8 months they have been in our family!
We have had a rough week. I believe Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for them. I was talking with a friend about the struggles and she reminded me that it was difficult last Thanksgiving also. They both are testing the rules and boundaries. We have made it through the week, but some days weren't fun. They are learning, I hope, that our boundaries always stay the same. They aren't a moving target.
We are headed to my sister in laws for one night for Thanksgiving. They have never been to their house. We are taking blow up beds so they can sleep near us. I can tell already Hannah is anxious about the trip. It is the little things that only a parent would notice. She packed what I told her not to pack and had to repack. She has the stressed lines on her head. I hope she can get regulated before we leave. The girls are outside playing with Play**doh now. Hopefully that will help her.
I am focusing on my responses to all of my children. I am being reminded through our Adoption Support Group and a book I just finished that we can sometimes difuse a negative situation by our response. If we don't get into the cycle with them, sometimes it can be stopped. Not always, but sometimes. Basically, we need to stay regulated to help them. I have been thinking about this a lot based on the struggles we have had the last few weeks.
I believe we are in a new season around here. We are hitting a new level of testing and emotions. God knows where we have been and where we are going. He knows what we need and when. I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my journey without God. We sure are blessed!!
I am very thankful for my family and each of my children. God has created each of them in a unique way. No two are alike and they each have their own giftings. We pray that we can help our children discover who God created them each to be.
God has truly blessed our family!!
I was making dressing last night and the girls wanted to help. I was so happy at the successes Hannah had in the kitchen. (Haylee ended up not helping, but Morgan did.) She was able to get 1/4 cup of butter and melt it for me. She was able to measure 1/2 cup of milk. She also cracked an egg into a bowl for me. (This is big because the last two times she has almost put the egg in the trash instead of the bowl.) Anyway, I reminded her of how much she has learned over the last year. I told her that I remember when she didn't know what a measuring cup was or even where to get the eggs. She tried to get me to do the tasks for her at first, but I encouraged her that she could do it by herself and she did!! I am so pleased with how far they have come in the 1 year and 8 months they have been in our family!
We have had a rough week. I believe Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for them. I was talking with a friend about the struggles and she reminded me that it was difficult last Thanksgiving also. They both are testing the rules and boundaries. We have made it through the week, but some days weren't fun. They are learning, I hope, that our boundaries always stay the same. They aren't a moving target.
We are headed to my sister in laws for one night for Thanksgiving. They have never been to their house. We are taking blow up beds so they can sleep near us. I can tell already Hannah is anxious about the trip. It is the little things that only a parent would notice. She packed what I told her not to pack and had to repack. She has the stressed lines on her head. I hope she can get regulated before we leave. The girls are outside playing with Play**doh now. Hopefully that will help her.
I am focusing on my responses to all of my children. I am being reminded through our Adoption Support Group and a book I just finished that we can sometimes difuse a negative situation by our response. If we don't get into the cycle with them, sometimes it can be stopped. Not always, but sometimes. Basically, we need to stay regulated to help them. I have been thinking about this a lot based on the struggles we have had the last few weeks.
I believe we are in a new season around here. We are hitting a new level of testing and emotions. God knows where we have been and where we are going. He knows what we need and when. I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my journey without God. We sure are blessed!!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Anger
We are dealing with anger around here. We are trying to find healthy ways for Hannah to release her anger.
I have talked to a counselor we met with prior to finalization and she suggested a few things. She is going to visit our home in early December and meet with each girl alone. This is definitely a new season for all of us. I am remaining calm and trying to love her through her anger. After we discuss the issue, I reassure her that she is safe and secure in our family. She will not be moved again. She is in our family forever. We will love her no matter what she does. She can't make us stop loving her and being her parents. Sometimes this will bring tears to her eyes and sometimes you can see her body relax. I have to remain focused for this to be successful. She is going to have to stay close to me again for awhile. I need this to keep a watchful eye on her and I think she needs this for security.
I have wondered today is she if "fake" to me and her "real" self when I am not around. She knows what not to do in front of me, but does it when I leave the room. This is becoming more and more common.
Her anger is becoming the bottom line for problems lately. She gets mad and doesn't even care about the consequences. Her cause and effect struggles also come into play at this point also.
I am praying that God will heal her hurt places.
I have talked to a counselor we met with prior to finalization and she suggested a few things. She is going to visit our home in early December and meet with each girl alone. This is definitely a new season for all of us. I am remaining calm and trying to love her through her anger. After we discuss the issue, I reassure her that she is safe and secure in our family. She will not be moved again. She is in our family forever. We will love her no matter what she does. She can't make us stop loving her and being her parents. Sometimes this will bring tears to her eyes and sometimes you can see her body relax. I have to remain focused for this to be successful. She is going to have to stay close to me again for awhile. I need this to keep a watchful eye on her and I think she needs this for security.
I have wondered today is she if "fake" to me and her "real" self when I am not around. She knows what not to do in front of me, but does it when I leave the room. This is becoming more and more common.
Her anger is becoming the bottom line for problems lately. She gets mad and doesn't even care about the consequences. Her cause and effect struggles also come into play at this point also.
I am praying that God will heal her hurt places.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Today
We had an okay day today. Hannah had an orthodontist appointment and Tucker had an appointment, both an hour away. Poor Hannah's took two hours. They were placing a new appliance in her mouth and it was very difficult. Her mouth is so tiny that is was very difficult. Both girls have little mouths and have had to wear an expander. Anyway, she hung in there and finished the appointment. She was very quiet the rest of the day and asked her multiple times if she was okay and she said she was fine. I hope she really is okay.
It was a loooong day. We left before 8 am and we got home at about 3:30 and we raced in to see if we good be back in the car in ten minutes for swim team and dance. They made it!! It was fun trying. Everyone worked together and succeeded!!
We are trying Hannah on a very low dosage of meds. We aren't really seeing any difference yet. We really didn't expect to until we increase them later in the week. We are trying to help eliminate some of her focus issues due to being so hyper vigilant with what others are doing and not paying attention to what she is doing. Her school work suffers and she gets really frustrated and shuts down. It is a downhill spiral from there. It may or may not help.
It was a loooong day. We left before 8 am and we got home at about 3:30 and we raced in to see if we good be back in the car in ten minutes for swim team and dance. They made it!! It was fun trying. Everyone worked together and succeeded!!
We are trying Hannah on a very low dosage of meds. We aren't really seeing any difference yet. We really didn't expect to until we increase them later in the week. We are trying to help eliminate some of her focus issues due to being so hyper vigilant with what others are doing and not paying attention to what she is doing. Her school work suffers and she gets really frustrated and shuts down. It is a downhill spiral from there. It may or may not help.
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