How?

How do you teach a child that gets mad and tells you they know how in a "not so nice" way?

I had made the decision to be a lot more patient with the girls during school. I told myself if I had to teach something three, six, or twenty times, I would. I wouldn't just help with the problem at hand, but would start from the ground up again.

Today, I was helping Hannah with a problem. She had done it incorrectly and was trying to redo it. She asked for help. I asked her some questions and figured out quickly I needed to start over on the topic, so I did. No big deal. I started over. I would say something, then ask her a question about what I just said. She wouldn't answer my questions, but "no so nicely" said, "I know how to do it, I know Mom." Anyway she was not happy with me and I just left the room to stay calm. I believe that by the questions I was asking and she was answering she figured out the answer to the one problem. (We were drawing line segments using cm and mm.) She wanted to finish the work and didn't really care if she learned the concept. I let her finish. When she finish her school work, I gave her five segments to draw using mm and cm. Well guess what...she missed them. I was correct, she didn't understand. So, I taught the lesson for the fifth time. Maybe she got it this time. When I told my husband, he said, "disobediance, respect..." He named the rules she broke. I didn't push the issue...

Changes...

I have been thinking about a lot of things the way our week has been going.

What things should I change and what things should I leave the same?

How could I handle the situations better so she isn't tempted to lie?

How do we handle things when she can't handle that the attention isn't on her all the time?
They are a part of this family and every one gets attention at different times. The adoption is final and they are the same as any other child in this family.

We have been working on Haylee's baby talk and Hannah started talking like a baby. Ugh!!

How do you handle a child that wants what they want when they want it, no matter what? She does whatever it takes to get her way or what she wants, without considering the effect on anyone else.

She is staring more and more at my husband and I. Is she trying to figure out how a Mommy and Daddy act? What is the deal? I seem to be catching her staring more and more in public. The other kids usually notice it before me and tell her to stop.

I feel like I am having to be on my toes all of the time again. I feel like we have backed way up again in the trust department.

This is exhausting...

Cheating and Lying

I praised how well the girls were doing, then we take steps backward. Well, this hasn't been a good week for Hannah. I can ask her a question which I know the answer to and she will flat out not tell me the truth.

Yesterday, it was about a grade on a test. I already knew the grade. Today I caught her cheating. I saw her and she denied doing it. So now, we have to deal with cheating and lying. None of which is tolerated at all in this house, by anyone!! Ugh!!! The punishment was the same today as yesterday, plus a bunch more!! She is writing lots and lots of scripture today. She is also not allowed to play at all. Her free time will be sent sitting by herself at the dining room table. She chose to pout at lunch and not eat. The timer was set for ten more minutes and then she was finished. She did eat enough for her to be okay until dinner.

It is so hard not be plain mad and frustrated. The issue is getting worse and not better. God gives us grace, and we also do to our children. It is still so difficult some days. I am over being frustrated. I am so sad for her. However, she made her choices and she must take the consequences.

Do you have any suggestions for any other scripture? Below are the scripture she is writing:

Stealing the answers -

Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor,

working with his hands the thing which is good.

Ephesians 4:28

Lying-

Lying lips are abomination to the Lord:

but they that deal truly are his delight.

Proverbs 12:22

Disobedience-

Children, obey your parents in the Lord:

for this is right.

Ephesians 6:1

I also reminded her that we once again have a trust issue. Both times, she wouldn't have been in trouble. For the bad grade, she would redo the lesson and quiz again, which she did. Morgan also had to redo hers. No big deal. This is the beauty of homeschooling. If they don't do well, they do it again.

Today I was teaching her and she just plain didn't want to think. She wanted me to be finished. She wanted to finished with school so she could play. Well, that won't happen today.

We are really working on the baby talk and it is getting much better. Yeah!!

Camp

We have decided to let Morgan go to camp this summer with a friend for 12 days. What will I do?? I won't be able to tuck her in for 11 nights?? I will miss her so much!! She is going with a sweet friend that we have known for years. She is thrilled!! She has wanted to go for two years now. It has always interfered with our annual beach trip that is scheduled around my husbands annual professional meeting. This year it also conflicted with her dance recital. She has continued to pray for a way for it to happen. I just knew it wouldn't.

But God...

He has moved the mountains for Morgan!!

The dance recital was moved one week earlier and the beach meeting has been moved a week later. After much prayer and consideration, we have decided to let her attend. It is not cheap at all, but we feel she derserves this time away without her sisters.

We asked her what she was willing to help pay to go and she said all of her savings. Well, we aren't going to make her do that, but this will be her birthday present which is at the end of the month. She was thrilled!! I had already purchased her a camera, which is all she wanted. My parents will give her that for her birthday.

