Today

We had a fun weekend at the lake this weekend. The girls had a great time. They had never been on a boat, swam in the lake, ridden an inner tube or been spoiled by Granny until this weekend. They behaved well and can't wait to go back.

We are beginning some testing Friday for the girls. I am trying not to get anxious, but I am. I know I can't change the past for these girls, but I am struggling with the unknown in the future. The lying and manipulation "appears" to be improving. However, it seems like we start to improve and go backwards again. I am trying not to get down about everything. God is bigger than any diagnosis. I have to keep telling myself this over and over again.

The girls spoke with the foster mom yesterday and her daughter. They talked about her all last night and today. They have gone from drawing pictures with our family to drawing pictures with the two of them and the foster mom and daughter. Why does this bother me so much? Maybe they aren't as attached as I thought. After they spoke with her yesterday, they kept saying how much they miss her. I told them I was sorry.

I can easily see how people can fall into post adoption depression. Today is not a good day for me.

God is bigger...

I am having to remind myself that God is bigger than any diagnosis, any fear, any hurt that these girls may have. We can overcome. He placed these girls in our home for a reason. We are meant to raise them. We have what we need, because He will give it to us.

We had family pictures today, one hour away. I started at 9:30 having girls shower. We left about 1:15 with 30 toe nails painted, 40 finger nails painted, 3 girls and a Mommy with attempts at fixing hair, clothes ironed, and lunch fed. What a day!! The kids all did very well. We took studio pictures first. Each of our birth children have baby pictures with Mom and alone. So, we took "baby" pictures of the girls today with Mom and alone. I just love having my picture made! Ha!Ha! Anyway, I did it. They did super. Morgan had pictures made also. We took some with all of the girls together. We also took family pictures outside after dinner. They all did well again. The photographer took pictures of the boys alone. My, how they have grown up!! Tucker is so grown up!! I can't believe it!! Anyway 2 1/2 hours of pictures! I am finished for a long time, I hope. I can't wait to see the proofs! He thought the girls were actually my birth children because they look so much like us. Pretty funny and cool!

It worked again!

Two girls had a disagreement this morning. Two stories that didn't match. It was over who was going to play with the umbrella outside. It wasn't a big deal, but I knew somebody was not telling the truth. We did the five minute time out, which ended up being ten because I was sorting laundry and made them wait, and the stories matched. I explained to the girl who struggles to be honest when she really wants her way what had happened again. She appears to understand. Do I discipline again or just keep handling it this way? She probably understood what she was doing when she wasn't honest...maybe. Anyway...it worked again. I am so glad to know that Morgan, the girl I have raised nine years, knows the difference between a truth and a lie. There was a time when I questioned whether she did or not. She is really maturing during this life change. Praise God for the baby steps we are making!

Silly Giggles!!

It is so refreshing to hear the silly girly giggles in my house right now. They are dressing up in funny outfits.

God is in control.

Today is a better day, so far. I have decided we are just going to keep some structure this summer. The new girls function better with more structure. Too much free time, unfortunately allows too much time for problems to happen. However, the incidences yesterday weren't during free time. I was sitting right there checking school work when the big one happened. Anyway, today is better. We have been busy with piano lessons, Tucker has Science and SGA. The girls are playing well at the moment.

People wonder if I would do anything different regarding the adoption of the girls. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! They are our girls forever!! Regardless of the things we weren't informed of prior to the placement, no matter what testing we have to endure by the girls, no matter what people around us say or do, no matter what illnesses they may have, they are ours and we will not change that. God gave us these girls just as He gave us our birth children. Our birth children had problems and illnesses from the time they were conceived until now. God gave us what we needed to get through each of the struggles. He has saved one child from being exposed to fifths disease in utero and dying after doctors and nurses said she would die. He healed one child of ITP after about a two year battle. He has restored hearing to one of my children after about 12 years of prayer. My son always believed God would heal him. He never doubted. He will do the same for these girls. We stand on His promises today and will continue. God called us to adoption, we are just being obediant. We are blessed to have these girls in our lives. We are able to love them, provide for them, protect them, feed them, and hopefully make them feel secure. He can heal their wounds, fill their hearts and enable them to love and trust again. He will give me the strength and edurance to get through every struggle we have. He has since the girls moved in on April 6th and will continue. I would have never aborted a baby in my belly and I will not abort these babies either.

Thanks to all of my friends that follow my blog and pray. It was so nice to walk in church Sunday and someone say they saw my blog and started praying. How awesome is that? Thanks to my blogging friends that are on this journey with me in their own homes. I admire and respect each one of you. I pray for you often! You have become friends that I talk with my husband about daily. God Bless You!

If you made it this far, sorry to preach, but this is what my heart is feeling today.

What else can happen today!!!

What a day!! Can it get any worse!! Today has been a very difficult day at our house!! Rules being broken...everywhere...by everyone!!!! How much more can I take!! I know God has called me to this, but what is going on!!! Boundaries!!! I am pretty sure we have them in this house, not to be broken, but to keep people safe and out of trouble. NOT TODAY!! Both girls have broken rules today. The difference is one is very remorseful and true tears were shown. The other was very hard. How can two girls come from the same Mom and be so different? How can one be so different than the other?

The worst part about the problem this afternoon is that she broke somthing of Morgan's and she isn't here. It was very special to her. There is going to be drama at my house tonight!!

This is definately the hardest, most trying thing my husband and I have ever been through. Praise the Lord we are in total agreement on everything. He came home at lunch and finished dealing with the morning issue with me. I guess we will deal with the afternoon issue tonight when he gets home. We are both struggling with mixed emotions for these girls. Such fun. God give me the strength I need and words of wisdom.

T,A,M are at the pool. The girls wanted to watch a show I have never heard of. I told them I get to choose what they are watching. They are watching Arthur. They get to watch was if most fitting for them at the moment. Arthur sometimes has some good lessons.

We are in this for the long haul. The girls are ours forever and ever. We are always telling them nothing will change that.

What is it?

What causes a child to take a card they know isn't theirs, walk off a little, turn their back to you, then read it? When questioned, about what they did, tells the truth.

Nosy.

Deceit.

Control.

No emotion.

Punished.

No emotion.

Apology.

No emotion.

She knew exactly what she did and didn't care.

Still no trust.

What do I do?