My husband and I have been trying to figure out what we could do special to honor her because she has learned to share almost EVERYTHING in the last nine months. She has never expected anything in return. We are so proud of her! This adoption has been the hardest on her. She has overcome!! We still have very difficult days, but she is doing well.

The problem...

How do we handle this with the other girls? They are going to want to go next year. One problem...the cost. Also, I don't know that they will be able to go away that long without me for a long time. How do I explain that to them? Suggestions?

Is it bad that we are letting her go and they may never get to go?

This will be a good time for them to learn to play without Morgan. When she isn't around now, they don't know what to do.

I feel like we are doing the right thing, but I do worry about the other girls. I can't make Morgan miss out because they may never be able to attend alone, can I ?

Meds

Haylee has been off of her ADHD meds for three days. We stopped giving them because we were going to bed later and so she was getting up later. (Yeah!!) She really struggles going to sleep at night, so we didn't want to give it to her too late in the day. She has done pretty well. We can function with her not medicated. She will not take medication during the summer, I don't believe. She has been much louder and has also been in trouble for not paying attention more, of course. The positives are that her total joyful personality is back. She ate at a normal pace and ate much more food. We discussed whether to give it to her tomorrow for school or not. We decided to go ahead and give it to her the rest of the school year. It is such a difficult decision.

An issue driving us nuts is her baby talk. We always thought it was a habit. She can speak correctly. She will say something and we will ask her to repeat it and she says it much better. We discussed it with her and she says she know when she is doing it. It is like nails going down a chalkboard. I realize all of the changes they have been through can cause this, but after nine months? Hannah spoke this way when she first came and she very rarely does it now. Any suggestions??

What??

We have had a great weekend. I almost let this testing episode slip past me. I usually catch things like this quickly, but this I didn't. After our New Year's lunch, Hannah asked if she could watch a movie in my room and lay in my bed. They had all watched a movie earlier in the day in my room. I told her no because she needed to play some and not watch TV all day. (They get to watch a lot more than normal over the holiday break.) I explained why and she went on her way. Later, I couldn't find her. I found her in my bed. (The kids usually are not to be in my room for any length of time without permission. They just have no need to be in there.) I asked her what she was doing in my bed and she said she was watching a movie on her Ipod. I told her she didn't need to be in there. She left the room and went to her room. I realized a few minutes later that she was doing exactly what she had asked and I had told her no. Ugh!! I talked with my husband about it and we both agreed it needed to be addressed. I don't know if it was on purpose or not. Either way, she was disobediant. She must take responsibility for her choices. Her problem is that if she wants to do something, she will often do it no matter what the consequences. My husband and I talked with her about what happened. I asked questions and she answered without lying. Yeah!!! She hestitated more when she started realizing she was in trouble. The positive is she figured out what happened without me telling her. She told us she was disobediant and she told us the punishment. She was crying before she finished. I believe she was repentent. It was very difficult for either of us to discipline her for this, but we must. We can't let the boundaries loose, because she will push more and more. She isn't secure enough for the boundaries to be extended.

It grieved us to have to punish her today. Eventhough it was negative, so many positives were also seen. I am so proud of how far she has come. I pray that one day she will be totally secure in our family!! I know if will take a long time. We are starting to trust her more and more, which is so nice. My husband and I talk often about how far she has come.

Almost Nine Months

Haylee and Hannah have been with us almost nine months now. Wow, at the changes we have seen!! They have grown so much physically and mentally. They still struggle in many ways and we struggle daily with how to parent them. We mess up sometimes, just as they do.

It was in the 60's and sunny here yesterday, so we went to the Rails to Trails in our town. It is a five mile paved walk through the woods, by the lake, over the old railroad trussel, by the schools and to the park. The kids all rode their scooters and my husband and I road our bicycles. I was amazed thinking about the first time we took the girls to the Rails to Trails. The first time we went, Hannah was terrified because next to the paved walk was a slope, then a retaining wall and then the lake. We had to encourage her to walk/ride past. She didn't want to go over the bridge either. She was afraid of the smallest incline. Well, this time she had no fear!!! She went flying on her scooter by the lake and didn't appear to even think about the lake. She went over the bridge with no hesitation. I was so proud of her!! We went about three miles on this journey. They did great!! We had such a pleasant time. We finished there and picked up lunch and went to the playgroud for a picnic. It was a great way to end our year!!

They have come so far, but we continue to help mold them in to all God has planned for them.

2010 brought many changes in our family. We added a puppy and then two precious girls. We are thankful to God for our many blessings in 2010!!

Thanks to all of my readers that continue to encourage us on our journey of adoption!!